


Rebel Academy

by SingingInTheRaiin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Kylo Ren is a whiny baby, but not really, enemies to friends to enemies to friends, finn and poe adopt a child, i wrote this a couple years ago so it probably doesn't line up with newer installments, leia is a badass general, takes place after episode 7, that'll make more sense later on, they take her under their wings though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-13 13:12:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 147,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13571265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SingingInTheRaiin/pseuds/SingingInTheRaiin
Summary: C-7717 is the top of her class of stormtrooper cadets, and has broken almost every record available to break. When the Resistance attacks the starkiller base, C-7717 finds herself dragged along on the adventure of a lifetime, where she learns that maybe she was always meant to be more than just a number after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is probably one of my favorite fics out of all the ones I've ever written. I've put so much time and effort into bringing life to my own characters, as well as those that already exist, and I really hope that that comes across well throughout the story. I would say more about this, but I wouldn't want to give away any spoilers.

C-7717 walked down the hallway with steady, even strides. She was in no particular hurry, and always preferred to look as grown up as possible at any given moment, which meant no running down the hallways, and no horsing around with the other cadets, even when they were clearly inviting her to join them.

A couple of kids in her class suddenly rushed past, laughing and shouting, and clearly enjoying themselves. C-7717 turned her nose up in disgust at them. “You should cease your actions at once, as you are not participating in any activities that have been approved for junior cadets.”

A boy, C-8164, slowed down, then backpedaled and turned around so he was facing C-7717 directly. She was several inches shorter than him, but the way she held herself made her look infinitely taller and stronger than him. He pulled off his helmet, then crossed his arms over the chest. “What is your problem? Us actually enjoying our lives in no way interferes with yours, so you should just learn how to stay out of other people’s business. I get that you’re clearly not human, considering your utter lack of emotions, but you need to back off. You’re already at the top of our class, what more could you possibly want.”

C-7717 blinked quickly, and her cheeks turned dark red. It was moments like these that was supremely grateful to the mask that was covering her face, and acting like a little shield between her and everybody else. She shifted on her feet, then crossed her arms over her chest in imitation of the other cadet. She spoke in a soft voice that had somehow become her most threatening one. “Cadet, there is obviously a very good reason that you are not at the top of the class and I am. I have worked hard, studied hard, and trained hard before each and every test that’s been thrown our way. I excel because I choose to excel, and your constant fooling around puts all of my achievements in a lower light. And beyond that, someday we’re going to be a squadron, which means that we need to learn now how to work together and watch each other’s backs. I refuse to die on a battlefield simply because you were too busy to pay attention during your classes.” She uncrossed her arms, and continued walking.

C-8164 stammered out a few random syllables, then snapped his mouth shut, and turned in the opposite direction. C-7717 chuckled quietly to herself as she headed back to the cadet dorms. She was planning on getting some studying done in preparation of their next big test. She would not lost her spot as top of the class after holding it for the past two years.

As she entered the dorms, her communicator buzzed, and since she was still wearing her helmet, she accepted the call through there. “Cadet C-7717. Please identify yourself.”  
The voice that responded sounded amused. “Commendable practice of following proper protocols. Most cadets don’t, but then again, I suppose that’s why you’re the one at the top of your class. This is Commandant Zandro speaking. I’ve been asked to invite you to a private meeting with the one and only General Hux.”

C-7717’s eyes widened, but she forced her voice to remain steady. “Where and when is this meeting to take place?”

The commandant chuckled again. “You’ve definitely got a future in this place, kid. Definitely got a future here.” Then he gave the details of the meeting, and hung up.

C-7717 pulled off her helmet and tossed it onto her bed, a stunned expression on her face. Was this really happening? She was being invited to meet with one of the highest ranking officers in the Order? If she were in trouble, then the punishment would have been immediate, and she would not be meeting with someone much higher ranked than herself. So this meeting had to be about her getting praised. She grinned happily. This should be exciting.

Who could really study with so much on their mind? C-7717 decided to concentrate on something else, instead. She pulled a flat black square out from under her pillow, and hit the power button. It immediately brought her to the page she had left off on. This was one of her favorite stories, known as The Beginner’s Guide to Gardening. And despite the title, it was not, in fact, a book on how to start a garden. It was actually rather fascinating, and was only titled the way it was because all of the main characters had flower related names. She ended up falling asleep in the middle of a sentence.

* * *

C-7717 walked down the hallway, her stomach fluttering nervously. She had her helmet on to hide her nerves, because she was freaking out a little bit. She couldn’t think of any other times when cadets had been called for a private meeting with General Hux of all people.

She walked outside, and hurried over to the shuttle that was going to take her to the base where Hux lives. She rattled off her identity, and was told to get in. She did, and found herself sandwiched between a lot of stormtroopers. She looked them over curiously, while trying to act like she was just staring straight ahead. Seriously, whoever invented these helmets knew exactly what they were doing.

Aside from the pilot, there were five other stormtroopers on the shuttle. C-7717 couldn’t figure out why exactly there were so many of them. Shuttles went back and forth between the academy and the base all the time, and nothing bad ever happened. Then the cadet gulped, and forced herself not to shrink down a bit. These extra guys were either there for her protection, because they believed that someone would try to hurt her, or they were there because they believed that C-7717 herself posed a threat. Either way was not good, and C-7717 wasn’t honestly sure which one she would prefer to be the truth.

C-7717 ended up getting lost in her own thoughts, and before she knew it, the shuttle was docking, and the other stormtroopers were telling her that it was time to get out. She complied, and then followed them into the building. As soon as they stepped inside, a violent shiver wracked through C-7717’s body, and she felt ill. She took deep breaths, and forced herself to follow the stormtroopers who were leading her through the large twisted hallways.

Finally, they stopped in front of a door, and one of the stormtroopers glanced back. “Are you alright, cadet?”

C-7717 nodded. “Of course.” The stormtrooper shrugged, and turned back to knock on the door. It slid open, and he gestured to the young cadet. “You’re on your own from here.”

She gulped, then walked into the room in what she really hoped was a confident manner. There was General Hux, sitting behind his desk. C-7717 wasn’t sure exactly what the protocol was in this situation, so she just went and stood in front of the desk. The general smiled. “Ah, C-7717, is it?” The cadet nodded. “I was just discussing you with Commandant Zandro. He was telling me how impressive you are. You’ve held the top rank in your class since you began official training, and have broken the records for almost every test so far, correct?” C-7717 nodded again. “So, do you believe that you are a rather impressive individual?”

C-7717 shook her head. “Sir, there is no such thing as an impressive individual who is also part of a squadron. All that matters is that my entire team can handle themselves, not just me.”

The general tilted his head. “That wasn’t much of an answer. What do you think of all of your test results?”

“Well, I’m at the top of my class, sir-”

The general shook his head, cutting the girl off. He let out a long sigh. “I suppose that you’re not going to actually tell me, are you?” Then the edges of his mouth tilted up. 

“Please, remove your helmet. I’m sure that you deserve a break from the stuffy old thing, right?”

C-7717 contemplated just clutching her helmet and screaming. If she removed it, then she would be removing her only source of protection. But she couldn’t disobey, so she removed the helmet, and tucked it under one arm. She made sure that her face was completely blank, and prayed that there were no traces of redness left behind.

The general smiled softly. “You know, your test results have proved to be so impressive, that there’s someone very special who wishes to meet with you today, since you’re here anyways. He’s a very important man.”

That nauseous feeling from earlier returned to C-7717 tenfold, and she bit down on her lip, hard, so stop a gasp of pain from escaping. It felt like someone was squishing her brain, and it was a thoroughly unpleasant sensation. The doors behind her slid open again, and that cold feeling grew stronger as soft footsteps entered the room.

The general gestured to the person who was standing behind C-7717. “Kylo Ren, this is cadet C-7717. The one that you’ve heard about already.”

C-7717’s eyes widened infinitesimally. The Kylo Ren was standing behind her right now? This all seemed so unreal. She made sure to keep her breathing steady, though, and slowly turned to face the man who was only a decade older than her. He was wearing his mask, putting C-7717 at a large disadvantage.

Suddenly, C-7717 felt that cold, sick feeling barraging her like someone was just throwing it at her over and over again. Despite all of her training, and all of the times she’d proven to have a very high tolerance for pain, this was too much. She bent in half, her arms wrapped around her stomach, though she was able to remain on her feet, so there was that.

Then the feeling was gone, leaving just the faint traces that C-7717 had been feeling ever since she stepped into the building. She slowly straightened back up, and she knew that she couldn’t look very put together anymore. But that was the fault of whatever had just happened, so she wasn’t to blame.

To C-7717’s surprise, Kylo Ren reached up, and pulled his mask off, revealing… nothing. He was just an ordinary guy if one was going on looks alone. Though one couldn’t really do that in this situation for obvious reasons. Kylo Ren smiled a bit. “Cadet C-7717.” He said it like he was just trying out the number, then shook his head slightly as he came to the conclusion that he didn’t like it. “Have you ever stopped to wonder how you were able to break so many records throughout your training?”

C-7717 wasn’t sure what exactly Kylo Ren was expecting out of this conversation, and she was already freaking out about everything else, so she decided to just tell the truth. She shook her head, since her throat felt too dry to get any words out. 

Kylo Ren nodded. “Did you know that you are the only cadet to ever complete the ‘laser pit’?” C-7717 nodded, since she could still remember everyone going on about how she had done the impossible. Kylo Ren’s grin became predatory, and C-7717 shivered again, not able to hide it this time.

Before the strange conversation could continue, a stormtrooper burst into the room. “Sir! Several Resistance ships are attempting to enter the atmosphere!”

The small smile on Kylo Ren’s face immediately disappeared. “It’s a distraction while they send in a smaller ship. Whatever they’re after, they aren’t going to get.” He shoved his mask back on, and went behind Hux’s desk, literally shoving the man out of the seat so that he could properly see all of the cameras.

A few minutes later, while C-7717 was fighting the urge to start fidgeting or shifting around, a loud alarm went off, and Kylo Ren swore under his breath as he watched the Resistance’s movement through the base. 

Suddenly, he looked up, and even though his eyes were no longer visible, C-7717 could feel his gaze drilling a hole through her head. “Cadet, you are currently the top of your class in all subjects, are you not?”

C-7717 nodded. “Yes, sir.”

He nodded once. “Good. Then I want you to head down to the lower level and cut them off before they can escape.” He reached over the desk to hand C-7717 a small velvet box. “You’re obviously a smart kid. I think you’ll be able to figure out what to do with this.”

C-7717 hesitated. “I’m not sure that I like my odds when they’re one against many.”

Instead of getting angry, Kylo Ren let out a soft laugh. “Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure that you won’t find anyone fighting you back.”

C-7717 nodded again, and accepted the box. Then she jammed her helmet back onto her head, grabbed the spare blaster that was clipped onto the stormtrooper who had brought them the news, and marched out of the room. 

The cadet could understand why she was being shoved out into the field so suddenly. She had proved herself capable of fighting and keeping herself alive, and was pretty sure that she could kill someone if it came down to it. But most importantly was one asset that C-7717 had never before found useful at all.

The Resistance were a bunch of bleeding hearts in the end, everybody knew that. And what bleeding heart would kill someone who was just a kid? C-7717 knew that she didn’t look quite as old as the other cadets who were in the same class as her, which was part of the reason she enjoyed wearing her helmet so much. But Kylo Ren believed that C-7717’s baby face would now be useful, and C-7717 wasn’t going to let him down.

She found the spot that she needed to guard, and stepped into the shadowy corners of the space. The element of surprise would be pretty useful. C-7717 opened the box that Kylo Ren gave her, and found that the item inside was pretty useful, and it told her exactly what was expected of her right now.

She could do this. She could follow out Kylo Ren’s unspoken orders. And no wonder he hadn’t said anything out loud. All of the other officers would have opposed the idea too strongly, believing that someone who was just a cadet, just a kid, was not ready for what was going to happen. 

But C-7717 was ready to do this. She was ready to prove herself worthy of being a soldier in the First Order. Worthy of being called in to meet with Kylo Ren himself. It couldn’t be a coincidence that the Resistance had chosen today of all days to attack. It was clearly a sign. A sign that C-7717 was fated to follow through with this plan, no matter what. She could do this. She had to do this.


	2. Chapter 2

Finn made a sharp turn around the bend of the hallway. He nodded confidently. “Yes, this is definitely it.”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Are you sure? Because you’ve literally said that every single time we’ve turned a corner in this damned place. I thought that you were supposed to have worked here, so how could you be so terrible at finding your way around?”

Finn shrugged. “Hey, in my defense-” There was the sound of blasters and shouts coming from the way that Finn had just pointed out. He turned and glanced back at Poe. “On the other hand, this way looks just as good.” The two men turned left and ran for a few more minutes.

Finn grinned triumphantly and slowed down a bit. “Okay, so this is definitely it. And I’m not just saying that this time, it’s really true. This is the way out.”

Before Poe could say anything in response to that, there were two soft footsteps, and then the two men found themselves staring at a very small stormtrooper. Poe, who’d never seen a cadet before, couldn’t help thinking that it looked just like a mini stormtrooper. Only not wearing the typical stormtrooper armor. 

A soft voice came out from under the helmet. “Don’t worry, you’re friend’s absolutely right, this does lead out. There’s just one little problem left. You’re going to have to get through me first.”

Poe shrugged, and aimed his blaster at the small person. Finn, however, hesitated. The cadet whipped out a little blaster pistol. Poe reacted before his opponent could fire off any shots. The cadet just barely ducked to the side, and her helmet went flying off, revealing a babyish faced girl with wide eyes. That’s when Poe realized that she was just a little kid.

He swore under his breath. “What the hell is a little kid like you doing playing with guns? You’re going to get yourself hurt.”

The girl scoffed, and schooled her expression to look as threatening as possible. “Please. I’m not the top of my class, biggest record breaking cadet for nothing. If anyone should be worrying about getting hurt, it would be you.”

Finn’s eyes widened at that. “Wait a second- I know you. Well, I’ve heard of you. You’re C-7717, right?” Poe shot Finn a confused look, but the former stormtrooper ignored it. “Everyone’s heard of you. They say that you’re the top cadet to ever pass through the academy.”

The girl frowned, and her posture relaxed, just a tiny bit. “In that case, you must be FN-2187, a.k.a. the traitor. Everyone’s heard of you around here, too. They say that you ran away because you were a coward.” Her voice sounded like she had intended the tone to be biting, but had clearly missed her mark. 

Finn raised his hands. “Alright, so I’m a coward, and you’re one of the most popular stories to pass around in the lunchroom. I know that there can’t be any orders to take us in alive, so why don’t you just shoot me now, and get it over with?”

C-7717 jutted her chin out, but the two men could still see the way it shook, just a bit. She took a few steps back to quickly grab her fallen helmet and jam it back onto her head to hide her face. She extended the arm holding her blaster, and when her arm shook, she reached up with the other, so she was gripping it tightly with both hands. Her face was pale, and her arms were shaking. “I will do it. I will.” Then she squeezed her eyes shut, and threw down the gun, shaking like crazy. Her voice was soft, but now it just sounded vulnerable. “Oh, who the hell am I kidding? I can’t do it.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Oh gods, I can’t do it. You’re going to get away, and they’re going to kill me.” Her shoulders shook, even as she bit down on her lips to prevent any loud sobs from coming out.

Finn glanced at Poe, and he wasn’t entirely sure what his friend was thinking, but he knew what to do in this situation. He took a few steps forward, and gently put his hand on the girl’s shoulders to steady them. She flinched back, and he pulled his hands away, but didn’t make any move to back away.

He sighed. “Come with us.”

The girl looked up at him in shock, and he could practically hear Poe’s frown. The girl sniffled once, then quickly ran the back of her hand across her nose. “Why would you want me to go with you?”

Finn shrugged. “I was like you once. I thought that I was just a normal soldier, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t force myself to kill innocent people. The Order doesn’t have that kind of hesitation. Like you said, if they find out that you let us go, they’ll definitely kill you. They might even disguise it as an accident, but they’ll do it. But if you come with us, you’ll be safe.”

Poe sighed. “I guess I can’t really complain about defecting stormtroopers.” He shrugged. “There’s just one catch. You have to leave your helmet behind.” That thing would make tracers and communications all too easy, and it would also serve as an unneeded reminder of the past. 

The girl slowly reached up, and pulled off the helmet. She held it in her hands, running her fingers around the familiar edges. It was her cadet helmet, which means she’d had it for two years already. Each cadet helmet was unique, and hers was no exception. There were the sound of pounding footsteps getting closer. Finn motioned towards the exit with urgency. “You have to decide now, kid. You won’t get another chance, I can tell you that much.”

C-7717 nodded, and tossed the helmet behind her. She nodded at the two rebels. “Come on, the exit’s this way.” She snorted. “This is the first time I’ve ever stepped foot on this base, and even I know that much.”

Then she took off, and the two men followed right on her tail. They burst outside a few minutes later, and that’s when Poe took the lead, getting Finn and the girl back to the shuttle that they’d come in. There were no other rebels inside, since this had just been a quick mission, and they quickly got in. Poe shut the doors, reminded his two passengers to buckle up, and then he took off.

Once they were in hyperspace, both men let their shoulders slump as their tension wore off a little bit. They all sat in silence for a bit, until Finn finally sighed, and leaned forward. “We can’t just keep calling you C-7717 forever, you know.”

C-7717 frowned at that. “But that’s my number. What else would you call me by?”

Finn looked up at Poe. “What do you think? You’re the one who gave me my name. Maybe you could do her the same favor?”

Poe tilted his head to think about it. Before he could say anything, C-7717 looked up. “Well, if I’m going to get a new name, then it should be one that I picked. So I’ll pick a character from my favorite book.”

Finn looked a little surprised at that. “When the hell do you have time to read?”

C-7717 sighed. “Top of the class, remember? It means that I get a little extra freedom sometimes. And my favorite book is definitely A Beginner’s Guide to Gardening.” She scrunched up her face in concentration as she thought about which character’s name she wanted to take. This was a very big decision, not to be taken lightly. After a few minutes, she nodded. “I think I know. My favorite character is Violet, but I don’t like what happens to her, so I’ll go with my second favorite, Iris.” She shivered. “I can’t believe I just picked a name, for myself, that other people are actually going to call me.” She looked at Finn. “How did you do it?”

He shrugged. “I knew that it would be wrong to stay, and from there, everything else was easy. So you’ve already done the hard part. I promise, everything’s going to be alright, Iris.” He put deliberate emphasis on her new name.

She smiled, then looked down at her uniform. “I’m probably going to want something different. Too bad cadets don’t just wear armor with clothes underneath like the full grown troopers do.”

Finn smiled. “I’m sure we’ll be able to find you some clothes to wear.”

Iris nodded nervously. “Well, if it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll walk behind you. I’m not particularly fond of the idea of being shot on sight for wearing this.” Then she furrowed her eyebrows. “Wait- where are we going, anyways?”

“To a place where I think you’ll fit in just fine.”

* * *

Iris looked around with amazement at the giant building around her. Everything seemed so much more open, so much freer, than anything that she was used to. Finn laughed at the look on her face. “I know, trust me, I felt the same way not too long ago, when I first encountered this place.”

There were lots of people walking around in every direction, and Iris was afraid of getting lost, so she latched onto the back of Finn’s shirt, and refused to let go. Most people were so busy rushing off that they didn’t even notice. Then Finn heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, and he dragged Iris over. 

He bowed his head down for just a moment. “General Organa.”

The older woman peered past him, and stared down at the girl clinging to him, taking in the the uniform with the Order’s symbol on it. She looked back up at Finn questioningly. “Who’s your friend?”

Finn stepped aside, and Iris followed. He rolled his eyes, but didn’t really look frustrated. He reached back to gently pull the girl’s hands off of his jacket, and then propelled her out in front of him. “This is Iris.” He smiled gently. “She’s from the same place as me.”

Organa nodded. “I see. I’m assuming I’ll hear the full story during the debriefing?”

Finn nodded. “Of course. Now if you’ll excuse us, I was hoping to show Iris around.”

Organa nodded and took a few steps back to let the pair pass. Iris looked up at Finn curiously while they walked. “Doesn’t this feel absolutely crazy to you?”

Finn shrugged. “I guess it was easier for me, because I already had a friend in this place. Poe, the guy who was driving the ship. I helped him get out when he was taken prisoner, and from there, I just sort of ended up getting dragged in.” He hesitated, then sighed. “If I’m being honest, then I was absolutely terrified of this,” he made a gesture that was meant to include the entire Resistance. “I was going to leave and get myself as far away from all of this as possible.”

Iris tilted her head. “So what changed your mind?”

“Another friend needed my help. You might not meet her for a while though. She’s been off-world for the past few months for training.”

Iris nodded. “So why were you guys at the base anyways? Just sending in two of you means that it obviously was meant to be more along the lines of a stealth mission, so what were you there for?” Finn looked uncomfortable, and Iris brushed the question aside. “It’s not important. I wouldn’t want you to have to break any rules to tell me.” She quickly changed topics. “So when you said that you would find me new clothes, did you mean that it would be anytime soon?”

Finn chuckled. “I’m sure we’ll be able to find you something. How tall are you?”

Iris smiled. It was finally a question with a direct, accurate answer that didn’t need to be danced around. “Five feet and five inches.”

Finn nodded. “We’ll just have to find a short rebel with extra robes. Don’t worry, with the amount of people around this place, odds are that at least one of them is going to be your height”

As they walked, Iris pulled off her gloves. They were just a plain black, so she decided that it would be okay to keep them. Then she pushed up the sleeves of her uniform, showing off very pale arms. She tucked the gloves in her pocket, and made sure to keep up with Finn, though it was hard to keep up with him because his legs were longer, even though he wasn’t too much taller than Iris over all.

After a bit, Finn suddenly reached out to grab the arm of a woman who was walking past them in the opposite direction. He grinned at her. “Charal, how are you? You should be pleased to know that our mission was a success. Quick question, though: do you happen to have any spare clothes that Iris here could have? What she’s wearing at the moment isn’t really something that would be good for prolonged useage.”

The woman glanced past Finn, and saw Iris, who had decided that behind Finn was really the safest place for her to be at any given moment. The woman had a scrutinizing stare, like she was trying to figure out Iris’s entire life story from just one quick glance. She nodded. “Alright. Here,” she dug into her pocket, then reached out to hand Finn a key. “I should have something that’ll fit in my locker, 228.”

Finn smiled. “Thanks, Charal. I owe you one.”

Charal crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. “Absolutely not. I think it’s your new friend here that owes me one.”

Finn raised one eyebrow, but didn’t question it. He glanced down at Iris. “Is that okay?”

The girl nodded. “As long as you don’t ask me to kill anyone, I don’t really care. I just want to get out of these clothes.”

Charal nodded, and then quickly walked away, getting back to whatever she had been doing before Finn had interrupted her. Finn led Iris through the facility, and they entered a large room full of bunk beds, each one with two footlockers next to it. Finn walked through the room, which only had a few people in it, and stopped next to the locker labeled 228. He used the key, then ruffled through a few things before pulling out a folded up outfit, and all that Iris could see what some black.

He handed her the bundle of clothes, then pointed to a doorway. “You can go change in there.”

Iris went through, and found herself in a pretty large bathroom. She slipped into one of the stalls, and unfolded the clothes. Based on what other people had been wearing around this place, she was pretty sure that these were that Charal woman’s leisure clothes, and almost felt bad for taking them. But then she glanced down at her current outfit, and decided that it was okay.

Iris changed pretty quickly and efficiently, since that’s how they’d always been taught in the academy. She pulled on a thin blue tunic, which went over a pair of snug black leggings. Then she pulled her own boots back on, and tucked her gloves into her boots so they would be ready if she needed them.

She rolled her old uniform up into a ball, then exited the stall, and went to stand in front of the long mirror. She felt like she was wearing nothing, like she was naked, but the mirror proved that she looked like a totally different person. She reached back and undid the plaited hair, letting it fall in loose waves over her shoulders. Then she made sure that her necklace was tucked securely under her shirt, and that was it.

Iris went back out into the room with all the beds, and saw that Finn was still waiting patiently for her. She quickly walked over, and he smiled. “You look like an entirely different person. And don’t worry, because that’s definitely a good thing.” He sighed. “I’d really like to show you around more, since I barely showed you anything, but I have to get to the debriefing on how our mission went.” He unclipped a little tube from his belt. “Here, it’s a communicator. I’ll let you know as soon as the meeting’s over.” Then he took the gray uniform. “I’ll make sure to properly dispose of these.”

He turned to walk away, and Iris felt a little bit of panic. “Wait!” When he turned around, she sighed. “What am I supposed to do?”

Finn shrugged. “You’re free to do pretty much anything. I know that it’ll probably take a while to get used to, but it’s true. Once the debriefing’s over, I know a lot of people who will want to meet you, so don’t wander too far, okay?” He smiled encouragingly. “Trust me, I know how scary this is, but you can do it. And if you really get bored, you could try just talking to some people. They’ve all got interesting stories.”

Iris nodded, though she still looked like she had no idea what was going on. Finn shrugged apologetically, then left the room, leaving Iris on her own. She looked around, but decided that she wasn’t just going to sit in here and mope. She suddenly had the freedom to explore, and she was going to use it. She smiled a bit to herself. Things were moving so fast, but it was probably a good thing overall. It meant that Iris was getting closer and closer to something new, and she was excited to discover exactly what it was that she was feeling.


	3. Chapter 3

Iris stepped cautiously out of the dorm room, and saw that there were people hurrying around in every direction, all of them looking like they knew exactly where to go. Iris wondered if someday she would be able to walk around, knowing which way to go. 

She took a few steps forward, and immediately bumped into someone. She had quick reflexes, since it’s not like she’d stayed top of her class all these years for nothing, but the other person wasn’t so lucky. She fell back, but Iris reached forward and grabbed the young woman’s arm, pulling her back to her feet.

The woman sighed, looking flustered. “I’m terribly sorry about that. I’m not normally so clumsy.”

Iris shook her head. “No way, that was definitely my fault. I have no idea how the hell anybody walks around this place without bumping into a whole bunch of other people.”

The woman chuckled. “I take it you’re new? I’ve never seen you around before, and you can’t navigate the hallways yet.” She held out one hand. “I’m Kaydel.”

Iris returned the handshake. “I’m Iris. And yes, I’m extremely new here.”

Kaydel smiled. “Maybe I could show you around?” Before Iris could respond, something began beeping, and Kaydel quickly identified that it was her own device. “Damn, I’ve got to get to a meeting immediately, if not sooner. It was nice meeting you, though.”

Iris nodded. “Nice meeting you too. Raincheck on that tour?”

Kaydel nodded before hurrying away. So that meant that Iris still needed to find something to do, and unless she wanted to pull anyone away from their super important meetings, she wouldn’t have a tour guide to help her do it. Iris decided to just walk in the direction that less people were going in, to minimize her chances of being trampled over. 

After a few minutes, she found herself standing in a large room with a bunch of little shuttles in it. There didn’t seem to be anyone else around, which meant that there were probably no major missions going on at the moment. Which made sense, because infiltrating the starkiller base probably required a lot of resources and energy, and was the latest big mission. 

But that just made Iris feel more curious. What had been so important that the Resistance needed to go through so much trouble just to sneak in two guys who then had to try and sneak back out? She thought of the bag that Poe had been holding when they first encountered each other. Had they been there to retrieve something? But what?

Iris walked over to one of the ships, and reached up to touch the sleek hull. It was obviously regularly maintained by someone who cared about it, which was interesting. Iris had only ever seen people clean up ships and shuttles because it was their assignment, and it didn’t matter one bit what they thought of the ship they were shining up.

Iris saw the shuttle that she had arrived here in. It had some scratches and dings in it, and that was too bad. Then Iris brightened a bit. Maybe she could show Poe how grateful he was for rescuing her by cleaning up his ship.

She looked around for some kind of cleaning supplies that were just lying around in the open, but she didn’t spot anything that looked particularly useful. She sighed, and walked right up to the little ship in question. Iris was able to get inside easily enough, which was odd, because Poe didn’t seem like the type to be careless enough to leave his ship unlocked. 

There, on one of the seats in back, was the bag that Poe had been carrying around the base earlier. She wondered what was in it. Part of her was just thinking of what a bad idea it would be to look inside, while the other part reminded her that Finn had specifically said that she was free to do what she wanted.

Her mind made up, Iris sat down on the seat next to the bag, and pulled it onto her lap. She took a deep breath, then opened the bag quickly, before she could change her mind about it. She reached inside, and found nothing but a jacket. She stood up so that she could hold it out in front of her to inspect properly. 

It had three little pockets at the top on one side, meant to hold spare blaster packs. There was also a pocket underneath that, and two more flat pockets on the other side of the clasps. It was made out of a soft, thin leather, and had the smoothness of a jacket that had witnessed many battles.

It wasn’t the worst jacket Iris had ever seen in her life, but it didn’t really seem like the sort of thing worth risking so many lives for. Maybe it had special properties or something? Iris slipped on the jacket, and found that the shoulders were just a bit too wide, and the sleeves went halfway down her hands, and the bottom of the jacket went halfway down her thighs. But it felt comfortable, like it was well worn in, and it helped Iris feel slightly less naked than she had a moment ago.

Iris was startled by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind her, and she turned around with a jump. Poe was standing there, his hands on his hips. “How did you get in here?”

Iris nodded at the door. “You left it unlocked.” Then she shrugged off the jacket, and folded it back up. “I’m sorry I tried on your jacket. I just wanted to see what made it so worth the risks of breaking into the starkiller base.”

Poe sighed. “It’s not like the jacket itself is valuable. But it has a sentimental value that can’t ever be replaced. It belonged to a great man.”

Iris couldn’t help the guilty look that covered her face. “I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t know.”

Poe shrugged. “I’m sure that he wouldn’t mind. He’d probably prefer that someone get some use out of it, rather than just having sitting in a display case somewhere where no one can touch it.”

Iris handed the jacket to Poe, who accepted it. He picked up the bag to put the jacket back in, then turned to leave. “Come on, you may as well come with me. They’re going to summon you to the meeting soon enough and I just told you about the jacket so it’s not like it’s some big secret.” He turned and began walking, but when he didn’t hear any footsteps behind him, he glanced back over his shoulder. “You coming, or what?”

Iris nodded quickly, and hurried to catch up to Poe. A few minutes later, they entered a room with a lot of computer monitors and a long table in it. Iris looked around at all of the strangers, but smiled when she spotted Finn. She started to head towards him, but then she saw Kaydel, who gestured to the empty seat next to her.

Iris went to sit next to the other girl, though she made sure to pass Finn on the way. She leaned down to speak in a whisper. “You suggested that I actually talk to some people, and like the complete weirdo I am, I actually took your suggestion to heart.” Then she went and sat next to her blonde friend. 

General Organa was standing at the head of the table, and she reached out shaking hands to accept the bag from Poe. She opened it up, and pulled out the jacket that was inside. Her eyes widened, and she pressed it closer to her face, like she could smell whoever it had once belonged to. After a minute, she slowly put the jacket down on the table.

That’s when Poe took the opportunity to point out Iris. “And this is who we have to thank for getting out of the base safely, with the jacket and our lives intact.” Iris’s face flushed, but Poe wasn’t done yet. “She’s got the same humble beginnings as Finn. You know, if any more stormtroopers convert to our side in my presence, then I’m going to start thinking that they’re doing it for me.”

Iris raised one eyebrow at that. “You’re just lucky that I was there to save your ass, considering the way that you guys didn’t even seem to know which way to go to get out of the base.”

The general couldn’t help snickering at that, though it only lasted a moment before she had her straight face back. She spoke in a calm voice, and it was hard to tell what she was thinking. “Finn, you know how we don’t have any blueprints of the starkiller base layout?” Finn nodded. “And you know how you assured me that you know your way around that place ‘like it’s the back of your hand’? I believe those were your exact words.”

Finn shook his head. “I don’t think that those were my exact words-”

The older woman rolled her eyes. “This is ridiculous.”

Iris raised her hand slowly. When everyone was staring at her, she gulped, but then took a deep breath. She’d spoken in front of plenty of people before in her life. It didn’t make any difference whether or not she was wearing a helmet while doing the talking. “Uh, if it helps, I have the layout of the entire building memorized.”

Organa’s eyebrows lifted. “You do?”

Iris shrugged. “Top of my class.” She reminded in a weak voice.

The general smiled lightly. “Maybe you could work with one of the mechanics in the room to build a blueprint that we could all look at.”

Iris nodded. “Sure.”

Then the general dismissed everyone, but motioned for Iris to stay where she was. Kaydel smiled comfortingly at her new friend. “I’m sure she just wants to thank you for saving those guys, and having important information.” Then she left, leaving Iris alone with the general.

The woman smiled. “My name’s Leia, by the way. I don’t want you to think that everything goes by the same hierarchy that the Order uses. You don’t have to always call me general, is what I mean.” She sat down. “So now I’m really curious. What were you doing at the base instead of the academy?”

Iris shrugged. “I’ve been at the top of my class so long that I was invited to a meeting with General Hux. Your men happened to get there on the same day as me. That can’t just be a coincidence, right? It’s got to be fate.”

Leia shrugged. “While, it’s certainly possible. But now I’m even more curious. You’re at the top of your class, invited to a meeting with a higher-up, and obviously going places. Why leave?”

Iris sighed. She knew that Poe and Finn had probably already explained everything that had happened, but she could understand the woman wanting to hear it from Iris’s prospective as well. “It’s pretty simple. I couldn’t pull the trigger.”

“Why not?”

Iris didn’t really know what to say to that. “I guess that I just realized, in that moment, that I didn’t want anybody’s blood on my hands. And then Finn said that I could go with them, and I knew that if I stayed, I would be killed. So I went with them, and here I am.” Her voice lowered and she leaned forward. “And now I have a name that people call me. I just feel more like, uh, more like a real person, instead of just another soldier to come off the assembly line. That probably doesn’t make any sense.” She shook her head and leaned back.

The necklace that had been tucked under her shirt swung out, and caught Leia’s eye. “Oh, that’s pretty. Where did you get it?”

Iris reached up to gently grab the necklace with one hand. “Apparently I had been wearing it when the Order first took me in. A friend who was a bit higher up than me gave it to me, and said that as long as no one saw me wearing it, it would be fine. I always just wore it under my uniform, and there was no way for it to come out from under there.”

Leia nodded. “So you were committing little acts of rebellion without even realizing it long before you left. Interesting.”

Iris glanced over at the jacket, which was still on the table. She’d seen how emotional Organa had gotten over it, but that didn’t curb her curiosity. She’d always been strongly discouraged from asking any questions before, but she knew that that wasn’t the policy here. “So what was that mission about that was so important it was worth going in there? Was it really all about that jacket?”

Leia sighed. “That jacket belonged to my late husband.”

Iris looked down at her hands awkwardly. She was a terrible person for bringing up such sad memories. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Leia shook her head. “No, it’s alright. You’re the one who helped make sure that they were able to retrieve it, even though there was probably an impressive amount of security around it.”

Iris squeezed her eyes shut. Should she even mention that fact that she was actually apologizing because she’d tried on the jacket, not knowing just how much it really meant? Maybe it would be better to just say nothing, but then she would be off to a dishonest start in this place, and she didn’t want that either. Iris sighed. “No, I’m apologizing because I tried on your jacket without asking permission, and I really am very sorry, I didn’t know how important it is, if I did I wouldn’t have-”

Leia didn’t suddenly look angry at Iris. Instead, she stood up, and walked over to the end of the table where the jacket was lying. She picked it up, and ran her hands over the soft material for a moment. Then she walked back over to Iris. “Maybe we need to make a tradition of this.” She chuckled softly. “Every Time a stormtrooper joins the Resistance, they get someone else’s jacket. It honestly makes about as much sense as anything else that goes on around here.” Then she held out the jacket.

Iris’s eyes widened. “Wait, are you being serious here? You want me to take the jacket of your de- of your husband?”

She nodded. “Considering the fact that we just stole it from the person who is the closest to rightfully having it, I don’t think that it really matters. And besides, it’s very obvious how uncomfortable you are in those clothes.” Iris opened her mouth to protest, but Leia didn’t give her a chance to speak. “I’m not trying to say that you’re ungrateful, I’m just saying that they’re entirely different than what you’re used to. It’ll be nice to know that someone’s getting use out of this.”

Iris accepted the jacket then, though she still hesitated to put it on. Had Leia’s husband been wearing it as he died? Had it been washed since then? Why wouldn’t it have just been disposed of? And perhaps most importantly, was it common for someone to give away the clothes of their dead spouse?

Leia laughed like she could see all of the questions on the younger girl’s face. “You probably don’t know this, but around here, we have a custom where we give away many things belonging to the- to the deceased. It helps with the belief that that person will continue to live on around us. Of course, if you don’t feel comfortable wearing this, then I completely understand,” she quickly added.

Iris sighed, but she pulled on the jacket. It fit the same as it had before, on the shuttle, which is to say, just a bit too big, and definitely longer than a form-fitting jacket would reach. But it fit comfortably, and maybe this wasn’t as weird as it could have been since she had never actually known the previous owner of the jacket. Or previous owners if it had been received the same way Iris was receiving it now.

It still seemed strange, though, that the general would give the sentimental jacket to a complete stranger rather than to one of her many friends around this place. But Iris decided that now wasn’t the time to be looking a gift horse in the mouth. She looked down at herself, brushing invisible specks of dust off of the leather. Then she looked back up at Leia. “Thank you.”

Leia smiled, her eyes looking just a bit redder than they had a moment ago. “Use it well. And now you’re dismissed. But make sure you stay available in case I need to talk to you again anytime soon.”

Iris smiled. “Well it’s not like I’m going anywhere. This place is good enough for now.”


	4. Chapter 4

Iris dropped down from her bunk, making sure to keep her ankles wrapped around the smooth railing so she wouldn’t just fall right on top of her head. The other woman jumped back in surprise, then gently smacked Iris. “Don’t do that! If you keep going around scaring rebels, you’re going to end up getting hurt.” As Iris hung upside down, her necklace came loose and tumbled down over her face. The woman bent down to get a closer look. “This is beautiful. Where did you get it?”

Iris dropped down, and made sure to gracefully land on her feet. She tucked the necklace back beneath her shirt with a small shrug. “Apparently I was wearing it as a baby, when the Order first took me in. They gave it back to me once my class entered the program and I excelled in everything. It was like a reward, and an incentive to keep up the good work.”

The woman tilted her head. “You know, that could be useful for tracking down whoever your birth parents are. I mean, I have serious doubts that the Order had permission to ‘take you in’ as you put it. It seems a lot more like kidnapping from where I’m standing.” She stuck out one hand. “Oh, and I’m Eni Montgomerry, but everyone around here just calls me Monty, so you might as well, too.”

Iris accepted the handshake, though she let go almost immediately, as she wasn’t entirely sure what the handshaking protocols were around here. “I’m Iris. Uh, just Iris. Am I supposed to have two names?”

Monty laughed softly. “Everyone’s different. It doesn’t really matter, since it’s not like there’s any other Iris’ running around here. But I’ve never seen you around before. It’s funny how we keep building up our stormtrooper collection.” She laughed again as Iris rolled her eyes. “But I’m sure you’ve already heard that bit a million times today. I know you must be bored of hearing it, but it really is rather incredible. So why exactly did you decide to turn your back on the Order? You were obviously a promising young cadet.”

Iris sighed. “Part of it was from me standing there, right across from the guy who’d been branded a traitor, and I couldn’t help but think of how brave he’d been to go against everything he’d been raised for to help a rebel escape. And then, while I was standing there holding my blaster up, I just knew that I couldn’t pull the trigger. It was always so easy to do in theory, but to actually be standing there, facing a living, breathing being, one who seemed so reluctant to shoot at me, and I just couldn’t stomach the thought of ending any lives. I guess that’s when Finn saw something in me, because he offered me his hand. Said that all I had to do was leave my helmet behind.” She shrugged. “So I did.”

Monty nodded, looking impressed. “Wow, kid. I can honestly say that I wasn’t really expecting you to be so open with a complete stranger.”

Iris’ face flushed. “I’m sorry, I just-”

Monty shook her head. “Don’t apologize, idiot. Honesty is an endearing quality. And it’s refreshing to see someone who’s actually open about their past, unlike most of the losers around here. Most are so eager to move on to a new chapter in their lives that they can’t even stop for a moment to remember what got them to this point. It’s kind of sad, really. It’s nice that you’re different.”

Iris pulled her new jacket tighter around her. Her face was still red, but she pretended that she couldn’t feel all of the heat rushing to her cheeks. “Yeah? So what’s your story, Monty?” When the woman hesitated, Iris quickly stumbled back over her words. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything, it’s not like that, I just, uh, sorry that was-”

Monty smiled. “You have to learn to stop apologizing for everything. I mean, you can if you want, but there’s no point. When you mess up, you own up to it and move on. And in this case, you haven’t even messed up.” She let out a long sigh. “I was just a stupid kid, probably only a bit older than you. I’d always grown up pretty oblivious to everything going on, since I was from a posh, rich family. But when my house was literally blowing up around me, courtesy of those idiotic ‘knights’, I got a pretty harsh wake up call. My little sister was killed, and that’s when I decided that my skills as a mechanic would be put to a better use against the Order. But that’s not really very brave compared to what you did. I never had any allegiances to the Order the way you did, I was just oblivious to them.”

Iris quickly shook her head. “No way, you are brave. Any time you do anything that’s out of your comfort zone, you’re being brave. You’re probably braver anyways. You made a choice, I had to come here or stay and be killed. It wasn’t much of a choice for me. There’s no bravery in a forced decision.”

The older woman shrugged. “There’s bravery in any decision, I believe. Let’s just agree that we’ve both been brave to come here. But I’ve had years to acclimate. You’ve been here for what, a day already? Has anyone bothered to show you the ropes? Give you a quick tour or something?”

Iris shrugged. “Not exactly. I mean, I met this lady, Kaydel, and she offered to show me around, but then she had to go to an important meeting, so she kind of offered me a raincheck on that tour. I don’t really mind waiting, I’m not super eager to go exploring just yet. I’m still getting used to the idea that I can go exploring. Where I’m from, that’s not really something that you should do.” She smiled awkwardly. “I mean, technically you could, but then you’d just be the next cadet that goes missing, never to be found again. Obviously that is not the ideal situation.”

Monty grinned. “No, I suppose it’s not.” 

Iris sighed. “So you’re a mechanic, huh? That sounds pretty fun. I wish that I had something to do around here. Right now I’m just completely useless. Honestly, I’m just going to be an unnecessary strain on your resources.”

The mechanic shook her head. “No way. There’s no such thing as an unnecessary strain on resources, just like there’s no such thing as a useless person. And just your presence here is sticking it to the Order, and taking away one of their most promising cadets, so there’s that.”

Monty’s communicator beeped, and she glanced to see who it was. She looked back up at Iris apologetically. “Sorry, this is really important. I’ll talk to you later, though?” She was asking it like there was anywhere else for Iris to go.

Iris smiled. “Well, as I understand, I’ll be bunking here from now on. So as long as you’re not suddenly moving dorms or anything, I’ll see you again later.”

Monty looked a bit relieved at that statement. “Well then I look forward to seeing you again later, yeah? I’ve got to go now, but if you need me,” she quickly scribbled down a frequency number. “This is my communicator frequency.” She shoved the scrap of paper into Iris’ hand, then hurried away.

Iris looked down at the paper curiously. She didn’t exactly have the ‘welcome to the Resistance’ package, which probably included a rebel brand communicator. But right now she had no communicator, so she would just have to go out and get one. It could be her second big adventure in this place, and she’d just come back when she noticed a lot of people retiring back to the dorms.

The girl tucked the paper into one of her pockets for safekeeping, so that she would be able to program it in once she obtained a communicator. A strange feeling flickered through her stomach as she stepped out into the hallway, which was much emptier than it had been an hour or two ago.

She knew that if she did manage to find a communicator, then she’d be able to-

“Hey, I was just about to go look for you!” Iris turned and saw Finn hurrying down the hall. “I thought that you might be hungry by now, so I’d thought I show you to the mess hall.”

Iris gulped, then smiled gratefully. “Thanks.” Her stomach seemed to rumble on cue at that. “I guess I didn’t realize how hungry I was. And I really hope you guys have good food here. Otherwise my whole defecting thing would have been for nothing, you know?” So apparently the hallways were more empty because people were busy eating their dinners at this time. That actually made sense, unlike some of the other things going on around here.

Finn laughed. “I’m sure that you’ll find something, but just remember that food isn’t exactly the highest priority, beyond actually having enough for everyone.”

Iris followed Finn as he motioned for her to walk next to him. She peered up at him after a few minutes, trying to sound casual. “So, I made another new friend. Monty. She gave me her communicator frequency, but…” Iris trailed off, not wanting to sound like she was greedy or anything.

Finn glanced down at her. “Are you asking for a communicator? Because if you are, then just say so.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Fine, yes, I’m asking for a communicator. I’m already making so many great friends, and it would be nice to be able to stay in touch with them. Besides, you’re the one who made me leave mine behind, so I think you owe me one.”

Finn chuckled. “Alright. After we eat, we’ll see about getting you set up with your communicator. Now that you're throwing your lot in with the Resistance, you deserve to know what’s going on as much as anyone else.”

Iris grinned. “Finn? I think that you’re officially my favorite ex-stormtrooper. Though I hope you notice how I didn’t say ‘best’ ex-stormtrooper, because now that I fit into that category, that would definitely have to be me. But if it makes you feel any better, you are a close second.”

Finn chuckled again. “Man, I can’t wait for you to meet Rey. I think you two would really hit it off.”

Iris tilted her head. “Rey?”

“Yeah, I think I might have mentioned her already. She’s sort of our secret weapon in training at the moment though, so she’s off planet, and no one knows exactly when she’ll return. All that we know for sure is that when we need her, she’ll come back. She’s never let us down before.” He grinned as they came to a stop outside of two wide doors. “Well? Ready to meet the Resistance in all its glory?”

Iris rolled her eyes, and pushed past Finn. “I think we’ve already established that I’m ready to meet your friends. Now will you hurry up? I’m actually literally starving over here.” She pushed one of the doors open, and stepped inside. Her entrance went almost entirely unnoticed, as everyone was already busy being involved with their own business.

Iris was grateful for that. She wouldn’t want to find everyone staring at her. Finn retook the lead, and brought Iris over to a bunch of machines, and taught her how to get the food she wanted out of it. Iris had never eaten anything other than the nutrient and protein bars they’d been served back at the academy, so Iris wasn’t entirely sure how much real food her stomach would be able to handle. She was used to being full on the nutrients she needed after just a few bites, so this would take some getting used to.

Finn gently handed Iris a tray with a few things on it that she wasn’t sure she recognized, grabbed his own tray, and motioned for her to follow him over to a table in the corner of the room. That’s where Poe was already seated and eating. Finn and Poe smiled at each other, and Iris felt a spot of envy flare up inside of her. She wasn’t particularly envious of either of the men, but more of the fact that they were such good friends. She wished that she had a close friend, but seriously doubted that she would ever really find one. At least not here.

After a moment, Finn noticed that Iris was just standing awkwardly behind him, and he patted the empty seat to his left. Iris took the silent invitation to sit down, and then proceeded to stare at the foreign food, her face clearly showing her puzzlement. Poe laughed. “What, you’ve never seen food before?”

But Finn understood that look. After all, he had to have gone through a similar internal crisis not to long ago, right? He smiled softly. “Hey, try a bite of the brown stuff right there. It’s pretty good.”

Iris shot Finn a grateful look, and proceeded to eat a few bites. She ate really slowly, though, since she was aware of the fact that she wouldn’t be able to eat much, and she didn’t want to have to leave so soon. After a moment of being lost in her own thoughts, Iris looked up and focused on the conversation that was going on next to her.

Poe chuckled. “Yeah, like that would ever happen. Then again, maybe it’ll work out like that rice story.”

Finn shook his head. “I’m afraid I’ve never heard of it.” 

“Well, it’s pretty simple. A bunch of local merchants were carrying bags of grain through the town to take to the king, and she noticed a tear in the bag. She collected all of the fallen rice, and when the king asked what she wanted as a reward, she said one grain of rice that day, then double the next, then double the next, and so on. Within a month, she had more grain than she could ever possibly eat. Maybe your people will work the same way. We just keep doubling the number of stormtroopers that get turned into real people, until eventually they’ve all been cured.”

Iris couldn’t help the look of annoyance that crossed her face at that statement. “You’re joking, right? Being a stormtrooper isn’t a disease. It’s just doing what you were trained to do your whole life.”

Poe held his hands up placatingly. “Hey, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to say that stormtroopers aren’t real people, because of course they are. But clearly it’s possible to go against what you were raised to do, if you take yourself and Finn for example, yet there aren’t more who are willing to just quit. That means that the stormtroopers we face, no matter the circumstances they went through, chose to be facing off against us.”

Iris crossed her arms over her chest. “Only because they were never given another option. They were never introduced to the idea that they could ever be different, so how were they supposed to know?”

Poe raised one eyebrow. “You seem to have figured it out pretty well, so it can’t be that complicated.”

Iris suddenly stood up. “If you’ll excuse me, I think that I’m going to return to the dorms. I’m suddenly not feeling well.” She hurried out of the mess hall before Poe could react, though she thought she heard Finn shouting out for her, she chose to ignore him. She was a little pissed off.

Iris got to the dorms, but when she peered inside, saw that there were already people in there, and sighed with frustration. She turned and wandered the hallway until she found a door that led out onto a small balcony. She wandered out into the cool night air, and walked over to the edge. She sat down, with her legs dangling through the spaces between the thin bars.

She pulled her necklace out from where it was tucked under her shirt, and held it up to her mouth so that she could speak in just a soft whisper to it. “This is C-7717 reporting in. I’m sorry about losing my cool back there, but don’t worry, the rebels still seem to suspect nothing. I’ll play it off easily enough, and once I have that communicator, I’ll be able to report in things that are being planned. Looks like everything’s going to work out alright, though it is rather strange to be so far from home.” She bowed her head, even though the person on the other end wouldn’t be able to see her or respond through the tiny listening device. “Thank you for giving me this opportunity, Master Kylo. I promise that I won’t blow it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN Duuuunnn. See? There's a very good reason that top of her class, completely dedicated to the Order Iris would so easily join the rebels. To those who complained about her being out of character (after only knowing her for a single chapter anyways???) this is why.


	5. Chapter 5

Iris carefully tucked her necklace back under her shirt as she heard someone else step out onto the balcony. She wouldn’t want to be picked out as a spy in less than a day. She heard the person walk closer, and then they sat down next to her, also dangling their legs through the bars.

Finn leaned back, resting his weight on his hands. “Nice night, isn’t it?”

Iris glanced at him, but he wasn’t looking at her, he was just staring out at the lovely view. “Well, I don’t have much to compare it to, but it seems nice enough, I suppose.”

Finn chuckled softly at that. “You know, the first time I came out here, I stayed with my back up against the wall, and refused to come any closer. I thought that I was going to fall over the edge. You must have a lot more courage to just come right out here the first time.”

Iris shrugged. “No offense, but I was a top cadet, on my way to being a general (probably), and you worked in sanitation.” Iris sighed and leaned forward, resting her forehead against the cool metal bars. “This place is a lot different than what they’d always told us. I feel like I’m walking in unfamiliar territory, and I don’t like it.”

Finn nodded. “I know what you mean. But it’s not so bad here, and you’ll get used to it soon enough, I promise.” He stood up, and reached down one hand. “You still want that communicator, right?” Iris nodded, and she accepted Finn’s hand so he could pull her up to her feet. Then he walked back into the building. “Come on, this way.”

Iris smiled, and followed Finn as he led her through the vast building. She’d never imagined that it would be so big, from what she’d seen as drawings in her textbooks.

The two ex-stormtroopers took an elevator down to a lower floor of the building, and into a large storage room. There was a giant mesh cage separating the room into two halves. The things not protected by the cage were things that people could just come and grab when they needed it. The other stuff was the more important stuff.

There was a man sitting on a chair behind the cage, and he smiled as the pair entered the room. “Ah, it’s been so empty down here all day. It’s nice to finally have some company. So what can I do for you?”

Finn pulled a flat little rectangle out of his pocket, and dropped it into the tube that was located below the viewing window. The quartermaster pulled out the rectangle from the opening on his end, and quickly scanned it. He nodded a moment later. “Sure thing, one standard-issue communicator coming right up.” He turned to walk away, and dropped the rectangle into another tube on his side, where it would be sent to be recycled. 

Iris looked up at Finn gratefully. “Thanks.”

He smiled. “No problem. And about what Poe said-”

Iris shook her head. “I know, I’m sorry I overreacted. It just feels so weird to hear people insulting or criticizing where we’re from, and then I forget for a moment that I’m here now, and this is where my allegiance should be one-hundred percent of the time. I’m not a stormtrooper anymore. I just need to make my brain understand that.”

Finn gently put a hand on Iris’s shoulder. “You know it’s okay to make a mistake, right, Iris? You’ve barely been here for any amount of time at all, so of course you’re still going to be in the mindset of a ‘trooper. And that’s okay, and nobody blames you for that. So try not to worry so much, okay?”

Iris smiled, and the quartermaster returned before she could respond to her new friend. The man pushed a slim black cylinder back through the tube, which Finn grabbed, and fiddled with a few things before handing it to Iris. She turned it over in her hands. “This is a much newer model than the one I had. I guess leaving that one behind was a good thing, because now I have an even cooler one than all my-” She looked stricken as she cut herself off mid-sentence and shook her head. “Uh, nevermind.”

She clipped the cylinder to her belt, then looked up. Finn nodded. “Well, I’m glad to have gotten that settled. I’ve already put in the frequency for the two main channels that the base uses, and from there, you can put in as many other frequencies as you want,” Iris nodded understandingly. “So do you want me to lead you back to your dorms now, or is there somewhere else you wanted to visit?”

“The dorms are fine,” the two started walking through the halls. After minute, Iris glanced up. “So how did you know that I was out on the balcony?”

Finn shrugged. “A few people saw you heading out. You must have some pretty good instincts to know that that balcony is such a great hang out.”

Iris nodded. “Yeah, I must.” They came to a stop next to the door that led to the dorm Iris was staying in. “Well, looks like this is my stop. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

Finn hesitated, but then he nodded and turned away. Once Finn was out of sight, Iris walked past her dorm room, and down the hall to a private bathroom. She stepped in, making sure to lock the door behind her, and pulled her necklace up to her lips. She spoke in a whisper so that her voice wouldn’t echo too badly. “This is C-7717. I have obtained a rebel-brand com link, already tuned to the frequency of the Resistance base. I shall relay the frequency, but keep in mind that if too many of their plans are intercepted, the codes will be changed, and I will be caught,” Iris took a deep breath, then let it out. She quickly listed off the numbers that Finn had programmed into her new communicator, and then tucked the necklace back under her shirt.

She straightened up and left the bathroom, then dashed back to her room. Just when she was about to sit down on one of the beds, the door to the dorm burst open, and Monty hurried in. She quickly scanned the room, and smiled with relief when she spotted Iris sitting there.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here. This place is pretty big, so it would be a pain in the butt to have to search everywhere for you.”

Iris pointed down at her new communicator. “I mean, you wouldn’t really have to search everywhere, would you?”

Monty smiled. “Fair enough. Anyways, you need to come with me,” she lowered her voice so that the other occupants of the room wouldn’t be able to hear her. “Apparently something big was being planned a while back, but they had to trash the plan because they didn’t have sufficient information. But now that you’re here, everyone thinks that you can help. Isn’t this exciting? It means that when you said that you were useless around here, you were extra wrong.”

Iris raised one eyebrow. “Wouldn’t Finn be able to help? It’s not like he left the Order that long before I did.”

Monty shrugged. “Finn couldn’t help, he said he’d only ever heard the place mentioned once. He said that you might know though, because you’re technically higher ranking than him, so come on.” As they walked, Monty glanced down at Iris curiously. “Were you really higher ranked than him?”

Iris nodded. “Yes. I was top of my class, on my way to probably enter the general program, and he cleaned the floors. Not that I’m saying there’s anything wrong with that,” she quickly added. “There’s not many people who are in the position that I was in. And he still ended up better off than some. At least he managed to pass.”

Monty tilted her head. “So what happens to the ones who don’t pass?”

Monty figured it out from Iris’s grimace, and she sighed. Iris shrugged. “While, I’m still here. And so’s Finn. So let’s go see if I can earn my place here.”

They walked into the same meeting room from before, and it seemed to be mostly the same cast of characters standing around the big table. Monty looked proud of herself for having procured Iris. “Well, here she is. So I’ll just be on my way now…” she didn’t make any move to leave the room, and no one tried to tell her that she had to leave. 

The general looked at Iris. “Have you ever heard of a place called Tabuula?” 

Iris shivered involuntarily at the sound of the name. “Oh man, I was pretty much hoping to go through the rest of my life without ever having to hear about that place again. Why do you care about it?”

Leia sighed patiently. “We’re planning on storming the place. All we know is that it’s important to the Order, which means it’s important that we destroy it.”

Iris tipped her head. “Well good luck with that. Drop me a line when you get back. Bye.” She turned to leave, but was stopped when Monty grabbed the back of her jacket, and yanked her back over. Iris sighed, and looked at the rebels who were all standing around. Her voice came out softer than she’d intended. “That place was pure torture. It was a living nightmare, a literal pit in the depths of hell.”

Finn looked intrigued. “But what is it, exactly? And why do I only vaguely recall it ever being said?”

Iris pulled out one of the chairs that were around the table, and she plopped down in it. “Tabuula,” she shuddered again. “Is where I first learned-” she cut herself off and shook her head. “It’s where kids are sent to determine their class ranking. Only the top ten in the entire class gets sent there, usually about six months before stormtrooper training officially begins, at age thirteen. For those ten, they have one simple objective: go in the front door, and come out the back. It’s only all the things in between the doors that are a problem. Anyways, it’s a huge competition because the ranks are determined by the order that the kids make it out in. I broke a record by making it out in just twenty-four days. It can get pretty bad, like in the parts where there’s days between checkpoints. Some kids don’t make it out. Not alive, anyways.” She took a deep breath, and looked down at her lap. She hated talking about Tabuula. 

It was the last test before becoming a cadet, and even though Iris had done so well overall, there had been plenty of times where she’d doubted that she would ever make it out alive. There was only one reason she’d been able to survive it, and that same reason would probably be enough to get her killed if anyone ever knew. 

Leia spoke gently, feeling proud of the girl for being able to talk about it at all, when it was clearly a very touchy subject. “Since you managed to make it through, maybe you could help us?”

Iris furrowed her eyebrows. “You still want to destroy it? There could be kids in there, and even if there’s not, there’s a lot of other people.”

A few of the adults exchanged a look that Iris didn’t recognize entirely. But she wasn’t stupid. She knew that they were just going to try and think of a way to get her help without letting her in on the fact that people were going to die. Good people, and innocent kids. Iris couldn’t let that happen, but if she refused to help the rebels, they’d be upset, and if she did help them, then she’d be going against the ones who held her true allegiance. There really was no right answer in this situation. 

It looked like Leia was going to say something else, so Iris cleared her throat and stood up. She looked at all of the hopeful faces around her. The faces of people who believed that they finally had a chance to do some good. And Iris had already handed the base’s frequencies over to the Order, which meant that they would be able to listen in on the plans, and play out an interception as needed. 

So it wasn’t the absolute worst thing she could do to help. Besides that, everything would go completely downhill from here if she disappointed her new ‘friends’ by refusing them. Iris sighed. “Fine, I’ll help you get into Tabuula, and do whatever it is that you’re planning on doing there. But this plan is going to ensure the safety of those kids. You have to promise that it will.”

One of the other men in the room frowned, though he tried to keep his voice gentle, and ended up sounding like he was talking to a small child. “Those children might be innocent now, but they’re going to grow up to be stormtroopers some day.”

Iris narrowed her eyes, and crossed her arms over her chest. “I grew up to be a stormtrooper, and so did he,” she nodded towards Finn. “But we seem to have turned out alright.” There was an awkward silence in the room, so Iris just barreled on. “Besides that, those kids, no matter what they may or may not do someday, they are innocent right now. They’ve never done anything against you. If you murder innocent kids, no matter what side they’re training on, then you are no better than the Order.” 

Everyone stared at Iris in a stunned silence. Then Leia spoke, interrupting the quiet. “I agree with Iris on this. We must be better than the Order. And maybe we can even bring the kids back here, and take the top ten students from the next class of ‘troopers away from the Order. It sounds like a win-win scenario to me.” She looked at Iris. “So- how do we get in?” She shook her head. “No, wait, the better question might be: where is this place? What planet is Tabuula located on?”

* * *

Kylo Ren was slumped down in his chair, feeling utterly bored. Until there was a soft knock at the door, and Kylo could literally feel the fear and apprehension of the man on the other side. With a flick of his wrist, the door slid open, allowing the man to step inside.

The visitor bowed his head. “Sir, I’ve been vigilantly monitoring all of the incoming transmissions from the device you showed me, and I think you’ll be very interested in this.” He held up a little rectangle, and put it down on the desk in front of Kylo, quickly tapping the little ‘play’ button. 

“This is C-7717. I have obtained a rebel-brand com link, already tuned to the frequency of the Resistance base. I shall relay the frequency, but keep in mind that if too many of their plans are intercepted, the codes will be changed, and I will be caught,” The message was then followed by a series of numbers.

Kylo grinned at the recording. Finally, something interesting was happening. When he’d first handed the necklace over to C-7717, he’d expected her to simply slip it somewhere on the persons of one of the intruders. Instead, she’d gone above and beyond her duties by worming her way into the Resistance base. She was a loyal one, and very bright. But her brilliance wasn’t the only reason Kylo was so glad to have her on his side.

He ushered the man away, with strict instructions to come to him again if anything else interesting happened. Once the man was gone, Kylo did a quick search, then brought up the video of C-7717’s experience in Tabuula. He tapped play, and watched the video again, even though he’d already seen it many times before.

C-7717 had gotten further faster than anyone else who’d ever braved the terrains of Tabuula. Now, though she didn’t yet know it, she just left the last checkpoint before the end of the building. There was only one more obstacle, and a couple more days of walking to reach said obstacle, and then she’d be done.

Kylo fast forwarded the video clip to the part where she actually encountered the final obstacle. There were platforms moving in all directions, with the walls shooting out stunning beams at random. By this point, the girl had already realized that there was no point in hesitating, so she took a deep breath, backed up, then ran forward and sprang off the edge, landing elegantly on a platform that passed by her right then. 

She had to jump to the side to avoid an incoming blast, and she ended up stumbling off the edge of her platform, and she plummeted all the way to the bottom of the pit, where she landed on a very bouncy and cushiony floor. There was no way to get back to the starting point, where she’d have at least a slight advantage, but she observed some of the platforms that came by lower, and knew that she wasn’t out of this yet. 

It wasn’t until a few hours later that C-7717 was able to figure out that the blasts came in bursts that matched the number that the day of the month was. She would have to wait around an entire two weeks before it would be the first of the next month, which would probably be her only decent opening. It was designed that way because most got there much later than she did.

When C-7717 double-checked her supplies, she knew that she wasn’t going to have enough food to last that long, no matter how she rationed it. She looked up at the space she had to cross, and saw that it really wasn’t as big as it could be. Though going up would take more work than just going across, of course. 

When the platforms were passing through at the right times, C-7717 jumped from one to the next. Then the next blast came, and it was going to be followed by about fifteen others, all in less than thirty seconds. The girl didn’t want to be hit, and she didn’t want to fall again. She dropped to her knees, and gripped the edge of the platform so tightly her knuckles turned white. 

Then, her platform was suddenly independent of the rest. It just went straight up, all the way up, then over to the side that C-7717 needed to get to. She looked around in disbelief, and the platform just dropped where it was, onto the floor with a loud clang. The girl carefully stood up, and looked around triumphantly. She started heading towards the exit again, and decided that it would be best to not question the miracle that had just occurred.

Kylo Ren turned off the video, and leaned back in his seat. Since he’d discovered what even C-7717 seemed to be unaware of in herself, everything had only gotten more interesting around here. She was a wild card, on his side; something that Kylo wasn’t used to at all. But it would be fun to see what she would do next.


	6. Chapter 6

“If twenty-four days was breaking a record, then how long had it taken the previous record holder to get through?”

Iris sighed, already tired of discussing Tabuula. It was one thing when she was being asked tactical questions that would actually be useful to their takeover, but the personal questions were just too much. But she didn’t want to say anything out loud and find that everyone was looking at her suspiciously. Or perhaps even worse, looking at her with pity. “The person who got through the quickest before me took thirty-seven days. Some kids take as long as the full six months. It’s brutal, and not something that anyone should ever have to experience.”

Leia smiled comfortingly. “So were you having rebellious thoughts even before you decided to run off with a couple of rebels?”

Iris shrugged. “If I was, then I certainly didn’t know it. I had no idea of what was considered a ‘rebellious thought’. All I knew is that it was a death sentence to ever have one. There were plenty of cadets who were jealous of the ten that got ‘the privilege’ of going to Tabuula. Those idiots had no idea how terrible that place was. They should be thankful that they never had to go. Out of the ten kids in my class that went, only seven of them walked out the second door.”

All of the rebels had to take a moment to try and wrap their minds around that. And they hadn’t even gotten to any actual details of the place. Most were smart enough to realize that they’d probably never get any. It was a bad time, and Iris would not want to have to relive it all by talking about it in great detail.

Finn looked up at everyone who still had so many questions left to ask. Even he was curious about Tabuula. It was a place he’d heard mentioned maybe once or twice, but it had never struck him as anything important. Now he was thinking that it was a good thing he’d never been at the top of his class. “Hey, let’s try and keep the questions to things that’ll help us get in, okay?”

There were a few grumbles at that, but everyone did agree that that would probably be for the best. Leia tried to keep herself from prying to much as she asked away. The fact that they even had this goldmine of information was a complete miracle. When they’d originally trashed the idea of destroying Tabuula, it’s because they had no clue that they’d find someone who was an expert. “Are there any ways in besides the front and back doors?”

Iris shrugged, then nodded. “There has to be. Otherwise, there would be no way for people to go in and replenish the food at the checkpoints, and then get back out again before anyone could see them. And even if they didn’t put new food at the checkpoints when the old stuff ran out, they would’ve had to get it in there in the first place, and I doubt they’d want to send their senior officers all the way through Tabuula for such a trivial task. So I don’t know where they are, but there has to be doors, at least at the checkpoints.”

Leia nodded. “Good, good, this is all stuff that we can use. So you said that the kids are usually brought in six months before official training begins, right? So when does training usually begin? Would there be any kids or senior officers there right now?”

Iris shook her head. “No. The new group of cadets has already begun training. So there won’t be any kids there, but I don’t know about adults. They could have people stick around to maintain the place, and make sure that everything is running efficiently enough to be a deadly trap. Pretty much the entire place is made up of deadly traps. But the building itself is very well fortified. They wanted to make sure that no one just blasted their way out through the walls. I think someone did that a long time ago, which is why they made it all impossible to just blast through. But if we could just figure out where the side doors are, we’d be all set to go in there and bring that place to the ground.”

No matter where her allegiances were (still definitely the Order), Iris was being honest when she spoke about how much she’d hated that place. How much it had filled her with despair and hopelessness, and how she’d only survived because of some kind of malfunction with the final obstacle. These things were always going to be hard to talk about, but now Iris was slightly less upset as she realized that the rebels were actually going to try and take down Tabuula. They were going to try to destroy the place where almost every one of Iris’s bad memories came from. Her stomach sank a moment later, though, as it occurred to her that there’s no way the Order would let one of their most important training grounds be destroyed. In fact, it was much more likely that the rebels would be the ones who got destroyed. There was a funny feeling in the pit of Iris’s stomach at the thought that there might be a day where she wakes up, and the people around her right now were gone.

Then she shook her head to get rid of that thought. She couldn’t start sympathizing with these people just because she was spending a bit of time around them. That would only lead to disaster in every manner of the word, and it would probably also end up with Iris dead. It frightened her to imagine that she would cease to exist. She couldn’t recall being this terrified since her Tabuula trial. These people were not worth the paralyzing fear that the consequences instilled in Iris.

When she noticed that everyone was staring at her, she let her normal charming smile cover up the sudden paleness of her face. She was determined to help Kylo Ren and the Order take down the rebels, and she was in a key position to make that all happen. Once she reassured herself that she knew exactly what she was doing in the rebel base, it was easy to put on her personna of the girl who wanted to help take down the Order.

By the time the meeting was over and Iris was dismissed, she felt like she’d just run about thirteen marathons in a row. She was amazed that her legs brought her back to the dorms without her even thinking about it, considering the fact that she still didn’t know her way around very well. 

She walked over to her bunk and flopped down on it. But now that she was lying still, she felt entirely restless, and didn’t understand how she’d felt so tired just a moment ago. Iris stared up at the ceiling, but it didn’t provide any useful information, so she rolled onto her side, and stared at the empty bunk next to hers. Iris decided that the reason she couldn’t sleep was because it was too bright in the room, and she wished that someone would just come and turn them off, since she didn’t actually know how to do that. She was afraid that the light systems would be too different between the rebel base and the starkiller base. 

Iris smushed her face into her pillow, hoping that that would be enough to block out the light. After a moment, there was a soft click, and Iris knew that the lights had been turned off. She rolled over onto her back, and sighed with relief.

There was soft chuckle at that. “Hey. How’re things going so far?”

“Kaydel?” Iris could feel it when Kaydel’s weight on the end of the bed shifted her around a little bit. “Shouldn’t you be doing something all resistance-y? I mean, you’ve got to have better things to do than hang out in the bedrooms.”

Kaydel leaned back so that she was lying across Iris’s legs, though she did make sure not to put her full weight down. “We all work in shifts so that there’s no time where everyone’s sleeping or everyone’s working. The Order must do things pretty similar to that, right?”

Iris shrugged. “Sort of. But that never applied to the cadets. Since we’re all still young, they want us to have optimal living conditions to develop in. Which includes a set sleeping schedule. Cadets only slept at night, and only worked during the day. We never switched off or had shifts or anything.”

Kaydel must’ve picked up a note of wistfulness in Iris’s voice. “So do you miss it? The Order?” Iris shrugged again, though it was obviously too dark for Kaydel to be able to see that. Kaydel sighed. “You can be honest with me, you know. Just because the Order is evil doesn’t mean that you’re not going to miss the things that you’ve grown familiar with throughout your life.”

“Well, I know that I’ll never miss Tabuula. That was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, and it was less than a month long for me. And I won’t miss the way that our teachers were always yelling at us to do better, always saying that we would die as soon as we went out, because we’re all so incompetent and weak. And there was this one kid in my class who was so annoying. He’d always complain about the fact that I surpassed him in every way, while I’d be the one working hard and he’d be the one wasting his time on frivolous activities.”

Kaydel was silent for a moment before speaking again. “So you’re saying that there were absolutely no good parts to the Order? I really do promise to not hate your guts just for finding some parts of your shitty existence to actually be enjoyable.”

Iris smiled to herself. “Well, I guess there are some things. The way it felt to know that I was always the best, always at the top. The admiration and respect I’d get from the younger classes. The way that even the adults would talk about how awesome I was. The way that the teachers would sometimes ask me to demonstrate something for the rest of the class because they knew that I understood them. The way that I was so good that I got what I thought at the time was a privilege, to meet the most important man on the Starkiller base-”

Kaydel froze, then got up to turn the lights back on. She faced Iris with a serious look on her face. “Are you kidding me right now?” At Iris’s confused look, she scrubbed her hand across her face in frustration. “You’ve met Kylo Ren and you’re only just now mentioning this?”

Iris shrugged. She could see what the big deal would be if she were bragging to one of her classmates back on the base where they trained stormtroopers, but she couldn’t figure out why the Resistance would care so much. It’s not like she’d learned anything useful from the guy, and even if she had, it’s not like she’d ever tell that to her new friends. “It’s not really that big of a deal. I mean, I just met him once for like five minutes, and I didn’t like it anyways because it made me feel sick.”

“Well of course you were feeling nauseous, meeting one of the most dangerous people out there right now, who was also probably your idol.”

Iris shook her head. “No, it wasn’t that,” she’d never felt the need to mention before the way that she’d felt when she’d first met Kylo Ren. It’s not like she ever got the chance to sit down and just have a nice conversation with the guy. She’d been given direct orders by Kylo Ren after having only known him a few minutes, there was no way she would’ve disobeyed. But she couldn’t see why feeling sick would be bad, either, so it didn’t seem like there’d be any harm in mentioning it. “I don’t really know how to describe it, exactly. I mean, it’s like there was this dark cloud hanging over me, and I got this killer headache, and I felt like I was literally about to puke all over Kylo Ren’s shoes. Luckily, it only lasted for a moment before it was over.”

Kaydel only smiled a little bit at that. “I wish you had hurled on his shoes. The look on his face after something like that would’ve been priceless.”

“And I’d also be dead right now if I had,” the almost-smile on Kaydel’s face was wiped away instantly at that sobering thought. “But why does it matter that I’ve met him? It’s not like he revealed all of his secret plans to me in the three minutes that I knew him. I just don’t see why it really matters.”

Kaydel sighed. “Come with me. I want to take you to see the general. I’m sure that she could explain just why it matters so much. She’s got personal stakes in all of this, and she’ll want to know everything she can about Kylo Ren. I mean, it is personal for all of us, and we all want as much information as possible, but it’s infinitely more important to Leia Organa. It’s got to do with that jacket you’re wearing.”

Iris stood up, and glanced down at her jacket. “It’s got to do with Organa’s husband?” Then she clasped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, I am so glad that I was stolen away from my family when I was just a baby. There’s no way I’d be able to handle so much drama everyday.” 

Kaydel rolled her eyes. “Welcome to life on our base. If you haven’t found drama around every corner, then you’re clearly standing in the wrong base.”

The two ladies walked down the halls, and stopped in front of yet another door. Kaydel knocked on it with impatience, and it slid open a moment later. Leia was standing there, looking at Kaydel with one eyebrow raised. “I know it may seem like I am a superhero who never needs to sleep, but the truth is that I’m getting old, and need a lot more sleep than I used to. So this better be important.” 

Kaydel glanced at her new friend with a look that could almost be described as apologetic. Then she turned back to the general. “Iris has seen Kylo Ren,”

“Well that’s not so strange, a lot of-”

Kaydel shook her head. “She’s met him. In person.” Leia’s eyes widened, and she stepped back to let the two into her room. Kaydel shook her head again. “This is something that should just be between the two of you. Whatever happens with Kylo Ren, I know that there are people who’ve got a lot more reason to fairly get to say what happens to him then I do.” Then she left.

Iris shifted uncomfortably on her feet. “Sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. It just didn’t really occur to me that it was anything of importance. I mean, he didn’t say anything important to me. I’m sorry.”

Leia shook her head. “Don’t be sorry. He’s the one who… who made my husband become my late husband.”

Iris looked sympathetic. “Now I’m really sorry. I was right there, in the same room as him, a weapon right next to me. I could’ve just taken him down right then and there, and saved a lot of people a whole lot of pain.” 

Leia’s smile was sad at that. “You may not understand, but I don’t wish for him to be dead. I mean, if you’d killed him then, then you’d be the one who’s dead. And besides, you did say that you came here because you couldn’t pull the trigger. I don’t think it would’ve been any easier with the gun pointed at your boss. But it’s not just for your sake that I don’t want him dead.”

Iris furrowed her eyebrows. Weren’t these rebels supposed to want to destroy the First Order in any way that they could possibly manage? Didn’t that mean that killing Kylo Ren should be a first priority? “But isn’t he evil?”

Leia sighed. “I honestly don’t know anymore. I know what you’re thinking. He killed my husband, so how could I not want revenge? But this situation is so complicated, I don’t even really know where to begin. I think that you deserve to know why I don’t want him dead, despite everything that he’s done to us. It’s because he’s my son.”

Iris gasped, and looked at the general with wide eyes. Well shit. This did complicate things a little bit.


	7. Chapter 7

Iris kept pulling out her necklace, ready to communicate back with the people who’d be able to relay her words to Kylo Ren. But then she kept tucking it back under her shirt again. What the hell was she supposed to say? ‘Sorry that you killed your dad?’ ‘Your mom seems like a nice woman?’ ‘Is there some way for you to pull me out now before I fall in any deeper with these people?’ But none of those would be appropriate.

Now that she thought about it, Iris actually had no idea when she’d be able to go home. None of this had been planned at all. And Kylo Ren had no way of communicating anything to Iris. All she could do was send out messages. It was possible that Iris was expected to stay with the Resistance until it could be destroyed. 

Things had been so much easier back on the Starkiller base. Iris had never needed to worry about what people were feeling, or about what she was expected to do. Everything had always been written out very clearly, and she’d never been expected to do anything without receiving exact instructions first. As strange as it was, Iris couldn’t help thinking that there was almost a sort of freedom in that sort of restricting environment. She’d never had to worry about what was going to happen next, while here, she needed to be constantly on her toes.

The door to the bathroom rattled as someone tried to open it, and found that it was locked. There was an annoyed grumble on the other side. “Who the hell locked the door?”

Iris knew that it wasn’t fair to lock herself in one of the larger bathrooms, but the single stall one had been occupied, and obviously Iris didn’t want an audience to her talking to the Order.

She walked over to the door and unlocked it, an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry. I’m just used to not having to share a bathroom and I didn’t want to-” The woman shoved past Iris, not caring about the girl’s excuses.

Iris shrugged, and left the room. She slowly walked down the hallway, still not sure where exactly she should go. Unlike everyone else running around this place, Iris didn’t really have any specific purpose. No one had given her any job or task or even a simple chore. She wasn’t sure if it was because they didn’t fully trust her (which would be smart of them) or because they’d forgotten about her already, or just because they didn’t know how much she’d be able to handle. But no matter what the reason was, the point was that Iris didn’t have anything to do.

Iris decided to head down to the hanger. She saw a couple of pilots suiting up with grim expressions on their faces, and heading for their little ships. The ones with guns on them. Iris spotted the familiar face of Poe, and hurried over to him. “Hey!” She had to shout louder for him to hear her. “HEy!” Poe turned and saw Iris.

He frowned. “What are you doing here?”

Iris looked around at the other pilots. “What’s going on? Where are you going?” Poe hesitated, and Iris rolled her eyes. “Everyone keeps saying that this isn’t a place where people have to secrets kept from them by higher ups. So what’s going on?”

Poe’s shoulders slumped down a bit. “We got a distress signal from Dalton 6. It’s not the type of place where they’d send a signal out for anything short of an invasion or a major attack. We’re going to go and assess the situation, and figure out what we can do to help.”

Iris peered up at the pilot with wide eyes. “Can I come with you?” Poe shook his head. “Please? I promise that I won’t get in the way. I won’t even say anything to you that could distract you. I’ll be good, I swear.” She sighed. “I feel so useless here, you know? Like, I’m here now, but I’m not actually doing anybody any good. Please, just give me a chance to do some good.”

Poe let out a long sigh of defeat. “We’re leaving right now. There’s no time for you to go and do anything else.”

The girl nodded eagerly. “That’s fine!” She rushed over to where the spare pilot uniforms were hanging, and quickly pulled it on. Learning how to change in an efficient amount of time was something she’d learned years ago. Poe tossed her a helmet, and beckoned for her to get onto his little ship with him. 

Some of the other pilots were doubling up in their ships, but Poe was good enough on his own that he didn’t need a partner. Which left the seat next to him open for Iris to plop down and strap herself in. A moment later, they were taking off, and the pilots were all speaking flighty jargon through their ship communicators.

Iris peered out the window with awe. It was incredible to see the stars rushing past, and the sky looked beautiful. She turned to look at Poe curiously. She wanted to ask him how long it would take to get to their destination, and whether or not this ship was equipped with a hyperdrive engine so that they could go into hyperspace.

Poe felt Iris’s eyes on him, and he laughed quietly. “It’s okay to ask whatever it is that you want to ask.”

“Oh.” Iris gulped. She pulled up her necklace and gripped it tightly, opening the communication channel. “Can this ship go into hyperspace? And how long will it take us to get to Dalton 5?”

Poe smiled. “No, these ships aren’t large enough to have hyperdrive engines. And I already told you that we’re going to Dalton 6. If they’re under attack, we need to do everything we can to help them. We should be there in about three hours. It’s actually really close.”

Iris nodded, and tucked her necklace away again. It obviously wouldn’t be possible for the Order to prevail every time the Resistance wanted to do anything, because that would give away the fact that there was an inside man. But that didn’t mean that Iris was going to withhold information. It was up to people with much higher ranks than Iris to decide which of their endeavors were worth interfering in.

Then Iris’s eyes widened as it occurred to her that if the Order was going to stage an ambush of some sort now that they knew the Resistance was coming, they would have no way of knowing which ship Iris was in. She’d be killed, and it would be seen as an acceptable loss since she was just one cadet.

The girl groaned, and leaned her forehead against the window. Poe noticed the sudden shift in mood. “What’s wrong?”

Iris shrugged. “I’ve never flown in such a small ship. It’s sort of making my stomach spin circles inside of me.”

Poe smiled sympathetically. “Yeah, the first time can make people sick. Just don’t throw up, okay? Because I’m not looking forward to having to clean that up.”

Iris chuckled softly, then leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. After a while, she turned her head to look at Poe. “Would you die for what you believe in? I mean, like the Resistance?”

“Well, I nearly have once already. The Resistance is important. And if I want lots of people to be safe, then sacrificing my one life would be worth it. Not that I want to die, of course. I’d do everything in my power to get out of the situation that I could. But once I’d exhausted every option, then yes, I’d be prepared to die. Why? Are you scared? Don’t worry. There’s no way that anyone could know we’re coming.”

Iris sighed. “I’m not scared. I was just wondering.” If Poe was willing to die for the Resistance, then maybe it would be okay. Iris would be dying for the Order, which sounded terrifying, but if Poe could do it, then so could Iris. She wouldn’t let herself give in to her fear and confess. The Order wouldn’t appreciate losing their advantage just to save one girl’s life, and they’d probably have her executed for that anyways. So it was best to just keep her mouth shut.

A little while after that, the sound of shooting was loud enough to be heard. All the pilots immediately snapped to attention, and began shouting instructions at each other. Iris wasn’t sure how they managed to actually figure out what anyone was saying when they all kept shouting over each other, but they seemed to be working together well enough.

Iris’s eyes widened a bit as she looked around. There hadn’t been an ambush set up. Not exactly. There were ships still showing up to the party, but all of the Resistance hadn’t been blown to bits, so that was a definite plus. Until the large black ships turned towards the smaller ones and began shooting them down. 

But it didn’t pass Poe or Iris’s attention that the ships were only being damaged enough to send them crashing down to the planet’s surface, but not enough to completely disintegrate them. Poe handled the sudden situation like a champ, maneuvering around large blasts and sending out some shots of his own.

Even he couldn’t last forever, though. A blast hit the back of the ship, and a moment later, it was plummeting to Dalton 6. Iris fumbled to unbuckled herself, and Poe furrowed his eyebrows. He had to shout to be heard over the sound of air rushing all around them. “What are you doing?”

Iris leaned over and unbuckled Poe’s seatbelt as well. He didn’t bother fighting her. “I’m saving our asses!” She kicked open the door next to her, and grabbed Poe’s arm, yanking him along after her. She looked out at the ground which they were rapidly approaching. In less than a minute, they’d be crushed if they stayed inside the ship when it made impact.

However, they did have a slight chance of survival outside. Iris let go of Poe and jumped. He followed her, and they both tugged on their emergency shoots. They were so close to the ground, though, that they didn’t do much to slow them down, though they were still probably better than nothing.

Poe and Iris both crashed into the ground a few yards away from the ship, which hit just seconds after they did. Little pieces of metal went flying everywhere. Both humans tumbled around for a bit before rolling to a stop. Iris sat up first, and quickly checked herself over. She had new bruises and scrapes all over her, but nothing too serious.

Then Poe groaned so Iris looked over at him, and her eyes widened. There was a giant metal rod impaled in Poe’s leg. She pressed one hand over her mouth, and crawled the few feet over to him. “Oh no. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry.”

The pilot brushed aside her concern, and saw up without any assistance. “This is in no way your fault.” His hand went towards his belt, and he pulled up his communicator. It was obvious just from looking at it that it had been crushed by the fall. “Did yours fare any better?”

Iris squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t have it with me. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere when I got up this morning.”

Poe laughed. “That’s why you’re supposed to just bring it with you everywhere. It’s not like it’s some big clunky inconvenient thing, right?” He shrugged. “Well, I don’t think we’re going to be of much help to the people who sent that distress signal. Hopefully one of our guys called for backup before they were shot down.”

The girl got to her feet a bit shakily. There was a pretty big cut in her shoulder from where some of the metal had sliced through. It wasn’t hard to tear off her sleeve and wrap it around the wound. Then she looked down at Poe helplessly. “Should I pull that out?”

He shook his head. “Then I’d probably die of blood loss. Just go and find some help or something. I’ll be fine, I promise.” He frowned. “I just don’t know how the Order knew to come here. I wonder if they’re working with the others who attacked this place?” He shrugged. “We’ll figure it out later. For now, just go and get some help.”

It would be easy for Iris to run off and find somewhere private. Then she could just use her necklace to ask for a ride back to the Starkiller base, and inform Kylo Ren that she was tired of this undercover stuff. But then Poe would die out here, all alone. And knowing him, he’d die worried that something horrible had happened to Iris.

She couldn’t do that to the pilot. He was a good person. He deserved better. And the longer Iris stayed with the Resistance and earned their trust, the easier it would be to learn more useful information that she could convey back to the Order. But Iris knew nothing about this planet. Leaving now, even to get help, could mean a death sentence for Poe either way.

Iris bent down and grabbed one of Poe’s arms, slinging it around her good shoulder. Then she stood up with a grunt of effort, lifting Poe with her. “No offense, but I doubt that you’re strong enough to bring a full grown man all the way to wherever we’re going to go.” His words were spoken with deliberate effort, and his eyes were starting to look cloudy and unfocused.

Iris clenched her jaw, and took a few steps forward, staggering under Poe’s weight. “I’m going to bring you with me. I’m not going to let you die here. Now let’s go.” She took another step forward, and they both plunged towards the ground. Before they could hit it, though, Iris was able to regain her balance, and suddenly she found that Poe felt like he weighed nothing.

The grown man almost sounded like he was giggling. Iris glanced back at the blood trail behind them. Even with the rod still in, Poe was losing blood at an alarming rate. “I think I’m flying,” he mumbled. It sounded like he was already starting to get delirious.

Iris decided that there was nothing she could do other than get him some help, so she kept moving forward with determination. Though it was suddenly a lot easier to move Poe. Iris decided not to question this sudden miracle, and she just kept going. “Come on. I don’t know where we’re going, but I’m sure that we’re close to getting there.”

As they moved, Poe reached out sluggishly to grab at Iris’s necklace. “This is pretty. How come you keep it hidden away most of the time?”

Iris sighed. “It was found on me when I was a baby. I have no memory of any sort of family, but I imagine that it must’ve been important. Which means that I must’ve been important, to at least someone, right? Why would someone give me that if they didn’t care about me?” She gulped. Of course the necklace hadn’t been given to her by any family. Anything that she may have owned before being taken in by the Order would be long gone by now. 

Not everything out of Iris’s mouth was a lie, though. There had to be someone out there that wanted her. Someone who actually would give a damn about what had happened. Someone who had cried when they lost their child.

Iris shook her head. There was no point in thinking about that stuff. She had a family, of sorts. Maybe there wasn’t the same love and affection between them that other families had, but they did have strengths that normal families didn’t. They could rely on each other in fights, and they always tried to motivate each other, and they could talk about whatever they wanted to amongst themselves. Or maybe biological families had those things too. There was no for Iris to know either way.

After a while of walking, Iris could see the outline of a city. She tugged on Poe excitedly. “Come on! Come on, we’re so close!” Poe didn’t respond, and when Iris looked at him, his eyes were closed. He’d been so light the entire time that Iris hadn’t felt the need to stop and rest at all, which meant that she hadn’t been checking on the injured pilot. She sank to the ground, and carefully laid out Poe so she wouldn’t be jostling his leg too much. “Poe?” Iris closed her eyes, and let out a soft sigh. She wasn’t going to shed tears for a fallen enemy, but she could still respect his life, and the loss of it.

Iris gently took one of Poe’s hands. “I’m truly sorry for all of this. I’ll make sure that I return this body to-”

There was the sound of footsteps behind Iris, and then the muzzle of a blaster was being pressed against the back of her head. “Well, hello little mizzy.” Iris rolled her eyes. Just her luck, right?


	8. Chapter 8

Iris stayed still, and someone strong grabbed her by one arm to yank her to her feet. She looked at the men standing around, and counted at least twenty of them, give or take a few. And there could be more hiding just out of Iris’s line of sight. She was definitely, totally screwed. 

The guy kept his phaser trained on Iris, and he nudged the side of Poe’s stomach with his foot. When Poe didn’t move, the guy shrugged. “That one’s already dead. He’s no good to us.”

Iris frowned, and looked around at the men. “Who are you? What’s going on here?”

The man smirked. “It’s adorable how all we had to do was send out a distress call, and the rebels start sending in their best pilots to ‘save’ us. We capture a few rebels to get information out of, and while all the pilots are here, it’ll be only too easy for the Order to go find your base, as soon as we’re finished getting it’s location.”

Iris squirmed in her captor’s grip, but he was strong. “Let me go! I don’t know anything, I swear!”

A small ship suddenly lowered down, and landed right next to the small gathering of people. When the door lowered Iris pressed her lips together to hold in the screeches of pain that suddenly wanted to come out. It felt like someone was crushing her brain, and it hurt. Several stormtroopers marched out of the ship, and then, there he was. Kylo Ren. With a flick of his wrist, the man holding Iris was flung back into a tree, where he hit with a loud ‘crack!’.

Iris looked up at Kylo Ren, determined to not show fear. The pain passed, and she couldn’t stop the sigh of relief that came out. She looked up at him. “Sir…?”

He pulled off his helmet, and shook his head to shake out his hair properly. Then he looked at Iris with a serious expression. “I did not expect you to be coming here on this mission.”

Iris looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry, sir. I thought that it was the only way for me to let you know what was happening. I had no idea that you were behind this.”

Kylo reached forward to tip Iris’s head back so that their eyes could meet. “You have not disappointed me, C-7717. Your plan took me by surprise, but it was very clever thinking. More could be learned from inserting yourself in the base itself. Tell me how to find the base, and I won’t even need to torture those you’ve been forced to play friendly with. Not much, anyways.”

Iris gulped. “Sir, I don’t-”

One of the Dalton 6 natives stepped forward. “She’s with you? What the hell is going on here? If you’ve had someone undercover then why did you need to use our planet for a surprise attack? Why didn’t you just ask her soon-” his voice was cut off, and then a string of strangled noises came from his mouth. He reached up, but there wasn’t anything to pull away from his neck. One couldn’t grab the force.

The stormtroopers all watched without reacting at all. They were used to their leader killing people on a whim if they happened to have the bad luck of annoying him. Iris had, of course, heard the stories, but she’d never actually witnessed the man kill anyone. She couldn’t avert her eyes, though, because she wasn’t wearing any sort of helmet that could hide that action.

The man’s face turned purple, and then all of his limbs went limp. Only a minute after that did Kylo let go of the man, and he dropped backwards onto the ground. Kylo turned back to Iris. “It’s too dangerous for you to continue staying undercover with the rebels, and as you have proved yourself to be a valuable asset, I’m going to pull you out now so that you may live to fight another day.”

Without thinking about it, Iris shouted out, “No!” Kylo looked at her, a dangerous glint in his eyes. Iris gulped. “Um, I meant that I don’t care that it’s dangerous. I am willing to die for the Order, sir. And I know that I’ll be more useful there than I would be in your army.”

Kylo tilted his head curiously. “You enjoy having an identity, don’t you? You have experienced what it’s like to be more than just another nameless, faceless soldier, and you revel in it. You want more. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Iris closed her eyes. “You’re not wrong, sir.” Iris tensed up, waiting to be the next one thrown back into a tree, or strangled to death with the force. To her surprise, she heard the sound of laughter, and she peered over at the man in front of her. She looked up, and hesitantly said, “Sir?”

Kylo calmed down from his laughter, and then he smiled. “I knew that you were special.” He glanced at the nearest stormtrooper. “Begin searching the crashed ships. Secure any survivors. Shoot the dead and dying to make sure that they’re really dead.” He turned back to Iris. “You can go back to the base. Presumably there will be survivors from the attack on it, and I’ll need you to learn where the new base of operations for the resistance is going to be.” Then he turned and began walking towards one of the other plumes of smoke that could be seen rising up, his soldiers following behind him.

The only remaining stormtrooper pulled out their blaster and pointed it at Poe’s body. They were only following orders, after all. But somehow, it felt wrong to Iris, to just let some random stranger be the one to shoot Poe. She grabbed the blaster. “I’ve got this.”

The stormtrooper reached up to pull of their helmet, revealing a familiar face. “C-7717.”

Iris smiled. “RM-826. I thought I’d never see you again.” The two exchanged a hug.

The adult smiled too, but her smile was wary. “So I take it you’ve been busy? When I asked around at the academy for you, all anyone would say is that you were taken down on the day of that lame little resistance break in. I guess if you’ve been undercover, then that was the easiest lie for them to feed to anyone who even bothered to ask.” She lowered her voice. “So what was it like?”

Iris frowned. “Pretending to be a member of the resistance? Not that difficult. Those guys are desperate for new members. Probably since the Order is always coming up with clever ways to take them down.”

RM-826 shook her head. “No, not that. What was it like to defy Kylo Ren? I mean, he gave you a direct order, and you told him ‘no’. Was it exhilarating? Did you feel like… like you finally had control over something in your life? How did you do it? I would’ve thrown up.”

Iris felt a strange feeling in her stomach. She spoke slowly, really hoping that she was just misinterpreting the situation. “RM-826, we should never speak out against Kylo Ren. You know that, right? I only got away with it because I’ve been doing something so important to the Order. It wasn’t fun. It felt like I was spitting in his face or something.”

The woman frowned. “C-7717, you don’t understand.” Even though there was no one around, she lowered her voice even more. “You’re in the perfect position to help the resistance, while making the Order think that you’re helping them.”

Iris shook her head and took a step back. “You’re acting crazy. Maybe you need to go back through training again-”

RM-826 grabbed Iris by the shoulders and shook her. “We always talked about it. Back before your official training began, and I was just one of your teachers. Remember all those hours we spent making all kinds of plans? We never thought we’d get the opportunity to put our plans into action. But we also thought that once you moved on to your training, we would never see each other again, and yet, here we are. Don’t you see? We could make a difference. We could start the next revolution.” As the adult spoke, Iris peered over the woman’s shoulder when she spotted movement. It had to be impossible, but it looked like Poe was moving?

Iris tried to take a step back, but her old friend wouldn’t let go of her. “Please, tell me that you haven’t forgotten everything. That you haven’t been brainwashed into their way of thinking. You have to know that I’m right, C-7717. If you just walk away now, then we can-” Her eyes widened, and she looked at Iris pleadingly. Then she tipped forward, and Iris stepped to the side, letting the body fall, revealing the blaster shot now adorning her back.

Iris turned and saw that Poe was sitting up. His eyes were brighter than normal, and he was certainly paler, but he was alive. Iris looked at him warily. If he’d been alive the whole time, then the next question was how long had he been conscious? How much had he heard?

Poe gave Iris his winning smile. “You know, I think that stormtroopers are getting crazier and crazier everyday. They used to just shoot you down and be down with it. Now they try to talk you back onto their side? Ridiculous.”

Iris knelt down next to Poe. “I thought that you were dead! How long have you been awake?”

The pilot shrugged. “Just for a minute, I think. Long enough to hear that lady talk crazy about you joining back up with the Order. It’s like she doesn’t even know you at all. There’s no way you’d ever go back to them. Not from what I know of you.”

Iris glanced back at RM-826. That woman had been like what Iris imagined a mother should be. She used to only be assigned to childcare duty, watching over the younger troopers until they were old enough to start their official training. The two of them had always gotten along very well. And the worst part was that Iris could remember exactly what RM-826 had been talking about. All the plans they’d made back then, naively thinking that there was something they could do to get away.

But that was before Iris grew up, and learned about what it means to be a stormtrooper. About the honor of serving the First Order. And the ironic part was that she was killed by a member of the resistance, when that’s all she had wanted to be. Iris wasn’t going to tell that to Poe. She wouldn’t want to make him feel bad. 

Iris gently took one of Poe’s arms and wrapped it around her neck as she got back to her feet, pulling him up with her. She glanced down at his leg. “Do you think that you can still fly?”

Poe looked at her curiously. “Where are we going?” Iris grinned, a look of defiance on her face. Iris gripped the blaster in her hands tighter, and then turned to look at the ship that Kylo Ren and all of the stormtroopers had come off of. Poe gave Iris a sideways glance. “Are you serious?”

She nodded. “Yup. It’s the closest we’re going to find, and I don’t think we’d be able to get you very far on that leg. There is onboard tracking, but I know where it is, so I can disable it.”

They cautiously walked over to the ship, and stepped inside, their blasters at the ready. Iris knew that Kylo Ren was going to flip his shit when he found out that she stole his ship. But he had given her permission to return to the resistance. She could just claim that she’d interpreted that as having permission to leave as soon as possible, which meant taking the nearest mode of transportation. And it didn’t matter anyways, because Iris was going to be deep within the base. By the time Kylo ever sees her in person again, he’ll have had plenty of time to get over it.

There were three other stormtroopers that had still been on the ship, all placed at random spots, so it wasn’t too difficult to pick them off one by one. Iris let Poe lean on her until they got to the pilot’s seat and control console. She helped him plop down into the chair, then hurried to find a med kit.

Iris returned a minute later, and looked up at Poe apologetically. “This is probably going to hurt.” The pilot shrugged, already starting to look a little out of it again. Iris took a deep breath, and she yanked the obtrusion out and then pressed her blaster right up against the wound, letting out a weak blast. Poe clamped one hand over his mouth so that no one would hear his howls of pain if they happened to walk by.

Once the injury was cauterized, Iris pulled out a bandage and wrapped it tightly all the way around the wound. Once she’d unrolled the whole thing, she clipped it together, and then tugged on it just a bit to make sure that it was indeed secure. Satisfied, she closed the med kit, and shoved it off to the side. 

She looked at Poe expectantly. “Now can you fly this thing or not?”

Poe cracked his knuckles. “The resistance would look pretty silly if the supposed ‘best pilot in the fleet’ couldn’t fly one of the enemy ships.” Iris pulled out a little needle from the med kit, not liking the glassy look to Poe’s eyes. She pressed it into the side of his neck, and a moment later, he looked like he was buzzing with energy. “What was that?”

Iris shrugged. “Not a permanent solution, but it should be enough to at least get us back to the base. And we’ve got to hurry. You didn’t hear them out there. They want to torture the fallen pilots, which is why they didn’t totally destroy the ships, and once they find the base’s location, they’re going to attack with everything they’ve got. We’ve got to start getting everyone moved somewhere else before the attack. Please tell me that you guys were at least smart enough to have a backup base or something?”

Poe nodded. “Yeah, we have a few contingency plans. We’re not as stupid as everyone always gives us credit for.” He sighed. “For now, let’s get back to the base. I don’t want to risk communicating with it from this ship, in case the frequencies are being listened in on. Once we get there, we can start warning everyone and getting them moved.”

Iris nodded, and sat down in the seat next to Poe. It was supposed to be for a co-pilot. Iris should’ve been a pilot. She was supposed to take her first flying classes in less than a year from now. She wondered if she’d be back in time for that. Iris glanced at Poe. “Obviously not right now, since we’re sort of in the middle of running for our lives, but at some point, could you teach me how to fly?”

Poe gave Iris a curious look. “You want to be a pilot? Usually, feeling sick the first time you’re in a small ship doesn’t bode well for that career choice.”

Iris rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms over her chest. She made a petulant expression. “Okay, so I lied about that. I wasn’t feeling sick because of the ship being small. I was…” She took a deep breath. “I was scared because I thought that we were going to die. When I’d asked to come along on this mission, it hadn’t occurred to me that it meant actually putting ourselves into the line of fire.”

Poe smiled gently. “It’s okay to be scared. If you never got scared, you’d have an awfully hard time convincing people that you’re human. I’d be honored to teach you how to fly. I’m sure that you’d be a very fast learner.”

Iris grinned. “Great, now I can add it to my ‘to-do’ list. One, save everyone in the resistance since we’re cool enough to have information that they don’t. Two, move to a new base before everyone can be killed. Three, teach the new girl how to fly a ship on her own.”

Poe chuckled. “Hey, just for the record, I’m pretty sure that I’d be dead right now if it weren’t for you.”

Iris couldn’t help thinking that the pilot had no idea how true that really was. First he would have bled to death after the crash. If he did survive that, he’d be shot down by a stormtrooper. And if he did survive that, he’d be stranded on a foreign planet with no form of communication, and would probably eventually be captured and tortured just like everyone else.

As they flew, the two fell into a comfortable sort of silence. They both had a lot on their minds, and it was nice to just be able to sit back and not think about all of the bad stuff. Too bad the bad stuff always seemed to have a way of sneaking up on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where do Iris’s loyalties really lie, with the resistance or with the Order? Does she even know at this point?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iris is very conflicted, for good reason. She was raised on the Order’s lies and propaganda, and she knows that Kylo Ren himself gave her this mission, so she wants to succeed. But she also knows that the people she’s met in the Resistance are much closer to being her friends than anyone she knew before. For Iris’s age, I was thinking that she’s probably a few years younger than Rey. Maybe fifteen or sixteen?

Things all went by in a blur once they got back to the Resistance base. There was a lot of shouting and people trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Poe and Iris weren’t the only ones to return, but they were the only ones who knew that everyone else was being tortured over the location of this base. Which meant that they needed to move, and they needed to do it quickly. 

By the time Leia and the others in charge got the news of what was going on, there was already a massive panic running through the base, and everyone was desperate to flee. The main problem with that is that none of them even knew where they were supposed to be fleeing to. 

There was pandemonium. After a few minutes, Leia was clearly getting fed up. She climbed on top of a table, and stuck two fingers into her mouth to loudly whistle. That caught everyone’s attention. The noise quickly died down, and Leia frowned. “We need to maintain some semblance of order here, people, if we want any hope of getting out of here alive. And as much as I know you all want to just make a run for it, you know that logically, that would be pretty dumb without having anywhere else to go, first.”

There was complete silence in response to that. Iris slowly climbed up next to Leia and cleared her throat. “I might have an idea.”

The general nodded gratefully. “Let’s hear it, then.” And she stepped back down onto the floor.

Iris sighed, and looked out over the crowd that made up only a small portion of the Resistance. “When I was with the Order, there was a time that all of the stormtroopers in training went on a little field trip to a mining planet called Autari. Once all of the resources were mined, the planet was abandoned and left with no guard because it was no longer useful to the Order. I think that we should head there.”

The people all looked at Iris doubtfully. Someone pushed through the crowd a little bit. “Wouldn’t one of the Order’s mining planets be right in the middle of their territory? It’s too much of a risk.”

Iris shrugged. “I’d say that it’s the perfect place, at least until something a little bit more permanent can be thought of. The Order would never suspect that we’re hiding out right beneath their noses.” She shrugged again. “But if you’re too afraid, then that’s perfectly understandable-” 

The woman scoffed. “I am not afraid. I simply wish the best for these people who you see around you. They are all my family.”

Iris nodded. “As they are now mine. I want to protect everyone here. And we don’t have the time to be standing around and arguing about this. A decision needs to be made, now. Otherwise, we’re going to find ourselves in a lot of deep shit.”

Poe limped over to the table that Iris was standing on. There hadn’t been time for anything other than basic first aid, since everything was happening so quickly around the base. “You saved my life, and made a good judgement call. I’m going to say that I’ll trust you. I’ll go with you to Autari.”

With Poe’s opinion made clear, the others began in agreement as well. Leia looked relieved. “I’m glad that that’s settled.” Then she began barking orders to people to start packing up some stuff, and passing around the information. Iris was sharing the coordinates of the mining planet with all of the people who needed it, and told them to spread it around the base as well.

Within three hours, everything important had been cleared out of the base, and everyone was packed up in various ships. Most of them were overcrowded, but a bit of crowding was better than being wiped out by the Order. Once everyone was in hyperspace, it wasn’t going to take very long for them to get to the mining planet.

Poe, Iris, and Finn had all managed to be passengers on the same ship. Poe would’ve been one of the pilots, but his leg was still killing him since he’d yet to receive the proper care for it. Finn was looking at the other two, impressed. “So you guys were able to overhear the evil plans and get away mostly unscathed?” He glanced down at Poe’s leg when he said that. Iris and Poe both nodded, and Finn grinned. “You guys are pretty cool.” Then he looked at Iris. “It’s almost unfair how much cooler you are, considering the fact that I’m clearly older than you.”

Iris crossed her arms over her chest and gave Finn a smug grin. “I guess somebody never bothered to actually study for their exams.” She winced slightly at the movement of crossing her arms. She’d been so focused on Poe’s leg, she’d almost completely forgotten that the only aid her shoulder had received was a tightly wrapped scrap of cloth. It would have to do for now, though.

After a while, Poe and Finn leaned their heads closer together, and began talking quieter. It was obvious that they were talking about something that they didn’t want to be overheard, so Iris tried to scoot as far away from them as she could, though on the packed ship, it was pretty difficult to give anyone any space. She was just lucky to have somewhere to sit at all. And that was only because the injured had been allowed to sit before anyone else. 

Iris craned her neck to peer out the window that was behind her. She watched the stars zip past the ship so fast that they were just blurry lines of light. It was an incredible thing to see. 

Iris reached down to grab her necklace. She didn’t need to communicate anything at the moment, but the weight in her hand felt rather comforting, so she was just holding it. It would be easy enough to send the coordinates of Autari to Kylo Ren eventually. Not right away, though, because she wouldn’t want to risk him throwing a temper tantrum and blowing up the planet before the Resistance even knew what was happening.

Not that Iris cared about the Resistance, of course. Her loyalty was strictly with the Order. And her stomach tightened into knots at that thought. Wasn’t she right, though? Wasn’t that where her loyalty was supposed to lie? With the people who’d taken her in and raised her and given her life a purpose? 

And then there was RM-826. They’d once been so close, back before Iris understood the way that the galaxy was supposed to work. That woman had always had big dreams. Dreams of being the one to tear down the Order. But that was impossible now. Poe had killed someone who could’ve actually become an ally to the Resistance. It wasn’t his fault, of course. He didn’t know that her crazy sounding ramblings had been for Iris to go with her personally, not with the Order. And it was probably better this way. RM-826 knew Iris pretty well, and would eventually find it suspicious how Iris hadn’t immediately given away all of the information she had about the starkiller base. 

But Iris couldn’t help thinking that it would have really been for the best if she’d never seen her old friend again, and that RM-826 had never been in a position where she could be killed off. Because Iris was pretty sure that some of the grossness she was feeling inside was guilt. Guilt over letting one of the few people who’d ever cared about her get killed off so easily. 

Iris felt someone poke her in the side, and she turned to face Poe, who had an odd smile on his face. “Hey, enjoying the sights?”

Iris nodded. “Yup. And don’t you dare forget that as soon as you’re better, you’re going to be teaching me how to fly one of these things.”

Poe looked around at the cargo area of the ship, then back at Iris. “I think that we might be starting out a little bit smaller.”

Finn’s eyes widened. “You’re going to learn how to fly a ship?”

Iris nodded proudly. “Of course. Currently I’m only useful to the Resistance because I know just a bit more than they do,” what a lie. Iris knew almost infinitely more than anyone in the Resistance ever would when it came to the Order. “But once I get to the bottom of my knowledge barrel, I’ll be useless. Unless I’m training to become a pilot, because pilots are always useful. Probably.”

Finn smiled. “I can’t wait for you to meet Rey. I have the feeling that you guys will get along very well.”

Iris nodded uncertainly. “Your secret weapon in training, right?”

Finn nodded. “Yeah.” He glanced at Poe, who just shrugged, and then looked back at Iris. “Have you ever heard of Luke Skywalker?”

Of course Iris had heard of Luke Skywalker. He was one of Kylo Ren’s favorite discussion topics, so long as the only words involved were complete insults. There were plenty of rumors about him. Most of them simply saying that he disappeared right around the time that he could potentially be doing the most good. But Iris wondered how much the Resistance knew about Skywalker. So she shook her head. “No, who is he?”

Finn tilted his head. “Most people said that he was the last jedi. They thought that he was some kind of myth or something. But it actually turns out that he’s completely real, and that he might not necessarily be the last jedi. Um… we think that our friend Rey is one too.”

Iris couldn’t hide the surprise that crossed her face at that. The super secret weapon person the Resistance had on their side was a jedi? Like Kylo Ren? Did that mean that the Resistance actually stood a chance of winning in this fight? Could this ‘Rey’ person be enough to make the Resistance strong enough to defeat the Order? It sounded impossible, and yet, Iris couldn’t help wanting for it to be true. She wasn’t going to think about why, though.

“You guys have an actual jedi on your side?” Her eyes were wide.

Poe shrugged. “Well, if you count Luke Skywalker, who’s real and currently training Rey, than we’ve got two.”

Iris wondered if Kylo Ren knew about any of this. Considering how much he clearly despised Skywalker, he had to be aware of the fact that the guy was still alive. But did he know that the Resistance had a fresh new jedi on their side as well? “So if she’s a secret weapon, does that mean the Order doesn’t know about her?”

Finn sighed. “Well, they do now, I’m pretty sure. I mean, Kylo Ren saw Rey use the Force. It was pretty incredible to watch.”

Iris sighed contentedly. “This is incredible.” So Kylo Ren knew about the secret weapon, but was choosing to do nothing about it? Did he not know where Rey and Skywalker were currently hiding out and training? And if Skywalker had managed to remain hidden for so long, then wouldn’t the Resistance have been better off going and staying at his place for a while?

Poe nodded. “Yeah, she seems pretty cool. Though I haven’t really spent as much time with her as Finn as, from what I’ve heard, and what little I’ve seen, she’s going to be very helpful in our fight.”

Iris ended up staring off into space, and this time she wasn’t even looking out the window while she did. She was just sort of lost in her own thoughts. For some reason, she couldn’t help thinking of that machinery malfunction in Tabuula that had allowed her to survive and even break the record of fastest person getting through the trial. But she didn’t know why that would be relevant to anything, so she shook her head to shake the thoughts away.

Perfect timing, apparently. Poe was starting to smile. “We’re almost there. And we somehow haven’t shown up on the Order’s radars at all.”

Iris shrugged. “I said that they don’t watch over this place anymore, didn’t I? Did you not believe me, or something?”

Poe shook his head. “It’s not that. It’s just that it all sounded too good to be true, so I could hardly believe it. But here we are, about to build up a new base on a planet that belonged to the Order itself.”

Finn raised one eyebrow. “It’s only going to be a temporary base though, right? I mean, just something that’ll stay together until we’ve all gotten the chance to regroup and work out a new plan? Because I don’t like the idea of hiding out so close to the Order for any longer than we’ve got to.”

Poe shrugged. “I guess that’ll be up to General Organa. But if they didn’t detect us coming in, and they don’t leave any patrols around these parts, then it should be perfectly safe for us here for as long as we need it to be, right?”

Iris nodded. “I mean, it is possible that things could’ve changed since I was last around, but it’s not like it’s really been that long of a time. And on top of that, I doubt that I’d ever be considered important enough for them to go and change around their entire systems just for me.”

Poe gave Iris an unidentifiable look at that statement, but before he could say anything, the ship suddenly pulled out of hyperspace, and the large planet could be seen beneath them. For a planet that had been nothing more than a place to garner resources from, it was rather colorful looking, even from so far up. 

Finn whistled softly. “This is Autari? It’s really pretty. Why would the Order think that there’s nothing left for them to gain from this place? There’s clearly plenty of greens and such.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Did nothing you learned ever stick? The Order has no interest in gathering organic material from anywhere. They only stuck around on Autari because of the wide variety of minerals and metals that could be found. It didn’t take them very long at all to completely drain the place of those materials. But they didn’t touch the water or sun sources, which meant that the plants could still thrive. I have no idea why they let that happen, they just did.”

All of the Resistance ships landed down in a giant clearing. People streamed out of them, grateful for the chance to finally stretch and move around more than a couple of inches.

Iris stiffened when she was suddenly attacked from behind, until she realized that she wasn’t being attacked, and was, in fact, being pulled into a giant hug. She returned it briefly before stepping back. “Keydel. It’s good to see that you’re alright.” 

Kaydel laughed. “And same to you. Is it true that coming here was your idea? Because that’s what a lot of people are saying, and I’d believe it completely, since you’re very smart and have a lot to offer the Resistance.”

Iris rolled her eyes, but then she did nod. “Yeah, it was kind of my idea.” She looked around at the abandoned planet, and hoped that maybe here the Resistance would be safe, at least for a little while. Not that she wanted the Resistance to survive, of course. Because she was definitely still working for Kylo Ren. Even though he was probably a little bit upset about the stolen ship. But he must’ve thought that Iris had at least a little bit of potential, or he wouldn’t have allowed her to talk back to him, and then take the position she wanted to. So she was doing pretty good overall, right? 

Iris glanced around the people milling about her, and spotted several familiar faces. Would it be possible for her to convince any of her supposed friends that the Order was their best option? Probably not. But it might be worth a try in the end, since that was probably the only way any of them had a chance of being saved.


	10. Chapter 10

From what the scouts reported back with, Autari was a planet made mostly of large stretches of forest, and then large stretches of open fields. There were also plenty of rivers and streams running all over the place. A lot further away from where the Resistance had touched down were all of the abandoned mines. They served as a dark blot on the otherwise beautiful place.

Iris already knew all that, of course. But the scouts had still insisted on mapping it out for themselves. They did make sure to fly pretty low, though, even though they hadn’t been detected by the Order on their way down, they didn’t want to risk being caught now.

Iris was currently high up in a tall tree. She was leaning back against the trunk, not bothered by the rough bark scraping against her back, and she was straddling a thick branch, so her legs were just swinging freely beneath her. Her head was tilted back and her eyes were closed; she looked to be at peace.

It had taken her a pretty lengthy walk to actually find somewhere quiet. All around that clearing were the echoes of people starting to erect new buildings. Autari certainly had more trees than it could ever need, so it wasn’t that big a deal that so many were being cut down. 

And just to be on the safe side, Leia had made a rule that at least one seed needed to be saved from every tree that was taken, and the seed would be brought to one of the other clearings where it could be planted. She thought it made more sense to just build on one giant clearing rather than having smaller bases scattered all around.

And Iris wasn’t much help at all in the construction department, considering the fact that her shoulder was still injured. Three days wasn’t quite enough time to get over being stabbed by a sharp piece of metal. Well, it didn’t really hurt that badly, but she’d been told that she should rest some more before doing too much heavy lifting. 

After a while of just sitting around and relaxing, Iris had to refrain from shouting nervously when she heard rustling in the trees beneath her. She slowly pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees, so that none of her would be visible from the ground below.

While Iris knew that she’d have to find something to help the Resistance with eventually, for now she just wanted to keep lying around in this tree. It had taken forever to climb up, and she wouldn’t want to have wasted all that effort just for an hour of relaxation. Then Iris’s communicator (she’d managed to grab it before vacating the previous base) crackled loudly, and she jumped in surprise.

That offset her balance, and Iris rolled right off of the branch. Since she’d been the one to painstakingly climb up, she already knew that other than the one she’d been resting on, there were no branches on this particular tree above the halfway point.

And suddenly she was falling, quickly picking up speed. She had been so high up in the tree, she knew that when she hit the ground she’d most likely be dead, or at the very least, severely damaged forever.

Even though it wasn’t a frequent habit of hers, even when facing her own death, in this situation, she couldn’t hold back the loud scream that tore it’s way out of her throat. Iris didn’t want to die. Not like this. It wouldn’t be so bad if she were going down for an important cause, but for something as stupid as not being able to keep her balance in a freaking tree?

As she fell lower, closer to the other trees that were around, branches reached out and scratched at her arms and legs and face. Leaves curled into her hair and clung there like they’d found a new home. And Iris kept screaming.

Then the strangest thing happened. Even though she clearly had a straight shot to the ground with nothing else to break her fall, the branches were suddenly closer, scratching at her more, and just barely slowing down her descent. It wasn’t enough to keep her safe though. 

Iris was just inches from the ground, and she squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to have to face her imminent death. Then Iris felt like she’d been punched in the chest, and she couldn’t feel the wind whipping at her face anymore. Was she already dead?

She slowly opened her eyes and peered around, trying to figure out why she’d never hit the ground. Iris’s eyes widened comically when she looked down and saw that she was a couple feet above the ground. But there was nothing holding her up, so how was this even possible? As soon as she tried to figure it out, she fell the last few feet. But since it wasn’t very high up, it just stung a bit upon impact, and there was a soft crack beneath her.

Iris struggled to sit up, and carefully held her hand up for inspection. It was tilted at a funny angle, and her wrist felt like it was on fire. The way she’d fallen on it must’ve broken it. She got to her feet by grabbing one of the nearby trees, and inspected herself quickly. Other than her wrist, she just had a lot of scratches and bruises. That wasn’t a big deal though.

Iris began heading back towards where the rest of the Resistance was camped out. They’d probably call her silly for managing to fall out of a tree and break her wrist. Before she actually entered the clearing, Iris slowed to a stop. She looked around, and shivered.

How had she been suspended in the air like that? How was she not dead right now? It didn’t make any sense. None of it seemed possible at all. Unless…

Iris’s head darted around, taking in all of the forest around her. She couldn’t help suddenly feeling paranoid. Had Kylo Ren followed the Resistance to Autari? Had he just saved her life so that she could continue to be a good spy? But how was Iris expected to be a good spy if she constantly felt like she was the one being spied on? And why would Kylo Ren have not immediately destroyed the base?

She couldn’t give it much more thought, though, because the trees in front of her rustled for a moment, and then Poe appeared. He grinned when he saw her, and waved one of his crutches in greeting. Iris rolled her eyes. “You are so not wandering around in the woods on crutches.”

Poe frowned. “But you were wandering around with a wound.” Then he actually took in her appearance, and his frown became genuine. “What happened?”

Iris shrugged. She wasn’t even entirely sure what happened. “I fell out of a tree. I think I might’ve broken my wrist.” She held up her arm, and Poe gave her a serious look. “I didn’t mean to fall out of the tree, obviously.”

Poe sighed. “If you wanted to get out of helping with the construction work, you could’ve just said so.” He motioned for Iris to follow him. “Come on, let’s get someone to look at your wrist before you make it worse.”

Iris groaned. “Does this mean that I have to wait even longer to learn how to fly?” Poe said something in response, but Iris didn’t hear him. She froze in place as she thought about what she’d just said. Learning how to fly. If Kylo Ren had somehow come to Autari and used the force to save her life, that would mean that she flew, even if it was just for a moment, right?

She realized a moment later that Poe was just staring at her, and she blinked a few times to reorient herself. He gave her a concerned look. “Iris? Are you alright?”

Iris shook her head. “Um… the tree I fell out of was really tall?” She wasn’t sure why it came out sounding like a question.

Poe furrowed his eyebrows. “Okay.” He only looked more concerned now.

Iris sighed. “I fell out of a really tall tree, and there was nothing to break my fall, so I should be dead right now.”

She wasn’t sure if there was really much more that she wanted to say. It didn’t really matter, though, because Poe interpreted the pause as that being the end of what Iris had to say. He gave her a comforting smile. “So then you’ve almost died for the second time in one week. It’s like you’re trying to set a record or something.”

Iris let her muscles relax, and she just nodded. “Yeah. I guess so.” Poe sensed the melancholy mood she was in, so he didn’t say anything else as they headed back into the clearing. They crossed the makeshift camp that had been put up until more permanent structures had been brought up. 

The general walked out of a tent, and when she spotted Poe and Iris, she hurried over to them. “Hey! There you guys are!” Iris glanced at Poe, but he just shrugged, clearly not knowing why Leia needed them anymore than she did. 

Before Leia could continue, Poe felt the need to interrupt her. “Sorry, but Iris probably just broke her wrist. We should get her some medical attention before we start focusing on anything else.”

Leia’s eyes instantly shifted into sympathetic ones, and she nodded once. “Sure, go on. I do need to talk to you both, though. As soon as possible. If you don’t come to me by the time it’s nightfall in a few hours, I’ll look for you in the medical tent.” Then she turned and walked away, and was immediately flocked by people who had a million questions for her.

Iris scoffed. “It won’t be dark for a while. You’d think that after a few days, people would be used to the fact that days last much longer on Autari.”

Poe shrugged. “It’s tough for people to get used to new time zones and such. I’m surprised that you’re so good at it, though. You were probably trained to not be affected by that stuff, right?”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Can’t a girl just have some natural talents occasionally?”

They were both silent the rest of the way to their destination. When they got to the medical tent, they saw that there were four sets of bunkbeds that had three beds stacked on top of each other. There were two people who looked like doctors standing around.

Poe cleared his throat to get their attention. “Hi.This is Iris. She thinks that she may have broken her wrist. Could you check it out?”

One of the doctors stepped forward. “Of course. We want everyone running optimally.” She smiled. “Besides, everyone in the Resistance knows who Iris is. Stormtrooper turned rebel who has been a major help in a lot of things lately. It would be my honor to make sure that you’re quite all right.” She directed Iris over to one of the bottom bunks, and then gently grasped Iris’s injured wrist.

Iris winced, and the woman nodded. She jotted something down on the tablet she had put down on the bed next to Iris, and then went over to a small cabinet to pull out a bandage. Iris raised one eyebrow. “So? What’s wrong? Is it broken?”

The woman shook her head cheerfully. “You’re quite lucky, Miss Iris. It got a bit sprained, but as long as its kept tightly wrapped up, you should be completely better in just a couple of weeks. I can also give you some pain medication so that you don’t have to be so bothered by it.”

Iris let the doctor wrap up her wrist, but shook her head when she was offered the small needle that contained a thick purple substance. “I’m not really a fan of pain meds. I prefer to use the tough it out method. If I find that I can’t handle it, I’ll come back, but for now, I’m going to decline.”

It had been years ago now that Iris had learned that a stormtrooper who couldn’t handle pain was useless. Anyone who relied on medication to be able to keep going was unfit to be a soldier. The cadets would be pushed to the very brink when it came to their exams, and those that cracked and asked for a relief to their pain were given their relief in the form of a blaster to the skull. And since Iris was going to go back to the Order someday, when the time was right, she wasn’t going to let all of her values and lessons deteriorate just because she didn’t have a superior standing behind her to tell her she was wrong.

Then again, if Kylo Ren had saved her life, then maybe Iris did have a superior standing right behind her. She had to refrain from peering all around once they exited the tent because she didn’t want Poe to start to worry about her. He probably already had enough on his mind with everything else that was going on, between being lured into a trap and getting injured pretty badly, and then having to more bases.

Iris cleared her throat. “Then I guess it’s time for us to go and pay the good general a visit?”

Poe nodded. “Sounds about right. Do you think we should grab Finn first, though?”

Iris thought about it for a moment, then grinned. “I don’t see why not. He’s as important as anyone else around here. And I already know that he’s way better than me at a bunch of stuff.”

It wasn’t hard for them to track down the ex-stormtrooper. He was with the large group that was working on construction. When Poe and Iris caught up with him, he was in the process of helping three other men carry an entire tree back to the clearing. He gave a quick smile, but it was obvious that he was busy. So they followed him and waited to talk until after he’d put down the tree. 

He wiped some sweat off his forehead, then looked at Iris and Poe curiously. “Hey guys. What’s up?”

“We’re going to have a meeting with Leia. We thought that it would be most appropriate to have you come with us there.”

Finn didn’t seem to know why his presence would be necessary, but he wasn’t going to argue on the matter. He told another guy where he was going so it wouldn’t seem like he was just slacking off. Then he pulled his jacket back on, and followed the other two to the general’s tent, where Leia was waiting for them. If she was disappointed to see Finn, she didn’t say anything about it.

Leia motioned for the three to sit down. Poe was grateful to sink down into a seat to get pressure off his leg, and Finn was tired from hauling around wood all morning. Iris didn’t move though. She bit her lip for a moment, then looked up at the general. “So what did you want to see us about?”

Leia glanced down at Iris’s bound up wrist. “Is everything alright?”

Iris nodded. “Yeah, great. What did you want to see us about?” Poe reached up to pinch the back of Iris’s good arm. He gave her a stern look, and she sighed. She turned back to Leia. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I guess that even a perfect specimen such as myself must run out of patience eventually.”

Leia’s look softened. “That’s perfectly understandable. I just wanted to know if you think we’re still up for taking Tabuula. We obviously have a greater disadvantage now than we did before, and you know that place the best out of any of us.”

Iris couldn’t help looking surprised. “You’re asking me whether I think you can do it or not?” She tilted her head thoughtfully. It would’ve been just barely possible before, at their other base. But now they were lacking many resources, and they couldn’t afford to leave their new base undefended when it wasn’t even close to being finished yet. So she hesitantly shook her head. “Honestly? I don’t think that you can do it. Not at the moment.”

Leia nodded. “Thanks. That’s all for now.”

Iris headed to the tent flap, and noticed that neither of the guys had followed her. She glanced back, and Finn gave her a friendly smile. “You go on. We’ll catch up in a few minutes, okay?” 

Iris nodded and left the tent. Outside, Iris looked down at the ground beneath her. She knew that like any mining colony, there had to be towns and cities where the miners stayed until the end of the job. And with those places abandoned now, there would be a few things to scavenge. Being able to find useful supplies might be a good way to help the Resistance out at the moment. She’d take her friends with her, but since they were occupied, she was perfectly okay with just going on her own. This should be a fun distraction from everything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good life advice- whenever anything weird happens, always assume that your boss is hiding out somewhere nearby


	11. Chapter 11

Iris stomped around for a few minutes, then paused. She quickly looked around, and saw that she had found another one of the clearings in the forest that covered the entire planet. Perfect. There were plenty of mining colonies all around, but they weren’t on the surface.

Even below ground they were easy to find, though, because all of their pollutants made it impossible for any trees to grow in that area. Every clearing they came across was right above another little town. This was all stuff that Iris had had to learn about in her classes. All stormtroopers were supposed to know the history of their people, or something like that.

She wandered to the other edge of the clearing, and carefully studied the trees. She frowned when she couldn’t find the little carved symbol that should’ve indicated the entrance to the city.

Then Iris realized that the trees had probably grown a bit since the time she’d read about them, so she looked up. After a few more minutes, she was able to spot the one with the marking on it. She walked a few feet away from the tree, moving in an exact straight line.

There was the entrance to the town. Iris squatted down, gritting her teeth at the pain that rolled through her shoulder and wrist. She brushed aside several layers of thick dirt, and spotted the handle to the door.

Since she had an injury on both arms, Iris just decided to use both hands to open the door. She had to squish her fingers into the almost non existent space between the two halves of the door that should’ve just slid open automatically. Just when she was about to give up, the door slid open, revealing a fully illuminated set of stairs, and Iris fell back onto her butt.

She got up and brushed the grass off of her pants, then grinned at her success. When she was only three or four steps down, the door above her automatically slid shut. So at least they were still partially working. Iris made her way down all of the stairs, and once she finally reached the bottom, after about a half hour, she stepped through an arch, and found herself standing at the entrance to an entire town. 

It had been a particularly large clearing, which made sense, because this town was almost large enough to be an entire city. And even though it was all underground, it wasn’t dark at all. The lights that surrounded the town everywhere were at their brightest, since it was the afternoon. If she’d showed up in the middle of the night, then the lights would’ve been dimmer. 

Just a few steps forward kicked a couple small clouds of dust into the air. The ground was solid stone, covered in dry dust from not being walked upon in so long. Iris had a feeling that the buildings were all going to be in a similar state.

Walking through this old mining town felt like stepping back through time. The buildings were all made of stone, seemingly carved right into the landscape. There were electric lights everywhere, but other than that, none of the town’s structure was based in the familiar metals and plastics that Iris was used to seeing. And then to throw her off even more, there was plenty of wood thrown into the mix. It must’ve been specially treated though, because otherwise it would all be rotted away by now.

Iris walked up to what looked like it might be a house. She pushed the door open gently, and the wood swung open with a loud squeak. She winced, but there was no one else around to hear the noise.

She stepped inside, and looked around. Everything was coated with dust, like she’d thought it might be, but if it weren’t for the dust, it would seem like someone was about to walk right in to pick up where they’d left off. It just looked like whoever lived there had been going about their lives, until one day they just got up and left.

Iris found a kitchen full of rotten food. Then she found a bedroom with all the clothes still hanging up in the closet. There was even one outfit laid out at the foot of the bed, like someone had put it aside to wear the next day. Iris shivered at the freaky feelings she was getting from the room. 

She left the house, and wandered around the town until she came across what looked like a library. When she went in, she was surprised to find that it was full of modern books. She pulled a random one off the shelf and turned it on, then skipped to a page about halfway through. She turned the book off and returned it to the shelf.

Iris left, and tried to think about where she’d be able to find the most interesting loot in this town. She found the town hall just a street away from the library, and when she found that the door was locked, she just kicked it down. She stepped inside, and noticed immediately that the lights were all off. 

She pulled out her little penlight and swept it through the room to see if there was anything interesting going on in there. There didn’t seem to be much. Just a large desk with a terminal on it, and some chairs up against the walls. Iris went over to the computer to power it up, but the lights that were out must’ve been connected to the computer because it wouldn’t turn on either.

Iris saw an open door past the desk, and decided to investigate further. Just as she stepped into the next room, her communicator crackled, startling her again. At least there was no tree for her to fall out of this time. Before she could answer whoever was calling here, Iris felt chills roll down her back at the sound of loud growls.

She swung her flashlight over into the corner, and saw three giant beasts there. They were almost as tall as her, balanced on three legs each, and they had large fangs protruding from their mouths. They must’ve been disturbed by the sudden noise.

Iris turned her light off, and then slowly began backing away. She could hear the creatures moving forward, and she didn’t know what to do. So she turned and ran for it. And because it was still dark, she ran right into the desk in the main room, and her momentum flipped her right over it.

The girl groaned as her head cracked against the ground, and the creatures were all upon her a moment later. It was too dark to see anything other than their bright yellow eyes, but she could smell their hot breath, and feel the weight of their feet as they stepped on her. They were going to kill her. This was going to be the end. She’d never get to see her friends again, or help with the cause. 

Iris squeezed her eyes shut and cried. She wanted to die a hero, not alone in the dark where no one even knew to look for her. She wanted to live to get out of here. She couldn’t just die here, could she?

A moment later, Iris felt like someone reached inside of her to yank something out, and she was sure that it was one of those hellish creatures ripping out her insides. But then there were three loud yelps, followed by three sickening thuds, and Iris could no longer feel the hot breath or heavy feet. She opened her eyes, and couldn’t see those eerie eyes.

Iris scrambled to her feet, and flicked on her penlight. The three creatures were all lying next to the wall, where there were now three new indents, and the creatures’ heads were all caved in. 

Iris reached up to press against her chest, where she was sure she’d felt something get torn right out. But her shirt and skin were intact. Iris stumbled out of the town hall and back onto the streets. She looked around, panic in her eyes. “Kylo Ren! I know you’re here! I know you’re here! Show yourself!”

That declaration was only met with complete silence. Totally freaked out, Iris left the building and ran all the way back to the arch that marked the entrance to the town. She didn’t stop once, not even when she was panting for breath and her legs felt like they were on fire.

Then she hurried up the stairs, and hit the button that opened the doors. She crawled up onto the grassy land, and sank to her knees. Maybe exploring the old mining towns wasn’t going to be as fun as she’d thought it would be. 

When she finally felt up to it, Iris stood back up. She glared down at the doors that had already slid shut on their own. There should’ve been some kind of warning sign that it was going to be so damned creepy down there. She turned and made her way back to the Resistance camp. 

Before actually stepping into the clearing, she brushed as much dust off of herself as she could, and patted down her hair to make sure that it was sitting straight. Then she stepped into the clearing. It was just beginning to get dark out, and the people who had been laboring away all day were beginning to set up their tents to spend the night in. Most of them were exhausted, because they had been awake far longer than they were used to, but their bodies were insisting that they’d only been awake for a day.

Iris glanced behind her nervously. She hadn’t heard any footsteps the entire way back. Had Kylo Ren just decided to stay in that old ghost town? Maybe he preferred that to trying to sleep up in a tree or something.

Iris looked around searchingly, until she spotted the familiar jacket that belonged to Finn. She made her way over to him. When she cleared her throat, he turned around, and smiled as soon as he spotted her. “Hey Iris. Where’ve you been all day?”

The girl shrugged. “Just exploring around. I’ve yet to find anything worth really looking into, though.”

“Sure. So do you need any help setting up your tent?”

Iris felt a weariness that went all the way down to her bones. Her shoulder and wrist were both aching fiercely, and she just wanted to lie down somewhere and close her eyes to go to sleep. But she was wary of giving in to weaknesses of the body. So she just shook her head. “No, that’s alright, I’m sure I can manage on my own. I just wanted to say ‘goodnight’.”

Finn nodded. “See you in the morning, Iris.” 

Then Iris went to grab a tent, and wandered towards the edge of the clearing. She didn’t want to be the center of attention. She put down the tent, and knelt to put it up. She yawned loudly, and decided that she didn’t really need a tent after all. Pulling the canvas over her body to use as a blanket rather than a shelter was a perfectly sound decision. 

***

Iris groaned in annoyance, and then blinked a few times. She reached up to rub the sleep out of her eyes, then looked around. The camp was almost completely silent. There were no bright fires burning, and most of the tents had been pitched, and were currently zipped up. Iris wondered what had woken her up so early.

There was a strange feeling in her chest, and she shoved aside the tent she was sleeping under. There were leaves and grass clinging all down her back, but she didn’t even notice them. 

As Iris walked forward, she could feel that odd feeling in her chest grow stronger. It wasn’t a painful feeling, exactly, just… bizarre. And now Iris was determined to track down the cause, so that she could put her mind to rest.

She found herself making her way over to the area where Leia had set up her tent. And Iris froze when she saw an unfamiliar silhouette in front of the tent. Was it someone from the Order? Or someone who’d crawled up from beneath the Resistance camp and wanted to slay Leia in her sleep?

Either way, Iris couldn’t just stand there and watch it happen. Leia was a good person, and deserved better than having her throat slit while she slept, or something. So Iris charged forward. She threw herself at the stranger, and tackled the stranger to the ground.

They rolled around in the dirt for a few minutes, each fighting for the upper hand. And that strange feeling in Iris’s chest had increased by a lot. She tried to ignore it, though, so that she could properly fight off this intruder. Iris raked her nails across the stranger’s face.

Then she was flipped onto her back, and the stranger was pressing the side of her arm down against Iris’s neck. There was so much pressure there that the edges of Iris’s vision began to get black and fuzzy. She looked to the side and saw a nice sized rock. But even as she tried to grab it, she knew that it was just a little bit out of her reach.

A moment later, the rock seemed to jump into her hand. Rather than letting her surprise show, she raised the rock and smashed it against the side of the stranger’s head. The stranger saw it coming, and rolled to the side to avoid the blow.

Iris sat up, and dropped the rock. She stared down at her hands in wonder. There’s no way that she should’ve been able to reach that rock on her own. And there was no doubt that she was on her own here. So how had it managed to leap to her aid? It didn’t make any sense. 

The stranger jumped to her feet without even using her hands, and then stalked over to Iris. Which reminded Iris that there would be time to ponder the mysteries of the universe later, after she’d defeated her latest enemy. So she also got to her feet, and ducked out of the way when the stranger came at her.

Now the stranger was waving around a long stick that had previously been secured to her back. She danced around with it, and if Iris were any less skilled, then her two injuries would’ve already allowed her to be hit. As it was, she was quickly tiring, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep this up for.

The stranger ran at Iris, waving her stick into a fancy pattern, looking ready to bash it right into Iris. Iris was not on board with that plan at all. So she leapt away. Instead of a normal jump to get away, Iris had the strangest sensation, almost like she was floating up in the air, just for a few seconds longer than she should’ve been.

Iris landed on her feet with a soft ‘umph’. She gritted her teeth. “You don’t give up, do you?”

The stranger shook her head. “Not when it involves protecting my friends.”

Iris paused, surprised by that answer. Protecting her friends? What was that supposed to mean?

The stranger either didn’t notice that Iris had stopped moving, or she just didn’t care. She twirled in a circle, and whacked her stick right into Iris’s chest. Iris was still too busy thinking to have time to react, and she felt pain blossom in her chest as she went flying backwards. She let out a sharp yelp of pain, and then landed on the ground like she was a ragdoll or something. 

Iris could faintly hear the sounds of footsteps running around, and hoped that her friends would be able to stop the intruder from harming anyone. There was someone calling her name, but Iris wasn’t really hearing it. Her eyes slid shut, and the world went dark around her.

The last thing Iris thought was, ‘Great, I’m officially useless around here,’ and then, ‘Wait- I shouldn’t even care.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was the kind of fanfic author who writes stories that become super duper popular. But I guess there's nothing really wrong with just writing for fun.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Iris does have a bit of a problem with acting first and thinking later. And I know you've all probably been waiting for the exciting appearance of Rey, so here you go. (sorry if the characterization of her is off, I'm not good at writing people in-character!)

Iris opened her eyes, and realized that it had only been a few seconds since the stranger had knocked her down. The stranger that was currently hanging over her, way too close for comfort. 

At the sound of her groan, the woman inched back just a bit. She almost started to reach for her staff, then stopped, and rested her hand on her thighs, looking a bit upset. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t recognize you, and you jumped out at me, so I assumed that you were someone bad. And I’m guessing that you made similar assumptions about me when you didn’t recognize me.” She held out one hand to help Iris get up.

Iris got up without the stranger’s help, and brushed some dirt off of her clothes. “I’m not bad,” she grouched. The words made that strange feeling in her chest expand even more. She wasn’t bad. The Order wasn’t bad, so how could she be bad when she was working for them?

The woman got up as well, still looking apologetic. “I’m Rey. Who’re you?”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “You’re supposed to be the Resistance’s ‘secret weapon’? This is just pathetic. I’m going to go and turn myself in now.”

Rey grabbed Iris’s arm. When Iris looked at her with one eyebrow raised, she let go. “Eh, sorry. But you still haven’t told me who you are.”

And then Finn was finally close enough that he didn’t have to shout. He must’ve been the one calling Iris’s name, if he’d seen the fight from a distance. Before saying anything to Iris, though, he turned to Rey and gave her a big goofy grin. Then he pulled her into a tight hug, which she gladly returned.

“You’re finally back! But how did you find us here?”

Rey held up the communicator that was clipped to her belt. “Leia let me know, over a secure channel, where to find you guys. We didn’t want to risk talking for long, though. What happened? Why did the entire base move?”

Finn sighed. “A lot’s happened since you left, Rey.” He finally acknowledged that Iris was still standing right there. “This is Iris. She’s kind of in the same boat as me.”

Rey looked at Iris carefully, but still directed her question at Finn. “What does that mean?”

Iris answered, despite not being the one who’d been asked. “It means that I used to be a stormtrooper until I dropped my helmet and decided to throw my lot in with these losers.” Iris decided that it would be best to not mention the part where she was actually a spy from the Order, and was eventually going to help bring these people to their ruin.

Rey smiled. “Ah, we’re starting a collection.”

Finn shook his head. “Yeah, sorry, but you missed out on the period of time where it was still funny to say stuff like that. Now everyone’s used to the idea that two stormtroopers shucked aside their tissue-thin armor.”

“Oh darn.” Then her face got more serious. “I really do need to speak with Leia, though.”

Finn looked around curiously before focusing back on his friend. “Where is Luke Skywalker?”

Rey sighed. “Yeah, that’s kinda what I need to talk to Leia about.” She turned to Iris and gave a small nod. “It was lovely to meet you. And I really am sorry for knocking you unconscious.”

“You didn’t knock me unconscious,” Iris scowled. “I was just closing my eyes for a second to give you something resembling a fair chance.”

Rey nodded. “Uh huh. Anyways, I’ll talk to you later, Finn, okay?” And then she walked back over to Leia’s tent.

Finn was only able to look at Iris with a straight face for a couple of seconds before he started cracking up. “I can’t believe you tried to attack Rey and she totally kicked your ass! I thought you were supposed to be at the top of your class!”

Iris shoved him aside, even though there was plenty of open space for her to walk around him. “Ha ha.” As she walked away, Iris couldn’t help looking down at her hands. That rock… She looked around, but in the giant clearing, there was no where for Kylo Ren to hide. And there were plenty of people with strong enough minds to be able to see past any kind of games he might’ve considered using. What did this mean?

Then Iris’s shoulders slumped down. She’d been fighting against a jedi, right? One who was very apologetic. It was likely that Rey had felt bad during the fight, and had let Iris grab the rock.

Finn quickly caught up with Iris. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to be mean, I swear. I don’t get it. I thought that you and Rey would get along well. I mean, yeah, you got off to a bad start due to a misunderstanding, but you shouldn’t let that make you bitter towards her forever.”

Iris shook her head. “It’s not about the stupid fight. The one that everyone will probably be laughing about tomorrow as they realize how totally pathetic I am.”

“Then what is it about?”

Iris shrugged. “I don’t know. I just know that it doesn’t feel right.” She tilted her head as she tried to figure out how to properly describe her feelings. “I get this weird buzzing in my chest, and it’s sort of like, um, like…” Iris trailed off as she realized what the sensation of being near Rey reminded her of. It was just like that pain she’d felt the first time she met Kylo Ren. It was the same feeling, but without any pain. A side effect of being a jedi must be the ability to make everyone around said jedi feel sick. “I just don’t like it,” she finished lamely.

Finn looked conflicted. He wanted to defend Rey, but he didn’t want to alienate Iris. He wished that the two would get along, since they were both very interesting people who seemed like they should have a lot in common. “She’s not bad. She’s risked a lot to protect the Resistance. And so have you. You’ve got a lot more in common than you’d think. You should give her a second chance.”

Iris shrugged. “Yeah, whatever.”

Finn stopped walking. “I mean it. She’s worth getting to know better.”

Iris turned around to face Finn, and wagged her eyebrows suggestively. “Oh? And how much better do you know her?”

Finn shook his head. “She’s like a sister to me. Or at least, she’s like what I’d assume a sister is supposed to be.”

Iris snorted. “The Order really did a number on us, huh?”

Finn shrugged. “So why were you up, anyways? It’s the middle of the night, even if you do count it by our old clock. Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Iris frowned. “I couldn’t sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is death. I wish that I hadn’t begged Poe to take me with him on that mission.”

Finn sighed heavily. “Well, if you hadn’t been with him, then he most likely wouldn’t have returned as anything other than a corpse. You having his back out there really saved his life. So while I’m sorry that you’re probably never going to be able to forget, I’m not sorry that you went.” Then his expression softened. “Why don’t you hang out in my tent tonight? We can even drag Poe in and have our own little sleepover.”

Iris nodded gratefully. “That would be really nice, I think.”

About twenty minutes later, the three of them were all gathered in Finn’s tent, huddled beneath different blankets. Poe had the look of someone who’d just been woken up in the middle of a deep sleep, Iris looked tired, and Finn just looked as energetic as normal. Which reminded Iris to ask, “What were you doing out and about in the middle of the night, anyways?”

Finn just shrugged. “Just walking around to make sure that everything was running smoothly. And it’s a good thing that I decided to do that, too.”

Iris smiled. “Do you remember all those drill where they’d wake us up in the middle of the night and tell us we were under attack?” Finn nodded. “I almost miss those. I wanted so badly to be the best that I would just stay up all night so that I’d be ready to go the second we were called for.”

Poe frowned. “Wait, is that something that really happened?”

Finn nodded again. “Oh yeah. And then there was the times that we’d have a ‘food shortage’ or something, and we’d have to go as long as possible without anything to eat, to practice for if we ever ended up stranded somewhere.”

Poe’s frown deepened. “That can’t be real.”

Iris tilted her head forward and brushed aside her hair to show off the scar that marred the back of her neck, right above the knob of bone that was the top of her spine. “This is from a blaster when they randomly decided to switch our fakes with the real thing during practice one time. A quarter-inch lower and I’d have either died or been paralyzed for life.”

Finn stretched out on the ground, and rested the back on his head on top of his hands. “I can still remember the time that one kid in my class accidentally kicked our commanding officer, so she put three blaster shots through his head.”

Iris curled herself up even further into a ball. “I remember that training exercise where they put our entire class into a big room, and told us that only one of us could leave alive. It was a test to see which of us would remain loyal to the Order and our squadron, even with our lives at stake. The three who tried to fight it out were brutally executed in front of the rest of us.”

Poe had to interrupt the conversation. There was no way any of them were going to get a good night’s sleep if they kept talking about this shit. “Okay, I get it, the Order doesn’t know how to raise children. Don’t you guys have any good memories? Any at all?”

Iris yawned, though she tried to disguise it. “I witnessed a miracle to get through Tabuula.”

Finn shrugged. “I saw you being pretty awesome and brave the first time I was ever actually put out on a battlefield.”

Poe squeezed his eyes shut, and groaned. “I hate the Order more than ever.”

Iris chuckled softly. “My first night at the Resistance base was the first time I ever ate something besides nutrient paste.”

Finn reached out to grab Iris’s hand. “Same. And I-”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Poe was seriously worried about the mental health of his friends. How were they even still functioning after everything they’d been through? How did any stormtroopers survive long enough to become enemies? “Maybe there’s a lighter topic we could discuss? Something that doesn’t involve cruel torture being inflicted on little kids.”

Iris sighed sleepily. “It wasn’t cruel torture. It was meant to make us stronger. To ensure that we’d be able to survive. And it worked, didn’t it? I mean, we’re still here today.” She shrugged. “Nutrient paste isn’t that bad anyways.”

Finn nodded in agreement. “Well, not until you’ve tasted literally anything else. I was pretty lucky, though. I didn’t see my first dead body until I was already twenty-two.”

Iris frowned. “My first was when I was eight.” She made another tired noise. “There were worse places we could’ve ended up.”

“Or we could’ve been able to stay with our families and live normal lives. That would’ve been so much better, right?”

Iris shrugged. “Doesn’t matter either way. We found a family right here.” Her eyes slid shut, and her breathing evened out a bit.

Once he was sure that the kid was asleep, Poe motioned for Finn to follow him outside of the tent. Finn obliged, and looked at Poe curiously. “What’s up?”

Poe sighed, not really sure the best way to start this particular conversation. “All those things… were those all things that really happened?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Poe looked at Finn carefully. “You do realize that none of those things are normal in a childhood, right? None of that is normal at all. The Order does everything in its power to mess those kids up as much as possible. You can’t let it get to you.”

Finn shrugged. “I was a janitor up until the moment they were short a body and sent me out into the field. Growing up sucked, but I did grow up, and I grew out of being affected by that shit.”

Poe nodded towards the tent meaningfully. “And what about Iris? Do you think that she’s just perfectly okay? Knowing from the start that she was going to be a soldier means that she must’ve been through even more shit than you. And no matter what she’s done or been through, she’s still just a kid.”

The ex-stormtrooper crossed his arms over his chest. “What’re you trying to say?”

Poe sighed. “Nothing. Well, just that she’d maybe already been through more than enough for a kid. Maybe we should give her the chance to have as close to a normal childhood as she can.”

Finn shrugged. “I don’t know how well that would work out. She’s almost an adult. And even if she wasn’t, it’s not like there’s any way she could ever forget about what she’s been through, believe me.”

They were going to keep arguing about it, but Rey suddenly bounced over, seemingly out of nowhere. She looked back and forth between her two friends. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”

Finn shook his head. “No, it was nothing important.”

Rey grinned. “Great, because there’s a few new tricks I wanted to show off to you guys.”

Poe was still in his serious mode. “What about Luke Skywalker? Finn said that he wasn’t with you, and you had to talk to Leia immediately.”

Rey shrugged. “He’s not coming back.”

Poe’s and Finn’s eyes widened. “He’s dead?”

Rey shook her head, a small smile on her face. “No, don’t be ridiculous. He’s just not coming back by choice. He chose to exile himself in the first place, so I don’t know why any of us expected him to suddenly un-exile himself. He taught me a lot, though.”

“I should hope so,” Finn grumbled. “He did take you away for almost an entire year.”

Rey grabbed one arm from each of the guys, and pulled them off to somewhere they wouldn’t have to worry about waking anyone up when they started shouting with amazement at her new skills.

Once they’d left, Iris took a few steps back from where she’d been pressing herself up against the canvas of the tent in order to hear better. So Rey really was the secret weapon who was supposed to help the Resistance prevail. Iris wondered for a moment if this was something she should share with Kylo Ren.

But then she decided against it. She didn’t need to bother him with news of some unimportant girl. One person against an entire army wasn’t going to be of any use at all. Iris cuddled back up under her blankets, and went to sleep for real this time. All this spying business was really sapping the energy right out of her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of update last week. There was a bad nor'easter in my area and we had no power Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.
> 
> To answer some questions that no one even asked- I think that Kylo Ren didn’t actually know that Iris was force sensitive until after he saw the training video from Tabuula and saw the way that she raised the platform. And as for why Iris could sense Kylo, it’s because he’s just so evil that it oozes out of him. And I never said that Rey couldn’t sense it in Iris

Everyone seemed to be walking around like dazed zombies that next morning, as they had been every morning for the past couple of weeks. Some idiot who had been in charge of bringing all of their food rations with them to this new planet had somehow forgotten to bring along any of the coffee. He claimed that it was an unnecessary that would’ve only taken up extra space they didn’t have. Everyone had accepted that explanation at first. But after a couple of days, they were all dead on their feet.

Well, mostly all of them. Finn and Poe looked over at where Iris was wiggling her wrist, the bandages having been removed. The physician had been impressed with how quickly the girl had healed, and Iris had informed the man that she’d always been pretty quick to get better. 

Poe frowned. “How do you have so much energy?”

Iris grinned smugly. “Maybe because I never began poisoning my body with all of those drugs to help keep you awake, and I have a more steady sleeping schedule than any of you. Or maybe it’s because I’m still enjoying my youth.” She bounced over to the two men, waving around a long stick that she’d whittled to a perfect smoothness. “Who wants to go a few rounds with me? I’m afraid that I’m too out of practice.”

Poe quickly shook his head. “My leg still isn’t fully recovered. I shouldn’t be putting that much pressure on it.”

Iris turned to look at Finn hopefully. Finn sighed with defeat. “I think that I actually genuinely hate you.” He took the stick though, and followed Iris into the open space she’d just been dancing around in.

Before they could begin, Iris felt that buzzing in her chest. She had already gotten used to the feeling itself, but it was still strange that she always knew when their resident jedi was approaching. Moments later, Rey walked over, and looked at the three who were gathered there. “Good morning.”

Poe shook his head. “Not until we get some coffee. How are you not dead already?”

Rey shrugged. “I’ve always been a morning person. On Jakku, it was always coolest in the morning, which made it the easiest time to go scavenging.”

Finn groaned from where he was standing. “Use your magic to make us not be tired anymore.” At her raised eyebrow, he sighed. “I know, I know. ‘That’s not how the force works’. Whatever.”

Rey smiled kindly. “If I could help, I would.” She walked closer to the pair that was about to square off. “If you’re really that exhausted, then maybe I could practice with Iris a little bit?”

Iris frowned, but she nodded begrudgingly at Finn, giving him permission to go back to the log he’d been sitting on next to Poe. Rey gave Iris an encouraging smile, and Iris just stared at her, unimpressed. “You already know that you can kick my ass. What’s this going to prove?”

Rey shrugged. “Well, that was when you were injured, and taken by surprise in the middle of the night. I’d like to see what you can do without those distractions. Don’t worry, I won’t go easy on you. I know that you wouldn’t appreciate it anyways.”

Iris surged forward while Rey was still talking. She knew that the staff was Rey’s most important weapon, practically an extension of the woman herself. So if Iris could disarm Rey, they’d be on slightly more even grounds. Almost like she’d read the girl’s thoughts, Rey always seemed to twirl her staff out of the way just before Iris could actually smack it aside. 

After a few moments, Iris narrowed her eyes, and blinked out the sweat that threatened to drip in. Rey provided a pretty challenging battle. Just when Iris thought that she might have a chance at getting the upper hand, she found herself being thrown onto the ground without even being touched. Then Rey was standing over her, and a bright blue column of light had risen from one end of her staff, which she held out towards Iris. 

Finn and Poe were woken up a bit by that sight, and they stared in awe. “You attached your lightsaber to your staff?”

Rey grinned and nodded. “It’s twice as effective as one weapon, while weighing only as much as one. It seemed to be the most logical option to me.” She clicked a button and blue light retracted. Then she offered down a hand to pull Iris to her feet. Iris ignored the offer of peace, and got up on her own. Rey frowned, and looked a bit frustrated. “Look, whatever it is that I’ve done to so thoroughly offend you, I am sorry. We’re on the same side, so we should be able to get along with each other, at least a little bit. Right?”

Finn got up and walked over to Iris. “She is right, you know. And it’s not like she’s really done anything so horrible. Well, maybe besides wiping the ground with your failure.”

Iris frowned. “That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.” She sighed heavily, and dragged her eyes up to meet Rey’s like it physically pained her to do so. “I don’t hate you. I just-” Rey was the Resistance’s secret weapon. She was the one who was supposed to take down the Order. How could Iris enjoy the company of someone who was determined to destroy everything she’d ever known? “I just don’t… uh… I don’t know.” She growled. “I don’t hate you I just really don’t like you!” And she turned and stomped away before any of the adults could say anything in response to her. 

Without even thinking about it, Iris ended up walking back to Finn’s tent rather than her own. She’d finally accepted his help to put her own up a few days before, but then realized that it was pointless since she never slept in there anyways. All of the few belongings she had were stored in Finn’s tent anyways. 

She went inside, and flopped down onto her little bedroll. It was right over a lump in the ground that always pressed into her back while she slept. It was annoying, but it was the only place where a second full bedroll would be able to fit. As she scooted to one end so there wouldn’t be anything poking into her, Iris wondered why Finn hadn’t kicked her out yet. 

Iris pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, resting her forehead on the tops of her knees. If she didn’t want everyone to start getting suspicious, she’d have to figure out a way to get along with Rey. It wouldn’t have been so hard if she’d just made up with the woman a few minutes ago, but now Rey probably hated her. 

So she hated Rey because Rey could ruin the Order. But there’s no way she could ever let on that fact to anyone in the Resistance because they would probably want to kill her immediately. Well, Rey must’ve had some redeeming qualities for Finn and Poe and the others to like her so much. So maybe if Iris let herself forget about why Rey was bad, she’d be able to get to like the other aspects of the woman. 

Iris got back to her feet and left the tent. Then she went back to the little clearing that she’d been hanging out in with the others. All three of them were still there, Finn and Poe sitting on the log while Rey sat cross-legged on the ground across from them. Iris walked forward hesitantly, and thought about just turning around and going back. But she was noticed before she had the chance to run for it.

Finn patted the little empty space left on the log; just enough for a young girl. “Hey, come over here.”

After receiving that invitation, Iris couldn’t leave without looking cowardly. So she strolled over and sat, perching on the very edge of the log. Rey looked at her with an undeterminable expression. Iris closed her eyes, took in a deep breath then let it all out. “I’m sorry. It was mean for me to say that I don’t like you when I don’t even know anything about you.” And Iris already knew what she had to say to divert all suspicion from her. She glanced at Finn and Poe quickly, then turned and settled her gaze on a tree that was nearby so that she wouldn’t have to meet any of their eyes. She was about to tell a lie, so she didn’t want them to see it in her eyes that it was untrue. She could always play it off as embarrassment later. She spoke quickly, to just get the words out without giving them a chance to interrupt. “Since the time that I left the Order, Finn and Poe have been really good friends. They talked about you a lot, but I always thought of you as someone who’d never even come here. And now you’re here and they’re been hanging out with you all the time and I hate that you’ve taken them away from me.”

She turned to look down at her lap, and awkwardly fiddled with her hands. There was a moment of silence, and then loud laughter from Finn’s direction. “Iris! You’re such an idiot!” Iris felt her face heat up, and knew that her cheeks were reddening. “We still want to hang out with you. But you’ve been the one avoiding us. We don’t love Rey anymore than we love you, I promise.”

The redness traveled all the way up to the tips of Iris’s ears. She still didn’t look up. “Are you sure?”

Rey scooted closer to grab one of Iris’s hands. “I’m not trying to take your friends away from you. Even if they were my friends first. Wouldn’t it be better if all of us could get along?”

Iris finally looked up, and the buzzing in her chest suddenly got as strong as it had the first time her and Rey had fought. Feeling like her hands had just been scolded, Iris jerked back, falling over the other side of the log. She scrambled to her feet, and saw that Rey didn’t look freaked out so much as contemplative. “What was that?”

Finn and Poe both looked back and forth between the two females, totally oblivious to what had just happened. Rey’s look slowly morphed into one of excitement. “I thought so!” She picked up her staff from where it had been lying on the ground next to her, and got to her feet. She tossed it at Iris, and Iris easily caught it.

She looked down at the staff, then at Rey. “Why did you just give me this…?”

Rey grinned. “When you’re near me, do you get this funny feeling in you? Like, like…” she trailed off as she tried to figure out how to say what she was feeling. 

Iris narrowed her eyes. “Like a buzzing thing?”

Rey nodded eagerly. “Yeah! Exactly like that! Do you understand what that means?”

Iris looked at Rey suspiciously. “It means that your freaky magic powers act up and do everything they can to piss off everyone around you.”

Rey shook her head. “I don’t think so. It’s milder now, but I’ve felt the same way around only three other people. One was Kylo Ren. One was General Organa, and one was Luke Skywalker. And do you know what the one thing they have in common is?”

Iris felt like she was being asked a trick question, so she just shrugged. “They are all living proof that Skywalkers are completely weird?” At Rey’s arched eyebrow, she shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“They’re all three force sensitive.”

Finn and Poe were watching with blatant curiosity, but Rey didn’t spare them a single glance. Her attention was entirely focused on Iris, who was slowly beginning to back away. “I don’t know what you’re trying to get at.”

Rey didn’t seem that bothered by Iris acting so edgy. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be scared. I was scared at first, but there’s no reason to be. You’re obviously force-sensitive, Iris. Don’t run away from your own destiny.”

Iris dropped the staff, and it landed lightly on the grass below her. “You’re absolutely crazy. I’m just going to go.” She took a few more steps back. 

Poe looked up at Rey thoughtfully. “Are you sure about this? I mean, like, one thousand percent sure?”

Rey nodded eagerly. “Yes, I’m positive that I’m right.”

Poe sighed, and swung his legs around so he was facing Iris instead of Rey. “I’m sorry about this,” he said apologetically. 

Before Iris had the chance to ask what the pilot was sorry about, he was raising his blaster and pulling the trigger. Iris let out an undignified yelp as she squeezed her eyes shut, certain that she was about to die. A moment later, there was a soft thud from somewhere in front of her, and Iris heard a soft gasp.

Amazed that she was still alive, she slowly cracked her eyes open. When she saw the look of awe on Poe’s face, she opened her eyes the rest of the way. “What just happened?” Her voice came out in an embarrassingly high pitch. “You just tried to kill me!”

Rey had one hand on her hip, and with the other, she pointed to where Poe’s blaster was lying on the ground, several feet away, the muzzle completely caved in so that no more energy could be shot out of it. Iris furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, and Rey rolled her eyes. “Come on, you can’t be that dense. You just did that!” Then she looked at the back of Poe’s head disapprovingly. “Though that was a very dangerous way to prove me right.”

Poe shrugged. “You said that you were right, and I trust you.”

Rey leaned over to pick up her staff. “Still, it was reckless. She has no training. If it weren’t for her instincts, you’d have just killed her.”

Poe scoffed. “Absolutely not. I was aiming for the tip of her shoulder. It would’ve barely singed her.”

Iris scowled. “All of you are horrible! I hope you all go to kriffin’ hell! I hate you all!” So much for making up with Rey. All she’d done was nearly get herself killed by someone she considered to be a friend.

She didn’t slow down even when she could hear the unsteady footsteps of a person who was limping coming up behind her. She walked right past Finn’s tent when she got to it, and headed to her own, which was still on the outer edge of the camp. She flung herself inside.

Nearly being killed aside, Iris couldn’t figure out why she was feeling so upset. She already knew that Rey was completely wrong. Iris wasn’t a jedi. She was just another stormtrooper. There was nothing about her that made her any different than any of her classmates, other than some really good luck and timing.

A moment later, there was the sound of a soft thump, and she could see the outline of a person who was either really short, or was sitting down on the ground. Poe spoke, answering the unasked question of who was there. “Hey, Iris, I’m sorry. I know that I shouldn’t have done something as stupid as shooting at you. But like I said, I trust Rey. She wouldn’t lie.”

Iris shook her head. “You’re all wrong. I’m not anything. I’m just absolutely normal.”

“That’s not true. Even if you weren’t force sensitive, there would still be nothing normal about you. You’re one of the best fighters I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. You risk yourself to protect other people because you care about them. Hell, you’ve rebelled against everything you’ve ever known. That takes more courage than I could ever hope to have. If that doesn’t separate you from your classmates, then I don’t know what does. You are special, Iris.”

Iris glared at the silhouette. There was a knot tightening in her stomach at the thought of how wrong Poe was. “I’m not like that. I’m not brave. I haven’t done anything…” 

Poe sighed. “You’re an incredible kid. And if you are a bit more different than anyone originally thought, then who cares? It just means that you’ve got one more skill to hone. I’m not going to keep bothering you, though. Find us when you’re ready to, okay?” She watched as the shadow grew, and then quickly disappeared.

Iris rolled over on the floor of the tent, without even a bedroll for support. She reached up to tightly clutch her necklace. This was something that Kylo Ren needed to know. But… what if he got angry and decided that he wanted to be the only jedi in the Order? There were so many stories about him killing off a whole bunch of other force sensitive people. What if he killed Iris for it?

Iris shook her head with determination. No, he wouldn’t do that. Would he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is that sometimes people make bad decisions (great going Poe) but no friendships have been permanently harmed in the making of this scene.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About Rey; I wouldn’t say that she’s fully trained, because most fully trained jedi take an entire lifetime to get that way. However, she is a lot more efficient and knowledgable now, so she actually knows how to use the force to her advantage. About the lightsaber/staff; i was thinking how in star wars rebels Ezra attaches his lightsaber to his blaster because it was his preferred weapon, so i thought it would be only fair to let Rey do the same.

Iris woke up from her nap with wide eyes and a killer headache. She’d just had the most bizarre dream… or maybe it was a nightmare. At least she was awake now, though, and she didn’t have to be scared anymore. At least not of her dreams. There were still plenty of other dangers around her. 

Iris sat up, and tried twisting the kink out of her back. She was so used to sleeping over the lump in Finn’s tent that it hurt worse to sleep on the flat ground. She carefully reached up and grabbed at the clasp of her necklace. Once it was off, she shoved it into the bottom of her small bag. If Kylo Ren happened to be listening in, there were some things that Iris didn’t want him to overhear. 

She looked over at the shape next to her, and realized that Finn was sleeping. She was still in her own tent, though, which meant that Finn had decided to join her. Probably because he had already figured out that Iris preferred not to have to sleep on her own. So she left the tent as quietly as possible in order to not wake him, and once outside, she stared up at the beautiful night sky. It was hard to believe that Kylo Ren could ever want to destroy something so serene and pretty. But it wasn’t Iris’s place to question his decisions. 

It wasn’t hard for Iris to track down Rey; all she had to do was follow that awkward buzzing feeling. It grew stronger when she focused on it, and even when she tried to push it away she could still feel it in the back of her mind, so she figured that she may as well use it to her advantage. 

Iris found Rey and Poe sitting in front of a blazing campfire, and the whole scene seemed very cozy. Iris was unsure of whether she should be interrupting the moment between friends. Before she could turn and leave, though, Rey spotted her, and Poe looked up a moment later. Iris shuffled forward, wishing that she’d just stayed in her tent after all. 

Rey didn’t say anything, just stared at Iris like she was trying to read her mind. Iris shivered uncomfortably. She knew that she kept throwing mixed signals at Rey when it came to the topic of a potential friendship between them. But she also knew that she had to get the jedi on her side to avoid having her whole life looked into. 

Iris took a deep breath, and sat down on the other side of the fire. She made sure not to get too close, so that the little embers flying around wouldn’t land on her. She spoke without actually looking at either of her listeners. “I think that it was a dick move to shoot at me with a blaster. And I don’t believe you about the other stuff.” She finally looked up at Rey, whose expression was impossible to read. “You could’ve destroyed that blaster for all I know.”

Rey heard the vulnerability in Iris’s voice, and she knew that Iris had already accepted the truth. She was simply protesting because it was easier if it wasn’t true. Rey spoke in a gentle voice. “Iris, you’re right. Poe was a dick to shoot at you,” Poe’s protest was cut off by a stern glance from Rey. “But I promise that I would’ve stopped you from getting hurt if you hadn’t stopped it yourself. Iris, you can’t deny the force. It’s a part of you. It makes you different from other people, sure, but it doesn’t change anything about who you were yesterday. You’re still the same person. If you try to shove the force away, you’re only going to hurt yourself. Just close your eyes for a moment. Take a few deep breaths. I want you to listen. Not to any of the sounds around us, though. I want you to listen for the things that can’t be heard. Can you do that?”

Iris scowled. “Fine.” She took a deep breath, and squeezed her eyes shut as tight as possible. She could hear the crackling of the fire in front of her. She squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, but that didn’t fix anything. A moment later, Iris was startled by the feeling of someone gently taking her hand. She instinctively knew it was Rey (unless Poe’s hands were a lot more feminine than Iris thought), but she didn’t open her eyes to look. 

Iris realized then that all the muscles in her body were tensed up. That couldn’t be right. So she took a few more deep breaths, and let her shoulders slump down, and she eased the pressure on her eyes. 

After convincing her body to relax, the sound of the fire slowly faded away. It was replaced by that buzzing sound that was becoming rather familiar. Beyond the buzzing, there was something else. 

Iris frowned as she tried to drag the new sound closer to her. When that didn’t work, she pushed herself closer to the sound. At first, she was scared, like she was approaching a giant waterfall that could easily crush her at the bottom. As she got closer, though, the fear began to melt away. 

In its place was a feeling of peace. Iris couldn’t remember ever feeling so peaceful before in her entire life. All of her worries were being gently washed away by the waterfall. Iris realized that she wasn’t alone there. Rey was there as well, brightly glowing. There were other people and animals, some appearing duller than others. 

A feeling of joy began to spread over Iris. Of course she wasn’t alone anymore. She didn’t need to keep spying for Ky-

Iris had to tear herself away from the river and the waterfall, and it felt like she was stabbing herself right in the heart. But she had to do it. If Rey had caught onto that last thought- if any of them had- then Iris was finished. The pain was unbearable, like pulling away from the needle just before the stitches were complete, tearing the whole wound back open. 

Once Iris’s senses returned to her, she realized that she was writhing on the ground, and her cheeks were wet from tears. She immediately pressed one hand to her chest to make sure she hadn’t been stabbed, and she could feel her heart pounding frantically.

Rey was looking at iris with guilt and concern written all over her face. “Iris? What happened?”

What had happened was Iris almost giving away her most important secret. She scrambled to her feet without help, though her legs were shaking. “Stupid jedi mind tricks bullshit!” she spat angrily. 

Rey’s eyes widened. “But you seemed to be doing so well. A lot better than my first attempt at meditation. So what happened? Did the force show you something?”

Iris shook her head stubbornly, and she didn’t care that she could still feel tears rolling down her face. “Your stupid tricks won’t work on me!” Iris hated the way that her whole body was shaking. She felt weak, like a child, and exposed, like all of her skin had been peeled away. Her legs gave out, and Iris collapsed back to the ground. “They won’t work on me,” she insisted in a feeble voice. 

Poe took his jacket off and wrapped it around Iris’s shoulders. h e looked over at Rey. “What did you do?”

Rey shrugged helplessly, looking just as lost as Poe. “I- I don’t know. It should have just been simple meditation.” She pressed her hands up against her face. “I’m nowhere close to being a teacher. I shouldn’t have tried anything with her.”

As Poe pulled iris closer, trying to keep her warm, he shook his head at Rey. “I think you’d be a great teacher. But…” he looked down at Iris, who was curled up in a ball. “To be a good teacher, you need a student willing to learn. I think you were doing fine. I’m as sensitive to the force as a rock is, but I could see the harmony between you two, until she pulled away.”

Rey sighed, still sounding unsure of herself. “I don’t know why she’d pull away like that. The force wouldn’t have shown her anything she wasn’t ready to see. But what could be so bad that that,” she gestured to Iris’s current state, “could be better?”

Poe shrugged. “Maybe it just comes back to how damn emotionally constipated stormtroopers are.” He was trying to lighten the mood, but Rey interpreted his comment in a more literal sense. 

“Iris? I know that I don’t know you that well, but if you’re ever willing to talk to me again, I’m here-” A soft mumble came out from beneath Poe’s jacket. Rey leaned closer. “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you.”

Iris pulled the jacket away so her face was visible. “Where’s your droid? The little orange beach ball?”

Rey looked even more intrigued than she had a moment ago. “How do you know about him?”

Iris scowled and looked down at the ground. “He was at the waterfall.” she mutturered. 

Poe tilted his head curiously. “Huh. How did I not notice his absence earlier? Where did BB-8 end up?”

Rey smiled. “Skywalker got a bit lonely, and he speaks droid, so BB-8 decided to stay with him.” She gave Iris a strange look. “All living things are a part of the force. But droids aren’t technically living. They have no organic material in them.”

Iris shrugged, looking annoyed. “I didn’t say anything about the force.” She handed Poe his jacket back, then got to her feet for a second time. “I tried to be civil. But using your evil hypnosis power on me is the last straw.” She hurried back to her tent. Iris knew that no matter how much she liked it in that serene place she’d visited, she could never go back. It was way too dangerou. She also wanted to hate it for causing so much pain, but she knew she had only herself to blame for that part. 

Even as she walked back to her tent, there was still a dull ache in her chest. It felt like someone had reached in, ripped out her heart, and just left the empty space. As she stepped into her tent, she had to reach up to brush away more tears. There was a part of her that knew without a doubt that her and Rey had the potential to be great friends. 

But Iris had already sworn her loyalties to Kylo Ren, and she could find no reason to betray him. After an awkwardly long time of just standing in the doorway, iris realized that Finn was talking to her. “-wrong? You look awful.”

Iris brushed aside the concern. She knew that she’d let herself grow too close with these people. Letting them into her heart was only going to make her inevitable betrayal harder. No, it wouldn’t be a betrayal. It would only be Iris doing her job. “I stubbed my toe.” 

Finn raised one eyebrow. “I mean, stubbing a toe is painful, but is it really full-on-bawling painful?”

Iris nodded blandly. “Yes. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone now.”

Finn got up and stretched. “I didn’t mean to impose.” He said it light-heartedly, but Iris knew that he was a little hurt at being kicked out after going out of his way to try and comfort her. It was better this way. Iris should’ve never let herself grow so close with the enemy in the first place. 

After Finn had pulled his shoes on and left, iris zipped up her tent, and curled into a ball in the corner. What was she thinking, letting herself befriend the bad guys? Nearly outing herself as a spy? Iris may have been at the top of her class back at the academy, but out in the real world, she just sucked. Maybe someone else should’ve been sent on this mission. Maybe that annoying kid from her class… whose ID she couldn’t even remember anymore anyways. 

Iris hugged her knees closer to her chest. She was a failure. She’d failed Kylo Ren by becoming friendly with the rebels, and she’d failed her squad by leaving for this mission, and she’d failed the rebels by being a spy, and she’d failed the force by- 

Iris sat up suddenly. She’d never failed the force. If it was truly a part of her, and she a part of it, then the force had failed her by never stepping in sooner. Iris closer her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to get back to the waterfall. It was a dangerous place, but it was the only place she could go to make the force answer for itself. She only had one question. Why had it never saved her before? Almost immediately after closing her eyes and relaxing her body, she could see a picture forming in her mind, in more detail than any old memory. 

_C-7717 was five, and she knew more than anything that she wasn’t where she wanted to be. She didn’t know what else there was, but there had to be something better out there._

_C-7717 already knew that she was better than the other kids. She had a certain grace and flow to her movements that they all lacked. C-7717 was also smarter than the other kids. She knew she needed to get out._

_One day, they were all given little blasters. There was an older woman who seemed opposed to the idea, but she was nobody important. Her opinion didn’t matter._

_The kids were all being encouraged to have mini battles with each other. They all thought it was a game. C-7717 knew that it wasn’t. She knew that it was a test, and she didn’t want to lose. She watched kids around her falling to the ground as they were shot, and she didn’t have time to figure out if they were still breathing or not._

_C-7717 shot a few crates, and used the resulting explosions as a cover as she ran for one of the air ducts in the room. She shot at it until the grate fell open, and crawled in. Even if one of the scary guys observing them did happen to see her, they’d never be able to follow, because the ducts weren’t big enough to hold grown-ups._

_Unfortunately, C-7717 didn’t know the layout of the academy, so she ended up wandering aimlessly through the ducts for a while. It took three days, but C-7717 finally found her way towards what seemed to be an exit._

_She shot the grate open, and dropped down into a room of surprised stormtroopers. As she ran for the doors, she shot as many of the adults as she could without bothering to look back. If she had looked back, she would’ve only seen them falling to the floor stunned, not dead. A few feet away from the exit, someone wrapped their arms around her middle, grabbing her from behind._

_While she struggled to get free, someone else grabbed her blaster from her, and the first one who’d grabbed her picked her up. She flailed her arms and legs, struggling to get free. “No! Let me goooo!”_

_She was dragged, kicking and screaming, to the office of some important looking guy, who had an awkward looking teenager standing behind him. The man tilted his head. “So this is the brat you eluded capture for several days? She doesn’t seem so tough me.” He shrugged like he was bored. “Obviously some rebel blood in this one. Well, you know what we do with the duds.”_

_C-7717 wasn’t stupid. She knew they were going to kill her. And she knew that she wasn’t strong enough to get away. She went completely limp in her captor’s arms. She was giving up. There was no point in fighting anymore. She’d known as soon as she’d run that her life had been forfeit, but she’d really thought that it was possible for her to get away._

_“Wait-” the teenager stepped forward. “You’ve seen her test scores. Her aptitude is off the charts.”_

_The man frowned. “True. but there is no place for a rebellious soldier in our troops.”_

_The teen gave C-7717 a long look. She shivered and looked away, not able to meet his eyes. “So re-educate her and throw her back in her class. It would be a shame to waste so much potential.”_

_The man shook his head. “I don’t think-”_

_“You will do as I say,” the teen commanded in a cold voice. “I am your superior.”_

_The man nodded, not looking very happy about it. “Take her to be re-educated.” He glanced at the teen. “And I suppose you’ll be expecting me to take responsibility if if things end badly?”_

_The teen shook his head. “No. I’ll watch over her.” He looked at the trooper still holding C-7717. “Oh and don’t change her identification number.”_

_The trooper frowned. “But-” he cut himself off when he saw the teen’s angry scowl. “Yes sir.”_

_C-7717 was brought to a strange room she’d never been to before. As the door closed and she was left alone in the dark, she couldn’t help wondering if death would’ve been the easier option._


	15. Chapter 15

Iris gasped for breath as she returned to her body. That memory couldn’t be hers. She was sure that she’d remember something like that. But if she had been re-educated, then she possibly wouldn’t remember. Had the force just shown her that? Why?

The teen in her vision wasn’t wearing his trademark mask, but Iris was sure that it was Kylo Ren. If that memory was real, then it meant that Kylo Ren had saved her life all those years ago. She thought about the way he had looked at her. Had he known? Did he spare her life because he knew they were so similar?

Iris’s eyes widened. If that was the case, then the force had saved her in the past. It also meant that Kylo Ren knew about Iris. even before she’d met him for what she assume to be the first time, he had known. 

Iris lurched forward and grabbed her bag. She dumped it out, and frantically pawed through the contents until she found her necklace. She stared at it intensely, like she was willing it to give her answers. She clutched it so hard that her fingers turned numb. 

All this time, had Kylo Ren been laughing at her for being so stupid she hadn’t even known her own self? No, that didn’t seem likely. He had trusted her with this mission. Maybe he thought that having the force on her side would make it easier for her to succeed than an average cadet?

Iris threw the necklace across the tent. “What do you want from me?!” She wasn’t sure if she was talking to Kylo Ren, the rebels, or the force. 

There was a soft chuckle from behind Iris. “Other than not having you throw things at me? Not much.”

Iris quickly turned around, and she frowned. “General?” She cleared her throat. “What brings you to the outer edge of the camp?”

Leia shrugged, and entered the tent to sit down next to Iris. “Haven’t seen you in a few days. When I checked your usual haunts, I couldn’t find you. I was starting to get a little worried.” Despite having never been in Iris’s tent before, Leia had no trouble making herself right at home. “A good leader should always make sure that their people are okay. Are you?”

“A person?”

Leia rolled her eyes. “Are you okay?”

Iris steeled herself inside. She couldn’t let any of these people into her life if she wanted to survive. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

The general tilted her head back so she was looking up at the canvas ceiling. “You know what’s crazy? If you didn’t happen to be at the base the same day as us, Finn and Poe may have never made it out alive. We certainly wouldn’t have gotten someone with so much insider information to join us. I don’t think that it was a coincidence. I think it was the force looking out for us.”

Iris looked startled at that. “Have you been talking to Rey?”

Leia didn’t react to the sudden venom in Iris’s voice. She just shook her head. “No. Why?”

“Just know that whatever she says is a big, fat lie,” Iris mumbled. “She’s stupid.” Regardless of what she was saying, though, iris knew that Rey was probably right. The force had always been looking out for her, hadn’t it? Iris suddenly jumped to her feet. “Tabuula!”

Leia looked up at Iris blankly. “Sorry?”

Iris groaned. “That’s how I made it through.” Kylo Ren hadn’t had her ID changed so he’d be able to find her later. If he had watched Iris’s video, then he’d have been able to confirm all of his suspicions. Iris even knew the exact moment that had given it all away, and she wondered how she’d never managed to see it sooner. “I’m such an idiot.” She looked down at the general like she was just remembering that the older woman was there. “We have to take Tabuula.”

Leia raised one eyebrow. “I thought that it was a death trap?”

“It is,” Iris responded absent-mindedly, already planning ahead. “But there’s something there that I have to see. Something that’ll be worth the risk.” Iris could be remembering the moment wrong. She had to see that tape. She had to know for sure whether she really was a jedi or not. If she was, then that would change everything. Iris paused in her thinking for a moment. Whether she had once rebelled against the Order or not, whether she was a jedi or not, Kylo Ren had saved her life, and she had vowed her loyalty to him. 

She wasn’t going to just quit the Order. But if she was a jedi, then she could control the force, and the force was basically like magic, right? If Iris had magic, she could find a way to save the Resistance without betraying Kylo Ren. Iris could use the force to fix everything. She just had to be sure that it was hers to control, or she would end up getting a lot of people hurt. 

“Leia, it’s super important that we get to Tabuula. We don’t even have to destroy the place, we just have to sneak in. There’s something very important there that I need.”

Leia slowly got to her feet, looking intrigued. “What is it that’s suddenly of such great importance?”

Iris frowned. Rey and Poe both thought they already knew everything. But that didn’t mean that Iris was ready to go sharing their theory with everyone else. “There’s a tape. It could contain vital information.”

Leia nodded seriously. “Alright. Well, if you want to make this a stealth mission, there shouldn’t be too many people involved. Just a small party of two would be best. How about it?”

Iris stared at the general in surprise. “But you’re the general. You’re important to the Resistance. You’re needed here.”

Leia shrugged. “It’s been too long since my last real adventure. And I’m old; I don’t have many more in me. Besides, the Resistance is strong and full of smart people who are much more capable than I am. They’ll survive without me for a few days.”

Strategically speaking, two people was the ideal amount for a stealth mission. But that would put Iris in the uncomfortable position of being responsible for another person’s life. Would Leia be petty enough to ban the mission entirely if Iris asked for someone else? Then again, Iris had been trying to push away her other friends, leaving Leia as the only one she could trust to have her back. She took a deep breath, then let it out. “Alright. It’ll be our first mission together. I just hope you’ll be able to keep up.”

Within the hour, a ship was ready to go. One of Leia’s subordinates was attempting to talk her out of it last minute. Just before they boarded the ship, Rey showed up, to Iris’s surprise. She pulled Leia into a hug, and whispered something into the older woman’s ear. When Leia pulled away, Iris could see the tears clinging to Rey’s cheeks. But Iris didn’t care to think about what could be upsetting the other woman.

And then it was finally time to go. Iris punched in the coordinates of an area close to Tabuula, and then they’d have to sneak the rest of the way in. As they were flying through hyperspace, Leia looked over at Iris. “So Rey had something interesting to tell me.”

“Did she?” Iris kept her voice totally apathetic, trying to give nothing away.

Leia nodded. “Yup. You do know what the force is, right?”

Iris shrugged. “Who doesn’t?”

“Well, Rey said that she felt some kind of disturbance in the force, and she said that she felt it coming from your tent specifically.” Leia kept her tone casual, like she was just making conversation. 

Iris leaned forward to bang her head against the console a few times. “I hate Rey. She’s stupid and horrible and stupid.”

“I think you may have mentioned that.” The general’s voice was tinged with something close to amusement.

Iris groaned loudly. “Did she tell you what else she thinks? That I’m a… a…”

“A force-user?”

Iris nodded emphatically. “She had no business telling you that!”

Leia looked at Iris calmly. “Why are we really going to Tabuula? Since we first brought it up, all you’ve spoken of is how dangerously stupid it would be to try and go after it. So what changed?”

Iris let out a long sigh. “What kind of crazy person goes off on a mission when they know there’s information being kept away?” She banged her head against the console one more time for good measure. “I didn’t lie. We are going to retrieve a potentially vital tape. It’ll prove once and for all whether Rey’s a liar or not!”

Leia leaned over, and carefully took Iris’s hands. “You sound very hysterical right now. I need you to calm down. We won’t do very well at sneaking past stormtroopers if you keep shouting like that. Just take a deep breath in, okay? In… and now breath out. Keep doing that.”

Once Iris could handle her breathing on her own, she felt like an idiot for getting so worked up. “Sorry,” she muttered.

Leia shrugged. “Everyone panics at least once in their life. And I can’t even imagine how strange this all must be to you. Whether Rey is right or not, you’re learning new things about yourself that you never knew before. You’re taking an active part in taking down the people who raised you. That can’t be easy.”

They continued on in silence for a while, until Iris broke it. “Ky- Ben- is pretty stupid for turning away from you. If I ever knew my mom, I’d want her to be just like you.” Iris hadn’t really intended to say that all out loud, but somehow the words had slipped out without permission. 

Leia looked at Iris sadly. “I don’t think that blood has to dictate family. But just for the record, any woman would be lucky to have you as a daughter.”

Iris blushed, and turned to stare out the window. The sight of the stars streaked into long lines flying past them was perfect. After a while longer had passed, they had arrived at their intended destination. “Well. We’ll have to move forward very carefully from here.”

Iris nodded. “Yeah. There’s a few booby traps to watch out for.”

A minute later, they were hailed over the radios. It would be too suspicious to not answer so Leia reluctantly accepted the transmission. “Warning- this is restricted air space. Please halt your vehicle and identify yourself.”

Iris gently shoved Leia aside so she could lean in front of the radio. “Watchtower, this is a confiscated ship with some scavenged materials aboard.”

“What is your IID?”

Iris closed her eyes for a moment. “This is NS-1313. Code 17124692110. Requesting entrance onboard confiscated The _Delegate_.”

There was a moment of silence, and Iris thought she was going to have a heart attack before the radio came back on. “NS-1313, you are cleared for entrance.”

Iris let out a big sigh of relief, and Leia looked at her curiously. “What was that?”

Iris shrugged. “Me and a couple other cadets would make a game of who could get into an area with the most restricted access. So we were always stealing IID codes from our superiors. We never got caught, so none of the ones I’ve stolen have been changed.”

Leia nodded thoughtfully. “And what happens if the real NS-1313 tried to get access?”

“She wouldn’t. She always hated kids, even when they were kids being trained to grow up like her. Anyways, now that we’re in, you can just land. There’s no official landing pads around here.”

They landed, and Leia gave Iris a long look. “It’s not too late to turn back now. There are other ways to prove the truth.”

Iris shook her head stubbornly. “I need proof from before I met Rey, so I know that she isn’t interfering. I can do this alone if you’d prefer not to be a part of this.”

Leia scoffed, and tapped the blaster hanging from her belt. “Trust me, I’m good.”

Iris nodded once. “Okay, so we’re obviously not going to go through the entire death trap. We’re going to go straight to the observer's’ point. We’ll have to be very careful. If anyone is alerted to our presence, they’ll set off a nasty alarm, and we’ll be trapped planet-side. The Order doesn’t want any potential future high-ranking officers to be hurt in some random attack. Just follow me, okay?”

They walked up to a giant building, and pressed themselves up against the walls. They kept going around until they reached a door. Leia blasted the lock, and they slipped inside. They were in the middle of a long white hallway. It was parallel to the hallway that the cadets had to follow to make it out alive. 

Iris began walking, and Leia followed right behind, one hand on the handle of her blaster. When they heard voices, they pressed themselves against the wall, even though there was no way to blend in. Then Iris snickered when she realized that it was the sound of cadets on the other side of the wall that had alerted them. Then Iris’s snicker quickly faded. “Those poor kids. They’re not even halfway through yet.”

They kept moving, until they reached the end of the hallway, where there was a simple door. Leia opened it cautiously, and when she saw no one inside the room, she opened the door the rest of the way, and motioned for Iris to follow her in.

Once in the room, Iris immediately went over to the computer in the far corner of the room. “Watch the door.”

As Leia peered out into the hallway, she glanced over at Iris. “Have you ever been back here before?”

Iris nodded. “They brought me through here on the way to the recuperation area after I crossed the finish line. Most of the other terminals in here are for controlling the current session. The terminal that I’m on right now is the one with an archive of every trial. I just need to search my year… here is it. C-7717.” There was an additional file attached to the video, even though all the rest of the videos had nothing else attached. Iris shrugged. She’d look at this all later. She stuck her drive into the terminal, and requested that the video and file be downloaded. She glanced over at Leia. “How are we doing?”

“Halls are empty,” she reported. 

Iris impatiently pulled the drive out once the download was finished, and she exited out of the archive. A moment after she stuck the drive in her pocket, the door behind her, the one that led to the recuperation area, opened, and two officers walked into the computer room. 

They immediately pulled out their blasters. Leia was next to Iris in an instant, her blaster out as well. One of the officers took half a step forward. “Identify yourselves, now.”

Iris held her hands up in a non-threatening manner. “Relax. We were sent by maintenance to run diagnostics on the archive terminal. Luckily, it seems to be in working order.”

The second officer frowned. “IIDs right now if you don’t want a blaster bolt in your head.”

Iris gulped. ‘NS’ would designate her as an adult, but she clearly wasn’t one. The first officer caught the gulp. “Fire!”

Two bright red beams surged forward. “No!” Iris screamed, certain she was dead. When she still didn’t feel dead a moment later, she opened her eyes. The two officer had been flung across the room, and the two beams were frozen mid-air. Iris let out a nervous laugh. “Is this me?”

While she was mesmerized by what she’d done, she didn’t hear more officers entering the room via the observation hallway. At the sound of a blaster being fired, Iris turned just in time to see Leia crumple to the floor. 

With just a flick of her hand, the door swung shut, blocking the officers out. Iris dropped to her knees. “General… Leia…” There was no response. And then Iris could hear the alarms going off. Iris grabbed the blaster out of Leia’s stiffening fingers, and shot one of the wires running along the ceiling, which silenced the alarm. 

Hopefully the confusion at the alarms going on and off would confuse the technicians long enough for Iris to escape before the whole base got closed off. She looked at Leia, whose eyes were staring blankly ahead. Iris felt sick to her stomach. She pressed a gentle kiss to Leia’s forehead. “Goodbye, Space Mom,” she whispered. “You deserved a much more epic death.” She sniffed. “I’m going to fix everything. I’m going to save your Resistance, I promise.”

Iris took off through the open door. If she had the strength to drag a body, she would have taken Leia’s with her. As it was, she was going to be lucky just to make it out alive. She ran through the hallway, no longer caring how much noise she made. She came across the recuperation area, and saw that only one of the ten beds was occupied. 

The cadet looked up, and his eyes widened when he saw Iris. “C-7717. I must be dreaming.”

Iris sniffled. “Nice meeting you. But I’ve got to go.”

The cadet jumped up and blocked the way forward. “No way. If I bring you in, I’ll be well rewarded. And I’ll have proven myself to our superiors.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “I don’t have time for thi-” The cadet rushed forward, and tackled Iris to the ground. They both wrestled for control of the blaster. Then it went off, and Iris let out a loud pained screech. She shoved the surprised cadet aside, and reached up to feel the burning side of her head. Her probing fingers made it hurt worse, and she decided to just look at it later. 

When Iris got to her feet, she felt like the whole world was spinning around her. The cadet looked terrified as Iris’s blood dripped down on him. Iris stomped down on his head just hard enough to knock him unconscious, and then she kept running. 

But now she felt off-kilter, and she kept veering off into the walls. Iris finally made it to the exit, and she burst through. By some stroke of luck there was no one waiting on the other side. Iris ran as fast as she could back to the ship, waving Leia’s gun around manically. 

She got onboard, and punched in some random coordinates, just to throw off anyone who might’ve decided to follow her. While in hyperspace, Iris went into the cramped little bathroom, and grabbed the medical kit. She stopped to look in the mirror, and frowned at the sight she was met with.

Her entire left ear was gone, and there was blood all over her face from the injury. She pressed a clean towel up against the spot where her ear was supposed to be, then she sank down to the floor and cried. 

She didn’t need that stupid video to know that Rey had been right the whole time. But good was the force if it couldn’t save Leia? No, this was all Iris’s fault. The Resistance was going to hate her, and they were going to kill her or kick her out. And then Iris would have to return to Kylo Ren with her tail between her legs, and no intel gained. 

Maybe it would be better if Iris just floated around in space until she died. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about disappointing anyone. The whole galaxy sucked anyways.

Once the bleeding finally slowed to a sluggish crawl, Iris wrapped a bandage around her head. The angle she had to use meant covering up her left eye as well. 

She staggered to the pilot’s seat, still feeling sick. Numbly, she changed the coordinates to the Resistance base. It would be just cruel to leave all the rebels with no idea what had happened to their leader. Once the course was set, Iris leaned over to vomit up everything in her stomach. Then she slumped down in her seat, and closed her eyes. She was in desperate need of a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Carrie Fisher (this chapter was originally written just after she died)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite of all the fics I’ve worked on before, and I know I've said that before, but I just feel like mentioning it again lol.
> 
> Unfortunately, I had to let go of Space Mom. It didn’t feel right to keep writing about her being alive. 
> 
> Poor Iris still has so much that she’s going to have to go through, especially when she gets back to the base. She may know the truth now, but that’s not going to stop her from being stubborn.

Iris passed out at some point. She only knew that much because she woke up on a cot in the medical tent. She tentatively reached up to confirm that her ear was gone, and it was. Which meant that she couldn’t write it off as a really bad dream. Then she turned her head and saw Finn sitting in a chair next to her, looking worried. “Iris!” She nodded once. He leaned forward to pull her into a hug. “Oh, thank the force. We thought you weren’t going to make it!”

“Finn,” she croaked out. “Leia’s dead.”

Finn didn’t look very surprised. “We figured that had to be the case when you were the only one found on the ship. You wouldn’t have left her behind. But what actually happened?”

Iris could taste the saltiness of her tears as they slid past her lips. “I couldn’t save her. I was stupid. I should’ve paid more attention, I should’ve been faster. She closed her eyes. “I failed her. I failed all of you.”

Finn shook his head. “You didn’t fail anyone. We found the drive in your pocket. We were waiting to open the files. But you can look at them now. Whatever you went for, you got it.”

Iris shook her head. “It was all pointless. I could’ve gotten the information I needed without going to Tabila. I should’ve gone alone. I should be the one who’s dead now. You should hate me.”

Finn gave Iris another hug. “Nobody blames you for what happened. Leia Organa was a grown woman, and she made her own decisions. And she’s not going to be alone. She believed in the force, you know? That every living thing comes from the force and will return to it someday. She’s going to see all the people she’s lost along the way. And she would not blame you for what happened. She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, either.”

Iris made a few choked noises. “I ruin everything. People can’t be happy around me.” She pushed Finn away, and staggered to her feet. “I can’t stay here anymore. The good graces I earned from helping you wore off a long time ago.”

She pulled off the thin gown she was wearing, and grabbed her clothes from where they were folded neatly at the foot of the bed, freshly cleaned. Finn gently took one of Iris’s hands. “Where will you go?” His eyes widened as he thought of an answer to his own question. “You aren’t going back to the Order, are you? Iris, you can’t.”

Iris scowled as she laced up her boots. “I thought that the point of being a rebel was to never have someone telling you what you can’t do?” She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter anyways. I’m not going back to the Order. I’m just going to pull a Luke Skywalker. I’ll find some abandoned planet, and just stay there, where nobody can hurt me, and I can’t hurt anyone. It’s for the best.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good plan.”

Iris looked to the doorway, where Poe was standing with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of Iris and her missing ear. “I can do whatever I want. That’s the point of getting my freedom.”

Poe frowned. “But you’re still just a kid. There are reasons that kids are raised, and not just thrown out to take care of themselves. Be reasonable, Iris. No one’s saying that what happened to Leia was your fault, so there’s no reason for you to go.”

Iris looked down at her hands like she was seeing them for the first time. “I should’ve had a blaster. Relying on this shitty voodoo led to a good woman’s death. Anyways, I only came back to let you know what happened to your fearless leader. Good luck with your Resistance.”

To Iris’s dismay, she stormed out of the tent only to bump into Rey, who had a puzzled look on her face. “But didn’t you promise to ‘save the Resistance’?”

Iris clenched her jaw. “No. How did you know that?”

Rey looked at Iris sadly. “I had a vision before you two left. I saw Leia die. I warned her, but she said that she had to go anyways.” That would explain the tears back on the landing platform. Rey had probably been saying her goodbyes. “She said someone had to watch out for you. She knew she was going to die, and she went anyways. You didn’t fail her, Iris. You didn’t mess up. You did what you had to do, and so did she.”

Iris shook her head stubbornly. “Your stupid magic bullshit is the reason your leader is dead!”

Rey gave Iris an unimpressed look, though her eyes were filled with sympathy and kindness. “You’re scared. I get it, believe me, I do.” She frowned. “It’s not just fear though. You’ve lost hope, haven’t you?” Iris stood there silently. She wasn’t about to explain how she’d hoped for a sort of truce between the Order and the Resistance. “You know, when I first met Finn, he never planned on sticking around. He was scared, and wanted to get as far away as possible. If I hadn’t been in trouble, he may not have every changed his mind. But no matter what his reasons were, he came back despite the fact he was scared. Iris, it’s okay to be scared.”

“No it isn’t!” Iris snapped. She felt bad for yelling, but she just couldn’t take it anymore. He whole life, she’d been raised to know that her fears were her weaknesses, and her weaknesses made her worthless. And she’d excelled with those lessons in mind. Now it felt impossible to go against everything she’d ever known. “There’s no point in being scared. You’re either going to die, or you’re going to live, and being afraid makes you useless either way.”

Finn and Poe had apparently followed Iris out of the medical tent, because it was Finn who spoke next. “You only lost your ear, right? No, like, an entire chunk of your brain? Because right now you sound like another mindless stormtrooper.”

Iris gritted her teeth. “I’m sorry that I’m not perfect like all of you are. But I was never missing anything, okay? I was-” Iris had to cut herself off. She was about to say that she was content with her life. She’d never been one of those orphans who dreamed of greater things, and she’d never flinched at the thought of taking another person’s life. Iris was clearly destined to rise through the ranks of the Order, until she died or helped take down the Resistance, or both. 

But then what about her vision? If that had really happened, then didn’t that mean Iris was meant to rebel? Was she only loyal to the Order because of a re-education? No, that couldn’t be real. Iris was a good, loyal soldier, and she was only playing the tortured soul so her cover would seem more believable. 

Iris realized that the three adults were all staring at her expectantly, waiting for her to finish her thought. She wondered when she had grown comfortable enough to feel safe to zone out around them. She cleared her throat. She forced her voice back to a calm tone. “I was never planning on leaving the Order, as much as I hated it there. And when I did leave, it was because it was the only choice left to me. I only left to save my own ass. I don’t care about the Resistance. I never did. And I don’t care about the Order, either. Which means that my only option left it to leave it all behind.”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Alright, so maybe you don’t care about the cause. But you still care about the people in it, right?” Iris shook her head. 

“You saved my life,” Poe pointed out. “Twice.”

Iris shrugged. “I was saving myself, and I happened to save you in the process.”

Finn looked disappointed in Iris. “So you’re just going to leave? What’s your goal, then? Your mission?”

Iris automatically reached up to grab her necklace, but it wasn’t there. It was probably still lying where she’d thrown it in her tent. Wasn’t that her mission? To spy on the rebels and use any information available to thwart them? Yes, that was still Iris’s mission. Having the force on her side didn’t automatically give Iris the power to find a peaceful compromise between the two sides. And if only one side could emerge victorious, then Iris had already thrown her lot in with the Order. 

Which meant that if she wanted to stick around and continue spying, it was time for Iris to give the performance of a lifetime. She sank down to her knees, her shoulders trembling. “I don’t know how to do this. How to fight. My whole life has been battle simulations and sparring with my peers. They teach us how to shoot a gun, but they don’t teach you how to look your enemy in the eyes and laugh. They don’t teach you how to win when you have every disadvantage. They don’t teach you to hope. They don’t teach you to believe in any cause other than theirs. How do you all do it?” Her last question was just a soft whisper, and she put her hands up to cover her eyes. 

Finn knelt down next to Iris, and he pulled her into a tight hug. “It’s not easy, but I promise you can learn everything. I’m sorry for letting you down. You’re just so smart and capable, so I assumed that you already had all the answers. That was wrong of me.” Then Finn got to his feet, and he pulled Iris back up too.

Iris shivered, even though she wasn’t cold. There was more affection aimed towards Iris in that moment that she’d felt before in her entire life. “I guess you guys will have to start standing to my right if you have anything to say to me.” Then she let Poe pull her into a hug as well, though she expertly avoided meeting Rey’s eyes.

The four of them began walking towards the center of the camp, which she had previously avoided visiting without good reason. She didn’t question it, though, just kept following. They stopped outside one of the larger tents, and iris looked at Finn questioningly. He shrugged. “This is sort of our base of operations right now. Your drive is here if you want to look at it. If not, you still need to make the official announcement about the general.”

“Me? Why?”

“Because you’re the only one who saw her die. There’s been a lot of speculation, but we need some official statement.” Poe sounded sad as he spoke. Of the four of them, he had known Leia the longest. 

They went into the tent, and found a lot of people gathered there, most of them in various stages of panic. Poe glanced down at Iris first. “If you talk to them first, you’ll be bombarded with questions, and you probably won’t get a chance to look at the drive for a while. So what do you want to do first?”

Iris looked at the gathered crowd. She’d returned with the intention of explaining Leia’s fate, so she may as well get it out of the way. She felt a bit nervous, though. She had plenty of practice shouting orders at a team of her peers, but she wasn’t used to sharing tragic news with everyone. But she could do it. Probably. 

Iris cleared her throat, but no one seemed to hear her. She looked up at Finn helplessly. “Hey!” he barked into the crowd. “All of you need to settle down. You’ve been asking for answers, and here they are.” He gestured to Iris. 

Everyone’s eyes landed on her, and Iris took a step forward. “For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Iris, and, uh, I’m still sort of new to this whole rebellion thing. A few days ago, General Organa made the decision to accompany me to infiltrate and retrieve data from Tabuula, a secure Order base.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. To avoid breaking down, she had to tell her story with as little emotion as possible. “We were able to get the intel without a problem, but upon our exit, we found ourselves surrounded by several high ranking officers. We were both hit,” she waved towards the left side of her face, “but the general’s injury was much more fatal than mine. I was just barely able to make it out on my own. I just thought you deserved to know.”

Iris had to blink back tears as everyone began shouting questions at her at once. If Rey had technically seen it all happen, then why couldn’t she have been the one to share the bad news with everyone? Because Iris certainly didn’t enjoy being the center of attention when they were all asking her such uncomfortable questions. Among all the questions, there were shouts that Iris should’ve never been trusted to have Leia’s back. And Iris knew they were right. If she’d gone alone, there would’ve been no problems.

Rey stepped up in front of Iris. “That’s enough of that!” They all quieted down a bit to hear Rey speak. “Leia knew perfectly well what she was walking into, and she made the informed decision to go anyways. That’s on her. You cannot blame Iris for someone else’s choice.”

While Rey spoke, Iris backed up, and spotted the drive on a table with a few computers on it. She snatched it and slipped it into her pocket. She had no way to watch it outside of this tent, but more importantly, no one else could watch it and think that they knew more about Iris than she knew about herself. 

She took the opportunity to slip away, and once she was outside the tent, she just kept walking. She looked around, and saw that most of the camp was continuing on like normal. Most of the rebels probably didn’t even know yet that their leader was gone, though that would probably change by the end of the day. 

There were hurried footsteps behind her. “Iris!” She turned, and saw Finn running over. He stopped in front of her, a small frown on his face. “Hey. I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I just thought you should know that I’m here.”

Iris looked down at the ground. “I didn’t even know her that well. It’s not like I’ve got any reason to be sad.”

Finn shook his head. “That’s not how feelings work, Iris. I know that you’re still trying to figure that out for yourself, but you deserve a bit of help. Your feelings for someone have nothing to do with how long you’ve known them. I haven’t known you for very long at all, but you’re exactly what I imagine it would be like to have a little sister.” Iris’s face flushed at the sentiment. Finn looked a bit embarrassed too, but he didn’t shut up and run away. “When you were with the Order, did you ever think about them? Your family?” He looked up at the clear sky. “Did you ever wonder what they were like?”

Iris shook her head. “No. The Order was the only family I ever needed. Well, it was the only family I thought I needed,” she amended when she saw Finn’s raised eyebrow. “I mean, I knew logically that I had to have a family out there somewhere. I didn’t just pop into existence. But it didn’t bother me to not know them.”

Finn gave Iris a knowing look. “Maybe it didn’t bother you. But you must’ve thought about it. Even just once in a dream.”

Iris thought of the vision she’d had, of being re-educated, of forgetting that she wanted to rebel. Perhaps there was a time, long ago, when she’d dreamed of her true family. Except that vision hadn’t been real. Iris had never wished to rebel against the Order. But it was obvious that Finn was expecting something from her. She let out a soft sigh, and tried to think about the soft whispers she’d heard in the barracks in the dead of night. “I suppose I did wonder, once. I’d like to believe that my parents were madly in love with each other. They met on some crazy adventure, and knew they were going to be together forever. They’d want a house full of love to match theirs. Maybe I even had an older sibling. Maybe two.” She closed her eyes, trying to find a picture in her head of what she was describing, but none came to the surface. “When I was very young, I imagined that they were going to come and take me away from all of it.” Her eyes snapped open, and she looked at Finn sadly. “But they never came.”

Finn nodded once. “I wonder if they’re still out their. My parents, or yours. Maybe they never stopped looking.”

Iris shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I found the family that I’ve always wanted.” She smiled shyly. “And just for the record? You’re exactly like I would imagine it would be like to have an older brother.”

Finn grinned, and pulled Iris into a hug. “I’m glad to hear that. Now let’s go. You definitely deserve some rest after everything you’ve been through.” Iris nodded, and followed Finn back across camp.

He started to head to his own tent, but Iris had to pause. “You go on. I just need to grab something from my tent. I’ll catch up, I promise.” Finn nodded, and went on ahead. Iris hurried to the outer edge of the camp, where her tent was waiting for her. She went inside, and quickly snatched her necklace up off the ground. It was time to get back to her mission. She couldn’t afford to lose sight of it again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iris is at a tough point. And though she may fluctuate back and forth while contemplating what to do, I already know who she will side with in the end, and I already know that it’ll be the best thing for her.
> 
> So here’s the next chapter! Enjoy everybody being drunk!

“Guys, I don’t think that this is such a good idea. One wrong move, and we’re all dead.”

Poe laughed quietly. “You really that scared of her?”

Iris crossed her arms over her chest. “Anyone over six feet tall is definitely full of evil. Why else would they need so much extra space in their body?”

Finn waved the bottle around clumsily, liquid sloshing against the sides. “Enough of this, and you won’t even remember getting yelled at in the morning. Come on,” he waggled his eyebrows. “Tell me you’ve never been a little curious about this ‘banned substance’, and I’ll leave you alone.”

Iris rolled her eyes, but she grabbed the bottle from Finn, and tipped it back. As soon as the first drop hit her throat she began coughing and sputtering, much to the amusement of the adults around her. Her awkward fumbling only served to pour more into her mouth, and she quickly tore the bottle away from her lips to hand it to Poe.

Poe accepted it, took a long sip, then faced them all solemnly. “To Leia Organa. May she be raising hell, wherever she is right now.”

He passed the bottle to Rey, who seemed just as unsure as Iris. “Do I have to do this?”

Poe nodded eagerly. “It’s tradition when you lose someone to get as smashed as possible while giving speeches about them. I suppose you don’t have to if you don’t want to-”

Rey gave the pilot a measured look. “Oh, I’m in.” She took two big gulps, then wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand. “To Leia Organa. One of the bravest women I ever knew, who somehow had the patience to tolerate all the nonsense that goes on around here.”

Finn went next. “To the woman who never gave up, even when all the odds were against her.”

Then it was back to Iris. She took another sip, though she couldn’t see any appeal to the taste of the alcohol. The Order had been right to never introduce the vile substance to the cadets. “To the woman who looked out for everyone; no matter how little they deserved it.” Even as she said that, a pang of guilt ran through her. She really hadn’t deserved Leia’s help or trust, and all it had done was lead the woman to her doom.

After the bottle had been passed around a few more times, Iris decided that its contents really didn’t taste so bad after all. She couldn’t focus on what the others were saying, and her tongue felt too numb for her to say anything. She just hoped that the others were writing it down to look at later. 

The funeral had already been held, though. And if Poe was to be believed, then right now everyone was gathered with their closest friends, doing the same ritual. Iris felt warmth through her heart at the thought of being included by this particular group of people as a friend. She did her best to push aside the thoughts of how betrayed they’d feel once they learned the real reason for Iris’ presence in the Resistance.

When the bottle got back to Iris, it was full, and she realized that it was a new one because the old one was empty. Iris looked around the tent. Poe was the only one still sitting up straight, which made sense because he’d probably had the most opportunities to drink out of the four of them, and therefore could hold his liquor the best.

Iris took a few sips, then cleared her throat. Her tongue was suddenly feeling light again. “She didn’t even know why I had to go, but knowing that I had to was reason enough. She didn’t even really know me at all. I wish I could just magic away all the problems. I don’t want to fight Kilo Hen. Do you? He’s like… my sometimes friend. Maybe.”

Finn laughed as he took the bottle. “To Kilo Hen!” he slurred. “May he make a fine roast someday.”

Rey snorted. “Canbabilism isn’t… not… wrong.”

Poe shrugged. “It’s only canabali… canapali… canablism if you eat a human. He’s clearly not human.”

“He is human!” Iris protested. “He maybe saved my life when I was just a…” she suddenly forgot the word for child. “a small human.” Her eyes lit up and she slowly got to her feet. “I should tell everyone that! Then they won’t want to unalive him anymore!”

Rey cheered. “Let’s tell everyone small humans!”

Finn got to his feet as well. “Tiny people, tiny brains.” He said it in a deadly serious voice, like he was imparting some great wisdom on his friends. 

Iris moved towards the door of the tent, but she moved too fast, and the whole world began spinning. Her feet refused to move in the direction she was commanding them to, and she squeezed her eyes shut to avoid the nauseous feeling in her stomach. She could still hear her friends talking, but she could hear other voices too. 

The new set of voices were breathy and quiet, like someone whispering after running a marathon. _“Don’t go. If you tell them your history, you’ll not survive.”_ The voice was lightly accented, and Iris thought it sounded rather pleasant.

Another voice weighed in, this one much deeper and raspier. _“Think of where your allegiances lie currently. Now think of where they should lie.”_

_“Shut up,"_ the accented voice said fondly. _“You’re only going to confuse the poor child. That is a matter for another time. Right now, we need to figure out a way to stop her from going out there.”_

The voice that came next was so familiar that it hurt, and Iris knew she had to be dreaming, because there’s no way Leia could be standing there and talking. _“Both of you be quiet. You’re not helping.”_ When her words were clearly addressed towards Iris, she sounded disappointed. _“I can’t believe you’ve been working with my son the whole time. And I can’t believe that I didn’t see it sooner. Either way, you can’t just run out there and tell anyone. Just nap it off, okay? In the morning you’ll have a bitch of a hangover, but you’ll still be alive and free. Ugh. If only you could actually listen to me.”_

“Be quiet,” Iris mumbled. “You’re giving me a headache.”

Rey glanced over at Iris in surprise. “I wasn’t being that loud.”

Leia’s voice softened. _“I’m mad, but I don’t want you to be hurt. I believe that there is goodness in you. You just need to find it.”_

_“How did you get in here, anyways?”_ The accented voice asked. _“You were never-”_

_“I go where I please,”_ Leia interrupted. _“Now let's leave the girl alone. It’s not like we can do anything for her anyways.”_

The gruff voice grumbled. _“Fine. But this matter isn’t settled.”_

The voices disappeared, and then all Iris could hear was the gentle ramblings of her friends. She was going crazy, wasn’t she?

***

Iris groaned loudly at the pounding in her head. She realized that she could taste a combination of blood and dirt in her mouth, and it wasn’t very pleasant. Iris opened her eyes, and found herself way closer to the ground than she usually preferred. 

She sat up, and reached up to gingerly press one hand against her nose. It would seem she’d passed out face down and broken it. She hissed at the sting that accompanied her exploratory touch, and quickly moved her hand away.

Finn, Poe, and Rey were all huddled together on the ground, sleeping soundly. At the sound of soft snores, she wanted to tear her remaining ear off. It was way too loud for the normally quiet noise. She grabbed a blanket and tucked it around the three adults as best as she could. 

Then Iris went to leave the tent, and she immediately regretted it. The sun seemed much brighter than usual, and it made every inch of Iris’s head hurt something fierce. She staggered towards the big dining tent, even though her stomach twisted into knots at the thought of any food at all. 

To Iris’s surprise, there was only a handful of people inside, and all of them looked as miserable as Iris felt, which meant that there must be some kind of contagious disease spreading around the camp. 

As Iris got a glass of water, she realized that she felt absolutely parched, and started chugging down the liquid. She heard someone clear their throat, and she quickly turned around to put an end to the grating noise. That was a bad idea though, because the sudden motion made her feel like she was going to puke. Iris managed to refrain, and tilted her head all the way back to look the woman in the eyes. “Kiah.”

The woman sighed in annoyance. “I knew that everyone was going to be hungover this morning, but I’d hoped that someone would have the common sense to not give alcohol to a child.”

“I’m not a child!” Iris said indignantly. 

Kiah raised one eyebrow. “How old are you?” Iris shrugged. “Because you certainly look like a child to me.” 

Iris frowned. “Well, if I do look like a kid, Leia didn’t care.”

The woman groaned suddenly, and Iris could see the dark bags under her eyes. “Everyone knows that I’m never going to be as good a leader as Leia was.” She collapsed into a seat at an empty table.

Iris sat down across from the new general. “Leia would never have made you her next-in-command if she didn’t have full faith in your abilities.”

Thinking of Leia reminded Iris of that strange dream she’d had last night, of Leia and two strangers talking. Kiah didn’t seem to care much for Iris’s musings, though, because she soon interrupted them. “It’s only been a couple of days, and I already miss her so much. She didn’t just know how to strategize; she knew how to lead. And now I just feel so lost.”

Iris took a few sips of her water. She thought again of her strange dream. “Well, even if she was dead, Leia will always live on in spirit. Think of any guidance she’s given you over the years, and use it now. Don’t try to make people forget about her, because they never will. Don’t try to be better than her, because you’ll never succeed. Just be yourself, and they’ll listen. An honest leader is enough.”

Kiah chuckled. “You’re pretty wise for a kid with a hangover. Almost sounds like you know what it is to lead.”

Iris shrugged. “Back in the Order, I was being trained to lead my own squadron. I guess some of it stuck.”

Kiah looked at Iris curiously. “So how was your first taste of alcohol?”

Iris’s head throbbed in response, and she grimaced. “I feel like I’m dying. Is that really from a drink?” Kiah nodded. “In that case, I’m never drinking again.”

The general sood up. “I have the good stuff in my tent, and I’d love to have some company.”

Iris followed the normally uptight woman back to her tent. “To be honest, I thought we were all going to be in major trouble,” Iris confessed.

Kiah shook her head lightly. “Everyone deserves a few days off to grieve. I’m certainly in no position to judge; I miss her as much as anyone.”

They got to Kiah’s tent and went in. Kiah pulled out a fancy looking bottle, and poured some into a glass. She offered Iris some, but Iris declined, serious about never wanting to drink again. They both sat at the small table crammed into the tent. “You know, up until a couple of days ago, I don’t think I’ve ever heard your name in more than just passing.”

Kiah shrugged. “I worked mostly behind the scenes. No one questioned it, because, like me, they all assumed that Leia was just using me as a placeholder until she found someone better. This rebellion deserves a better leader. We all thought she’d have a lot more time, though.”

“You don’t have to lead, you know. I’m sure they’d all understand if you had to step down.”

Kiah bowed her head sheepishly. “It’s not that I don’t want to lead. It’s just that I’m so afraid I’ll mess up.”

Iris laughed. “If you think you can make it as leader of the Resistance without ever messing up, then you’ve already messed up. Everyone makes mistakes. And sometimes they’ll lead to really horrible consequences. But you’ll only have a real problem if you can’t learn from your mistakes.”

Kiah swallowed the rest of what was in her glass. “You’re a smart kid. Now get out of here before I write up whoever thought it was a good idea to let kid drink.” She obviously wasn’t serious, but Iris wasn’t going to overstay her welcome. The new general had a lot on her mind to be thinking over. 

Iris made her way back to Finn’s tent. Her head already felt clearer, and the sun was no longer bothering her. She forgot to be quiet upon entering the tent, but it didn’t seem to matter. Poe was up and inspecting a mysterious bruise on his shoulder that he didn’t remember getting, while Finn and Rey were still dead to the world.

Poe looked surprised to see Iris. “I thought you’d be in the same boat as those two. I was going to head out to look for you.”

Iris shook her head. “I woke up a little over an hour ago.”

Poe looked at her closely to make sure she hadn’t accidentally injured herself while completely drunk. He saw the blood encrusted over her lips, but it didn’t seem to be a worryingly large amount. “I would’ve assumed that Rey would be the worst drinker in the room, but you’re such a total lightweight. You were smashed after just a few rounds. Then again, I suppose how much you can drink has nothing to do with how much willpower you have.”

Iris tried to think about last night, but she couldn’t remember too much. She knew that drinking could destroy one’s filter, and if she’d said anything about the Order, she would’ve woken up in a cell. Iris looked at Poe carefully, trying to figure out if he looked angry or betrayed. “It was my first time drinking,” she said carefully. “I had no idea it was going to be like that.”

Poe laughed. “Let me guess: you’re never going to drink again?”

Iris shrugged. “I feel fine now. So maybe I’ll consider it for special occasions.”

“Consider what for special occasions?” Iris looked down floor, where Rey had just woken up. Her eyes looked clear enough. “I hope no one ever dies again. I don’t think I could handle another night like last night.”

Iris grinned. “Don’t worry, the fog and the headache will gone soon enough.” A moment later, Iris remembered that she was supposed to hate Rey, so she turned away. “I had the weirdest dream last night.” She said it to change the topic.

Poe snickered. “Oh, trust me, everyone has the strangest dreams when they’re drunk.”

All the talking finally managed to wake up Finn. He let out a pained groan, then lifted his head to look at the others. “How do you guys all look so normal? What kind of sorcery…?” He pulled his blanket up over his head. “I’m going to sleep for the next century. Wake me up when the war is over.” His voice was muffled by the blanket.

When Iris laughed at him, Finn pulled the pillow out from under his head, and threw it at her, smacking her right in the nose. She let out a grunt of pain. “You’re the first trooper I’ve met who didn’t miss his mark,” she joked.

Poe looked at Iris with concern. “What’s wrong? I thought you said you felt fine?”

“I forgot about the broken nose.”

Finn peered out from under his blanket. “This is a tragedy. First your ear, now your nose? What are you going to lose next?”

“My patience,” Iris sounded more amused than annoyed, though. She’d had a broken nose before. It was more of an inconvenience than anything. “Seriously, though, I should probably get one of the doctors to set my nose back in place so that it can heal properly.”

Rey stood up. “I’ll walk you to the medical tent.”

Iris quickly shook her head. “No, that’s alright. I’m sure I’ll make it there on my own. It is becoming like a second home to me at this point.” She turned and left the tent, making her way across the camp. As she walked, she thought about her dream. In it, Leia had known Iris was a mole, and there had also been those two men. All three has been concerned about Iris’s well being, despite knowing she was a spy. Iris wondered why she’d dreamed up those two men with such distinctly unfamiliar voices, but she’d imagined Leia just fine.

She reached the medical tent, and quickly went in. One of the doctors looked up with a raised eyebrow. “If you’re planning on moving in permanently, you’ll have to fill out a few forms.”

Iris chuckled. “Unfortunately for those of you who love to see my pretty face everyday, I’m just here for a visit. Broken nose.”

The doctor motioned for Iris to sit down on an empty cot. “The amount of broken noses, fingers, and toes that I’ve already seen today is overwhelming.”

“So why aren’t you wasted like everyone else?”

The doctor rolled his eyes. “Maybe because unlike all the other irresponsible degenerates that live around here, I’m perfectly aware of what a disgusting poison alcohol is. Now just hold still for a moment.” He wiped away the little dried flakes of blood under Iris’s nose, then snapped a hard piece of metal over her nose without warning. “Don’t take that off until you can sneeze without pain, unless you want an oddly bumpy nose.” He grabbed a small bottle and handed it to Iris. “One of these every morning for the pain. And since you’re here anyways, I’m just going to check your ear.”

Iris tilted her head to the side. “My ear feels fine. If I were you, I’d be checking the side without.”

The doctor humorlessly rolled his eyes again. “You’re a real comedian.” He pushed aside Iris’s hair. “Well, as I’ve come to expect with you, the new skin is already there. It covers the whole channel. It’s your body’s own healing process that’ll stop you from hearing, not the loss of the actual ear.” He stepped back and threw his gloves away. “Come back in a few days so I can check your nose.”

Iris nodded, then hurried away. Her stomach grumbled loudly, as she walked past the dining tent, so she went in. Iris grabbed an apple and a juice box before heading back to Finn’s tent. As she walked, a shiver ran through her, and a strange tune popped into her head. She hummed it under her breath. The sound sent a shiver down her spine. She looked around, but no one had witnessed her strange behavior. Iris shrugged and hurried back to Finn’s tent, the incident already out of her mind.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though the drunkenness was only a small part, I did think it would be nice to have even a page or two of some comic relief. 
> 
> I know earlier I said that Iris is fifteen or sixteen, and while she doesn’t even know her own exact age, it’s now important that she’s fifteen right now.

Kylo Ren stared at the blank screen with an unreadable expression. The technician sitting at the computer gulped nervously. “Sir, no one knows how it happened. There is no record of any unidentified ships getting through security. And when the alarms were cut, everyone just assumed that it was some kind of false alarm, which is why no further action was taken.”

One of the other technicians in the room suddenly jumped up. “Sir! The cadet who attempted to apprehend the intruders just woke up. We’re patching him through right now so you can hear his report for yourself.”

The big screen crackled to life, revealing a boy with several bruises on his face. He bowed his head at the sight of Kylo Ren. “Sir,” he murmured.

Kylo narrowed his eyes. “Did you see the intruder’s face?”

The boy nodded. “Yes, sir. And I recognized it right away from all the wanted posters. It was C-7717.”

“Are you sure?” The boy nodded again. 

An uncomfortable feeling settled over the room. With that first deserter, who now felt so long ago, they just lost a janitor. It wasn’t a big deal. But C-7717 was a big deal. She was a bright cadet with lots of potential. And then, of course, there were those rumors that Kylo Ren had let C-7717 go. Why else would the original rumors about the girl have said that she was dead if it wasn’t to give her a head start?

Kylo Ren stared at the screen. “That is all, cadet.” The connection was cut. After C-7717 had left from Dalton 6, Kylo had been sure to spread word of the betrayal in order to secure her standing with the Resistance. 

Now he was just confused. Why had C-7717 broken in Tabuula, and with his mother of all people? There was a small lump in his throat at the thought of seeing her body. He’d never been particularly close with his father. But his mother was different. When he was younger, she was always the one he’d gone crying to with every scraped knee and bruised arm. 

He had to remind himself that Leia wasn’t really his mother anymore. Hadn’t been in a while. Why had she suddenly decided to sneak into Tabuula? And while the officers’ accounts hadn’t quite supported it, it almost seemed like Leia had given her life to protect C-7717. Which meant that Leia had seen as well as Kylo how special the girl was. 

Actually, his officers’ stories made more sense now. They’d said that they were just thrown back without explanation. And C-7717 had been caught on the archives computer. She had always been a smart girl. All of this meant she had to know now; she knew who she really was. 

She couldn’t stay with the Resistance any longer. She’d broken into an Order base without any warning, and she was now aware of how superior she was to most people. Letting her stay away any longer would only result in her mind being corrupted.

It was time to call the girl home before she could be lead any further astray. And Kylo was prepared to teach her everything. For a moment he thought of Rey. He had offered her everything, and she’d tried to kill him for it. Well, he wasn’t going to make that mistake again. C-7717 was going to come home, and she was going to be happy.

***

Finn looked around nervously, but he didn’t say anything. Iris had been excited to show off her secret hiding place, and Finn didn’t want to let her down. The only problem was just how creeped out he felt by the place. 

The feeling of silence pressing down on him didn’t ease up as they walked into into the empty underground city. “Isn’t this neat?”

Finn gulped. “Yeah, it’s great. Maybe we should come back tomorrow, though. With more people.”

Iris nodded agreeably enough. She could tell that Finn was a bit scared, but she wasn’t a big enough asshole to point it out. “Sure.”

They left the city, and walked through the forest until they arrived at camp. The familiar sounds of construction had resumed once everyone’s splitting headaches were gone. The pair made their way through the camp. They were perfectly relaxed, until someone ran out in front of them. “Finn. Iris. Have either of you seen Dameron around?”

They both shook their heads. “Why? What’s going on?”

The man frowned. “On of the scouts was checking out our old base. We haven’t heard from him since he left.” He glanced down at Iris. “It’s a good thing we left, or who knows what could’ve happened.”

Interest piqued, Finn and Iris hurried after the man as he continued his search for Poe. They soon found him hanging out in Finn’s tent with Rey. He and Rey both went back to the command tent.

Kiah was standing there, looking pissed. She looked relieved to see Poe come in. “Just the man I was looking for. You have a reputation as one of the rebellion’s best pilots, right?”

Poe tipped his head forward. “Yes ma’am.” Hardly anyone had taken to calling the general by her rank, so she wasn’t offended when he didn’t. “What do you need?”

Kiah closed her eyes for a moment. “I need you to go by the old base. The other scout lost contact with us just before his report. You need to make his report in his stead, and recover him if at all possible. Can you do that?”

Poe nodded. “Yes ma’am. It would be my honor.” He left the tent.

Iris hurried after him. “Take me with you!”

Poe shook his head. “Last time I took you on a mission ended with you and me nearly being killed.”

“Last time you would’ve definitely ended up dead without me there to save your ass. And if you don’t take me, I’ll just steal a ship and follow you anyways.” 

Poe rolled his eyes, not looking too mad. “You’re such a child. Fine, you can come along. But if you get even a single scratch on you, I’m not going to teach you how to fly. Ever.”

Iris grinned victoriously. “Deal.” She ran ahead of Poe, to Finn’s tent. She grabbed her jacket, and decided it would be sufficient. 

She met Poe at the landing pad, where Finn was already waiting. “It would be much safer for you to stay. But I know that I’m not going to be able to change your mind. So just stay safe, okay?”

Rey was there as well. “It’s probably a good sign that I didn’t have any visions of death this time.” She hesitated for a moment before holding out her staff. “You’ll need this more than me.”

Iris took a step back. “I have no training fighting with big sticks, and I definitely have no training with a lightsaber. I could lose my other ear, or maybe even an entire arm, just to mix it up a bit.”

Rey shrugged, and held out a blaster instead. “I thought you might say that. But when you return, you should really consider some training with me.”

Iris didn’t quite smile when she accepted the weapon, but she did mutter a soft ‘thank you’. Poe said his goodbyes, then they both got on board the ship. Once they were in hyperspace, Iris let her head fall back, and she closed her eyes. “Thanks for letting me come along.”

Poe shrugged. “It’s not like I had much choice in the matter. And besides, if you want to learn from the best, you’re going to have to see me in action sometimes. And by the way, if you’re tired, you can take a nap. I promise I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

Iris took Poe up on his offer. She was jarred awake some time later when the ship rolled through the air. “You didn’t have to work so hard to wake me up. A simple poke would’ve sufficed.”

Poe grinned. “But where would’ve been the fun in that?” Once they got a bit closer, though, neither of them was smiling. All they could see was rubble and ruins where before there had been a vast settlement. Poe landed the ship, and they got out to explore, though both of them had their blasters out just to be on the safe side. 

They wandered through the ruins, trying to find anything that wasn’t completely destroyed. After a few minutes, a dark shadow suddenly passed over the whole are. Poe had a tense look on his face, and his jaw was clenched. “There’s a star-destroyed above us. I just hope they didn’t spot us.” They ran back to their ship, hoping that they wouldn’t be seen. 

Once they were both safely inside, Iris peered out the window, craning her neck up. No wonder the destroyed hadn’t seen them, they were directly beneath it. As they rose into the air, Iris looked down at the base, and frowned. “I think we can take a few guesses as to what happened to our scout.” She stated grimly. 

As she stared at the debris, she realized that it wasn’t some random pile of rocks. It was a pattern. Poe followed her gaze, and came to the same conclusion. “I can get us higher up, but you’ll have to look quickly- as soon as that ship spots us, we have to be out of here.”

Poe flew out from under the star-destroyed, and flew up. Iris gasped as she saw the whole picture. The rubble wasn’t just scattered in the wind, someone had put effort into it. On the ground was a symbol that was half the Order’s, and half the Resistance’s.

If intimidation was the desired effect, the ground would’ve only shown the Order’s symbol. But putting both, Iris had the sick feeling that it was a message for her.

She didn’t have time to study any further, though, because Poe barrelled away, and a moment later, they were in hyperspace. Iris sank down in her seat. “Did you see that?”

Poe shook his head. “I didn’t get the chance. What did you see?”

A summons. “A challenge.” She balled her hands into fists. “We have to go after the Order. They can’t get away with this.”

Poe glanced at Iris out of the corner of his eye. “I hope you don’t mean just the two of us.”

Iris shook her head. “No. Of course not. But not the whole fleet, either. We don’t have enough ships to go up against the Order directly. But a small group could sneak in.” And die. “And kill Kylo Ren.”

Poe frowned. “How?”

Iris sat in silence for a minute as she tried to gather her thoughts. “I think I’ve got something, but I don’t want to explain twice, so let’s just wait until we get back to the base, okay?”

Poe nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

There were a lot of people waiting for them upon their return. Iris and Poe had to push past an entire crowd to reach the command tent. Kiah seemed startled by their entrance. “I wasn’t expecting you to be back so quickly.”

Poe frowned. “There was star-destroyer. Most likely took down the other scout, though we couldn’t actually find any wreckage from it. And the whole base was completely destroyed. We’re just lucky that it was right above us when we got there.”

Iris took a step forward. “The rubble was arranged to spell out a message. We’re being taunted. Kylo Ren thinks we’re never going to…” she trailed off when she realized she could hear a familiarly accented voice. 

_“-almost as bad as the time you thought it would be fun to get married behind my back.”_

_“That wasn’t even that bad. And if it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t all that fun.”_ The gruff voice responded. _“Anyways, it’s a good thing I did because my kids are awesome.”_

_“No thanks to you.”_ Leia’s voice drolled. 

Iris looked around in confusion, trying to find the source of the voices. She definitely wasn’t drunk this time, so if she was hallucinating, that would be really bad.

Kiah raised one eyebrow. “What does he think we’re never going to do?”

Iris was focusing on the voices too much to hear the general’s question. _“That’s not my fault. I didn’t even know of your existence until it was too late.”_

Leia didn’t sound impressed. _“And you’ve certainly been a terrible influence on my son.”_

The gruff voice sounded defensive. _“Hey, my son never killed his father, so I don’t know where yours got that from.”_

_“That’s a low blow.”_ The accented voice said cautiously. _“Anyways, right now it’s more important to prevent a disaster than it is to be throwing around blame and bickering about the past.”_

The gruff voice grumbled in response. _“I never liked that kid. He’s always been a weird little shit.”_

_“That’s my son you’re talking about. Mind your tongue.”_

Iris couldn’t find the source of the voices, and she was afraid that she was going crazy. There had to be a logical explanation, but Iris couldn’t think of one. Iris jumped back in surprise when someone put their hand on her shoulder. When she saw that it was just Finn, she relaxed. 

He gave her a strange look. “Hey, are you okay?”

Iris nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. Anyways, Kylo Ren thinks we’re never going to have the balls to go after him.” Iris found that if she didn’t focus on the arguing voices they would fade a bit, but not disappear. Like listening to someone talk from the other side of the room. “We don’t have the power to attack the entire base and win. But a small group could go in and cut the head off the snake.”

_“You’re foolish to believe my son is the head.”_ Iris looked up in surprise at the sound of Leia’s voice suddenly right next to her. Leia’s voice sounded just as surprised. _“Wait, did you actually hear that?”_ Iris nodded slowly. _“This is an exciting new development. I’ll be back.”_

Iris blinked a few times, and was relieved to hear the others speaking, which meant the attention was no longer on her. Until it was again. “-and I suppose you would be a part of this group?”

Iris nodded. “Yeah. I know that base better than anyone else in the room.” She nearly held her breath. As long as she was taken along, she could return to Kylo Ren’s side, as he’d so cleverly commanded. 

“Very well. Who else would you have accompany you?”

Ideally, she would go with a group of rebels she’d never met before, so she wouldn’t have her friends’ deaths on her hands. But that choice was taken from her. Poe was the first to step forward. “I’ll be honored to fly us there.”

Rey glanced at Iris apologetically before stepping forward. “I’m not calling you weak by any meaning of the word. But our enemy is very strong. It will take more than one to bring him down.”

Finn moved up so he was even with the other three. “I’m not sure what I can do to help, but I want to be there too.”

Kiah looked at Iris curiously. “So, what is your plan?”

As she opened her mouth to speak, Iris mentally apologized to her friends. They had just volunteered themselves for a one way trip to their dooms. There was nothing Iris could do to save them; they had sealed their own fates.


	19. Chapter 19

A couple hours later, the assembly was dismissed, and they were all instructed to get a good night’s rest. Iris was tempted to go back to her own tent so she wouldn’t have to look at those marked as dead. But if they were going to die tomorrow, then the least Iris could do was spend their last night with them. 

The four of them returned to Finn’s tent. They wanted to sit around and talk for a while, but Iris just didn’t have it in her. As soon as she left the tent, she heard the accented voice. _“Leia said you can hear us. I told her that that would be quite impossible, but she insisted.”_

“I can hear you.” Iris responded softly, in case anyone was lurking around.

_“So you can hear us but see us? Fascinating.”_ There was a moment of silence before the man continued speaking. _“Right, there will be time to look into that later. For now, I simply must ask: Are you out of your mind? You’re going to turn on the only friends you’ve ever known for a man who prides himself on having turned to the darkside? He literally murdered a room full of children.”_

Iris wished that she knew who she was scowling out. Or even if she was scowling in the right direction. “If you know so much then you’d know that this was always the plan. Just leave me alone.”

The gruff voice was the one that responded. _“If you go through with this, you will live to regret it. Believe me, the dark side isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”_

Iris’s scowl morphed to a look of confusion. “The ‘dark side’? What’s that?”

There was a long moment of silence, and Iris hoped that the invisible people had decided to leave her alone. She'd rather be left alone than get answers. She heard a tent flap open behind her, and turned to see Rey emerging from the tent. “Hey. Who’re you talking to?”

Iris had the feeling that if she told the truth, Rey would declare her insane. “Just a friend. On my communicator. I do have friends.” She cleared her throat, and tried to move the focus away from her. “What’s up?”

Rey shrugged. “I don’t know. I felt a disturbance in the force, but not in a someone’s-going-to-die way. I was wondering if you felt it too.”

_“Talk to her,”_ Leia’s voice urged. _“You can still fix this. Choose this side. Call off your plan before you get them all killed. And if Ben could kill his own father so easily, then there is nothing stopping him from turning against you as well.”_

Iris shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. But I still don’t really understand this whole force thing, so I wouldn’t know if I did.”

Rey took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. “Do you want to practice meditating again? I think that if you keep at it-”

“No thanks.” She thought of how she’d almost spilled her secrets, and then of how much it had hurt to tear herself away from that waterfall. She couldn’t go through that again. “I don’t think that meditation is really my thing.”

“We’re all orphans.” Rey said, seemingly out of nowhere. “Poe’s parents died years ago. You and Finn never knew yours, and mine left when when I was just a child.”

Iris narrowed her eyes. She didn’t know what had brought that up. “Okay…”

“I don’t think that’s why we’re connected, though,” Rey continued. “I don’t think that it’s because none of us had families, I think it’s because all of us needed one.” Her eyes seemed to drill right through Iris. “You’re different, though. You need a family as much as any of us, but you seem to want to push us away whenever possible.” She took a step forward, and Iris instinctively took a step back. “The Order gave you a family, didn’t it? So why would you need us at all?”

_“Clever girl,”_ Leia commented, sounding proud. _“She’s given you the opening you need, so just come clean now.”_

Iris froze for a moment. Did she consider the Order to be her family? No, not really. She barely got along with the others her age, because she’d always been such an uptight, rule-following overachiever.

But they had cared for her. Maybe not in the traditional sense that Rey was talking about, but she’d had a roof over her head, food to eat, people to talk to, an education, and all the necessary survival skills one could need in life. Wasn’t that the point of a family? To take care of a child and teach them to someday be able to care for themselves?

Iris nodded slowly. “I suppose, in a way, the Order did give me a family.” She shrugged. “If it weren’t for them, I never would have met any of you.”

_“She was born to be a spy.”_ The gruff voice said. _“She gave two true statements in a row, knowing that they will be interpreted at connected.”_

_“So then she didn’t lie.”_ The accented voice pointed out.

Leia sounded frustrated. _“If you get a single person I care about killed, I will come back and haunt you.”_

“You’re haunting me now.” Iris muttered.

Rey gave Iris a strange look. “What?”

Iris’s eyes widened as she realized that maybe she wasn’t crazy after all. What if she was literally being haunted? By real ghosts? She could vaguely recall all of those stupid stories whispered in the dorms after the lights had gone out. Iris had never paid much attention to them because she knew how important sleep was. But now she regretted not ever listening closer. 

Rey waved one hand in front of Iris’s face. “Hello? You still in there?”

Iris grabbed Rey’s moving arm. “You said that I should train with you, right?” It could be her last chance, and besides that, Iris was hoping that a lightsaber could kill a ghost, so she wouldn’t have to be haunted anymore.

Rey frowned. “Really? Now? Don’t you think we should be resting up? Tomorrow’s going to be a big day.”

Iris nodded. “Now’s the perfect time.” She couldn’t tell Rey that one of them would be dead by the end of tomorrow, so she needed a different excuse. “I need to work off all my excess nervous energy.”

_“You are good at improvising, aren’t you?”_ The gruff voice asked in amusement, sounding vaguely impressed.

The accented voice sounded disapproving. _“The force always knows the truth. Do you really think it won’t warn anyone?”_

Iris was tired of hearing the disappointment in her ghosts’ voices, so she focused as hard as she could on pushing them away. Rey, who wasn’t aware of the kriffin’ paranormal infestation, gave Iris a hopeful smile. “Meditation would be just the thing to calm you down.” She kept going before Iris could refuse. “But I know you’ll say no again, so I suppose teaching you a few moves would be the next best thing. Come on.”

Rey led Iris away from the largest target clusters of tents to avoid disturbing anyone. She tossed her staff to Iris, who caught it thanks to her fast reflexes. “Um, what am I supposed to do with this?”

Rey smiled. “Since you’re already a trained and skilled fighter, I thought you could start right off the bat with this. It’s easy- as long as you don’t accidentally dismember yourself. Now just press that button there.”

Iris did as instructed, and a beam of energy shot out in front of her face. The staff didn’t gain any weight, though. “Uh…”

“One of the of the most important things you need to remember is that a light saber weighs nothing sans the handle. Since you can’t feel it’s weight, you can easily forget that it takes up space. But you can’t just use your eyes to keep track of it. You need to use the force. Close your eyes, and feel it with your whole being.” Iris obeyed, though as soon as she closed her eyes, she could feel panic rushing through her. If she couldn’t feel it or see it, how could she know where it was?

Rey grabbed her staff and moved it through Iris’s hands, positioning it properly. “Can I just take a quick peek?”

Rey shook her head, before remembering that Iris’s eyes were closed. “No. You need to learn to trust in the force-” Iris turned to follow the sound of Rey’s voice, and she could hear something sizzling. She opened her eyes to see the light saber less than an inch from Rey’s skin, a small scrap from Rey’s shirt lying on the ground.

Iris quickly turned off the light saber, and threw the whole staff aside. “Sorry.”

Rey glanced at her arm, and seeing no injury, she shrugged. “It’s okay. It could’ve been way worse. And it takes a lot of time and practice to get it. I’m still far from perfect myself. You can’t give up though.”

Iris looked down at the ground. “If I can’t get it tonight, then I never will.” She lowered herself to the ground, and laid herself back so she could stare up at the sky. “I wish I could be like them.”

Rey grabbed her staff before laying down next to Iris. “Like who?”

The stars twinkled brightly in the distance. “The stars,” Iris sighed. “They’re so free. They don’t have to do anything except float up there together. They have no b-” Iris bit her lip. She wasn’t sure if she'd intended to say betrayal of broken hearts. “They have no bones.”

Rey let out a startled laugh. “No bones? Do you think your life would be more fulfilling if you had no bones?”

Iris shrugged. “No one would give responsibilities to a gelatinous mass of blood and muscle.” Iris turned her head away from Rey. “You’ve fought Kylo Ren, right?” Rey gave an affirmative hum. “Why did you fight?”

There was a moment of silence as Rey processed the unexpected question. “He did bad things,” Rey finally responded. “He killed a lot of innocent people. He killed one of the first people who actually seemed to care about me.”

Iris frowned. “But to him, weren't you guys the bad ones? In his eyes, you did bad things, and that’s why he fought you. So how do you really know who’s right?”

Rey gently pressed her hand against her heart. “You can feel it in here. If you ever feel it inside that what you’re doing is wrong, then it must be wrong. And if you can feel it, really feel it, that you’re doing the right thing, then you must be doing the right thing, no matter what anyone says.”

“What if in Kylo Ren’s heart, he’s doing the right thing?”

Rey shook her head dismissively. “Kylo Ren doesn’t have a heart. He grew up his whole life being taught right from wrong, and he still chose wrong. It can’t be too difficult to figure out. You grew up believing bad to be good, and you still chose right in the end.”

Iris suddenly got to her feet. “Thanks for the lesson. You can head back without me. There’s something I need to do.” She began running towards her own tent, for privacy. As she ran, a fierce headache built up in her. When it got to be too much, Iris’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, and she collapsed to the ground. 

_The only adult in the room laughed. “If you hold it like that, you’ll lose half your face.”_

_The boy scowled. “I know what I’m doing. If anyone’s going to lose half their face, it’ll be you.”_

_The man laughed again, not bothered by the boy’s attitude. “I may not be half as special as you are, Killian, but I can use that weapon twice as well.”_

_The boy angled the metal tube in his hands, so when he pressed the button, the light saber didn’t take off half his face. “See? I can do it.”_

_There was a girl in the room, a few years older than the boy. “Good job, Illi. Except you still haven’t done shit. You’re going to make a rather pathetic jedi someday.”_

_The man frowned. “Aksha! I raised you better than that! When you can wield a lightsaber with perfect ease, you have my permission to be as big a jerk as you want. Until then, you will support Killian, or remove yourself from our training sessions.”_

_Aksha had a sour look on her face. “But Father-”_

_“Enough. Leave this room, and don’t return until you’ve found some manners. Is it really so much to ask for?”_

_Tears gathered in the corners of Aksha’s eyes. “You love him more than you’ve ever loved me! I’m sorry to be such a disappointment, Father! I’m sorry that that stupid relic of yours had to call to some stranger because I was never good enough!”_

_The man narrowed his eyes. “That ‘stupid relic’ of mine is worth more than you could understand. It belonged to my father, who was one of the Jedi Order until his death. And I do not love Killian more than you-”_

_Aksha balled her hands into fists stormed away before they could see her tears. Aksha went to her room so she could curl up under her blankets and cry freely. After a few minutes, there was a light knock on the door. “Go away, Father. And tell Killian I hate him.”_

_The door creaked open, and Killian walked in. He closed and locked the door before sitting down on the bed next to Aksha. He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, my angel.”_

_Aksha smiled. “As I love you, my jedi. I only wish that we didn’t have to hide. I wish that I didn’t have to be so cruel to you just to pretend that we don’t love each other.”_

_Killion sighed. “It’s the only way. Your father believes in the traditional jedi laws, including no attachments. If he knew we were together, he would keep us apart. But I promise you, once I have enough training, we can leave this place forever.”_

_There was a knock at the door, and Aksha felt terrible for pushing her love away. “Get out of here you creep! Nothing you can say will make me feel better. Just leave me alone.”_

_“Your father is capable of loving us both.”_

_Aksha got up to throw a pillow at Killian. “If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him?”_

_Killian rolled his eyes. “Fine, I get it. I’m leaving.” He left Aksha’s room, and feigned surprise at seeing his his mentor standing there. “Ah, Master-”_

_The man scowled. “You were not yelling until I knocked. Also, she called you ‘Illi’ earlier. When has she ever called you that before?” He stared at Killian with narrow eyes. “I did not want to send you away, but perhaps your best education will be from a jedi temple, with other jedi to train you.”_

_Killian’s eyes widened. “You would send me away from my family?”_

_“I’m sorry Killian, but I’ve clearly failed you in your training. I’ll contact the nearest temple in the morning, and they should send someone to fetch you by the end of the week.”_

_Killian rushed back into Aksha’s room, and gathered her into a hug. “Do you love me, my angel?”_

_Aksha nodded solemnly. “You know that I do.”_

_“Then come with me.” Aksha raised one eyebrow questioningly. “Your father intends to send me away. My parents would not argue. But I don’t want to leave. Not without you. So come with me.”_

_Aksha shook her head. “Father would never allow it.”_

_“Then we don’t ask for permission. We can leave in the night, and find some planet far from here.”_

_Aksha leaned back to look Killian right in the eyes. After a moment, she nodded. “I would be happy anywhere with you.”_

_Killian grinned. “We’ll go somewhere we’ll finally be free to be together. Oh, I love you, my angel.”_

_Aksha kissed him. “And I love you, my jedi.”_


	20. Chapter 20

Iris sat up with a groan. Couldn’t the force have waited until she was sleeping again? Beyond her irritation, though, Iris felt full of questions. Why had she just seen that? Was it to prove that jedi can be rebellious? Or was there some other meaning to it?

She thought about her vision as she got to her feet. That couple- Aksha and Killian. They seemed so young, perhaps not any older than Iris was herself. There were other similarities, beyond age. They were both hiding in plain sight from the people who loved them. And that Killian guy clearly could use the force, just like Iris.

But that still didn’t explain why she’d seen it at all. The vision of her as a child made sense, because it was meant to teach her about herself. But what was the relevance of a couple from so long ago that the jedi temples were still occupied?

Iris shook her head, and continued on to her tent. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been unconscious, but hopefully not too long. At her tent, Iris double checked to make sure no one else was around before pulling out her necklace. “This is C-7717. I’m reporting in that the message has been received, and we’re hoping to walk into a trap tomorrow. Don’t disappoint.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “This’ll be my last transmission before my return to base. Sweet dreams, and I’m out.” She pulled her necklace off, and raised it above her head. She swung it down over a big rock until it was smashed. 

Then she made her way across the camp to Finn’s tent. Poe was waiting for her outside. “The other two are already asleep. I didn’t want to disturb them.” He gave Iris a friendly smile. “I know that we’re not going to be coming back from this mission. And I know that you know it too.” Iris froze. Did Poe figure out her secret? Did he know that she was a spy? “But I can be okay with dying if it means bringing that bastard down.” Oh. So he didn’t know. For a moment, Iris didn’t know if she was relieved or not. 

Iris’s shoulders slumped down as she forced her muscles to relax. “You’re life is so valuable, Poe. Don’t throw it away unless you’re sure. None of you should.”

Poe raised one eyebrow. “But it’s okay for you to throw your life away for a cause that you don’t even care about?” He shook his head. “Like it or not, but we’re all in this together.”

Iris didn’t like it. “It’s not the mission itself that’s so dangerous; it’s me. All of you were perfectly fine before I showed up. I nearly got you killed when you took me for that s.o.s. signal. I got Leia killed over…” her hand up into her pocket, and she felt the drive. “I haven’t looked yet, but I should. I already have my answers, but Leia did die for this.” She gulped nervously.

Poe nodded in the direction of the command tent. “There shouldn’t be anyone in there tis late. Let’s go.” 

They got to their destination a few minutes later. There were a couple of people in there, but they all cleared out with a stern look from Poe. Iris sat down in front of one of the terminals and plugged the drive in. First, she clicked on the video. It was a couple hours long, made of various clips from her trial. She skipped up to the halfway point, then continued scrolling forward until she reached what she was looking for. 

Iris and Poe watched in silence as the iris on screen fell, almost certainly to her death. But then a miracle happened, and Iris was able to escape on what she’d assumed at the time to be a glitch in the system, when she’d even bothered to think about it at all. Iris paused the video, and stared at her back leaving the area. “Did he know then, or did he find this later?” She was just speaking out loud, not asking Poe.

She exited the video, and opened the attached file. She read the words out loud as Poe tried to subtly peer over her shoulder. “Female, one year old. Mother: dead. Father: Unknown. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Black. Weight: 20 lbs. Extraction successful. One casualty. Note- She keeps staring at me like she’s looking into my soul. Hopefully she won’t be stationed anywhere near me. Second Note- Attempted escape, almost successful. Re-education ordered. Third Note- Top of class. Beat all known records in Tabuula. She’s one to watch out for. Fourth Note- Escape successful. Fled with enemy rebels. Attack on sight.” Iris looked up from the screen with a frown. “That’s it? My entire life summed up on one kriffin’ piece of paper?” She stood up. “My whole life is just enough to stick on a document that was too small to bother deleting from the system!?” She threw the drive across the tent, breathing hard, like she’d just run a marathon.

Poe pulled Iris into a hug. “It’s okay. Your life is worth so much more than a single document, I promise. Now why don’t we go back to the tent. It’s a bad idea to start a new mission without any sleep.”

As they walked, Iris glanced up at the sky. “I wonder how it happened. How my… mother died.” The word felt foreign in Iris’s mouth. “Did she die protecting me? Or did she hand me over to save her own life and get killed for being a coward?”

Poe frowned. “I bet she loved you. I bet she did everything in her power to try and save you.”

Iris sniffed, and she couldn’t figure out why she felt like crying. “I never cared,” she tried to explain. “I never cared whether they were dead or alive, or if they missed me or had moved on. I shouldn’t care now. Nothing’s changed.” She reached up to rub her eyes. “I’ve never cried in my entire life as much as I have since becoming a rebel.”

Poe nodded. “Same.” His response managed to elicit a soft chuckle out of Iris.

They went into Finn’s tent, and iris headed towards her normal corner. Poe stopped her by gently grabbing her shoulder. He nodded towards where Rey and Finn were piled up. He kicked off his shoes and jacket, then dropped down next to them. Iris smiled, and did the same. A night in the arms of her friends seemed like a fitting way to end things. Or maybe there could be some way for this to not be the end. 

Long after she could hear Poe’s snores, Iris was lying awake, trying to think of any possible way to save these idiots, who’d somehow managed to fight their way into her heart. 

***

When Iris woke up, she felt like she was in an inferno or something. She struggled to escape from the tangled arms and legs around her. She cheered silently at being able to extract herself from the human knot without waking the others up. 

Iris headed to the dining tent. Kiah was there already, reading some important looking documents. Iris raised her eyebrows. “Seriously, do you ever sleep?”

Kiah shook her head. “No time.” She pulled a few of her documents away. “Sit.” Iris grabbed a juice box before sitting. “So, you must be pretty nervous. You’ll get to go down in history as the one who put an end to Kylo Ren.”

Iris felt sick to her stomach. “Right.” She needed to change the subject. Talking about their plans only made her feel increasingly horrible. “Uh… rebels. I mean, uh, oh! How long has the Resistance been a thing?”

Kiah didn’t seem confused by Iris’s sudden change in subject. Maybe she was just too tired to notice anything strange at all. “There’s been a rebellion in some form or another every time some asshole thinks they can rule everyone. Why?”

Iris thought of her vision of a rebellious couple. “Have you ever met a couple named Aksha and Killian?”

Kiah shook her head. “No, sorry. If you’re asking because you think they were rebels, then you may want to see the official list of all members, past and present. You’ll have to see Matt. He’s our history guy.”

Iris couldn’t hide her surprise. “You guys have an official members list?”

“Yes. There’s a lot of good people here who have families waiting for them somewhere out there. If anything happens, we need to know who to contact. Also, it means that someday people can look back on it and thank those who saved their lives. You’re on it too, of course, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Iris gulped. “I’m just going to find Matt.” Iris wasn’t sure why she even cared, but she force must’ve shown her that couple for a reason, and they were so rebellious, it wasn’t hard to imagine them being real rebels. As she headed to the command tent, Iris wondered what was going to happen to her name. After today, would they strike it off the records? Or would they simply write ‘traitor’ in the margin?

Iris walked to the command tent, and went up to the first person she saw. “Hey, can you tell me where to find Matt, the history guy?” She was directed to a young man with hair longer than hers. “Um, hi. Are you Matt?” He nodded once. “Can you show me the official members list?” Matt shook his head, looking bored. “Oh, uh, okay. Well then can you at least tell me if there was ever a couple here named Killian and Aksha?”

Matt peered at Iris over the rim of his glasses. “Where did you hear those names?”

Iris was surprised at how easy that search had been. “I saw them in a dream. A vision, I mean. A force vision. So have you heard of them?”

Matt pulled his glasses off. “Yeah. They weren’t both part of the Resistance, though. Killian only joined after Aksha was killed. She’s why I joined, too. You had a dream about my parents.”

Iris frowned. “That’s a crazy coincidence.”

Matt shook his head. “I doubt it. My father always taught me that there’s no such thing as coincidences. The force must’ve led you to me for a reason.”

Iris felt oddly saddened at the thought of those two people who loved each other so much being separated. “If you don’t mind me asking, where’s your dad now?”

Matt shrugged. “My mother was killed years ago. Skywalker went into hiding the same year. When he left, he said he was looking for someone. Presumably Skywalker.”

“He must’ve left you pretty young, then.” Iris knew she sounded a bit judgmental when she said that.

Matt didn’t seem bothered. “I was ten at the time. But that’s part of why he joined up. So that there would be plenty of people to watch over me. For a while, he would call me everyday. Then it became every week. And after a couple years, the calls stopped altogether. My guess is that he got into one too many tough situations.” He shrugged. “He was like you and Rey. A barely trained force-user.”

That made sense. “Because he ran away with your mom when they were kids, right? That’s what I saw in my vision.”

Matt smiled sadly. “Yeah. They were crazy about each other. It’s one of the few things I can still remember from back then. But of course, this all leads back to the question of why you were sent to me. Is there something I can do to help you on your big mission?”

Iris shook her head. “I think we’ve got that covered. Thanks anyways, though.”

Matt shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll figure it out. I know you’ve probably got things to be doing now, though. We’ll talk when you get back from your mission, okay?”

There was a horrible knot in Iris’s stomach that felt like it was pulling tighter inside of her. “Yeah. I’m looking forward to it.”

Iris wandered back to Finn’s tent in a bit of a daze. The force had shown her Killian and Aksha to lead her to Matt, but why? She slipped into the tent, and found the others already awake and in the middle of a conversation. “-go. I don’t know how it happened.” Rey looked up at Iris. “Oh, I was just saying how my staff is broken, and I don’t know what’s wrong with it.” Rey pressed the button in demonstration, but no lightsaber popped out.

Iris reached into her pocket to wrap her fingers around the two little pieces she’d removed from the weapon last night while everyone was sleeping. “Does this mean you’re not coming?”

Rey shook her head. “I can still be useful without it.” She looked at her staff in confusion. “I just don’t understand why it isn’t working.”

So the other force-user wasn’t out of the equation, but her lightsaber was. If only Iris had found a way to hold back Finn and Poe. It was too late, though. “Well, you guys need to hurry up. We’re leaving soon.”

Two hours later, everyone needed for the mission was gathered on the landing platform. Kiah made her way over to Iris. “I wish you the best of luck. You deserve hero status for sure. Come home safe, okay?”

Home. Others really thought that this was Iris’s home. The knot in her stomach tightened even more. “Yeah, sure.” She hurried onto her designated ship before anyone else could say their goodbyes. While the others were still outside, Iris pulled out her communicator. She turned it off, pulled out the power source, and stuck the two components back into her pocket. 

Poe got onboard next. “You know, there’s a lot of people out there who want to say their goodbyes.” Iris thought of Kaydel, and Monty, and Kiah, and Matt, and everyone else she’d met in the Resistance, and the thought of all those people wishing her luck on a mission she never planned on completing was horrible. The knot pulled tighter. “They’ll just have to wait and talk to me when we get back.”

Finn and Rey finally got in, along with a couple of rebels Iris didn’t know. They took off, and started flying to their deaths. Rey and the other two rebels were teaching Finn some complicated card game. Iris stayed glued to her seat, her leg bouncing up and down from nerves. What happened to that girl with the stoic face who was in control of every emotion? The knot pulled tighter.

Once they could actually see the base with their own eyes, the card games were over, and everyone was just as nervous as Iris. They were going to walk into that base, and very likely never walk back out again. As cliched as it was, they all changed into stormtrooper armor that had been made at the rebel base. Once they were all ready, Poe pulled out his radio. It was time to boogie. 

They successfully got through with another one of Iris’s memorized security codes. “I’m not sure how much time we’ll have. If the real JR-0715 is around, we could get caught very quickly. Just follow my lead and act normal.”

The six of them walked in, doing their best to act like they weren’t all freaking out. Iris stopped at a split in the hall that branched off in three directions. “Rey, Dominic, Peltin, you go to the left. Me, Finn, and Poe are going to the right.”

Finn rolled his eyes beneath his helmet. “We all remember the plan. Now let’s get moving. I forgot how suffocating it feels in these things.”

They went off in their assigned directions. Iris had told them that the two corridors would loop around and both lead to the room Kylo Ren was most likely to be in. That was a lie, though. Only the right hall would lead to Kylo Ren. Rey and the other two could still possibly escape. Iris had to bring Finn and Poe, though, or everyone would question why she didn’t want them along. 

There was minimal activity in the halls, and no one trying to cause any trouble. Iris’s message to Kylo must’ve cleared the way.   
When they reached the point that stormtroopers weren’t normally allowed past, they quickly ducked into an alcove. Iris peeled off her armor, and Finn and Poe each grabbed one of her arms. They dragged her further down the hall, though they were quickly spotted by a superior officer. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Poe spoke. “We captured this one lurking around. We thought that Kylo Ren would like to see her.”

The officer nodded once. “Very well, you may pass.” That wasn’t protocol at all. There officer clearly knew of Iris’s true purpose, and wasn’t going to interfere.

They reached the room Kylo Ren would be waiting in. Finn cautiously pushed the double doors open, one hand on his blaster. All three of them let out involuntary gasps at the sight of Kylo Ren standing there, waiting for them.

That moment of hesitation was all he needed to send their weapons flying away from them, back out into the hallway. He took in the three of them, the mask hiding whatever he might have been feeling. “C-7717. Come over here.”

Finn’s grip on her arm tightened, just a bit. “Did no one send you the memo that she’s with us now?”

“C-7717.” There was a warning in Kylo Ren’s voice.

Iris pulled herself out of her friends’ grasps, and walked towards the man in the mask. Her shoes clicked loudly against the reflectively shiny surface of the floor. Poe pulled his helmet off and tossed it aside. “What are you doing?”

Iris paused, halfway between Kylo Ren and her friends. She looked over her shoulder, and saw that Finn had removed his helmet as well. He and Poe both looked confused. But not hurt. The betrayal hadn’t sunk in yet. They thought she had some great backup plan in mind. They probably assumed she was only getting close so that it would be easier to attack. Iris blinked back tears. She was the one doing the betraying; she had no right to cry.

Iris continued walking towards Kylo Ren, and when she was right in front of him, she bowed her head. “Sir,” she murmured. 

Kylo Ren laughed, actually laughed, in the rebels’ direction. “Some feared that letting her out on a leash would sway her loyalty. They were wrong.”

Finn furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?” He was trying to cause a distraction, because he still thought Rey and the others would be coming in through the other door soon. Though as he looked around the large room, he couldn’t see another entrance. 

Kylo Ren grabbed iris by the shoulders, and spun her to face the rebels. “Why don’t you tell them exactly what I’m talking about?”

Iris avoided actually meeting their eyes. “I’m sorry. I truly am. But I was never one of you. My necklace-the necklace- was a listening device. I was just supposed to plant it on one of you and get out, back on that day you guys broke in. But when you hesitated to shoot me, I knew that I had an in, so I took it. I’ve been feeding the Order information the entire time I was with the Resistance.”

The look of total shock and betrayal on their faces felt like someone was stabbing her in the heart. The knot inside of her pulled tighter. Finn and Poe said nothing. They had no weapons, and they knew no one was going to rescue them. Kylo Ren didn’t seem to care much for the drama going on around him. “You know, you did have me worried at one point. But when I figured out why you broke in Tabuula, I graciously decided to forgive you, C-7717.”

C-7717. A string of numbers and a letter. Someday it would maybe gain another letter. It was just a random way to identify her next to the hundred thousand stormtroopers who looked just like her. They all looked alike in those helmets. But Iris wasn’t wearing a helmet. She didn’t have to look like everyone else. He was name was Iris. It was a name she was lovingly called. Her name was Iris, and she didn’t have to be like everyone else. Her name was Iris, and her life was so much more than a single document. Her name was Iris and she didn’t have to let her friends die.

With a loud screech, Iris threw her hands forward. Finn and Poe were sent flying out of the room, and the big double doors slammed shut. “Run!” she screamed. “RUN!”

She jumped aside just in time to avoid getting hit with the butt of a lightsaber. Iris turned to face Kylo Ren, though she kept the majority of her energy focused on the doors, willing them to stay shut. Kylo Ren swung his weapon, and Iris pulled out the tiny knife she’d hidden in her waistband. The fight was on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys don’t think that this climax was too rushed. I’ve had this particular scene in my head from the beginning, which was the reason I even started this fic in the first place, so I’ve been patiently waiting to get to this point. I hope that the wait wasn’t too short or too long.


	21. Chapter 21

_“Aw, darling. He’s beautiful.”_

_Aksha grinned. “I know. It’s hard to believe anything so perfect came partially from you. What should his name be?”_

_Killian scratched his head awkwardly. “Actually, I was thinking we could name him Mathrew.”_

_Aksha’s eyes widened. “After my father? Why?”_

_Killian groaned. “I was planning on telling you later, but it’s too late to keep it a secret now. I hate to be the one to tell you… but your father’s dead. It’s all the locals were talking about when I went into town the other day.”_

_Aksha sat up abruptly, startling the baby into crying. “What? When?”_

_“I just heard about it two days ago. They’re saying he died from being old. He was in no pain at the time.”_

_Aksha lifted the baby so she could kiss the top of his head. “All those years, I’ve always told myself that I’d talk to him. I’d just visit one day, and say hello, and everything would be better. I should’ve gone sooner. I should’ve just said hello.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “Alright, Matt is is.” She sniffed back some tears. “Darling, I don’t ever want another child. Just Matt and you are the perfect family.”_

_Killian waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “But what if I just can’t keep my hands off of you, my angel?”_

_Aksha held Matt up to look him in the eyes. “Your father is the most ridiculous man alive. But force help me, I love him.”_

_Killian sat, and pulled his wife into a hug. “That works out so perfectly, because I just happen to love you too.”_

Iris blinked, and realized a moment later that Kylo Ren seemed as dazed as she did. “Did you just see that?”

He pulled off his mask. “What does it mean?”

Instead of trying to come up with an answer, Iris lunged forward, cutting a small slash mark against Kylo’s arm. Then she danced away, still able to feel the heat of the lightsaber. When she darted forward again, the knife went flying out of her grip. 

Kylo swung his lightsaber, and Iris ducked. Her hair was sliced off in one quick swipe, and Kylo paused to stare. “What happened to your ear?”

Iris grinned. “Your cadets are getting to the point where they’re almost competent. Personally, I was already thinking of getting a trim, though, so thanks for that.” She rolled away, feeling the heat of each stroke getting closer. 

Iris punched Kylo in the leg, and as she ducked away, she could feel a searing pain in her hip. She bent over, and Kylo hit her with the back of his lightsaber, knocking her to the ground. Iris grit her teeth, still focusing on keeping the doors closed. Kylo stood over her. “You’re just a child. You have no idea what you’re doing.”

Iris pressed her hands against her hip, which felt like it was on fire. “Okay, you win. Just make it quick.” She squeezed her eyes shut, and turned away. She could feel the deadly heat growing closer, then pause less than an inch away from her neck. “You asshole, I said make it quick.” When she still wasn’t dead a moment later, Iris cautiously opened her eyes and peered up. 

Kylo Ren was standing there, holding his weapon in steady hands. “You’re just a child,” he muttered.

Iris frowned. “You killed plenty of children younger than me. Just do it already!” Her nerves were frayed, and her perfect soldier mask had cracked a long time ago. “Just kill me already so I can tell your parents you said hello.”

The heat faded as the lightsaber was drawn away from Iris. “It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I should’ve made you come with me back on Dalton 6. I should’ve never let you return to the rebels.”

Iris could feel her confusion growing as Kylo retracted his lightsaber and took a step back. “Why do you care? I betrayed you, so why aren’t you killing me now?”

He glanced back at the closed doors. “You betrayed them too. They’ll never take you back.”

Iris shrugged. “I’ve helped save them. The only lives I’ve taken are those from the Order. My conscience is as clear as it can be for a double traitor.”

“If I kill you now, you’ll be a martyr. If I let you live, they’ll never trust you again, C-7717.”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “My name is Iris.”

“Iris, then. Iris, who’s given her whole life in duty to the Order. Iris, who never knew she was special. Iris, who still doesn’t.”

Iris tried to stand, but the pain in her hip was too much. “You’re stalling,” she grunted. “Why?” Kylo Ren stared down at her with an unreadable expression. “I know you saved my life,” Iris blurted out. “When I was a kid I tried to run away. You stopped them from executing me. You didn’t kill me then, and you’re not killing me now. Why?”

Kylo Ren frowned. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He didn’t sound so sure, though.

Iris pinched her injury, the sharp pain stopping her from falling asleep. “You knew, didn’t you? Even back then, you could feel how similar we were.”

“I’m nothing like you!” Kylo spat. “I’m strong where you’re weak. I know how to make the force serve me, while you fumble about like a child.”

Iris tilted her head. “Maybe. But you seem to be forgetting something. We’re both traitors.”

Kylo shook his head. “I’m not a traitor. I’m being loyal to my family by fulfilling my grandfather’s legacy!”

“Pull your head out of your ass already! Everybody hated him! They cheered and threw parties when he was dead! Your brain must be made of literal shit if you think that the whispered words of a psychopath excuse you for being a pathetic-!” In one quick motion, Kylo’s lightsaber was out, and sliced halfway through the top of Iris’s leg. She screamed in pain and frustration. “What the shit!? Just kill me or let me walk away already!”

Kylo scowled. “Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Iris looked at Kylo carefully, assessing the situation. Even if she could distract him for long enough, she’d never be able to run away in her current condition. Her only weapon was lying somewhere out of sight. Way too far out of reach. 

Iris knew that Finn and Poe were long gone, but there were some stormtroopers out there that were going to start growing suspicious if the doors opened to reveal the current situation. 

Iris tuned out Kylo Ren as he continued to rant, and she took the opportunity to look around the room. It was mostly empty, other than the large crates lining two of the walls. Which is why her eyes were immediately drawn to a small grate on the other side of the room. It wiggled open, and Iris could see someone’s head poke through. Iris apparently had to keep Kylo distracted after all.

So she kicked out her uninjured leg, and the element of surprise was enough to send Kylo sprawling to the ground, his lightsaber clattering several feet away. Iris rolled on top of Kylo, and punched him in the face as hard as she could. There were multiple snaps as Kylo’s nose broke, along with several fingers in Iris’s hand. In her defense, stormtroopers her age hadn’t had much training in hand to hand combat, so she didn’t properly know how to throw a punch.

Kylo kneed Iris in the hip, right where her injury was. She screamed and grabbed a handful of his hair, using it to lift his head off the ground and slam it into the floor. 

That’s when the shock wore off, and Kylo used the force to send Iris flying across the room, blood spraying the floor as the cauterized skin split open. She slammed into the opposite wall. 

Kylo held his hand out, and his lightsaber flew into it a moment later. He got to his feet, only to duck out of the way of a blaster bolt. He growled, and Finn and Poe both found themselves being pinned to the wall just moments after emerging from the grate. Kylo curled his fingers, and the other two men began to cough as they were being choked. 

Iris managed to get to her feet, though she had to lean all her weight back against the wall to stop herself from toppling over. “Stop!” Now Iris could definitely feel stormtroopers running through the halls, towards the closed double doors. She had to keep those doors shut. “Stop!” Kylo’s grip loosened by a tiny bit. “Don’t hurt them. Please, don’t hurt them.”

Kylo didn’t turn to look at her. “Why should your words hold any weight with me?”

Iris looked around the room desperately, without actually looking up at Finn or Poe. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the glint of her knife. It was only a few feet away, but it may as well have been a few miles. Iris was already in so much pain, and she was soaked with sweat from the effort of keeping the stormtroopers outside from busting the doors down. “You’ve spared my life twice now. That can’t mean nothing.” She glanced at the captured men without meeting their eyes, and was filled with a new sense of determination. Her pain meant nothing if she couldn’t even save the people she cared about. 

There was no way she could move closer to the knife. But she could use the force to bring it closer to her. She closed her eyes, and let the sounds around her fade into silence. She could feel the troopers outside, and she knew they’d break through the doors eventually. Iris could use that to her advantage.

She released her grip on the doors without warning, and grabbed her knife simultaneously. The stormtroopers burst in, not having expected to get through the doors so soon. The knife flew into Iris’s outstretched hand, but with her eyes still closed, she couldn’t see that it flew blade first. She opened her eyes upon feeling the pain of a cut across her palm, though she barely winced as she adjusted her grip. 

Kylo turned to look at the commotion, and Iris tossed the knife, using just a touch of the force to keep it on target. The blade bit into the back of Kylo’s shoulder, and his eyes darkened. He reached back to grab the knife, and threw it on the ground. 

With his attention no longer on the rebels, it was easy enough for Iris to drop them to the ground. Hopefully Finn and Poe would realized they had the perfect opportunity to slip out during the confusion. Kylo stormed over to Iris and glowered at her. “What is wrong with you? Do you want to die?”

Iris shook her head. “Of course not. But I can’t just stand here and do nothing. I’ve never been the sort who could.”

“You’re insane.”

Iris blinked, then lifted the edges of her mouth up into a smile. “I’d think that even you can appreciate how ridiculous it is to hear that coming from you.” She began laughing, not caring how maniacal she sounded. “More proof that stormtrooper training is garbage. This isn’t even my first mental breakdown!” She kept laughing, even though it made her whole body hurt even worse. Her victory came in the form of the quick flash of fear across Kylo’s face. “You’re the one who’s insane!” She laughed until tears began to fall from her eyes. “You’re just a pathetically lonely, crazy man.”

Kylo Ren swung his lightsaber down just enough to burn a shallow cut across Iris’s collarbone. “I think you’ve hit your head way too hard.”

When Iris flicked her eyes up, she couldn’t see the rebels anywhere in the room anymore, so she hoped they’d gotten away. Maybe this whole excursion wouldn’t have to become a tragedy. “Well I think-” Iris couldn’t hide her dismay at the sight of five rebels marching into the room, right through the main doors.

Kylo turned to follow Iris’s gaze, and he scowled. He barked at the stormtroopers to kill the intruders. The rebels began dancing around the room, fighting like they’d been born knowing how. It seemed that the fight was going in favor of the rebels despite how outnumbered they were. 

Until Rey was cut off from the others. She kept whacking at the troopers, but her staff wasn’t very strong against the troopers’ armor. Iris reached into her pocket and grabbed the two pieces she’d taken from Rey. Iris tossed them in Rey’s direction, and her lightsaber disassembled, gained back the two pieces in their proper places, and reassembled in less time than it took to blink. 

Rey quickly turned the lightsaber on, and was able to slice through the stormtrooper armor like it was made of tissue paper. Kylo turned back to Iris. “So when exactly did you plan on betraying me, anyways? A month ago? Two?”

Iris shook her head. “I really was going to stay loyal to you. It wasn’t until I realized I’d lose the only people who ever cared about me that I knew what I had to do. It wasn’t until I was right in front of you that I made my choice.”

“The only people who ever cared about you?”

Iris shrugged. “Unless you want to suddenly confess your undying love for me.” She laughed, and some blood dribbled out of her mouth. “Oh… that can’t be good.” Iris stared at her opponent, and wondered why he was just standing there. It would be so easy to just kill her off now while she was weak, and probably already dying. 

Almost like he’d read her mind, Kylo asked exactly what Iris was thinking. “You took me by surprise with that knife throw. You could’ve easily hit me somewhere more vital. Instead, I got barely a scratch. Why didn’t you?”

“Maybe I missed.” Iris coughed up some more blood.

Kylo shook his head. “You were one of the best shots I’ve ever seen even before you knew about the force. There’s no way that you missed.”

Iris tilted her head. “Habit, then. My whole life has revolved around the Order, and by extension, you. I don’t think that I have it in me to kill you. What’s your excuse?”

Kylo glanced down at the blood dripping on the floor. “I may as well put you out of your misery. But-” 

Iris saw the world move almost in slow motion. Kylo was distracted, so he didn’t notice the blaster bolt heading right to the back of his head. Iris shoved Kylo out of the way, so the bolt harmlessly hit the wall. Iris fell on top of Kylo, so she rolled away from him. “That was just habit. Don’t overthink it.”

Kylo jumped to his feet easily, since he was barely injured at all. He looked ready to kill the rebels. Iris reached up to grab the bottom hem of his robe. “Don’t. Please don’t hurt them.” She coughed up some more blood, which she had to turn her head to spit out onto the floor. “I’ll stay. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Someone to teach and talk to and learn from? Let them go, and I’ll stay.”

Kylo raised an unimpressed eyebrow, and easily tugged his robe out of Iris’s weak hand. “You think that I’m lonely? What gave you that idea?” He turned away.

There was only two troopers left before the way was clear for the rebels to flee. Though it wouldn’t have been a problem at all if they’d left when they had the chance. Why did they even bother coming back?

Iris wiggled her fingers a few times, trying to call her knife back from wherever it had landed. Her eyelids were just so heavy, though, and they slid shut. 

_“It’ll all be fun, I promise. And I’ll be looking after him the whole time. You stay here with-_

Iris forced her eyes open. Now wasn’t the time to learn more about Aksha and Killian. Iris wiggled her fingers some more, and she could hear the soft clatter of metal against metal nearby. She stretched her arm out in the direction of the noise, and the following wave of pain was very intense. 

_“Father, where are all the people?”_

_Killian smiled sadly. “Many years ago, a bad man decided that he didn’t like the jedi. So he-_

Iris opened her eyes again with a lot of effort. She pinched her hip again, hoping to stay awake. She wiggled her fingers one last time, and the knife flew into her hand. She held it up above her own neck. “Hey!” Her voice was a weak gurgle, and she had to spit out some more blood. Kylo turned back to her at the sound of the noise anyways. Iris hoped that she was right. Sparing her- twice- had to mean something, didn’t it? “Let them go, or this’ll be the end.”

Kylo frowned. “The moment you betrayed me, your life became meaningless. If you’re going to throw it away so easily, then go ahead.”

Iris was vaguely aware of the rebels standing and staring, but she ignored them. “Fine.” She pressed the knife down, and a few beads of blood ran down the side of her neck. “Bye.” Iris anticipated Kylo trying to fling the knife away, so she held on tightly with the force. “Let them go.”

Before Kylo could get an answer, Rey smashed her staff against the back of his head, and he crumpled to the ground, unconscious. “Come on, we’ve got to get out of here.”

One of the other rebels scowled. “We can’t just leave him alive like that. There’s still time-”

Rey shook her head. “There’s more stormtroopers coming as we speak. If we get caught in this room, we’ll be trapped. Let’s live to fight another day, okay?”

The rebel nodded, though he grumbled under his breath as they headed towards the doors. 

Finn scooped up Iris, and she stared at him in surprise. “Me too? But I…”

Finn pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Rest. You’re safe now.” As he said that, Iris realized that even the stormtroopers racing to this side of the building couldn’t stop her from feeling safe in that moment. She closed her eyes, and prayed to the force that she’d wake up eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I take some liberties with the force, but I hope that it stays believable enough :) Also, I know that Iris is generally very strong, but she has virtually zero training with the force, so I think that it’s believable for Kylo Ren to kick her ass. But I do also believe that he could be very easily distracted. Hopefully the fight came across as realistic.


	22. Chapter 22

Iris knew that every part of her hurt, but her lips were too heavy to bother screaming with, and her eyelids were too heavy to try and open. She could still hear, though. “We’re losing her!”

“She betrayed us. Why didn’t we just leave her there?”

Finn sounded upset. “Just look at her! All those injuries were received trying to protect us! Maybe it took a lot longer than expected, but she’s on our side! And we could never leave behind our own people.”

Rey cut in. “Of course we’re going to save her. But then what? How can we trust that she’s always going to be on our side when she’s already proven herself to be unreliable?”

“Guys, please shut up and let me drive this thing in peace!”

Among all the chatter, Iris could hear Leia. _“I never liked to beat around the bush. The child isn’t going to make it.”_

 _“Nonsense.”_ The accented voice said, sounding slightly unsure. _“It may seem bad, but the force will guide her to safety.”_

The gruff voice spoke up. _“The child is very strong. But she had played her part already. She has accepted the lightness into her heart, and no more could be required of her.”_

_“But what about Leia’s son? He remains alive and a threat.”_

Leia was the one to respond to that. _“My rebels are more than capable of dealing with this problem on their own. They fought for many years before the child joined, and they shall fight for many years more once she is gone. She is already severely injured, and our new base has no bacta tanks. Her recovery seems improbable.”_

Iris was getting a headache from all of the voices talking over each other. “Hm…” was the most sound she could make. 

The gruff voice was in the middle of speaking when Iris focused on her ghosts again. _“-doesn’t even know who I am. Does she?”_

_“Well, I’m sure she’s heard the same stories as everyone else. Anyways, her goal was to get a rise out of my son, not to insult you.”_

It took a lot of effort, but Iris managed to pry her eyes open. She nearly closed them when she saw Leia leaning over her. The woman looked fine, other than being slightly more see-through than normal. 

Behind Leia were two other see-through people. One was a classy looking old man with a neat little beard. The other was slightly younger looking, with a bald head and lots of scars across his face. Iris assumed the bearded man had the accent, and the bald man had the gruff voice. 

Iris tried to sit up, but she was being held down. Rey was pinning Iris down by the shoulders, while Finn was pressing a bloody cloth to Iris’s hip. Finn seemed surprised by the slight movement. “How are you even awake right now?”

Iris ignored him to stare at the ghostly trio. It was strange to be seeing them after just hearing them. “Who…?” Her mouth felt like it was full of cotton, and the single word caused a fit of coughing that forced more blood up. 

The bearded man moved forward. _“Since you’re following my movement, I’m going to assume that you can see us now.”_ Iris nodded. _“You wish to know who we are?”_ Iris nodded again. _“My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I was a jedi master back in the old days. That insufferable nuisance behind me is Anakin Skywalker.”_

“Skywalker?”

Finn looked pretty concerned. “Whatever trash talk you want to say about the Skywalkers can wait.”

Obi-Wan smiled gently. _“Yes, he is the father of Luke and Leia Skywalker. But that is all ancient history. I’m much more interested in where you came from. But even you don’t know that, do you?”_ He frowned. _“Anakin thinks you’re going to die, and he hates being wrong. So make sure you live if only to annoy him. Rest now. We can speak more later.”_

Iris let her eyes slide shut again. This time, she wasn’t going to push away whatever it was that the force wanted her to see. 

***

_Aksha was already crying when her husband walked inside. He dropped the bags he was holding, and immediately rushed over. “What’s wrong? Is Matt okay? Are you?”_

_Aksha sniffled. “I’m pregnant.”_

_Killian felt a sense of joy rushing through him at the thought of having another child, but he remained calm. “Why do you seem so distressed?”_

_The woman sniffed again. “I like our family the way it is. I don’t want another member.”_

_Killian took both of Aksha’s hands. “You know that I love you, and I’ll support any decision that you make. But what’s this really about, my angel?”_

_Aksha stood, and paced across the room. “This world is just so full of shit. With the First Order always hanging over us, we have to be ready to go on a moment’s notice in case they ever find out about you. This isn’t a world to bring a child into, and a baby would only slow us down when we do eventually have to run.”_

_Killian walked over to Aksha, and pulled her into a hug. “I can protect us, I promise. I would never let anything happen to you or Matt or a baby. If you really don’t want it, though, I’ll still love you until the end of time.”_

_Aksha started crying. “I want her!” She rubbed one hand over her still flat stomach. “I think it’ll be a girl. My little girl. But I’m scared. I’m so scared, Illi.”_

_Killian led Aksha back over to the couch, and once they were seated, he placed his hand over hers. “I can keep us safe. I’ll always protect this family with all I’ve got.”_

_“Then I guess that means we have to start thinking of names.” She laughed and wiped her eyes. “Should we tell Matt now, or once I start showing?”_

_“Tell me what?” Both adults looked over to see their eight-year-old son standing in the doorway._

_Killian laughed, and beckoned Matt to come closer. “How would you feel about a baby sister?”_

***

When Iris opened her eyes again, she recognized the very familiar medical tent on Autari. The only thing unfamiliar about the experience was the way one of her wrists was cuffed to the safety bars on the side of the bed. She tugged once to see if it was secure, and it was. The motion didn’t send as much pain through her body as she would’ve thought. That probably meant she was on painkillers. 

One of the doctors walked over to her, a grim look on his head. “So you’re awake.”

Iris gulped. “It would seem so. How bad is it?”

The doctor grabbed her charts. “Three broken bones in your left hand. Two broken ribs. Internal bleeding with a severe contusion. Deep lacerations on your left palm and right collar. Third degree burns on your left hip and right thigh, along with more lacerations. Your brain scans showed some strange activity. And you’ve most likely got a concussion. There’s also some other minor scratches and bruises, and a few fractured bones in your spine.”

Iris nodded. “That doesn’t seem so bad. And the handcuffs help me… how, exactly?”

The doctor frowned. “Everyone knows what you did. There’s guards all around this tent right now. If you try to run, they’ll shoot.” Iris closed her eyes and nodded again. It was no more than she deserved. “You’re not going to say that it isn’t what it looks like?”

Iris shook her head. “No. I have no honor left, but I do still have my dignity.”

The doctor’s face softened just the tiniest bit. “Once you’re cleared to get out of bed, you’ll be put on trial. You’ll be able to explain yourself at that time. Until then, no visitors.”

Iris already knew what the outcome of a trial would be. It was her fault that Leia was dead, and while they may have forgiven it before, in light of the new information, no one was going to be able to see past that. “Are the others okay? Finn, Poe, Rey, Dominic, Peltin?”

The doctor nodded. “They got a handful of bruises and scrapes each, but that’s it.” He sighed. “Now get some rest, okay?” He turned to make his way to the other side of the tent. 

Iris was slightly startled when she saw the three ghostly figures standing next to her bed. “Geez! Don’t you guys ever have anything better to do than follow me around?”

Anakin sighed. _“Fine, you were right. She pulled through. I owe you some credits.”_

Obi-Wan sounded pretty smug about it. _“I told you that the force would save her.”_

Leia shushed them both, and looked down at Iris sternly. _“I told you to say something sooner. I also told you that if anything happened to the people I care about, you’d regret it. At least you realized your priorities before any of them died, and you’ve already taken a pretty harsh beating, so I suppose I’ll forgive you. Everyone deserves a second chance.”_

Iris looked down at the floor, and she felt like there was a big lump in her throat. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to fix everything, but I didn’t even know what was broken. I wish I could go back and change everything. Or even that they’d just left me behind. I messed up. I chose wrong. I should’ve seen it sooner. I should’ve known that it was always your people who cared about me. I just… No. There’s no excusing my actions. I’m a pathetic piece of shit.”

When Anakin spoke, his voice sounded the gentlest that Iris had ever heard it. _“You may not have seen your mistakes until the last possible moment, but it could’ve been so much worse. You could’ve not seen it even then. You could’ve been a bitter, dark person. You could’ve been like me.”_

Iris sniffed. “I’m sorry I said that people cheered when you died. I wasn’t alive back then, so I have no idea what people did.”

Anakin shrugged. _“You’re not wrong. How did you know, though?”_

Iris shrugged as well. “I had no idea what he was talking about when he said grandfather. I just assumed it was a slip of the tongue and he meant Darth Vader, since everyone knows that’s his biggest idol. I didn’t realize they were one and the same.”

The doctor walked over to Iris. “Are you talking to yourself? That concussion must be worse than I thought.”

Iris shook her head. “Oh, no. I’m fine. Really.” Once the doctor had walked away, Iris looked up to see that her ghosts were gone. She closed her eyes, and commanded her body to relax. She had nothing better to do than learn more about the couple from her visions. 

***

_“Matt! Matt! Mathrew!” Aksha looked at her husband worriedly. “Where the hell is he?”_

_Killian was just as scared as his wife. “I don’t know. Matt!” He frowned. “Seriously, wherever you are, this isn’t funny!” He closed his eyes, and let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to find him this way. But I don’t think we’ve got much voice.” He took in a deep breath, and allowed his body to relax._

_He soon found himself at a waterfall. It was his preferred location. There was someone already waiting for him, sitting at the edge of the pond beneath the waterfall. She was swinging her legs back and forth in the water, making gentle splashes._

_He cleared his throat, and the girl turned around. The first thing he noticed was the way her hair was cut so much shorter on the left side than the right. “Who are you?” He didn’t detect any evilness from her, but it was better to be on the safe side._

_“Thank the force you finally showed up.” She smiled gently. “There’s no need to be scared. I’m a… friend. We haven’t met yet. I’m just here to tell you not to forget my face, okay? A lot of time is going to pass before we meet again, but I promise I’ll still look the same. It’s very important you remember me, okay?”_

_Killian frowned. “If it’s so important, why don’t you just visit me closer to whenever you are?”_

_The girl gave a pained smile, and moved to tuck some hair back, but it just fell forward again because there was no ear there. “I used to work well under pressure, but now I’m only human. And I have like zero training basically, so it isn’t easy. Just don’t forget me, okay?”_

_“But who are you? Why is it so important?”_

_The girl blinked, and awkwardly scratched the back of her head. “It’s too hard to explain it all right now. Just know that someday you’re going to hear a lot of stuff about me, but I swear none of it is true. I mean, there’s a little bit that’s true, but none of the stuff that’s likely to piss you off. Now I’ve got to go.” She got up and jumped into the pond without another word. Killian couldn’t feel her presence anymore._

_As strange as that had been, Killian knew that when it came to the force, there were never any coincidences. That girl wouldn’t have been able to find his mind unless she did know him. So he took a moment to remember everything he could about the oddly familiar girl._

_A moment later, he was jerked out of his meditative state as he was pulled into a tight hug. Aksha and Matt were both there. He pulled Matt closer. “Where were you? We were worried sick!”_

_The little boy grinned. “Hide and seek!”_

_Killian let out a long breath of air. “I know that’s what we were playing, buddy, but you should’ve come out when we started calling for you.”_

_Matt stared at his dad innocently, having no idea why his parents were upset. “But that’s not how you play.”_

_Killian pressed a kiss to the top of his son’s head. “No, I suppose it’s not, is it?” He looked up at his wife, ready to laugh off the whole incident. He paused when he met her eyes. That’s why the girl he’d seen looked so oddly familiar. She had the same crystal blue eyes as Aksha. How odd._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my sister told me that I’ve made the Resistance too harsh. I don’t agree with her on that. Iris betrayed them all. They have the right to be angry. It’s probably more surprising that she wasn’t just left for dead. 
> 
> I know things get a little trippy at the end of this chapter, but I promise that everything happens for a reason. I’ve got quite a few things planned out


	23. Chapter 23

Iris slowly opened her eyes. She’d just had a vision of some guy having a vision of her. Her hair had been a bit longer in her vision’s vision, but there was no denying that that had been her. But why would she want Killian to recognize her? That had to be a couple decades ago based on Matt’s age in the vision. That was a long time to ask someone to remember someone they'd only seen for a couple minutes. 

A few minutes after Iris woke up, the doctor walked over. “You’ve been out for a couple hours. How’re you feeling?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve been here the whole time. Where are all the other doctors? Don’t you ever get a break?”

The doctor shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “In light of the recent revelation, none of the others wanted to treat you.” He cleared his throat. “Do you need any more painkillers?”

Every single part of Iris’s body hurt, a lot. She shook her head. “No, I’m good.” The doctor started to turn away. “Wait! If you’re going to be the only one helping me, can I at least know your name?”

“Dr Tr’iaak-em. Most humans just call me Em.” He raised one eyebrow. “Now if there’s nothing else…”

Iris nodded. “Right, yeah. Thanks, Dr Tr’iaak-em. You must be some kind of miracle worker.”

Em smiled. “We have no bacta tanks, or half the other equipment that would be needed to bring someone back after getting as close to death as you did. I may have patched your injuries, but the whole staying alive part was entirely on you.” He tilted his head. “Oh, and you pronounced my name wrong. Just me Em like everyone else does.”

He walked back to the other side of the tent. Iris looked down at her body to see how bad she appeared. There was a cast on her right hand, and bandages wrapped around the left. When she moved aside her blanket, she could see the thick bandages wrapped around her thigh and hip. They were itchy, which meant there was stitches beneath the bandages. There was a brace around her back that stopped her from being able to bend or twist. And there were smaller bandages on her neck and chest. 

She pulled her blanket back into place, and let out a loud groan of frustration. It was Anakin who started laughing at her. _“You think you’ve got it bad? You’ve seen my face. Imagine that, but on your whole body, and you’re missing all your limbs.”_

Iris rolled her eyes. “Is this supposed to be a contest of who’s got it worse? At least when everyone hated you it was because you had power. Everyone hates me, and all I can do is lie here, handcuffed to a bed.”

_“Well to be fair, you have proven yourself to be untrustworthy,”_ Obi-Wan helpfully pointed out. _“That that man can’t be a very good doctor if he can’t see that you’re clearly in pain. You don’t have to punish yourself, you know. Everyone else will already be punishing you enough as it is.”_

Iris scoffed. “Nah, I’m fine. It’s actually a logical choice on my part to refuse painkillers. A lot of years ago, I had an acquaintance who was addicted to the stuff. He’d purposely get hurt during all our training exercises just to get more. Eventually, they assumed he must be incompetent to get hurt all the time, and they, well, we never saw him again after that.”

Leia sounded regretful to hear that. _“That’s part of why this fight is so important. No one deserves the childhood that you and Finn and all the others were forced to endure. Of course I’m not saying that your past excuses your actions. But I wanted to live in a world where no one’s past was like that. I wanted to live in a world where everyone was free and happy.”_

“It’s not the worst childhood I could imagine. They fed us, gave us a home, and taught us to protect ourselves.”

_“The saddest part is that you really believe that. Iris, that is the bare minimum for a guardian to provide. Don’t forget that they took you from your real homes, never showed you love, and forced you to undergo vigorous training when you were just babies so you could grow up to be identity-less members of their army.”_ It was strange to hear Leia sound so outraged on her behalf, despite how much the woman had to hate Iris by now. 

Iris looked over at Leia. “I watched the video, you know. The one that we broke into Tabuula for. It showed me using the force. I don’t even know for sure that that was the first time. But who cares? It didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. When Rey told you that you were going to die, you should’ve just stayed here.”

Leia was silent for a while, and the other two ghosts were as well. Finally, after what felt like forever, she responded. _“Whoever you are, wherever your allegiances lie, your life matters. And you can’t claim that you would’ve been fine on your own; your ear is proof enough.”_

Obi-Wan spoke before Iris could. _“Dying so that someone else can move on isn’t the worst way to go. I was old, she was old. One of us probably would’ve had a heart attack, and that would be so much less cool. The point is that I died so Leia and Luke is and the others could complete their adventure. But no matter how long you live, a younger, newer generation is always going to come along.”_

Leia nodded. _“And even if you didn’t turn out to be the person I thought you were, I don’t regret going with you.”_

Em walked over to the bed and cleared his throat. “Sorry to interrupt your conversation with yourself, but the general’s here to see you.”

“I thought you said no visitors?”

Em shrugged. “I don’t tell the woman how to do her job, and she doesn’t tell me how to do mine.”

Kiah walked over to Iris’s bed. She crossed her arms over her chest, and stared with an icy gaze. “I just want to know one thing: were you telling the truth about what happened to Leia?”

Iris nodded. “Yeah.”

Kiah narrowed her eyes. “How do I know that you’re telling the truth?”

Iris refrained from rolling her eyes. “What reason could I possibly have to lie to you? I’m already outed as a traitor and handcuffed to a bed while I can barely move anyways. The game is over. I’m not such an idiot that I haven’t already figured out that much.”

Kiah pulled down Iris’s blanket, revealing the beat up body. Iris was wearing nothing but underwear and bandages, but she’d been raised to think of her body as nothing more than a tool, so she felt no embarrassment from being naked. Kiah reached over and pressed down on Iris’s hip with a considerable amount of force. “Was your story of Leia’s death true? Is she even dead?”

Iris clamped her lips together to stop herself from screaming. When she had the pain under control, she nodded. “Yes, everything I told you about Leia’s death is true!”

Leia narrowed her eyes. _“What kind of leader tortures people?”_

Kiah pressed down harder. “Are you still spying for the Order even now?”

“No!” Iris gasped out. “Kylo Ren as good as murdered me! You think I’d still work for him after that?”

Kiah shrugged. “To be honest, Iris, I don’t know if I can believe a single word that comes out of your mouth. I’ve been thinking over every interaction I’ve ever had with you. Every piece of ‘wisdom’ you’ve shared with me,” she spat. “You certainly are a good actor, since you managed to fool everyone here. If you’re such a good actor, I have no way of knowing whether you’re acting or not even now." She picked her hand up, and Iris let out an involuntary gasp of relief. Then Kiah took her by surprise when she punched Iris in the face.

Em ran over and grabbed Kiah, yanking her away from the bed. Iris reached up to feel blood drop down from her newly split lip while Em shouted at the general. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? That girl is my patient, and it’s my job to get her as fixed up as possible. That’s already hard enough without you going psychotic!”

Kiah tried to wriggled out of his grasp, but Em was much stronger. “How are you not outraged right now? How can you stand the thought of helping her?”

“Get out. I will not allow you to abuse me or my patient. The girl is to have no visitors until her trial, and that includes drunk generals. Now get out before I throw you out. This is a place of healing, and nothing else.”

As soon as he let go, Kiah stomped over to the entrance of the tent. She glanced back at Iris. “Don’t think that this is over! Once everyone sees how evil you are, you’ll never be forgiven!” Then she left the tent before Em could actually throw her out. 

Em handed Iris an ice pack. “It’ll help with the swelling. Call me over if you need anything.” Iris nodded silently. 

Leia looked at Iris curiously. _“We all know that you could’ve easily retaliated. Why didn’t you?”_

Iris shrugged. “I’ve already hurt enough people. I don’t need to add another one to that list.”

_“You’re not letting your blood spill as some sort of atonement, are you?”_

Iris shook her head. “If you don’t mind, I’m pretty tired right now. Could you just go to wherever it is you go when you’re not hanging around me?”

Obi-Wan nodded. _“Of course. There will always be time for talking later.”_

Iris waited until the three ghosts were gone before closing her eyes. Her throbbing mouth was just one more tiresome ache, and iris preferred to get away from her own life, at least for a little bit. 

***

_Killian laughed nervously. “Well, we don’t have much in the way of money, but-”_

_The man behind the counter didn’t look impressed. “No money, no sale.”_

_Killian clasped his hands together. “Please, I’m begging you. We need a place to stay.”_

_“Not my problem.”_

_Killian balled his hands into fists and stormed outside. He made his way back to the temporary hostel that he was staying at with his girlfriend until they found something better. He found her in the common room, reading. He walked over to her, and knelt down so they were at the same level. “Hey.”_

_Aksha frowned. “No house?”_

_Killian shook his head. “We have no money, and can’t offer up any particular skills.” He groaned. “I hate to say this, but I think we’re screwed. I think we should use the last of our funds to book a ship. I’d rather see you return to your father than starve to death with me.”_

_Aksha put her book down. “That’s not an option. I’m not returning with my tail between my legs. We can do this. I’m not going to give up. We’ll go to a different planet. I could be a teacher in language. You could find some work as a handyman, or something. But whatever we do, we’ll do it together, and we’ll be fine.”_

_Both of them looked up when they saw someone walk towards them. She gave them an appraising look. “You’re young, but you’ll do.” She laughed at the twin questioning looks she got in response. “There’s always a few people in the hostel who’re looking to pick up some extra credits. I need a babysitter within the next half hour. All night. I’ll pay a hundred credits an hour.”_

_Aksha raised one eyebrow. “Don’t you want to see any qualifications?”_

_The woman shook her head. “I can always tell whether someone is a good person or not just by looking at them. And I can tell you that you are both good people.”_

_Aksha shook the woman’s hand. “We’ll do it.”_

_The woman brought the couple back to a very nice looking house. She led them in, and handed over a peacefully drooling baby. “Her name is Rosemary. She won’t need to be fed again until next week, so all you have to do is play with her and make sure she gets to sleep. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen.” She hurried out of the front door._

_Aksha grinned. “Aw, she’s so adorable.”_

_Killian shifted awkwardly. “Something about this doesn’t feel right. That lady never even gave us her name.”_

_Aksha shrugged. “Stop worrying. Rosemary’s an adorable baby, and we’re going to walk away from here with a lot more credits than we walked in with.”_

_Killian nodded. “You’re right.” He sighed, and flopped down on the couch._

_Halfway through the night, Killian heard the sound of glass shattering, and he was immediately on alert. Aksha looked at her boyfriend. “What was that?”_

_Killian motioned for her to be quiet and stay there. He slowly made his way through the house to the source of the noise. He found himself in the kitchen, where there were two people with masks covering their faces. One of the intruders stepped forward, holding out a blaster. “Mr Cardimom. Where’s our money?”_

_Killian’s eyes widened in understanding. He knew that the job had been too good to be true. “Please, there must be some kind of a misunderstanding. I’m just the babysitter.”_

_The intruder laughed angrily. “Of course you are. They were always a slippery pair. Unfortunately for you, our job’s not done until there’s two bodies on the floor.” He raised his blaster._

_Killian’s eyes flared, and he easily removed the guns from their owners. The baby suddenly started crying and screaming in the other room. When they turned to look, Killian tossed them both back against the wall, and they were knocked unconscious. “Looks like the two bodies on the floor are yours,” he muttered._

_He ran back into the living room. There were two more intruders; one holding Aksha, and the other holding the baby. “So, here they are. The infamous Cardimoms.”_

_Killian narrowed his eyes. “We’re just the babysitters. We were offered a lot of money to work on short notice. We aren’t who you’re looking for.”_

_One of the intruders shrugged. “Makes no difference to us. The real Cardimoms are probably long gone by now.”_

_Killian sent his girlfriend an apologetic look before flinging her away from her captor, and slamming him into the wall. Aksha quickly jumped up and kicked the other one right between his legs. She snatched the baby out of his loosened grip, and then Kilian slammed him against the wall as well. Aksha calmed Rosemary as much as she could, and the baby settled down quickly. Three more intruders were found upstairs, and Killian dealt with two while Aksha got the third._

_By the time their employer got home the next morning, the house was in perfect shape, and the only sign of a break in was all the men tied up. The woman seemed surprised to see them. “Oh, uh,”_

_Killian glared. “You left us here to die.”_

_The woman shrugged and took Rosemary back. “Well, you seem to have made it out okay.” She paid them five times as much as they’d been promised. “Let’s not go telling everyone about this, shall we?”_

_As soon as they got back to the hostel, they packed their few belongings up. “Let’s get off this dumb planet.”_

_Aksha nodded in agreement. “I was just thinking the same thing.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that the vision here was pretty odd, but I couldn’t think of any other situation that would result in this couple suddenly making a large amount of money without stealing anything. 
> 
> I know that Kiah seems to go a little overboard here, but she was drunk, and she’s also really pissed that one of the few people she got along with turned out to be a traitor. Sorry if it comes across as out of character.
> 
> Is it even possible for an original character to be out of character? Because as the creator, technically wouldn’t anything I make my oc’s do be within their character? I dunno
> 
> Sorry for all the author’s notes. I think I’m drunk on power. Or the fumes from all the painting we were doing at work today. Either one is possible.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, alcohol does make people do crazy things. Kiah’s actually supposed to be based off of someone I know in real life, and the real life Kiah is normally a bitch, but when she gets emotional or drunk, she becomes a mega bitch, lol. 
> 
> I don’t think that Iris would know when her birthday is. She doesn’t even know her age for sure.

As fascinating as that was, Iris still had no idea why she was being shown visions of that couple. A moment later, Iris realized that she’d been woken by the sound of shouting. “So you’re just planning on starving her, then?”

Em responded calmly. “Of course not. She’s being kept on a diet of just the essential nutrients.”

“Well, I was told to bring food-”

Em sighed. “Fine. Hand me the tray and I’ll give the suitable foods to her.”

“Fine!” The food deliverer quickly left.

Em walked over with a tray of delicious smelling food a few minutes later. “You can try eating anything on here. I took out the stuff that I thought would be too much for you to handle. But if you start to feel sick, tell me immediately.”

Iris picked up the juicebox first, delighted to have one, but she could tell right away that it was completely empty. Why would someone send her an empty juicebox? Was it from one of the many people who hated her? Then she noticed the way that one corner was shinier than the others. It was taped shut. 

Iris glanced over at Em, but he seemed to be preoccupied with some video. Iris used her teeth to peel off the tape, and clumsily unfolded the boc. Inside, it simply said ‘we need to talk’. Who the hell had sent it, though? A friend or an enemy?

Outside, Iris could hear some hateful voice screaming, “Traitor!” A moment later, there was a small explosions, and much the tent was on fire. 

Em quickly ran over to Iris and unhooked her from everything. He unlocked her handcuff and scooped her up to carry outside to safety. Iris squeezed her eyes shut at how much it all hurt. Smoke began to fill up the tent, and Em hurried out. He brought Iris a decent distance away before laying her out on the grass. “I’ll be right back. I need to make sure no one got hurt.”

As soon as he was out of sigh, someone jumped out from behind Iris. He quickly clamped his hand over her mouth so she couldn’t scream. He pulled his hand away a moment later, and Iris stared at him in disbelief. “Matt?” 

“I couldn’t think of any other way to get you alone. In my defense, I’m not always super smart. But seriously, we need to talk.” He reached into the bag that was slung over his shoulder and pulled out a picture. He held it up. “Do you recognize this guy?”

Iris nodded. “Yeah, that’s Killian. Your dad. Was this seriously worth bombing a medical tent over?”

Matt nodded. “So you said that you saw him running away with my mom, right?”

Iris nodded again. “Yes, but-”

Matt grinned. “Good. That means you can help me find him.”

Iris frowned. “How stupid are you? I’m a traitor! I’ve never been on your stupid side!”

Matt didn’t seem deterred by that. “That’s why this is a win-win! I’ll get my dad back, and you will earn a reputation as someone who helps the Resistance. They can’t hate you forever.”

“Hey!” Matt looked up, and saw a random rebel. “What’s going on here?”

Iris rolled her eyes. “After being dumped here like a bag of hot garbage, I had to ask someone what the hell’s going on, didn’t I?” 

The rebel glared at Matt. “Go find somewhere else to be. Preferably somewhere where you can make yourself useful.” Matt stood, though not before purposely dropping his dad’s picture on the ground. Iris hoped that wasn’t his only one. He hurried away, and the rebel looked down at Iris. “The doctor sent me to keep an eye on you.” His glare didn’t go away.

Iris shrugged. “Don’t look at me like it’s my fault. I’m not the one who decided to blow shit up.” Lying on the grass was extremely uncomfortable. Maybe meditating would help. It’s not like she had any secrets left to hide anyways. She closed her eyes, and took deep breaths in and out. 

Soon enough, she was at her waterfall. She was still aware of her pain, but it felt like it was coming from really far away, so far away that it didn’t even bother her anymore. Iris could feel everyone around her, and there was an overall feeling of panic and confusion. Iris found the specific feeling of Rey, and followed it. 

After a few minutes of that, her waterfall faded into the distance, and she found herself in the middle of the desert. She kept following, until she reached a small oasis. Rey was sitting at the edge of the water. She slowly looked up at iris. “What are you doing here?”

Iris shrugged. “I was bored at the waterfall.”

Rey laughed. “You do realized that that was your own mind, right? You must be the first person to ever get bored in your own mind. I suppose I should be flattered that you find my mind so much more interesting.” If that waterfall was unique to Iris’s mind, and not a general hangout, then why had Kilian seen almost the same one during his meditation? Rey’s laughter went away a moment later. “Since you’re here anyways, you may as well help me.”

“With what?”

Rey patted the space next to her. “I’m helping put out that fire. I’m basically feeding a constant loop of energy into the people who are physically putting out the fire. You can help.”

Iris sat down and accepted Rey’s outstretched hands. “If we mess up and accidentally kill everyone, you know that I’ll be blamed for it.”

Rey shrugged. “Then we better not mess up.”

Iris stared at the pretty pool of water. It was a clear blue with a surface so smooth that it seemed like it was made out of glass. When she looked away from the water, she yawned. “Sorry. But maybe you should explain how this works before I fall asleep.”

Rey laughed. “We’re already done. Now go back to your own body before you forget the way.”

Iris got up, and followed the feeling that felt like home. She kept going until she was back at her waterfall. 

Iris opened her eyes, and found that she was still lying on the grass, but now she had a small blanket draped over her, and it was dark out. The rebel guarding her was different than the one who’d been there before. She raised one eyebrow. “You finally awake?”

Iris nodded. “Thanks for the blanket.”

The guard shrugged. “If you die, you won’t be able to stand a fair trial. And also your shivering was very pathetic.”

Iris smiled. “All the same, thanks. Most people are the ones who want to set me on fire.”

They sat in silence for a while, until Em finally returned. “Hey, how’re you holding up?”

Iris shrugged. “I’m peachy. Now is there a bed available for me, or am I stuck out here all night?”

Em scooped Iris up, blanket and all, and started walking in the direction of the smaller tents. “The equipment that was salvaged was moved to your tent after a brief search. You’ll stay there for now. It’s isolation from the rest of the camp is a good thing.”

It was strange for Iris to see so many people near her tent. Em brought her in and settled her on the bed. He cuffed her to the safety rail, and stuck a bunch of needles back into her. She looked at him with concern. “Was anybody hurt in the fire?”

Em nodded. “A few people with minor burns. Nothing worse than that.”

Iris felt relieved. If anyone had gotten seriously hurt, or killed, just so Matt could talk to her for a few seconds, Iris didn’t know what she’d do. “Do they know who did it?”

Em hesitated before shaking his head. “Considering the current mentality of the camp and the fact that no one was seriously hurt, I don’t think that they’re going to look further into it.”

Iris nodded once. “Thanks.”

Em put another blanket on top of Iris. “I’ll be back in the morning. If anything comes up before then, one of your guards can let me know.” He paused like he wanted to say something else, but he must’ve changed his mind because he hurried out of the tent. 

Iris stared up at the ceiling, and she hoped that the night would be over soon enough, because she knew that she wasn’t going to be getting any sleep.

***

When Em peeled off Iris’s back brace, it felt incredible. The cool air hitting her back for the first time in over a month was indescribable. After sponging off all the built up sweat, he did a quick check. “Well, it seems that you’ve healed exceptionally well, as per usual. Can you bend over?”

Iris did, and it felt really good. Em tossed her a shirt, which she was able to pull on with two good hands. He pulled out all of her stitches, and tossed her some pants. Once she was fully dressed, Em helped her to her feet. She walked back and forth across the tent a few times and didn’t get tired at all. 

Once they were done, Em sat Iris down for a serious talk. “Your trial is supposed to be once you walk again. I can hold off the general for another few days-”

Iris shook her head. “Tell her I’m fine. I just want to get it all out of the way as soon as possible.”

Before Em could leave, he had to handcuff Iris back to the bed. “I’m sure you could slip them on and off if you wanted to, but it was makes people feel better. I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Iris pulled her shirt up to look at the scar on her hip. Despite her fast healing, all her cuts had scarred up. Now Iris could grow to be a thousand, and she’d still have the reminders of her betrayal. To both sides. 

True to his word, Em was back soon, just a little over an hour after he’d left. His face looked grim. “Apparently the general’s been getting ready since the moment she heard you survived. Your trial’s set for two hours from now. And everyone in the Resistance is invited.”

Iris almost looked up to see if Leia would have anything to say, but she stopped herself. She hadn’t seen or heard anything from her shots since she’d asked them to go away, and she couldn’t help thinking that that was for the best. 

Em took off her cuffs, since he was going to stay until they were ready to take her away. “Are you scared?”

Iris shook her head. “I already know what everyone thinks of me. It’s not like there’s any suspense here.”

“You might be surprised. Everyone’s had a while to cool down. I’m not saying that you’ll be absolved of all crime, but you might get a second chance, if that’s what you want. Here’s a bit of advice, though: if you want your audience’s sympathy, be sure to show them feelings.”

Iris shook her head. “I’ve spent too long acting around all of them. Now I’m just going to give them the facts. A real trial should be about the facts, not the emotions.”

Em didn’t have anything to add. He puttered around the tent, just trying to keep busy for a while. Eventually, a whole group of guards crammed themselves into the small space. Iris was handcuffed to two different guards, and they began making their way across the camp. There was basically no one around, and the few they did pass were headed in the same direction. 

They had to fight their way through the crowd once they reached it. Basically everyone in the Resistance had shown up. Once someone spotted Iris, the chatter died out, and the whole camp fell into silence. Iris was brought all the way to the front of the crowd, where Kiah was waiting up on a wooden platform that hadn’t been there six weeks ago. 

The handcuffs were transferred to the handles of a chair resting on the platform. Once Iris was settled, Kiah looked out at the crowd. There was no need to call for silence. “As all of you know by now, we are gathered here today in the name of a treason. This girl you see before you was sent to infiltrate the Resistance by none other than Kylo Ren himself. Her actions have gotten many killed, including the late Leia Organa. Today, we will find the answers to two questions. Does the child’s last minute change of heart excuse her treason? And has she truly changed her heart, or is she still a spy?” Kiah seemed almost disappointed to be met with no reaction other than absolute quiet. “Anyone who wishes to speak on the matter may do so.” Kiah looked down at Iris, and spoke softly so no one in the crowd could hear. “If it was up to me, I would’ve just left you for dead. But they’ll see who you truly are soon enough, and when they do, you’ll pay for everything you’ve done.”

Iris stared blankly at the general, until Kiah was forced to blink and look away. Then she looked out at the crowd, full of unfamiliar faces. She tried to spot any of her friends, but there were thousands gathered, so it was impossible to pick out any individual people. 

Iris closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Whatever was going to happen next, she was prepared. She’d done wrong, and she deserved everything that was coming her way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’ve been looking back over past chapters to draw inspiration from myself, and I happened to notice that in chapter 13, I mentioned that Kylo Ren didn’t know Iris was force-sensitive, though by now, I’ve made it obvious that he did know. I guess I don’t really plan out my storylines very far in advance, at least in terms of details. I hope that no one will hold my lack of continuity against me. 
> 
> We were painting all weekend at work again, and I came home with paint smudged all over my face and in my hair. That was a total pain in the ass to clean up.


	25. Chapter 25

Finn pushed his way through the crowd to get to the platform. He walked up onto it. “I have something to say.” He didn’t look at Iris, he just turned to look out at the crowd. “The Order kidnaps babies and brainwashes them to guarantee their loyalty. Iris’s actions were not entirely her fault. And in the end, when it really counted, she got her wakeup call. She nearly died, to protect us. 

“So you want to accuse her of getting people killed? Are you all just conveniently forgetting that she was the one who suggested we move our base? She could’ve just let us stay at the old base and be wiped out without warning, but she didn’t do that. Even after moving bases, she could’ve told the Order where we were, and we would’ve been destroyed. But she didn’t do that either. 

“I’m not saying that she’s completely innocent. Not even close. Of course she’s made mistakes. But haven’t we all? Iris has saved us all time and again, and you want to kill her? Or lock her away where she’ll never see daylight again?”

Someone in the crowd shouted angrily. “That traitor got General Organa killed!”

Apparently Finn had no good answer to that. He stared into the crowd sadly for a moment, then stepped down off the platform. 

Kiah nodded. “Thank you for that.” She lowered her voice. “But you also once fought for the Order. Defend a traitor too hard, and people may begin to get the wrong idea.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “This is about me, remember? I’m supposed to be the star of the show here.”

That was enough to turn Kiah’s attention away from Finn. He gave Iris a strange look before disappearing back into the crowd. Before Kiah could ask if anyone else wanted to take the stand, Iris cleared her throat. Kiah looked at her with annoyance. “What is it now?”

“Well, it would be only fair for you to allow me the opportunity to speak for myself, wouldn’t it? I mean, it is my future on the line.” She rattled her handcuffs noisily.

Kiah frowned. “You’ll use your power to control their thoughts.”

“You can do that?” Iris asked excitedly, before remembering the situation she was in. She had turned on Kylo Ren, and she’d never be trusted by the Resistance again. She would be better off finding some remote planet far enough away that no one had even heard of the First Order. She’d find a way to survive; she always had. “I could just as easily do that from this chair. But I won’t, so I’m asking you. Please, let me speak for myself.”

Kiah finally nodded, and Iris was unattached from the chair. She stood up, and walked over to the edge of the platform. She cleared her throat and stared out at the absolutely silent crowd. They were waiting with bated breath to hear how she’d try to defend herself. Iris couldn’t figure out why this moment seemed so much more terrifying than defying Kylo Ren and nearly being killed by him. 

Iris wondered for a moment if there was even a point to speaking. Everyone had undoubtedly already made up their minds. But then again, it really couldn’t hurt either way. She cleared her throat again, just for good measure. “So. So, uh, we’re all here right now because I betrayed you. All of you. I infiltrated the Resistance under the guise of being a rebel, but I was sending out secret reports to the First Order from the moment I arrived here.” There was no reaction from the crowd, and Iris couldn’t tell from the few faces she saw what they were all thinking. “I thought that that was my destiny. I thought that my only purpose was to live the entirety of my life in service to the Order. But I-” her voice cracked a bit. “But I know that I’ll never be able to make up for all the harm I’ve caused. And I’m not going to give you any excuses. I was a traitor. There is nothing I could say now that could possibly change that fact. But that is my past, and I wish to leave it behind me. I simply want to step back, now. I just want to go. I don’t want any trouble.”

Kiah looked at Iris in surprise. “You want to leave?”

Iris turned away from the crowd to look at the general carefully. “I thought you’d be happy. You’re the one who keeps talking about what an untrustworthy snake I am. And I keep telling you how uninvested I am in this place. Besides, it’s not exactly like I can just stick around here.”

She turned back to the crowd, but didn’t get the chance to continue her plea for freedom. Rey climbed up onto the platform, and stood next to Iris. She spoke in a soft, serious voice. It didn’t matter that she spoke quietly, though, because the crowd was so silent that most of them could still hear her. “Do you regret your past?”

Iris was confused, but she answered the question. “I regret what I did, but I’ll never regret where I ended up. This place totally sucks, but I’ve never lived anywhere better in my life. So whatever happens next, I accept my fate. But I’ll always regret what’s behind me. That’ll always be my burden to live with.”

Rey nodded with satisfaction. She held out a smooth, flat stone, and her staff, of all things. “Here. Destroy the rock." There was a definite challenge in her voice, and Iris was curious.

She raised one eyebrow. “Why? What’s so special about this rock? What will that prove? Is this some kind of trick? Is it like an ancient relic or something and breaking it will get me in a lot of trouble?” Rey said nothing. Kiah allowed Iris’s hands to be uncuffed completely, and she took the rock and the staff.

The rock looked smooth and perfect, but in her hands, Iris could feel all the dips and grooves. Rey watched blankly, while several rebels had their hands on their blaster. Iris threw the rock down onto the platform. She lifted the staff above her head and slammed it down on the stone, though it only got a small crack from the blow. 

Iris picked it up and tossed it to Rey. “Happy now?” She handed the staff back as well. 

Rey smiled, and looked at Kiah. “I handed a very deadly weapon to your traitor, and she wouldn’t even smash a rock with it.” She looked at Iris kindly. “And just so you know, this rock isn’t even close to being destroyed.” Rey left then, leaving the rebels to come to their own conclusions. 

There was still silence from everyone else, which seemed to make Kiah feel uncomfortable. “Is there anyone else who wishes to speak?”

A voice rang out from the crowd. “Just put her to the vote already!” which was followed by a steady chant of, “Vote! Vote! Vote!”

Iris clenched her jaw. She knew they wanted to vote on her demise, but there was nothing to be done. Rey’s brief demonstration wasn’t enough to sway the thousands of minds. Kiah scowled at everyone. “Alright, enough!” She had to shout a few more times before the rebels quieted, though it wasn’t even close to being as eerily silent as before. There was the buzz of everyone speaking to each other in soft tones. “All who believe that this child is, and always will be, a traitor, speak now.”

Iris squeezed her eyes shut, and held her breath. There was a handful of shouts, but they quickly died down. Iris opened her eyes to stare out at the crowd in shock. 

Kiah seemed equally surprised. “All who believe that this child was once a traitor, but has reformed, peak now.” She sounded slightly unsteady.

The volume of all the shouts made Iris fear that she was going to go deaf in her one remaining ear. There were so many people shouting so many different things that Iris couldn’t make out a single individual voice.

It took nearly half an hour to get everyone to quiet down again. She had a defeated look on her face. “Sounds like the ayes have it.”

Iris looked at Kiah with wide eyes. “So just to be clear here, I’m free to go?”

The general nodded. “You are. But clearly they like you and want you to stick around. They may even make you the new general, since you’re so popular.”

“I wouldn’t want to be general even if there weren’t a million other people more qualified than me.” Her expression softened. “Just because they asked for my freedom doesn’t mean they hate you. And it doesn’t matter, anyways. I’m going to pick a planet as far away as possible, and live out the rest of my days there.”

“We’re at war. We need every body we can get.”

Iris shrugged apologetically. “I can’t help you. You’ve got so many people here who would love to put an end to Kylo Ren.”

“And you wouldn’t?”

Iris shook her head. “Call me traitor all you want, but I can’t be the one to end that bastard’s life. Sorry.” She jumped off the back end of the platform, and began walking towards the landing pad. 

The sound of footsteps racing to catch up with her didn’t slow her down. “Wait!” At the sound of Poe’s voice, she came to a sudden halt. When he was next to her, they began walking together. “So the trial went well. You don’t look very happy, though.”

Iris shrugged. “I’ve been playing you literally the entire time we’ve known each other. How do you know this isn’t my real happy face?”

“Fine, so we won’t play this game. But I do need to talk to you.” He stopped, and grabbed Iris’s arm to pull her to a stop as well. “Will you just look at me? Listen, I want to talk to you about what happened back on the Order base.”

Iris frowned. “There’s nothing to talk about. I screwed you over, and then I felt bad about it, okay?”

Poe stubbornly refused to let the matter go. “Well, what about Dalton-6? You totally saved my life long before you changed your mind about what side you’re on.”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “What do you want from me? I saved your life and I’ve severed my allegiance with the Order. It’s not like there’s anything not adding up. You don’t have to convince me not to be a bad guy; I already figured that one out on my own.”

“I just want to know. When we walked into the base, did you already know which side you were going to pick?”

Iris shook her head. “I thought that I did. I was going to keep my loyalty where it had always been. But then I realized how totally stupid I’d have to be to let my only friends die. I didn’t turn until I was standing right there next to him.” She looked down at the ground. “You shouldn’t have come back for me. I was trying to keep him distracted so you guys could escape. But you came back. Twice! Idiots.”

Poe smiled fondly. “You didn’t seriously think that we were going to just leave you behind, did you?”

Iris shrugged. “I betrayed you. I’m starting to think that that hasn’t really sunk in for you yet. You’re not supposed to rescue the person who throws you under the bus. Then again, you guys seem to do a lot of things around here that don’t follow the rules.”

Poe shrugged as well. “What rules? This is a rebellion. It’s literally our goal to go against the rules that have been wrongfully placed in front of us.” A thoughtful look crossed Poe’s face. “Hey, back when Rey tried to teach you how to meditate, you pulled away, right? You did that to yourself? Because you were afraid that she’d read your mind and know you were a traitor?”

Iris nodded impatiently. “Look, wherever you’re trying to go with this, can you get there a little quicker? I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

She picked up her pace, forcing Poe to speed up as well. “What’s the hurry? The galaxy will still exist a few minutes from now.” When Iris didn’t respond, Poe sighed loudly. “Alright, alright. You put yourself through a lot of pain to stay loyal to the Order. That’s the kind of loyalty and determination that we could use here.”

Iris came to a sudden stop, and whirled around to face Poe. “You don’t need me for your stupid army, or rebellion, or whatever, okay? I’m a single person with unreliable abilities, I have a history of betrayal, I don’t care about your cause, and I’m literally going insane.”

It was only the last piece of the list that seemed to get Poe’s attention. “Why would you think you’re insane?” he asked gently. 

Instead of responding, Iris turned and kept walking. She’d already bared too much of her soul. She didn’t need to tell Poe about what were most likely stress induced hallucinations. Besides, she hadn’t seen or heard from her ghosts since she’d asked to be left alone. “It doesn’t matter, okay? I just need to get out of here. I have no place in your war.”

“But the force does. And as someone with the ability to use the force-”

Iris shook her head. “I’m going to just stop you right there, okay?” she interrupted. “I don’t have any obligation to fight for anyone or anything. My life is finally my own, so no one can make me do anything.”

The pilot nodded. “I know. That’s why I’m asking you to stay. You might just be one person, but you could really help.”

Iris paused midstep. “In that list you guys keep of every rebel, what did you do to my name?” At Poe’s confused look, she had to elaborate further. “Did you cross it out? Scribble over it? Tear that page out to salt and burn it?”

Poe answered honestly. “I really don’t know. You’d have to ask the guy in charge of the list. But I doubt that they did anything to your name. You were a part of all this, like it or not.” He stepped a little bit closer. “Where would you go anyways?”

“Well, I had to come from somewhere, didn’t I?” She frowned. “Didn’t I?” The Order was good at a lot of things, but Iris was pretty sure they’d yet to master making people appear out of nowhere. “I’m going to find out where I’m from. Even if it means talking to every single person in the galaxy, I’ll find out where I’m from.”

“And…?” Poe prompted.

Iris crossed her arms over her chest. “And I’ll go there; live there. I’ll meet my parents and ask how they could give me-” A pressure began building in the back of Iris’s head, but she fought to push it away. The force was trying to show her another vision. But Iris was tired of seeing other peoples’ lives. Iris was a free person. She didn’t have to let the force control her. “...how they could give me-”

The pressure increased and Poe was looking at Iris concern. “Hey, is everything okay?”

His voice faded to the background as Iris continued fighting against the force. She was stronger. She didn’t have to look at whatever the force wanted her to see. The force didn’t know shit, anyways. The pressure increased until it felt like someone was beating Iris over the head. She sank to her knees, jaws clenched, determined to win for once. 

The familiar voice of Leia suddenly cut in through the pain. _“Don’t be such a stubborn fool! Unless you want to be the one idiot that goes down in history as the one who died of pigheadedness. Just relax.”_ She got a bit closer to Iris. _“We get it, you’re strong. But there’s no shame in some guidance every now and then.”_

Iris felt something wet on upper lip, and she reached up to wipe it away. She realized that she’d closed her eyes at some point, and forced herself to pry them open. There was blood streaked across the back of her hand. Leia was looking at her with concern. Iris was vaguely aware of Poe on communicator, requesting a doctor.

Leia reached out to grab Iris’s hands, but hers passed right through the former stormtroopers. She looked at Iris with warm eyes. _“Whatever you see may be confusing or frightening. But it is ultimately intended to help you, I promise.”_

Iris wiped away more of the blood that was dripping from her nose, then closed her eyes again. “Fine,” she muttered. “I guess I’m destined to always be someone’s bitch, eh?”


	26. Chapter 26

_“Illi, get in here!” The loud shriek woke Killian his meditation. He ran into the kitchen, and looked around wildly, trying to spot the threat. Aksha was standing next to two of her friends, a small pout on her face. “Did you know that Kaidan’s pregnant?”_

_Killian blinked a few times as he tried to catch his bearings. After a moment, he frowned in annoyance. “Did you seriously disturb me from my training for this? No wonder the force never chose you. You’re far too irresponsible. Now if you don’t mind-”_

_One of Aksha’s friends giggled. “You’re right. He is too stiff.” Two of her eyes flickered up to meet Killian’s. “Hey, jedi boy. There’s going to be a wild party at Sul’etan’s place. You should come with us. You might actually have fun for the first time in your pathetic life.”_

_Before Killian could say anything to reject the invitation, Aksha made a noise of disgust. “We can’t bring him to one of the Sul’etan’s parties. He’s like genetically coded to never have fun. Plus he’s probably report back everything to my father.” She looked at Killian with an icy gaze. “You can’t come with us. I’m still mad that you knew about Kaidan’s pregnancy, and you didn’t tell me.”_

_Killian rolled his eyes. “It was something I was told under the assumption that it would remain secret. And besides, I wouldn’t want to go to some party. A jedi should be full of dignity. A party doesn’t exactly scream dignity or class.”_

_Aksha’s other friend snickered. “We couldn’t bring you anyways. There parties are way too wild for a kid.”_

_“I’m eighteen, hardly a kid.”_

_The friend shrugged. “Whatever.” She made a shooing motion with her hand. “You can go now.”_

_Killian left the kitchen, and he wondered why he was still in that house. He could go to a real jedi temple and get training from real jedi. But that would mean leaving behind his family. And besides, as annoying as that girl and her friends were, they didn’t pose and real threat._

_In the ‘family room’, Killian was stopped by a gentle, “Good morning,”_

_Killian bowed his head. “Master.”_

_The man glanced at the kitchen door before focusing back on Killian. “I do apologize for my daugher, and her friends. They are unsure of how to act around you still. I suspect that it would take many years for the two of you to grow used to one another. Though admittedly, you should not have been pulled from your meditation so easily. Something for you to think on.” He headed to the kitchen, presumably to scold his daughter._

_Killian frowned. “Master? Don’t punish her. It’s like you said, it’s my fault for getting distracted.”_

_The man raised one eyebrow. “I see.” He didn’t say anything else, just walked into the kitchen. Killian watched the door bang shut, and he wondered why he even cared._

***

As soon as Iris opened her eyes, she shoved aside Em, who was kneeling next to her, and got to her feet. When the doctor stood up, Iris scowled at him. “I’m fine.” She walked over to Poe, who was chatting away on his communicator. 

When he saw Iris right in front of him, he quickly put the communicator away. “Are you okay? What just happened?”

Iris shrugged. “If the force was trying to convince me to stay, it’s not being very compelling. I’m just going to go now, okay? Before this all gets turned into some big thing.”

Poe looked like he wanted to argue with Iris, but after a moment, he changed his mind. He pulled Iris into a hug. “We’re all going to miss you. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“So you’re not going to try to convince me that I have to stay and fight?”

Poe shook his head. “You were right, before. Your life is yours to live how you want. I don’t have the right to tell you what to do, and neither does anyone else. I care about this cause; I care about this war. But above that I care that you’re safe, and most importantly, happy. I know that you don’t know what you’re looking for, but I really do hope that you find it. You deserve a lot better than this life has offered you so far. I really do wish you the best.”

Iris nodded gratefully. “Thank you. And I wish you luck in this war. If I ever catch word that the Order’s been brought down, I’ll know who to thank. Just watch your back, okay? Wars are never fought fairly.” She walked back over to Em, who had his arms crossed over his chest. “Thanks for keeping me alive when everyone else wanted me dead.” She tilted her head curiously as a thought hit her. “You wouldn’t happen to know why I wasn’t totally lynched back there, would you?”

The doctor shrugged. “People work in mysterious ways. But I study bodies, not minds. The people had lots of time to cool down from their initial anger, which probably helped. And they don’t weight it lightly that in the end you wished to fight Kylo Ren to what was almost your death.” He smiled gently. “Besides, the point of a Resistance is about second chances, no? I’ve been a rebel for far longer than you’ve been alive. In my younger days, I heard a rather inspiring speech from someone who would go on to help save the galaxy. Rebellions are built on hope, and you, Iris, are a symbol of hope. You’ve proven that change is possible, and that if you fight hard enough, you won’t lose everything. Hope is a powerful thing. Don’t be so quick to overlook it.”

Iris shifted uncomfortably on her feet. “I’m going to choose to believe that everyone simultaneously had a brain seizure that temporarily ruptured their normally good judgement.”

Em let out a soft sigh. “Well, you’re free to believe what you wish. Good luck on your journey.” He held out a cold pack. “In case your nose is sore at all.” With that, he closed his little medical bag, and headed back to the camp.

Deciding that it was best to not think too hard on the matter, Iris continued on towards the landing pad. There was a conspicuous lack of people when she got there, probably because they’d all been at the trial and hadn’t made their way back yet. 

She checked to see if any of the little ships were already open, but she paused outside of Poe’s. Her first and last trips to the Resistance had been on that thing, along with several others in between. To her surprise, it easily opened. Someone would have to teach Poe to be more careful in the future.

Iris walked onboard, and looked around the small space. There was a large section of the floor and wall that were much shinier and newer looking than the rest, and Iris knew that that’s where she must’ve been bleeding out. Poe must not have been able to get the stains out, so he’d just replaced those spots. 

_“If you are going to go, you’re not stealing this ship.”_

Iris jumped back in surprise. “Leia? What are you doing here?”

The former general shrugged. _“I’m not going to lie here. I’m kind of hoping to guilt you into staying. But, failing that, I came to say goodbye.”_

Iris furrowed her eyebrows. “Why would this be goodbye? Wouldn’t you and the other two come with me? You are my hallucinations, after all.”

Leia snorted. _“I’d hardly be able to explain to a dunderhead like yourself what we are, but we’re certainly not imaginings from your brain. Anyways, this would be goodbye because all three of us wish to stay and watch over the Resistance, as futile as it may be.”_

The former stormtrooper nodded solemnly. She hadn’t really given her ghosts much thought, but she knew that without them she’d be left completely alone. “So what were you planning to say that would make me feel so guilty?”

Leia grinned. _“Don’t tell me that you’ve already forgotten. You were the one who promised to save the Resistance. Are you really going to go back on your word to a dead woman?”_

Iris clenched her jaw. “You were dead. You shouldn’t have even heard that promise.”

The dead woman shrugged. _“What can I say? Life’s a bitch, and the dead are too.”_

Iris walked towards the back of the small ship, deciding to ignore the ghost for the time being. She looked around, but she couldn’t find her discarded necklace. Of course she wanted nothing to do with the Order, but she’d grown used to the comforting presence of that stupid piece of jewelry, and she’d missed having it while she was recovering. 

Someone cleared their throat, startling Iris for the second time in the past several minutes. She turned around to look at Poe. He gave her one of his disarmingly charming grins. “If you needed a ride, all you had to do was ask.”

“I wasn’t planning on stealing your ship, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Iris chuckled nervously. “I was just looking for something. My necklace?”

Poe frowned. “Why would you want that back?”

Iris shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just… Do you know how many things I’ve ever owned that weren’t intended for entirely practical effects? My favorite book was one. The only one.”

Poe’s frowned changed to a look of understanding, tinged with sympathy. “I’m really sorry, Iris. But no one wanted to take the risk of the bug still being active, so the whole thing was destroyed. It never even occurred to anyone that you might want it back. I really am sorry.”

“Whatever. It was just a necklace. I can probably find the exact same one in any store. It really isn’t a big deal.” She left the ship, and Poe followed her out. “So which of these fine vessels would you recommend for an amateur pilot?”

Poe looked around thoughtfully. “Well, you got back from Tabuula by yourself without crashing or going a million miles off course, so you don’t totally suck.” He pointed out a few smaller ships. “Any of those should work. And they don’t belong to any specific people.”

Iris nodded seriously, ignoring the jab. “Alright, thanks.”

She started towards one of the ships, but Poe suddenly reached out to grab her arm. “Wait. Just a few more minutes.”

“Why?” Iris narrowed her eyes suspiciously. 

Poe smiled. “I’m not the only one who wants a chance to say goodbye. Please, just a few more minutes.”

Leia laughed. _“More material to guilt you with. Think about how many people here who genuinely want you stay. And just look at that face. How can anyone say no to that face?”_

Iris pulled herself free of Poe’s grip, then sank down to sit on the ground. “Fine. They’ve got five minutes, and then I’m gone.”

After a minute of silence, Iris turned to Leia. She wanted to ask where the other two ghosts were. Right as she opened her mouth, though, she remembered Poe’s presence, and snapped her mouth shut. 

Another minute later, and there was a small crowd of people walking onto the landing pad. Finn hurried forward and gave Poe and appreciative grin. “Thanks for getting her to wait.” Then he reached down to grab Iris’s arms and pull her to her feet. He wrapped her in a tight hug. “Don’t go. You may not have noticed, but the population of ex-stormtroopers around here is rather limited. In fact, it’s just the two of us. No one understands me quite the way you do.”

“I can’t hear you. You’re talking into my nonexistent ear.”

Finn rolled his eyes, but didn’t repeat himself, or back away. “Remember the first day? You refused to let go of me because you were scared to be on your own. You’ve come so far since then. You’re not scared of anything anymore, are you? You’re one of the bravest people I know. I don’t want you to go, but I know that you’ll be just fine out there.” He finally let go of Iris and stepped back. “Just know that you’re always welcome here, okay?”

Iris nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

A woman stepped forward. “We’ve only bumped into each other once or twice, but you’d better not forget to come back here at some point. You still owe me a favor for those clothes I let you borrow back on your first day.”

Iris smiled. “I’d hate to be indebted to you forever.”

Charal’s eyes brightened. “Actually, I do know how you can pay off your debt. I’ll talk to you again after you’ve said all of your goodbyes.”

Rey was the next to walk forward. Her and Iris both stood there awkwardly for a moment, until Rey spoke up. “I know that you never really liked me, and I can understand why. All things considered, I’m surprised that you were able to act as amiably towards me as you did. But even if we were never friends, I am glad to have known you. It’s incredible that you’ve been able to survive through so much. Sure, you’ve made some mistakes, but who hasn’t? I just hope for your sake that someday you’ll learn to forgive yourself. That someday you’ll learn to be happy.” She hesitated for a moment before pulling Iris into a quick hug. “We’ll be here if you ever need anything.”

After what felt like a couple hours of goodbyes, Iris noticed Kiah standing at the back of the crowd, looking uncomfortable. She avoided meeting Iris’s eyes as she stepped forward. Kiah cleared her throat. “Things won’t be the same around here without you. Just never stop being yourself, okay? Your real self.”

Iris gently took one of Kiah’s hands. “Make sure you save some of the good stuff for me.”

The general smiled. “Sure thing kid.” She started to turn away, but she paused. “And just so you know, I’m sorry. Your betrayal really hurt, but I know that I went too far.”

“I’m sorry too. How about a clean slate?”

Kiah nodded. “I’d like that.” She leaned forward to press a kiss to the top of Iris’s head. “Good luck.”

Once everyone had gotten their chance to bid Iris farewell, Charal made her way back over. “Despite your obvious badassery, no one really feels comfortable sending you off on your own. That’s why, as my favor, I want you to take Matt with you. The history guy.”

Iris shook her head. “No way. I barely even know the guy, for one. And I want to go by myself.”

Charal raised one eyebrow. “You can get to know him better by spending time together.”

“Well, what happened to the Resistance needing every body they can get their hands on? How can you afford to send someone away at such a vital time?”

Charal shrugged. “He’s smart; I’ll give him that. But he’s not a fighter. We’ve got strategists aplenty already.”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “Why are you pushing this so hard?”

The woman laughed. “I’m not asking you to marry him. I’m just asking you to take him along on your grand journey. There’s plenty of stuff out there that he can learn and bring back to us. More importantly, though, you’re both on the same mission. You want to find your parents. Matt wants to find his dad. I think that you could help each other.” She clasped her hands together. “Please? If you do this, it’ll totally make us even.”

Iris groaned. “Fine. Just tell him to give me a minute. If I’m going to be stuck in close quarters with another person for a while, I’ll need one last minute to myself.”

She got onto the ship she’d chosen, and closed the hatch behind her. Leia looked at her carefully. _“So this really is goodbye, then? I was just getting used to following you around. I’ll miss all those bets we’ve made over what you’d screw up next.”_ She sounded fond rather than cruel when she said that. _“It would seem that you didn’t turn out so bad afterall. I suppose this means I’ll have to find someone else to save the Resistance, though.”_

“Good luck finding someone who’s even capable of listening to your advice, let alone someone who’s willing to follow it. By the way, where are Anakin and Obi-Wan?”

Leia snorted. _“Ugh, those two goody-two shoes refused to show up since you told us to leave you alone, and they didn’t want to bother you. I can go get them if you want.”_

Iris shook her head. “No thank you. I don’t want to see them again after all this time apart just to say goodbye. I’ve said too many goodbyes already.”

Leia smiled gently. _“You’re going to be okay, kid. You’re going to be just fine.”_


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leia is a force of nature whether she’s dead or alive haha. Though I feel like Iris will always be beating herself up over everything that happened. I know from experience that when you do something major wrong, even when other people swear they forgive you, it’s really difficult to forgive yourself. Maybe she’ll learn eventually though. And I hope you all continue to enjoy this story (:

The hatch to the ship opened, and Matt got in just as Leia left. He gave Iris a nervous smile. “I was afraid you were going to leave without me.” He was holding a bulging bag in each hand.

Iris shook her head. “I’m not that big of a dick.” She gestured towards the back of the ship. “This thing only has one bedroom, and I already called it. Since we’re not going to be carting around much, the storage room is all yours. If that’s not sufficient, you’re free to just stay here.”

Matt smiled, and began walking towards the storage room. “That’s fine by me. Charal figured this would be the arrangement, so she’s bringing a cot up now. Can you open the cargo door?”

Iris nodded, though she was frustrated at still being land bound. Once everything was finally in place, she got into the pilot’s seat. She stared out at all of the rebels, most of whom were waving at the ship. Iris started the engine and lifted up into the air. Then she opened the hatch and stuck her head out. “Goodbye! Thank you for everything!” She pulled her head back in, and sat back in her seat. 

Matt sat in the passenger seat, and stared out the window, at the stars. He let out a soft involuntary gasp. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Iris set some coordinated, then swiveled in her chair to face Matt properly. “We’re heading to a small neutral planet called Naridya. We’ll catch our bearings from there.”

Matt nodded. “Alright.” He raised one eyebrow. “So do you still have that picture of my dad?”

Iris shook her head. “I don’t have anything. I didn’t exactly show up to my trial packed and ready to go. Even if I’d wanted to, I wouldn’t have had much at all to bring with me. I thought it would be best to just start fresh.”

“Alright, fair enough. But you can still remember what he looks like, right? Because I still think that you had your vision for a reason. I think you’re supposed to help me find my dad.”

Iris stood up and stretched her arms over her head. “You basically forced your way onboard. This isn’t fate or destiny or whatever. This is me paying back an old debt.”

Matt nodded excitedly. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about! If she’d never loaned you those clothes, then I wouldn’t be here right now. This is not a coincidence. There’s never coincidences when it comes to the force. You had those visions of my parents, and now I’m here. That has to mean something.” 

Iris shook her head. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. Who made that rule about coincidences anyways? Where’s your evidence? How do you know?”

Matt gave Iris a knowing look. “Come on. Even you don’t think that this is all a coincidence. Please, Iris, I could really use your help. I haven’t seen my dad since I was a kid. If he’s still alive, if there’s even the remotest possibility that I could see him again… Please, Iris. You could give that to me.”

“Like I said, we’re stopping on Naridya first. I don’t know where we’ll be going after that. Even if I wanted to help you find your dad, I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking for him. It’s not like my visions come with a detailed map. And besides, they’re only visions of the past. I have no proof that he’s even still alive.”

The history guy stood up as well. “I know that. But maybe your visions are still relevant. Maybe they’ll slowly lead up to the present, and the future.”

Iris shook her head. “I don’t think so. They’ve all been super out of order. The first one I saw was them running away together. Then I saw them after you were born. I saw him take you to one of the abandoned jedi temples. I saw your mom tell your dad when she was pregnant again-”

“Wait, what?” Matt interrupted. “I’m an only child. I think I’d know if I had an extra sibling lying around.”

Iris frowned at the interruption. “Well maybe I just interpreted it wrong then. Or maybe there was some kind of interruption to the pregnancy. You said your dad joined the Resistance after your mom died, right? Maybe she was still pregnant when she died.”

Matt looked a little doubtful of that theory. “It’s possible. But I don’t know.”

They both sat in silence for a moment before Iris figured out something else to say. “In my vision they told you that they were pregnant. I know it’s probably hard for you to remember something that happened so many years ago, but can’t you at least vaguely recall them telling you that you’re going to have a new younger sibling?”

Matt shrugged. “Like you said, that was a long time ago. Most of my clear memories from back then are about my dad and I going on the run to the Resistance after my mother died. I guess it’s possible she was pregnant, but if she was then I really don’t remember it.”

Iris frowned. “I guess it’s also possible that my visions are meant to be metaphorical rather than literal. To be sure, once we get to Naridya, I could try finding out for myself. Once when Rey and I were meditating, I was able to slip into her mind. Maybe I could slip into yours and find your old memories.”

Matt definitely didn’t look comfortable with that. “Um, are you sure that that’s a good idea? In Poe’s official report from when he was captured by Kylo Ren, he said that he tried to force his way into his head and it was extremely painful and violating. And no offense, but you’ve got almost no training.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “We’ll keep that in mind as a sort of last case scenario. But I don’t think that it would be very relevant even if you could find the moment you’re thinking of. My mom being pregnant or not doesn’t change where my dad is. And I don’t have a sibling lost in space somewhere, because I know for sure that my dad and I escaped alone. If there was a baby, they would’ve been brought to the Resistance with us.”

Iris realized a moment later, that Matt actually seemed to be upset. Maybe telling him he had a sibling that had died many years ago wasn’t that great of an idea. But it just hadn’t occurred to Iris that he wouldn’t even know at all about the fact that he had had a kid sibling at one point, even if it was only for a short amount of time.

After several more minutes of awkward silence, Iris cleared her throat. “So if you’ve been with the Resistance for so long, why have you never been trained in combat or anything like that? What made you the designated ‘history guy’ and who’s going to keep track of the members list now?”

Matt shrugged. “Just as a child I’ve already seen way too much violence. And I know that that isn’t much of an excuse, since a lot of rebels became such as children after witnessing one horrific event or another. But I’m not quite as strong as all of them. I’m definitely not as strong as you. I know that I wouldn’t be able to survive out in the middle of all the blood and blaster bolts and bodies. That just isn’t my scene. I’d get myself and probably others killed my first time out there, and it would just be a waste. But I’ve always been pretty smart, if I do say so myself. And the Resistance happened to be in need of a new file person. At first they tried to get my dad to do it, but he was insistent on leaving to look for whatever as soon as possible. I proved myself worthy, and they let me take the job despite my age. And I’ve been keeping track of all kinds of records ever since. Not particularly fascinating, I know, especially in comparison to the stories that you must have.”

Iris narrowed her eyes, and glanced over at Matt. “Why do you keep comparing yourself to me? You’re not as strong as me, not as interesting as me. Why? Don’t you understand that we are very very different people? And if you could consider having your mom murdered and then going on the run to be boring, then maybe my story wouldn’t be all that interesting anyways.”

Matt stood up, and stretched his arms up over his head. “How long is it going to take us to get to this neutral planet of yours?” His eyes suddenly widened with interest. “Oh you know what would be cool? I could write a book about your life! I’m sure it would make such a riveting tale! The girl with a foot in the Resistance and the Order, all the way up until the moment of truth, when she chooses light and justice!”

“No!” Iris snapped. “You are not writing anything about me! I already have to live with all those people back at the base knowing what I’ve done, I don’t want the entire rest of the universe to be in on it as well! I don’t want to be able to read and reread anything that documents what a shitty person I’ve been my entire life! I had so many opportunities to just do the right thing, and I never chose to. I would’ve been safe in the Resistance, and I could’ve told them from the start that Kylo Ren wanted me to spy on them. I could’ve let it all be real. But I didn’t do that. And I can’t see my life written out for everyone to judge me. Just leave me alone. Go to your room or something. I’ll let you know when we reach Naridya.” 

For a moment it seemed like Matt was going to argue, but Iris knew that her voice just sounded so tired, so worn out, that he obviously felt bad for upsetting her. Though it was only fair since she’d upset him first, that wasn’t the way Matt saw it. He bowed his head once. “Alright. I should probably go take a nap or something. If you want me to take over with the whole piloting thing at any time just give me a shout.” He turned and headed towards the cargo area. 

Iris stared straight ahead at the stars whooshing past them, and she couldn’t help wondering what was wrong with her. Flipping out for no reason on people who were her allies was pretty unacceptable. She flipped on the autopilot and leaned back in her seat. She tilted her head up towards the ceiling and raised one arm so that her elbow covered her mouth enough to muffle the scream that she let out. She was full of frustration and anger and most of it was directed towards herself, which meant she couldn’t just take out her issues on Matt. 

After a few minutes, she decided to go to Matt and apologize. She knocked politely on the door to the cargo area, since she figured that in their small living space, they could at least afford to give each other some privacy. There was a soft, “Come in,” so Iris went in.

She saw Matt flopped on his little cot. It was drilled into the floor, which would have to be good enough for a temporary fix until they were able to solder it to the floor. She knelt down next to the bed so that when Matt turned his head to look at her, their eyes were pretty much even. Iris took in a deep breath, then let it out. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m not mad at you. Well, I am a little mad that you wanted to write my life into a book, but that’s not a thing to get so mad about. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. So I’m sorry.”

Matt sat up, and patted the space on the cot next to him, so Iris moved to sit down on the bed. “I understand why you’re so mad though. A lot of really bad stuff has happened to some really good people, and you basically have nobody to blame for yourself. If you’d acted sooner, turned quicker, gave yourself up right away, then maybe things wouldn’t have gone done the way they did.” At Iris’s wince, he rolled his eyes. “But maybe everything would’ve played out the exact same way. The Order would still know a lot. They could still torture our people to find out where our original base was. Leia would’ve still wanted to go to Tabuula, and could’ve still gotten killed. I’m not saying that you aren’t important, or that your betrayal doesn’t matter entirely. I’m just saying that the whole universe doesn’t revolve around you, and no matter what you did, some of the bad stuff still would’ve happened for sure. Just think of how much worse things could’ve been.”

Iris frowned. “Worse?”

“What if you’d just planted the bug and then continued on with your life in the Order? You’d be a nameless, faceless stormtrooper in the crowd, and either you would’ve killed a few of us someday, or we’d have killed you. You’d have never realized that Kylo Ren and the Order was wrong. We’d have never gotten the chance to meet someone as awesome as you. I know that no matter what I say, you’re just going to keep blaming yourself for everything, and that’s unfair to you. You do hold responsibility for the things that have happened, but not for everything. You saved some really important people. You had the courage to turn against Kylo Ren in the end. And the Resistance saw that change, and that’s why they voted to let you free.”

Iris scoffed. “Well, I don’t know about that.” She stood up. “Well that was a good talk. Lots of feelings and stuff. How ever would I have made it this far without you?”

Matt smiled. “I don’t think you would have. I’m a pretty crucial component to any mission you might have had in mind.”

Iris turned to leave the room. “I’m going to go back to piloting before we crash into some random chunk of space rock that’s floating around like a nuisance. We should be at Naridya soon. We’ll figure things out from there.” She gave Matt a small smile. “And I’m sure we’ll find your dad, wherever he is. And since he’s a slightly trained jedi, maybe he’ll even be able to show me a trick or two.”

Matt nodded. “I’m sure he’d be happy to teach you. Though as you already know, he hasn’t been formally trained since he was around my age. So most of what he could teach you would be the stuff he’s managed to figure out on his own. You probably would’ve been better off going with Rey as a teacher, or begging her to bring you to Skywalker.”

Iris bit her lip, and shook her head. “I don’t think it would ever be a good idea for me to try and train with Skywalker. I just spend the majority of my life with his nephew who is evil and has killed a lot of people. I don’t think Skywalker would approve of me. Too much hatred in my heart to make me a proper jedi. They’re supposed to have no emotional attachments, and hatred is one of the strongest emotions there is.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have the Resistance and Skywalker and whoever else you were taught to hate. At least not anymore, right?”

Irish nodded slowly. “I guess that’s true. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel any hatred at all anymore.” She couldn’t help hating herself for having messed up so badly. She should’ve realized from the start that the reason the rebels felt more like family than any stormtroopers ever had was because they were meant to be family to her. Iris just wished that she could’ve figured everything out sooner, and she could’ve kept the family she’d found.

But it was too late for that now. The Resistance was already far behind them, and getting further away every minute. She wasn’t sure if she was ever going to return there, despite having been told that she’d be welcome there any time. She wouldn’t stop Matt from going back if he ever wanted to, but Iris wasn’t sure that she would want to. She’d never stop caring about all her friends in the Resistance. She’d never stop loving them all (except for maybe Rey), and Iris would never forget about everything they’d done for her. She’d never forget about how they made her a better person.

But the Resistance was behind her in more than just the literal way. It was time for Iris to move on with her life. She’d find some way to be happy, and she’d figure out how to live without getting involved in the war that was happening all around them. Iris needed to make her own way in the universe. And of course, before settling down anywhere, she’d help Matt find his dad, and then she’d try to find her own father. Since the file on her already stated for sure that her mom was dead, though she did assume that when it listed her father as unknown, it meant that he was still out there somewhere.

So it was time to find a couple of lost fathers, and Iris was ready to search the entire galaxy if she had to. 

Iris was startled from her thoughts when she realized that Matt had sat down in the chair next to her again. “We there yet?”

“If you’re going to ask that every five minutes, then I swear right now that I’m going to eject you into space.” There was a smile on her face as she said that, giving away that she was just joking. “We’ll be there soon.”

Matt nodded. “Alright, cool. I can’t wait to get started on the search.”

Iris gulped. She had no idea what she’d find if she were to try and track down her biological family, and the thought that they might’ve given her up to Kylo Ren themselves was rather scary. “Yeah. Me neither.” But scared or not, Iris wanted to find out for sure one way or another. She wanted to find her family.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing your reviews always leaves me feeling ridiculously happy, and I reread them several times over just because I can. I’m glad that you think Iris is likeable; my little sister said that she didn’t think so. And I’m glad her flaws seem realistic too because I feel like at some point I may have started going a little over the top. And about the guilt thing, I think you’re definitely right. Being forgiven by others can sometimes only make it harder to forgive yourself because you want someone to punish you and hate you, and sometimes you’re the only one left who will. And yeah, I can write some semi realistic squabbles, since I have six siblings and we fight all the time, so I definitely know what that’s like. Btw, I love bad puns xD

Iris stared at Matt in amusement as he blinked sleepily at her. His hair was just a big mess, sticking out in every direction. Iris was grateful that her hair, though looking similar to Matt’s, generally preferred to stay flat on her head. It also helped that her hair was shorter than his. It had to be a pain to maintain all of that.

Matt reached up to rub at his eyes, and then he let out a loud yawn. “What’s going on?” He still sounded half asleep.

Iris smiled. “We’re here. Naridya. I was tempted to push you out of the ship and then take off without you, but I decided that that would be just a little bit mean, so I woke you up instead. Come on, let’s go find a place where we can stay for a couple of nights. I will not be missing the whole sleeping in a tent thing for sure.” 

Matt sat up. “How long was I asleep?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t keeping track. Maybe a few hours.” She smirked. “I’d love to know how you managed to mangle your poor hair like that so efficiently in such a short amount of time.”

Matt shrugged. “What can I say? It’s just one of my natural talents. Though I’m sure if you grew your hair out longer it would be just as difficult as mine is. That’s just kinda how hair like this works, you know?”

Iris shook her head. “Not really. I’ve always kept my hair efficiently short. Now that I’m away from the Order and looking at them subjectively, I am a bit surprised that they didn’t just shave everyone’s heads, including the females. Logically, it would be easier and safer. But if they had, then I wouldn’t have enough hair to cover up my lack of ear right now, so I am grateful.” She nodded towards the ship’s exit. “Come on already. Let’s go.”

Matt sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Just give me a minute. My back is sore from falling asleep in this chair. Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?”

“You looked so peaceful lying there. I thought you could use the rest.” She walked over to the exit, where she crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t take too long. Aren’t you interested in seeing this place? There aren’t many planets left that are so proud to declare themselves neutral.”

Matt nodded as he stood up and stretched his arms over his head, and then he linked his fingers together, cracking all of his knuckles at once. He patted down his hair a little bit. “Well, this is probably as good as I’m going to be able to get myself. Too bad Arina isn’t here. I don’t know if you met her with the Resistance, but she can do some amazing things with my hair. She’s the one who got it looking so good in the first place.”

Iris raised one eyebrow dubiously. “I don’t think your hair ever looked good. It just looked like slightly less of a mess than it does right now. Not that there’s any problem with having your hair look like a mop that somebody dropped onto your head.”

Matt walked over to the exit. “Alright, I get it. I’m not a cool guy. I’m the exact opposite of a cool guy. I don’t know anything about fighting and I’ve spent way too much time with my nose buried in the books. Does that make you happy to hear me admit that?”

Iris nodded slowly, a dead serious look on her face. “Of course it does, Matt. The first step to getting help is being able to admit that you’ve got a problem.”

Matt rolled his eyes, and gently smacked Iris in the arm. “You’re a meanie.”

“And you’re supposed to be an adult. So act your age.” She was smiling when she spoke, ruining the effect of harsh words. Instead they only sounded teasing. 

The two of them left their ship, and walked over to the nearest booth with a person in it. Matt glanced down at Iris, and spoke in a whisper. “Um, I didn’t really think of this before, but what am I supposed to-?”

“Just let me handle it,” she whispered back. Iris took the lead, and gently rapped against the window of the booth. “Excuse me, but we need to register to park our ship for a few days.”

The man in the booth slid the window open. “I need to see your ID, your ship’s registration, and your license.” 

Iris nodded agreeably, even though she didn’t have any of those three things. “Sure, no problem.” She looked behind the man and into his booth, and her eyes quickly flicked around to find a target. As she reached down to pat her pockets, she casually nodded towards the alarm on the wall, and it started blaring loudly. 

The man frowned. “Both of you stay right there.” He slammed the window to the booth shut, and darkened it so that they wouldn’t be able to see inside.

Matt looked at Iris with some concern, but she just shrugged. “Don’t worry. I’ve got this.” She looked around, and spotted someone else being locked out of the booth they were at as well. They had a small tablet in their hands, probably containing the documents that were needed to park. “Go flirt with that guy over there.”

Matt furrowed his eyebrows. “What? Why?”

She smiled. “Just do it. It’ll make a good distraction whether he goes for it or not. And I know that I’ll find it amusing as well.”

Matt let out a soft sigh. “Fine. But if this ends badly I’m definitely blaming you. No one’s going to want to be hit on by an awkward nerd. What do I even say?”

Iris frowned, and tilted her head as she thought about that. She didn’t have any experience in the art of flirting, and she’d never gotten the opportunity to read books or see movies with flirting in them. If it weren’t for the occasional overheard conversation on the Resistance base, she wouldn’t even know what flirting was. “Why don’t you try just starting with ‘you look very nice’?”

Matt shrugged. “I guess.” He started towards the other person, and smiled at them. 

While the two of them were distracted, Iris went over to one of the empty booths. It was obviously closed at the moment, so that’s the one she chose to work with. She stared at the window until it slowly opened up, and then after a brief glance around to make sure that the other person was definitely distracted, she jumped up and shimmied herself inside.

She found the computer right beneath the window, and quickly logged on using the password that was scribbled down on the side of the monitor. She found the log that held all entries from all the terminals in all the booths, and found the one that the stranger outside was standing by. The information was all logged there already. 

Iris quickly changed just a few bits of information, then shut the computer down, grabbed a spare tablet, and crawled back outside. She quickly ran closer to where Matt and the stranger were standing, and she paused for a moment to listen in on their conversation. “-and I’ve never seen someone as blue as you are.”

There was a moment of silence before a deep voice answered. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

Matt gulped. “Um… yes?”

“Thank you.” The stranger sounded satisfied. “I’ve never seen anyone with skin as pretty as yours. It looks like dirt.”

Matt sounded completely out of his depth when he responded. “Um, thank you too? I’m not sure that people usually call dirt pretty though.”

Iris covered her mouth with one hand to muffle the sound of her snickering. This was priceless. Before she could get carried away with listening, she remembered that she was a woman on a mission. 

Iris stared at the stranger’s tablet until it fell out of their hands and onto the ground. She darted forward, hunched over, and slid the stranger’s tablet behind her back, while standing up and holding out the one she’d stolen from the booth. “I believe you dropped this?”

The stranger nodded. “Yes, that is accurate. Thank you for your assistance.”

Then Iris headed back towards her booth, leaving Matt to do whatever he wanted. She didn’t hear footsteps behind her immediately, and wondered if Matt was actually enjoying the awkward flirting that was going on between him and the stranger.

The man who was working the booth returned and the windows went back to being see through. “Eh, it was just a false alarm, nothing to worry about. Now where were we? Ah, yes. Your documents, please.”

Iris handed over the stolen tablet. “That should be everything.”

It was silent for a few minutes other than the sounds of someone quickly typing. Finally, he handed back the tablet. “Well, you seem to be all set. You can move your ship to the parking yard at the coordinates I just uploaded onto your tablet. There’s a bus right there as well so you should have no trouble getting around from there. Have a nice stay, Mr Kapblan.”

Iris started back towards the ship, and she could hear Matt running to catch up. “Wait! Don’t leave without me!”

Iris snorted, but she did stop and wait for him. “You idiot. I was just going to move the ship to the parking yard.”

He laughed awkwardly. “Oh. I knew that. I definitely didn’t think you’d been turned away for not having the right papers and were planning on abandoning me here. How did you do it, anyways? And why do you look so smug?”

Iris shrugged. “Some people don’t know what genders look like on humans, so it’s pretty easy to get away with things. And I just changed a little bit of data that was already in the system to make it look like we actually belong. You can thank your new friend for that.”

Mat looked suspiciously down at the tablet in Iris’s hands. “Did you steal that?”

“Come on, you hold no moral high ground here. The reason I don’t even have the registration for our ship is because the Resistance obviously stole it from someone else. And besides, if you really feel that bad about it, then you can just return it yourself. I don’t need it as soon as I upload the parking coordinates to the ship. How did things go with your new friend, anyways?”

Matt’s face flushed a soft pink. “Eh, it was extremely awkward. He invited me to check out his ship with him, but I had to turn him down because I thought that you were going without me, and I didn’t want to get left behind.”

They got onto the ship, and Iris quickly entered the coordinates, then handed the tablet to Matt. “Do you want to take this back now before anyone gets all upset? Just tell him that there was a mistake and I handed back the wrong tablet. It shouldn’t be too difficult. And I promise that I won’t just take off without you.” She smiled as Matt rolled his eyes. 

“You laugh now, but who knows what it could’ve come down to.”

She waggled her eyebrows. “And while you’re out, maybe you should accept that offer of a tour of his ship. It could be fun to see what kind of equipment he’s got there.”

There was a moment of silence, and it seemed like Matt had been frozen in place. Finally, he coughed a few times and shook his head. “So did they teach you about innuendos in the Order, or is that just something you’ve picked up on your own?”

Iris shrugged innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just thinking that if he’s got a stronger ship than us, maybe it would be worth the time it would take to steal it?” She laughed at the look on Matt’s face. “I’m kidding. I don’t plan on committing any grand thefts on this neutral planet. Even I’m not that dumb. I don’t want to get kicked out of here before we have a chance to settle down and get any kind of research done. That would suck. Especially considering the fact that we have absolutely no idea of where we should be going from here.” When Matt still didn’t move, she rolled her eyes. “Just go return that device to its rightful owner and then get back here. The only thing we’re going to be stealing around here is a parking space, I promise.”

When Matt left, Iris plopped down into the driver’s seat, and stared out the front window. This was all so crazy. A year ago, she’d never have been able to guess where she’d end up. She watched Matt awkwardly hand over the borrowed tablet, and the alien pulled him into a giant hug. Iris would’ve never gotten to witness any of this if she had never found the Resistance. 

When she saw Matt coming back over, she waited for him to get onboard, then closed the door. She laughed at his dazed look. “So when’s the wedding?”

Matt scowled. “I don’t appreciate you using me like this. It isn’t right. I feel so…”

“Used?” Iris suggested helpfully. 

Matt sat down in his seat, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Next time I’ll do all the fancy jedi tricks, and you can be the one to flirt with an alien that thinks dirt is pretty.”

Iris chuckled. “I would love to, but there’s a slight problem with that plan. Like perhaps the fact that you don’t have any ‘fancy jedi tricks’ as far as I know. Unless you’re keeping something from me? I mean, I know that your dad is a force user and all, but I didn’t think you were. Unless you were hiding it from the Resistance to avoid combat situations?”

Matt shook his head. “No. Unfortunately, I cannot turn into a sudden superhero the way you can.” After a few minutes, he peered curiously at Iris out of the corner of his eye. “Do you think that the reason you knew to turn to the good side was because the force told you to?”

Iris scoffed. “I doubt it. If that were the case, I would’ve figured out where my loyalty was supposed to be far sooner than I did. And besides, the fact that sith lords, and Kylo Ren, exist proves that the force isn’t inherently good. It isn’t good or evil. It’s the same as handing someone a blaster. They’ll shoot or not shoot whoever they think is right, and it’s got nothing to do with the blaster.” She laughed. “That’s just what I think anyways. It’s not like I’m an expert on the force or anything. I’m like the opposite of an expert.”

Matt shook his head. “That can’t really be true. You must know more about it than most people, considering the fact that you can actually use it and all. A lot of people don’t even know that the force is a thing, or they don’t believe that it exists, so you already know more than them.”

Iris smiled. “I suppose that’s true. Though it will be nice if your dad knows a thing or two that he could teach me. Because I’m not doing horribly on my own, but there obviously has to be more to this than just being able to move things around without touching them. Not that that isn’t very useful at times, of course. But if there is more to all of this, then I feel like it’s kind of my obligation to know. I don’t want to become like Kylo Ren.”

There was silence for a moment, and then Matt responded in a soft voice. “I don’t think you’re in danger of ever becoming like him. You care about people, and want to help them, while he’s only interested in causing them pain and pushing them down so that he can stand on top. As long as you want to be a good person, you will be one. I believe in you.”

Iris turned away from Matt so that he wouldn’t see her faint blush. “Ah, what makes you say that? We’ve barely known each other for any time at all. You don’t know anything about me other than the fact that I betrayed everyone.”

Matt shrugged. “I know that the force sent you to me for a reason. And I know that you turned against Kylo Ren in order to save your friends. I know that you’re a good person. I’ll learn the rest along the way.”

Iris smiled to herself. “Well, if you insist. Though I am a rather boring person once you get to know me.” Both of them laughed pretty hard at that, and then before they knew it, they’d landed in their parking space. “Well, we’re officially here now. The planet of Naridya is ours to conquer. And that’s just an expression, of course.”

“Of course. Now let’s go.” 

They got out of the ship, and headed towards the bus that the booth man had mentioned. It was time for the next adventure to begin.


	29. Chapter 29

Matt looked around the small room they were standing in with something close to disgust on his face. “Does this really count as a room? I mean this can’t legally be acceptable housing for two paying customers.”

Iris flopped down onto her back on one of the tiny beds in the center of the room. “Yeah, maybe. Except when you keep in mind the fact that we’re not paying customers, you’ll realize that we’ve got it pretty good.”

Matt paused, and he sat down on the edge of the second bed. “Yeah… I was actually meaning to talk to you about that. I know that you’ve clearly proven where your loyalties lie by officially turning against Kylo Ren and the First Order and all that, but don’t you think that maybe you’re not using the force in the right way?” At Iris’s raised eyebrow, he quickly hurried to keep speaking. “Not that I would really know much about the force or how it works! But stealing and causing trouble and lying just because you have a power that most people don’t have seems kind of wrong, don’t you think?”

Iris frowned. “Matt. We have no money, no identification, and no way of getting jobs. How do you expect to survive out here in the real world if we’re not using my power to do whatever the hell we need to do? I don’t know about you, Matt, but I don’t exactly plan on dying out here on some stupid rock before we’ve even gotten a chance to begin looking for your father. Oh yeah, and don’t forget that that’s why we’re here. For you to find someone. So if you don’t want me to be using the force, then what do you want?”

Matt frowned as well. “I don’t know. All I know is that this doesn’t seem right. There has to be some other way to get by without cheating.”

Iris crossed her arms over her chest, and she stared up at the stained ceiling of their cheap motel room. “If you don’t want me here to be ‘cheating’ for your sake, then what the hell do you want from me? We both know I’m not good for anything else. I’m just-”

Matt reached across the space between their beds so that he could grab one of Iris’s hands. “Hey, that’s not true at all. Finn told us plenty of stories about you. You were famous in the Order for being the best in so many ways, and that was all long before you knew about the force, right? And you’re smart, able to come up with good tactical plans, persuasive enough to get yourself off from charges of treason, quick thinking so you always know what to say to get out of a jam. You are a lot more than just the ability you didn’t even know you had until recently. You’re not worthless, I promise. Why would you even think that? And I don’t know how we’re going to get through all of this with just the two of us, but I’m certain that we’ll figure out a way, and I’m certain that you won’t have to use the force to get us there.”

Iris tugged her hand away, and sat up so she was leaning back against the wall at the head of the bed. “Who are you kidding? We won’t be able to get shit done without me using my magical superhero powers.”

There was still a worried look on Matt’s face. “Would a superhero steal and lie and cheat and manipulate when they know that the other person is helpless to defend against it? Because I really don’t think that sounds like something a superhero would do.”

Iris took a deep breath in, then slowly let it out. Matt was really starting to get on her nerves. This was exactly why she hadn’t wanted to bring anyone along with her on her journey. Did he really think that she’d ever stop using this power now that she knew about it? Of course there was always the risk of her going bad, but Iris was pretty sure she’d never do that. Not after realizing just how bad people like Kylo Ren were. It’s not like she was planning on using the force to harm anybody. She was just using it to do what she had to to survive. That didn’t sound like something that should be as bad as Matt was making it out to be. Especially when he’d already benefited from her use of the force multiple times. 

And if Matt couldn’t see that for himself, then he was just being stupid. There was no way that they were going to survive out here without the help of Iris’s power. Matt had already admitted that he was completely useless when it came to fighting, and it was pretty obvious that he was useless when it came to talking as well. Which meant that he wasn’t going to be able to do much of anything other than come along for the ride. 

Iris shook her head. “Let’s just agree to disagree. And if you’re really so sure that you can find your dad without using the force at all, then you can just go and do that on your own.”

“Obviously I can’t do it on my own,” Matt sounded exasperated, as he obviously hadn’t intended for the conversation to get so heavy so quickly. “I’m perfectly aware of the fact that I can’t do much on my own. But with your help we’ll be able to find my dad for sure, if he’s still alive.”

Iris frowned. “And I already told you that my help includes me using the force whenever I see fit. How is that so hard for you to understand?”

Matt stood up so that he’d be towering over Iris. “Listen, I’m not saying that you can never use the force again, or any kind of bullshit like that. All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t be using it to do bad things so easily. And besides, you’re barely trained in using the force at all. You’re bound to wind up getting yourself hurt if you keep pushing this so hard.”

Iris clenched her hands into fists. She was tempted to lift Matt up and fling him across the small room to prove that she had plenty of control over the force, but she knew that that wouldn’t be right. Even if it wouldn’t hurt him more than a bruise or two, he was technically her ally, even if he was being really irritating at the moment. “You listen to me, okay? I’m the one who knows how to fly a ship. I’m the one who knows how to use the force. I’m the one who knows how to talk to people. I’m the one who knows how to find your father. You won’t be able to do shit without me, and we both know it. So either you accept that I’m going to do whatever it takes, or you go on without me and give up on ever finding your dad. It’s totally up to you.”

Even though Iris had originally set out to be on her own, and Matt was being really annoying, there was also a big part of Iris that didn’t want him to just go and leave her alone. Despite all the people that had been around her for her entire life, she’d always been alone, and that was it’s own kind of hell. Matt could be irritating as hell, but at least having him around was better than being alone. 

Matt’s expression softened, and shook his head. “I’m not going to just leave. I’m a totally inept nerd who would never survive on my own, let alone survive on my own and be able to track down someone who I haven’t seen or heard from in years. I’m not that big of an idiot. I just don’t want you getting hurt is all.”

“You’re the one who said you don’t think I’m in danger of ever becoming like Kylo Ren.” Before Matt could respond to that, she headed towards the door of their cheap room. “Come on. There’s no point in lying around here and waiting for answers to just drop into our laps. It’s time to get to work.”

Matt got up and followed Iris out of the room that they hadn’t even bothered paying for. “So where are we going to start? It could be risky to go to the police stations to ask around, because if they figure out where we’re from, we’d be in a lot of danger. So whose doors are we busting down?”

Iris rolled her eyes. “You’re the history guy. You must be smart enough to realize that there’s probably not going to be any people around here who just happen to know your dad. The universe is a giant ass place, and we’re not lucky enough to have coincidences like that happen to us. So we’re going to start off a bit more tame than that. The local library.” She grinned at the resigned look on Matt’s face. “Come on, you like the books and stuff, don’t you?”

Matt frowned. “If it were a choice, I’d rather be kicking down doors. Well, it would most likely you be kicking down doors while I cower behind you, but still. It would be easier.”

“And also more illegal, and also less likely to get us any of the information that we require. Come on, don’t be a baby about this. With both of us reading, we should be able to cover more information in a quicker amount of time. And don’t worry, I’m not planning on making you work until you drop from exhaustion. If we get enough done, we can take a break. I’ve heard there’s some nice beaches around here.”

They took a bus, using some of what little money they had at Matt’s insistence, and soon found themselves at a pretty fancy looking library. Much nicer than what the Resistance had had even before fleeing from their base. They went inside, and Iris walked over to one of the computer terminals that would help them find specific books or news articles. Matt looked at Iris curiously. “So what exactly are you going to be looking up? You said yourself that the universe is too big for my father to have coincidentally come by this planet.”

Iris turned her head sharply to look at Matt. “Hey now, I never said that. All I said is that we wouldn’t be able to find anyone who knows him. That doesn’t mean that he can’t have been here before and left some kind of trail. But that’s not what I’m trying to look up, anyways. I’m just trying to figure out where we need to start. If there was a human force user besides Kylo Ren running around in the past decade, someone somewhere will have noticed it. The archives here aren’t exclusive to this planet. Some news is more universal.”

Matt smiled. “And you were trying to say that you’re useless? Come on, you’re obviously much smarter than me, despite being a little kid.”

“I’m barely younger than you. Probably.”

As she searched through a bunch of old records and news articles much quicker than Matt would’ve been able to, he wondered how old exactly his traveling companion was. He would’ve asked, but she seemed to be concentrating pretty hard on what she was doing, and he didn’t want to disrupt that. 

After a while, Iris made a victorious noise. “Aha. Four years ago. There was an incident on the planet Raisha, and it resulted in the planet’s first ever banning of a person from entering their airspace every again.”

Matt raised one eyebrow. “They must’ve done something pretty bad, but how do you know that it was a force user?”

“‘After the trial’s conclusion, all members of the tribunal declared that they did not remember ever calling the suspect innocent, and that is when they banned him from the planet.’” She read aloud. “It doesn’t say what the suspect did or what his name was, but come on, that definitely sounds like some kind of jedi mind tricks to me. It’s at least a start. Raisha isn’t too far from here. We could leave tomorrow and get there by the end of the week.”

Matt nodded. “Alright, so that might be a lead. But we should keep looking here first, to make sure that we don’t miss anything. And if this lead turns out to be nothing, we don’t want to slink back here in defeat to keep living in that crappy motel room. Not that I’d let you get us a nicer one, of course. We’ll make do.” A moment later, his stomach growled loudly. “Can we take a quick lunch break?”

Iris sighed. “Yeah, fine. You go ahead. There’s a few more things that I want to look at before I split.” She reached into her pocket to pull out a small card. “There should be enough on there for a small lunch.” Matt accepted the card, and left the library.

Once he was gone, Iris reached into one of the many pockets on her jacket and pulled out the drive that had gotten Leia killed. She slipped it into the terminal, even though she already knew everything that was on it. She opened up the document, not caring about the Tabuula video, and her eyes quickly scanned over the same tidbit of information that had been there last time she’d checked. _‘Female, one year old. Mother: dead. Father: unknown. Eyes: blue. Hair: black. Weight: 20 lbs. Extraction successful. One casualty. Note- She keeps staring at me like she’s seeing into my soul. Hopefully she won’t be stationed anywhere near me. Second note- Attempted escape, almost successful. Re-education ordered. Third note- top of class. Beat all known records in Tabuula. She’s one to watch out for. Fourth note- Escape successful. Fled with enemy rebels. Attack on sight.’_ There was nothing new that hadn’t been there before. 

Except for an idea. The tiniest thing niggling in the back of her mind that she couldn’t quite put into words yet. And idea that she knew would change her whole life if only she could figure out what it actually meant. There was some connection that she hadn’t made yet, some answer to a question she didn’t even know. 

She looked through the tiny document again. Who was the casualty? Was that her mother who was listed as dead? Or was it some random stormtrooper? After staring at the screen for a few more minutes, Iris took the drive out and put it back into her pocket. Right now they were focusing on Matt and his father. There would be time to look more into Iris’s family later. 

Just as Iris was leaving the library, she bumped into Matt, who was walking in with a bag that was practically dripping grease. She nodded towards the bus stop. “Let’s head back to our room for now. We’ll figure some more out later.” They ate while they waited for the bus, and then they returned to the cheap motel. 

Iris sat down on the bed that she’d claimed was the slightly less horrible of the two, and she motioned for Matt to stay quiet so she could concentrate. Then she squeezed her eyes shut. Iris had no idea what Killian’s mind felt like right now, but she did know what it felt like many years ago, and if she was looking to peruse the past, then that would be the best place to start.  
After what felt like forever, her breathing finally evened out, and her muscles all relaxed as she slipped into a meditative state. Matt watched with curiosity, but he wasn’t stupid enough to say anything to disturb Iris. 

_Aksha was humming softly under her breath as she stirred a pot of bubbling soup on the stove, and a young baby was sitting on the lab of a young Matt, who was making lots of funny faces at the baby. Every now and then, Aksha would glance over at them to make sure they were alright, and then she’d turn back to her cooking._

_When the food was ready, Aksha carefully put a bowl of hot soup in front of Matt, then she lifted the baby up to cradle in one arm so that she could hold a spoon full of mush in her free hand. “I know you want to help feed her, but she’s too little for big kid food right now. Maybe in a few months.”_

_The whole scene was thoroughly domestic and happy, up until the moment the front door suddenly burst open. The baby surprisingly didn’t begin wailing loudly, just watched everything with wide eyes. Strangers dressed all in black filled the small house, and one of them walked up to Aksha and looked at her challengingly. “Miss, please hand over the children and there will be no need for-”_

_There was a furious growl from the doorway, and everyone turned to look as though they’d been compelled. Killian was standing there, full of righteous anger, and he looked like he could kill everyone in the room if he had to. “Get away from my family!”_

_Matt ran over to where his father was standing, assuming that’s where he’d be safest. Everything happened so quickly it all passed like it was a blur. Aksha screamed loudly, and several blaster bolts were fired around the room._

_Killian scooped up Matt, and after glaring him into silence, began running. They kept moving for what seemed like ages, until they finally reached a small ship, and quickly climbed in. Matt stared at his father in surprise when the ship began rising. “Daddy, no! What about Mommy and Ellie?”_

_Killian shook his head, and that’s when Matt realized that his dad was crying. “It’s too late. I was too late. I failed her. I can’t believe I let myself believe that we’d ever truly be safe.”_

_Matt began screaming and crying, sounding even louder than usual as the noise bounced around the small enclosed space that they were in. “I want Mommy!”_

_After a while, they stopped and got out. Killian knelt in front of Matt so that he could look him in the eyes. “You’re a big kid, Mathrew. You can’t keep crying. You need to be a man. Mommy and Ellie are gone. We aren’t going to be able to see them again.” Matt just started screaming louder, and Killian closed his eyes for a moment as he let out a long sigh. Finally, he look Matt in the eyes again. His voice took on a mesmerizing tone. “Listen to me. Even though they’re gone and we’ll always miss them, you’re a brave boy, and you’re going to move on. The pain is already fading, like it was never even there.”_

_It seemed to work for just a moment, before Matt shook his head. “No! I want Ellie!” His pain was strong, and he was rejecting Killian’s efforts. Killian really didn’t want to do this, but there was no choice. Matt was going to wander off and get himself killed if he didn’t calm down and wisen up. He spoke in a sharp voice. “Listen, you don’t have a sister. You never have. Your mother died, but you know she is at peace so you are okay, and you never had a sister. Do you understand me? It was always just the three of us. That’s it!”_

_There was a pause, and then Matt blinked a few times, and looked at his father in confusion. “Are you okay, Daddy? You look sad.”_

_Killian stood up, and brushed away as many of his tears as he could. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just- there’s someplace I have to go. Someplace that you can’t come with me. So I’m going to introduce you to some people here who will take care of you while I’m gone, okay?”_

_Matt nodded. “Okay. You’ll be back though, right?”_

_Killian seemed slightly dazed from the effort it had taken to take Matt’s beloved sister away from him. From the moment she’d been born he’d dedicated himself to taking care of her and protecting her, and he always said that she was his favorite. And now he didn’t even know she had ever existed. “Yeah, of course. I just need to look for someone.”_

_Though he hadn’t seen everything that had gone down during all that confusion, he was nearly certain that Ellie was still alive. And he was determined to find her, no matter what._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering why Matt didn’t sound bothered when first mentioning his mother being killed back in chapter 20, here’s your explanation haha. Killian definitely deserves a parent of the year award now xD


	30. Chapter 30

Iris’s eyes snapped open, and she immediately turned to look at Matt, who was quietly scrolling through something on a tablet. She let out a long breath, and stared at Matt. “Ah, in case you were wondering, I was totally right about you having a baby sister. Seems like you were really close, or at least as close as you can get to a baby that’s too little to even be able to speak.”

Matt looked up from his tablet in surprise. “Then why wouldn’t I remember that? And I thought that we agreed there were more important things to focus on?”

Iris kept talking like Matt hadn’t said anything. “Your dad is the one who erased all your memories of her. He used the force to manipulate your mind because he thought your fear and sorrow would get you killed. But he didn’t think your sister died the day your mom died. The reason he left you wasn’t to find Skywalker, it was to find your sister. Her name is Ellie.”

Matt’s eyes widened, and he jumped to his feet so quickly that Iris was half afraid he was going to fall over. He walked over to sit down on the edge of Iris’s bed, and his eyes began to fill with tears. “I… I remember that name. But everything from that day is so foggy.” He looked at Iris pleadingly. “Living in a half and half state where I don’t even know is so much worse than knowing for sure. Please help me remember. If my dad could use the force to make me forget, then you could reverse that, right?”

Iris shrugged. “I’m not sure. I haven’t gotten much practice with messing around in people’s heads. But I’ll try.” She smirked, trying to lighten the mood. “Now who wants to abuse the force?” But she scooted forward, and pressed her hands lightly against the sides of Matt’s head. She squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn’t even sure what exactly she needed to do, but she focused on finding whatever wall was blocking the memories, and breaking it down. 

It turned out to be much easier than Iris had been expecting. The wall had been in place for so long that it was weak, and the sister’s name being said aloud had managed to damage it a bit. Iris just had to give a hard shove, and then Matt physically fell away from her as his brain suddenly flooded with everything he’d forgotten.

He pressed one hand against his mouth, and sniffled as tears gathered in his eyes. “Oh my god. How could I have forgotten Ellie? And I didn’t even remember everything about my mom! I’m a horrible person. How could I have possibly let myself just move on from losing two people I cared about more than anything?”

Iris put a comforting hand on Matt’s shoulder. “You aren’t a bad person. You were a little kid, which means that your mental defences were basically nonexistent, and your dad took advantage of that. He’s the one who’s got some explaining to do, not you.”

Matt sighed, and stood up, wrenching himself away from Iris. “I can’t believe how vividly I’m remembering all of this, considering the fact that it was like thirteen years ago.”

“It’s probably because they’re still so fresh to you. If they’d been there all along, you would’ve already learned to heal and move on. But now you’re stuck trying again from the beginning. At least there’s one thing in your favor. You’re an adult now, and you should have the maturity and capability of getting through this. And you’re not alone. I’m still here.” She frowned. “When we do find your dad, I’m definitely going to kick his ass though.”

That brought a small smile to Matt’s face. “Well, we definitely deserve some answers. If he’s even still alive, that is. I mean, he’s been gone for so long now, just to track down a single baby? How hard could that be? I mean, it’s not like she could’ve wandered off on her own.”

The idea that had been niggling at the back of Iris’s brain earlier in the library suddenly started to take shape. It wasn’t a complete idea, but it definitely felt like it was something important. “Wait! I don’t think she escaped!”

Matt gave her a strange look. “But you just said-”

“I don’t think she escaped, I think she was taken. Those men who broke into your house… what if they were working for the First Order? I was taken away from my family when I was just a baby. That’s clearly how they operate now that clones have gone out of style. What if they took her to make her into a stormtrooper too?”

Matt frowned, and slowly sank down onto his own bed. Iris wondered when he was going to get tired of constantly getting up and then sitting back down again. “But that would make her an enemy.”

Iris raised one eyebrow. “Not all stormtroopers are enemies. Some of us figure out the truth. For so much love to have been forced into that kid even in the small amount of time that she’s been alive, there must be some part of her that knows she isn’t where she truly belongs. Maybe your dad hasn’t found her yet, or maybe he lost track of his mission, but if he’s looking for her too, wouldn’t we have a good bet of finding him by looking into the trooper cadets? Your sister would probably be around my age-”

That got Matt’s attention. The idea that had been niggling in Iris’s mind suddenly jumped into his, and he was able to put into words what Iris had been thinking without even realizing it. “You… you’re around your age.”

“What?”

Matt sighed. “Look at us! We look so similar; same skin, same eyes, same hair-”

Iris snorted. “Unlike you, I actually keep my hair looking neat and tidy.”

Matt waved that interruption aside. “Whatever! The point is that we look very similar. And now I know that I actually had a baby sister, who would probably be around your age. And if she was taken by the Order to be raised as a stormtrooper, then that means it’s very possible that you-”

Iris’s eyes widened. “But that’s impossible.”

Matt looked at her with wide, vulnerable eyes. “Why? Why is it impossible? My dad is a force user, and so are you. The force showed you visions of my parents, which led you straight to me. Why would it do that without a reason? Iris… what if you’re really my sister? What if you’re really Ellie?”

,,,

Kylo Ren stared at a row of his subordinates, a sour look on his face as he took his mask off and threw it across the room. “All I asked was that you follow the traitors and rebels back to their pathetic little base, and not a single one of you idiots could manage even that? What do I even keep you around here for?”

One of them stepped forward, looking very nervous. “Um, sir, if I may-?” When he wasn’t immediately thrown into the opposite wall, he let out a soft breath, then kept talking. “The rebels put up a large fight, and by the time we’d gotten around to following them, they were already long gone. There were a lot of casualties taken from that attack, and you were the main priority in the moment.” He winced, clearly expecting some kind of lashing for his words. 

Kylo paused, and took in several deep breaths. “I want that rebel base found. Look back over everything from this attack, along with the break in at Tabuula. Scour every single tape and testimony for even the tiniest of clues.”

One of the others also stepped forward. “Sir, no offense is intended, by why are you suddenly so motivated to track down the rebels? They are insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and our current radars are on constant lookout. So what’s the sudden rush?”

The young force user didn’t take well to having his orders questioned. He lifted one arm, and watched with satisfaction as the idiot was raised up into the air by the force, and he choked, and tried to scratch at the invisible grip around his neck. Kylo scowled. “The rebels are traitors to this empire, and they do whatever they can to sabotage us. If you don’t want them to be found and executed for all of their crimes, then you must be another traitor. Apparently the ranks are full of them.” He squeezed his hand, and the man’s face began turning purple from lack of oxygen. Then he flung the man down to the ground, and stared at the idiots with disgust. “All of you get out of here immediately! And don’t come back until you have results!” They all quickly nodded and shuffled out of the room, two of them pausing for just a moment to grab the unconscious man and drag him out. 

When the door slammed shut behind them, Kylo sank down into his chair. That idiot’s question was really making him think. Why was he suddenly so eager to spill rebel blood? They had offended him by breaking into his base, and killing many of his men, and causing personal damage to him, but that wasn’t it.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and he could just see C-7717 lying on the ground, holding a knife to her throat while coughing up blood. He hated to think that that stupid girl was causing such a reaction in him. Losing Rey hadn’t mattered nearly as much. So why was this one hitting him so hard?

He squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, and tried to breath deeply so that he could focus on the force. “Please, give me some guidance. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time anymore. And I don’t know why that child matters to me if she’s my enemy. Please show me some answers.” There was a pause, but then the force didn’t disappoint, and a moment later, Kylo found himself viewing a vision of what had to be the future.

_“Ah, please. Just call me Ben.”_

_Iris smiled. “Alright. Though if you do want to change your name, now would be your chance. A new name can symbolize a new beginning if you want it to.”_

_Ben shook his head. “No thanks. I know that I have no right to mourn, but both of my parents are dead, because of me. The least that I can do to honor them is call myself by the name that they chose to give me. If that’s okay with you?”_

_Iris nodded. “Of course. I’m the last person who’d be telling you that there’s anything you have to do. I’m kind of an advocate of free will.”_

_Ben stared at Iris once her attention shifted away from him. He couldn’t help noticing how different she looked. Her hair was in hundreds of little braids that went halfway down her back, and her bright blue eyes were full of a pain and wisdom that hadn’t always been there. He spoke without even thinking about it, “The first time I saw you, you were just a little kid who knew she was in the wrong place. Now you’re a woman who knows she’s in the right one.”_

_Iris looked back at Ben. “Ah, don’t go getting all sentimental on me here. Unless you want to delve into how many times you’ve saved my life since that very first meeting.” Her expression softened. “Come on. It would be a shame to miss out on our party.” She gave him a brilliant smile. “I’m really proud of you, Ky- Ben. And I know that your parents would be too. Well, at least your mom would be.”_

_Ben tilted his head as they started walking. “What are you talking about?”_

_She grinned secretively. “Let’s just say that she’s as big a pain in the ass dead as she was alive.”_

_They soon reached the edge of a large clearing, and there were lots of people gathered there. They all shouted with joy and happiness, and there were cheers coming from everyone. They were cheering for him, Ben realized. It sent a strange feeling through his chest._

Kylo Ren opened his eyes, and quickly shook his head. “That can’t be right,” he said softly. Though normally he would’ve just kicked and screamed until he got his way, even now he understood that it was important to be gentle with the force itself when asking for its help. “Show me the truth. Why does that girl mean anything to me?” This time when he closed his eyes, he didn’t feel any more comforted than before. 

_Kylo Ren stared triumphantly at his prey as he held his lightsaber right up to her throat. “Now who has won?”_

_Iris was pinned up against the wall, and she didn’t look like she had any fight left in her. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was a complete mess. She just looked so tired, so defeated. She looked down at the ground instead of meeting Kylo’s gaze. She shrugged, and spoke in a miserable sounding voice. “I guess you did. So just kill me and get it over with.” Kylo moved his weapon forward the slightest bit, and Iris didn’t even wince at the fresh burn. She frowned. “Just kill me if that’ll make you happy.”_

_Kylo clenched his jaw. “You had so many chances to pick the right side. You started off with the winners in the beginning, but you made the decision to defect to the rebels. So anything that happens to you now is your fault.” Even to his own ears, he sounded like he was just trying to justify his actions._

_Iris didn’t seem to care. “I know. You’ve won. Congratulations. Now just kill me and get it over with already, asshole. We both already know that I’m not going to fight back because I don’t have it in me to keep hurting you. So this is an easy shot. Just take it-” Before she could keep talking, Kylo pressed his lightsaber forward the rest of the way, disconnecting the head from the neck, and slicing a little bit into the wall behind Iris as well._

_Her lifeless head rolled to the floor, and those eyes stared up at him accusingly. Kylo closed his eyes and turned away, unable to look at what he’d done. At what he’d had to do._

Kylo quickly opened his eyes again, and he realized that he was sweating. Since he didn’t plan on meeting up with anyone else today, he figured that no one would notice if he slipped off his heavy black robes. Then he leaned back, and tried to think about those two visions that had clearly been at odds with each other. “Which one was the real future?” he muttered to himself. 

There was a pause, and then Kylo got the feeling that the force was trying to send him a message. It wasn’t that either of those futures were guaranteed to happen, but it was possible for either one of them to play out in the future. That still didn’t explain why Iris was seemingly so important to him, though he knew that he’d liked the vision of himself killing her much less than he’d liked the first one with the party and the big smiles.

Kylo slumped forward, and wondered why the force could never just give him a straightforward answer. What did it know about himself and about C-7717 that he didn’t know? Whatever it was, the force was definitely being a dick for keeping it from him. 

There were more important matters to attend to, so Kylo didn’t have the time to just sit around all day and think about why he might care about a random force using stormtrooper’s fate. All that mattered was knowing her new status of being an enemy, and Kylo knew he’d do whatever it took to kill her next time she came stomping around these parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very tired while writing the second half of the chapter so if there are a bunch of mistakes just let me know and I’ll fix them asap.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Damn, I can’t believe how long this story is getting, especially since I didn’t have any plan in mind for where to go after that confrontation with Kylo Ren. I hope that I can continue to please haha

Iris laughed nervously, and shook her head. “But that’s just impossible.” She spoke quickly, like she was hoping to get all of her words out before Matt could get the chance to interject. “I’m not anybody’s sister; it says so in the Order’s report. If they were around to capture your sister, they definitely saw you being dragged off with your dad.”

Matt frowned. “Maybe they didn’t think it was important enough to include? What else is in that report? There must be other details.”

Details like the fact that Iris’s mother was dead, and the status of her father was unknown. Matt was in the exact same position. And he was right about their looks. Of course there had to be millions of humans who shared those characteristics, and they didn’t share the same facial structure. Though in Iris’s vision where she herself had met Killian, he had noticed the slight similarities in appearance between Iris and Aksha. But that had to just be a coincidence. She shook her head again, and stubbornly crossed her arms over her chest. “It just doesn’t make any sense. What are the odds that out of the entire freakin’ universe, you’d just happen to bump into someone who you haven’t seen since you were a little kid?”

Matt shrugged, not looking nearly as bothered as Iris was. “I don’t know. But where the force is involved, I’m not sure that we can really call it a coincidence. Look, all I know is that even after everyone learned that you were a traitor, my first thoughts weren’t about being betrayed, they were about wanting to make sure you were alright. And maybe part of that was because I just wanted your help to find my father, and that’s selfish, but there was another part that was genuinely concerned about you, since they said you were being held in the medical tent. I feel comfortable around you. And I may not have seen my sister since she was a baby, but it’s the same sort of feeling. I just didn’t realize it before because I didn’t even know that I already understood the feeling of being a sibling. Do you know what I mean?”

“You’re more of an annoyance than anything, Matt.”

He just laughed at that. “But that’s exactly what I mean! That’s a sibling feeling through and through, as far as I can remember. Why would it really be so awful for me to be your brother? Would it really mean the end of the world and life as we know it? Or are you just being stubborn?”

Iris hadn’t even had enough time to think about why the thought bothered her so much. But somehow, even though she’d always been vaguely aware of the fact that she had to have a family somewhere out there, even after reading that report and knowing that it had to mean something, she’d never truly thought about it. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do if it turned out that Matt was actually her family. How would she have to act around him with that new revelation in mind?

But there was more to it than that. She knew it would be irrational to do so, but she couldn’t help thinking about her latest vision. In it, Killian had very clearly abandoned his son with the intention of finding his daughter. That was thirteen years ago, and there was no Killian in sight. She couldn’t help feeling like it he truly was her father, and had simply failed to find her after so much time, then he was to blame for her childhood and her training and everything else she’d had to go through. And it would mean that she’d taken Matt’s father away from him for over a decade for absolutely no reason, since Killian had never managed to find his child. It brought an odd mix of guilt and anger into her, and she didn’t like that. 

So she just walked over to the door of their motel room. “I’m going out for a walk. I’ll be back in a little while, I promise.” And she hurried out, not bothering to wait for any kind of response from Matt. 

After almost an entire lifetime of wondering where she’d come from, and what her family might be like, she couldn’t believe that it all came down to an ordinary happy family. Yes, Killian had been a force user, but in the end it really had been a rather ordinary family. It was difficult to believe that Matt was the one who she’d spent her whole life longing for without even realizing it. 

He was certainly far different than the brothers in arms that Iris had had in the Order. Matt was a good person, other than when he set fires in his own camp for stupid reasons. He was completely useless with weapons by his own confession, and Iris knew she’d never be able to trust him to watch her back on the battlefield. He wasn’t even a part of the family that Iris had built up in her time with the Resistance. 

Thinking of that brought a pang of homesickness to Iris’s stomach. She hadn’t even been able to truthfully call the rebels her family and home for longer than a few days, but despite that, she’d still spent months with those people and gotten to know them fairly well. Finn, Poe, Kiah, Leia, and maybe even Rey. They were the closest to a real family that Iris had ever known, and they all had one thing in common. They were all very strong. 

Matt wasn’t like them. He wasn’t even like his parents, at least as far as Iris could tell from her visions. He wasn’t strong. He wasn’t able to protect himself. So how could Iris ever rely on him to protect her? How could she honestly call him her family? 

She stopped dead in her tracks, not caring that the person who’d been walking behind her bumped into her and muttered curses as they skirted around her. Maybe that was the point. Her whole life, Iris had been training to protect herself and others, and yet she’d still continued to rely on everyone else to be the ones protecting her instead. And while her time with the Resistance had been good while it lasted, maybe this was the force’s way of telling her that it was finally time to put her training into use and protect someone else. 

A moment later, Iris realized that that thought came seemingly out of nowhere, and a moment after that, she realized that the feelings were coming from the force. It was trying to tell her that she needed to protect Matt. Most likely immediately.

Iris spun around, and sprinted back to the motel, hoping that she wasn’t too late for whatever it was that the force thought was going to go down. As she approached the room they’d borrowed, Iris spotted an irate alien pounding on the door. “Come on out of there! You can’t hide in there forever, you scum! No one’s allowed to just stay the night without paying the price!” It was a different alien than the one who Iris had charmed into handing over a free room earlier, and Iris cursed under her breath. 

She darted forward, and tapped the alien on the back of the shoulder. Or at least, it was what she assumed to be the shoulder, though it was a little bit difficult to tell for sure. When the alien turned around, Iris immediately punched it in the face, adding a bit of force to the blow so that angry thing would slam back against the wall. Its eyes slid shut, unconscious for the moment. 

Iris quickly gave a polite knock to the door. “Hey Matt it’s just me, Iris, so please don’t attack me as soon as I go in there, thanks.” She unlocked the door and jumped inside, her whole body tense as she prepared to fight someone. But there was no attack. Instead, she realized that one of the beds was shaking. She walked over to the bed, and knelt down next to it so she could peer underneath. That’s where Matt was, and she rolled her eyes. “Ah, you’re so cliche in your hiding places. This would’ve been the first place that alien was going to check if he had to break down the door. You should’ve at least set up a barricade before hiding.”

Matt slowly crawled out, and when he looked at Iris, it was obvious that he was completely embarrassed by what had just happened. “Sorry. I’m just not exactly an expert at getting myself out of situations. That’s something I’ll have to leave for you.” He paused, and a look of understanding slowly covered his face. “Wait a second. I think I get it now. You don’t want me to be your brother, because that would mean that you’ve got the same blood as a weak coward. Is that it?”

Iris nodded, and Matt looked a bit shocked that she had agreed with him so easily. “Of course I don’t want to share the same blood as a weak coward. But if Killian is really my father, then there’s nothing that can be done about it.”

Matt stared at her uncomprehendingly for a moment. “What? What are you talking about?”

“Killian is a weak coward. He couldn’t protect your mother and sister from the Order when they attacked, and he couldn’t even stick around long enough to be your father until you were at least an adult. He’s never returned to you, and stopped wanting to talk to you, because he’s weak. He doesn’t know how to take care of others. That’s just my guess anyways.” She looked around the room. “Come on, let’s grab our stuff and get out of here. That guy out in the hallway isn’t going to sleep forever, and when he wakes up, he’ll probably call the police on our sorry asses.”

As they ran down the street to the bus station so they could get back to where they’d parked their ship, Matt looked at Iris curiously. “So you think that knowing how to take care of other people is what makes you strong?”

Iris tilted her head. “Hm. Well, not strong exactly. Brave for sure, though. It takes a lot more guts to stick around and stand up for the people who can’t do it themselves than it does to just run for it the moment the opportunity comes up.” She shrugged, and let out a soft laugh. “Ah, just ignore me. I’m trying to get deep here, but I actually have no idea what I’m talking about.”

They managed to get back to the parking lot and onto their ship without any issue. They dropped their things carelessly onto the floor, and Iris jumped into the pilot’s seat like it was second nature, even though it was still so new to her. They took off as soon as they could, and left the planet’s atmosphere, not wanting to stick around if there were going to be people trying to hunt down the strange criminals. “So where are we going to go?” Matt asked curiously.

“We’ll go to Raisha to ask about the events of that news article. It would be a major coincidence if they actually know anything about your father, or if he’s even the one from the article, but it’s worth a shot to at least check the place out. And if that doesn’t pan out, we’ll just go planet hopping until we can find someone somewhere who can tell us something about your dad.”

There was a brief moment of silence before Matt asked in a soft voice, “You mean our dad, right?”

Iris shook her head. “I’ll definitely need more proof before we can say that for sure. For now, he’s your dad. Besides, he seems like such a rotten bastard nowadays, that you can have my share of him even if it does somehow turn out that we’re related.” She laughed, and even though it took him a moment for his frown to melt away, Matt laughed as well. 

After dropping his things off in his room, Matt returned to the control console, and sat down in the co-pilot’s seat. “So have you given any thought to what I’ve said about the force? I think it would be a really good idea for us to figure out some kind of money situation so that we can avoid stealing and getting in trouble again. Maybe it’s just me, but I prefer to not get run off of every planet that we’re going to stop on.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “I’ve thought about it. But I still can’t come up with anything. The only way for us to suddenly get the amount of money we’d need to survive would be for us to steal it first. Either that, or you’re secretly like a jazillionaire who will shower us in money and riches.”

Matt shook his head. “Unfortunately, no. Guess we’ll both have to keep thinking about it.” He gave Iris a sharp glance. “We will both be thinking about it, right?”

Iris sighed. “Yeah, yeah, fine. But only because I don’t want a mutiny on my hands.”

That got another laugh out of Matt. “I seriously doubt you’d have to worry about me being able to overthrow you.” He was silent for a moment before speaking in a more serious tone. “After stealing and breaking the law with you, I guess we’re definitely in this together now, so don’t worry so much.”

Iris smiled appreciatively. “Thanks. But I’m still planning on dumping you onto your father the moment we find him, so don’t get too comfortable.”

Matt shrugged. “We’ll see. I might end up growing on you before then.” 

After flying for a while, Iris glanced over at Matt. “I’m kind of beat. I’m just gonna set auto-pilot, and then take a quick nap. Don’t touch anything, and just wake me up if anything starts beeping, or honking, or making any sort of noise that it isn’t making at the moment.”

She made a tactical retreat to her room, and flopped down onto her bed. She closed her eyes, and almost immediately, she could feel the tug of the force on her. She groaned internally at the thought of not even being able to take in a quick nap first, but she didn’t try to fight the feeling. 

_Killian looked pleadingly at the woman standing before him. “Please, can’t you take in my son? I know that you don’t know me, and you certainly owe me nothing, but I need to know that Matt’s safe while I’m gone. It won’t be for very long, I can swear that much to you. Please.”_

_There was a moment of silence, and then the woman nodded, her twin hair loops bobbing up and down. “Very well. I’m sure we’ll be able to find plenty around here to entertain him. But this isn’t a daycare. And you have to officially put your name on the list, which means that you’ll answer to me. You have to check in every week until you return. Is that clear?”_

_Killian nodded. “Yes, of course. Thank you, General Organa. Knowing that my son will be watched over by you gives me the strength to do what I need to. It kills me to leave him behind, but it’s far too dangerous to take him with me.”_

_Leia’s face softened. “I can’t guarantee how well he’ll be raised without you around all the time. I don’t exactly have the best track record with raising children.”_

_Killian reached out to take one of her hands, and he gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry for the pain you’ve faced in the past. But I must do this so that I don’t lose my child the way that you lost yours. It’s the pain that only a parent can ever truly understand.” He took a step back, and cleared his throat. “Well, I’m going to be leaving now. Thank you so much for this, General.”_

_Leia narrowed her eyes. “You aren’t even going to say goodbye to your boy?”_

_Killian shook his head. “I can’t. I’m afraid that if I do that, I won’t ever be able to leave. This is something that I have to do. My daughter is alive, and she needs me. Don’t tell Matt where I’m going. It’s crucial that he doesn’t know. I won’t be gone long. A few weeks; a month at the most. Tell him that, okay? And tell him that I’ll call every single day. And that I love him so much.”_

_Leia watched Killian hurry back into his ship after quickly scribbling his name into the log of all their members. Once he was gone, she went back into her office to find Matt. He was staring out the window, a knowing look on his face. “Daddy’s got to look for someone, but he’ll be back soon, right?”_

_“Yes, of course. Until then, I’m Leia, and I’ll be looking after you.”_

_Matt raised one eyebrow. “Why are you just looking at me like that?”_

_Leia sighed as she sank down into the chair behind her desk. “I lost my own son very recently. He was your age just a few years ago really.”_

_Matt kindly ignored the distraught look on the general’s face, and instead grabbed the logbook from her hands. “What’s this?”_

_Leia smiled. “That keeps track of everyone who is a member of the Resistance.” She tilted her head. “Oh, I have just the important task in mind for you. Do you think you could watch over that book and protect it for me?”_

_Matt nodded solemnly. “Yes ma’am.”_

_Leia laughed. “Thank you so much, Mathrew.”_

_“Just call me Matt,” the boy said in a distracted tone as he began flipping through all of the names. “It’s what Mommy and Daddy call me.”_

_Leia smiled. “Very well. Thank you so much, Matt.”_


	32. Chapter 32

Iris really hadn’t thought any of this through properly. Sure, she got along well enough with Matt, but there was a point where there was too much interaction between them, and Iris was pretty sure they’d crossed that line several days ago. Being trapped in an enclosed container with the man felt like torture, and she was certain that he felt the same way. 

And maybe it would be better if the force had at least given her a few more visions to think over, but apparently it had decided that she’d learned enough for now, because all that had happened when she closed her eyes at night was that she fell asleep. The only plus side to all of this was that they were only a few hours away from Raisha. Though Matt hadn’t had any problem of reminding Iris multiple times over the past several days that they couldn’t really be sure that the person in the article was a force user, let alone Matt’s dad. It would just be too big of a coincidence, wouldn’t it?

That had led to Iris reminding Matt every time that it wasn’t about coincidence, it was about the force. It was a living, breathing, sentient thing, and it did what it had to to lead to the results that it wanted. Though when she put it like that, Matt only seemed to get freaked out by it, and he questioned whether they could really trust wherever the force was leading them, if it was even the force trying to bring them to Raisha. 

Which led to Iris bringing up the fact that Matt himself had said that there had to be a reason for the force to give Iris visions of his parents, and that it could possibly mean they were related. Though the last time she’d brought that up, which had been just a handful of hours ago, Matt had suggested that perhaps they were better off if it turned out that they weren’t siblings after all. 

Iris didn’t hold that against him, though. She knew that if she was the same person she’d been even a year ago, she would’ve certainly been angered by the thought that someone wouldn’t want to be family with her. But now she could see that they were both going stir crazy, and they still didn’t really know each other all that well. And if it did turn out that they were related, then it would be a big shock. 

Speaking of big shocks, even if they weren’t related, Matt had just discovered that he had a sister who he’d been forced to forget about for basically his entire life. And that his father was totally an even bigger asshole than he would’ve suspected just from the whole child abandonment thing. 

Iris knew that she had plenty of her own shit to deal with, that she was adamantly doing her best to not touch with a ten foot pole, so she couldn’t blame Matt for the high tension running through their little ship. She only hoped that once they landed down, they’d both be in one piece each. Though if it did come down to a physical brawl, Iris knew that she’d win without a doubt. 

After a few minutes of drifting around, Iris heard the sound of Matt clearing his throat, and then he sat down in the co-pilot’s seat. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. It really wasn’t fair of me. I know that this must all be just as strange for you as it is for me.”

Iris thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. “No, probably not. Or maybe it is, but either way I’ve been trained to not really be thrown off by things that others might see as strange. It’s much better to have a soldier who can wait a moment and react properly than to have one who will shoot immediately without even stopping to think.”

“Are you sure? I’d think that shoot first ask questions later is exactly the kind of mentality the Order would want.”

Iris shrugged. “I don’t know then. At this point, I have no idea what the Order wants. Or the Resistance. I’m so thoroughly mixed in with both of them that I can’t even remember where one group ends and the other begins. I guess you could say that I’m a bit of a mess. And I’m also sorry for being so short with you earlier. We just keep going around in circles and having the same conversations over and over again, and it isn’t beneficial to anybody.”

They both sat there in silence, and then Iris suddenly let out a loud whoop of happiness. “There it is! I can see our destination right in front of us! We can finally get out of this tin can and metaphorically stretch our legs before we tear each other apart!”

“And try to find clues about my father?” Matt asked with a hint of amusement in his tone. 

Iris nodded distractedly. “Yeah, yeah. And that. Don’t worry. With me on your side, there’s no way we won’t succeed at this. I’m known as a very successful person.”

Matt opened his mouth, possibly to point out how very unsuccessful she’d been at various things since her time with the Resistance, but then he wisely decided to shut it. There was no point in souring the air between them again when they were so close to landing and beginning the search for the next clue to lead them to Matt’s father. He was still dubious that a random newspaper article that didn’t mention Killion or the force could actually be related, but Iris had a gut feeling about this one. And four years ago was recent enough that people should still be able to remember the incident. 

Whether the criminal was really Killion or not, the fact that he’d been banned from ever returning to Raisha had to be international news on the small planet. So Iris had hope that they’d at least be able to find some kind of useful information around. And worse case scenario, they ended up finding a different force-user, who could potentially help them find Killion. There was no reason to believe that this venture would be a complete waste of time. 

They finally landed down on the planet’s surface a couple of hours later, and both Matt and Iris let out simultaneous groans of relief. It’s not that they didn’t like each other, but they were both glad to not be quite so stuck together. It could really make a person feel rather claustrophobic.

When they got off the ship, Iris shot Matt a quick apologetic look before using the force to bamboozle the parking attendant into thinking they were perfectly cleared to be where they were, and then they hurried away. Matt gave her a disapproving look, but waited to speak until they were out of hearing distance from the parking spot. “Didn’t we talk about this already?”

Iris held her hands up like she was trying to show that she was innocent. “Yeah, and I believe we also discussed the fact that we don’t actually have any money or clout that can be used anywhere. So until you figure out a way to get us those, I’ll have to continue using the force to get us what we need. It’s not really that big a deal. It’s not like I’m hurting anyone, and I’m not going even an inch further than getting us exactly what I need.”

Apparently that didn’t make Matt feel any better, despite the confidence in Iris’ voice. “Fine, whatever. I’m going to think of something, just wait and see. I refuse for us to just become some criminals bumming around everywhere.”

Iris shrugged. “Maybe if we became famous enough criminals, your father would recognize you on a news report and would come to find you.”

“That’s not funny,” Matt grumbled. “And if you were trying to be serious, then I’m immediately shutting down that idea. You’re a smart kid, I’m sure you’ll be able to come up with something better if you just put your mind to it.”

Iris crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not a kid,” she said petulantly. Then she let out a long sigh. “Come on, let’s not stand around fighting about this. We’re in a city right now, so we need to stick together if we don’t want to end up on opposite sides of the universe or something. I feel like that’s something that could actually happen if you’re stupid enough to lose sight of someone in a crowd. Anyways, we need to find some kind of library or even a town hall maybe. That might actually be better.”

They began walking, and they had to stop and ask several people for directions. The first bunch they asked didn’t even bother stopping to talk, but as they got further into the city, the people seemed to get friendlier. As they headed in the direction that they’d been pointed in by the last person they’d spoken with, Iris suddenly froze. 

She felt a strange fuzzy feeling in her fingertips. It wasn’t quite the same as when she’d been near Rey or Kylo Ren, but it was a similar feeling. It had to be the force trying to tell her something. But usually it didn’t bother telling her anything beyond what she saw in her visions of the past, and it hadn’t given her any of those lately. 

Iris ignored Matt’s concerned look when he realized that she’d just abruptly stopped walking. She wasn’t stupid enough to think that it would be a good idea to ignore the force. She’d tried it before, but there had been no point, because so far, as annoying as it was to admit, it had yet to do anything other than help her or confuse her. Neither of those were particularly horrible things. 

Though it was a strange feeling coursing through her, Iris decided that it wasn’t meant to be a particularly negative thing. She wasn’t being warned to flee from danger, she was being nudged in the direction of some unknown thing. 

Iris reached out to grab Matt’s wrist so that they wouldn’t get split apart by the crowd, and she turned in a circle before she figured out which direction caused the fuzzy feeling to get stronger. Once she’d determined the way to go, she took off, dragging Matt along with her without bothering to answer any of the questions he was trying to bombard her with. 

She kept going like that for almost an hour before she slowed down as they reached an abandoned looking playground. There didn’t seem to be anyone around, but the fuzzy feeling had spread throughout her body, and she let go of Matt so that she could focus entirely on whatever it was that the force was trying to lead her to. 

Iris tentatively walked forward, right towards the playground, and stopped when she got closer and realized that there was a lone figure resting on a bench, head tipped back so that he was staring up at the sky, though his eyes didn’t seem to be actually taking in anything. Even though it had been a while, Iris recognized him immediately. 

Now would probably be a good time to turn around and run all the way back to their ship so that they could take off and get as far away from here as possible. If he was here, then it was too dangerous for her to be here as well. 

And yet the force wasn’t telling her to do any of that. It was quite clearly telling her to move closer. So she did, though she held her hands loosely by her sides, ready to get into a fight if she had to. She glanced back at Matt and motioned for him to stay where he was while she walked around the bench to stand in front of it. 

She looked down at it’s occupant. “C-8164.”

The boy seemed startled by his IID being called, despite the fact that he must’ve heard Iris walking closer to him, and he bolted up to his feet. “C-7717,” he sounded awed as he said her IID, as though it were some great privilege. Which was quite strange, because Iris knew that she was now officially a wanted fugitive from the Order. 

“It’s Iris now,” she said softly when she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

The boy gulped, and nodded once. “You can call me Evan, then. It’s what I’ve been going by for the past couple of weeks.”

Iris furrowed her eyebrows. “A cadet has been stationed on a non-Order planet for several weeks, and has been going by a real name?”

Evan smiled. “Not exactly. You can call me an ex-cadet. And it isn’t because I graduated. Though with you gone, I was the next top of the class, even if I wasn’t even close to being able to keep up with you. I was too busy slacking off and trying to enjoy my childhood. I was a fool to think I’d get away for it for long. As soon as I was expected to step up and take your place, I realized just how hard you must’ve always worked in order to maintain your position for such a long time. I never knew that before. And I couldn’t stand it for very long, but I thought I’d stick it out anyways. But then my buddy was taken away, for re-education or some bullshit, and I never saw him after that. I was inspired by you. So I left. It wasn’t easy, but I knew I couldn’t stay. I understand if you don’t trust me, since we never got along even when we were both soldiers, but I’m telling the truth.”

If she didn’t have the force by her side, Iris probably wouldn’t believe him. What were the odds of running into him here? And yet she could feel that he was telling the truth, so she nodded once. “I believe you.”

Evan grinned. “That’s great! But how did you find me here, anyways?”

“We were here on other business. I just got the feeling that maybe I was supposed to find you. Trust me, I wasn’t expecting that any more than you were.” She sat down on the bench, and motioned for Evan to sit back down next to her. “Tell me, have you killed anyone?”

Evan quickly shook his head. “No, never, I swear.”

Iris looked over at where Matt was still standing, though he was shifting awkwardly on his feet, and looked like he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. He was a terrible lookout guard, but Iris decided that she didn’t really care. She waved her hand for him to walk closer, and he looked back and forth between her and Evan. “What’s going on here?”

Iris smiled. “Matt, this is Evan. We were in the same class as cadets. He is no longer a cadet. Evan, this is Matt. He’s a record keeper, and we’re trying to track down his father right now.”

All three of them were silent for a minute before Matt let out a soft, “Huh. Small universe, I guess?” He didn’t even try to question the validity of Evan’s story, which showed that he completely trusted Iris’ judgement. 

Iris looked at Evan curiously. “How have things been since our failed attempt to actually do anything important?”

Evan frowned. “Things have certainly been tense. Everyone’s pissed that the rebels got away. And then there was a big assembly where they gathered everyone in our class and said that if any of us had an idea of where you could be found, we’d automatically be boosted to the top of the class. But no one was stupid enough to try offering up false information, which is probably the only reason I was able to maintain my position. I’m pretty sure that if I lost the spot, I wouldn’t have been able to work my way back up to it.” 

Iris nodded once. “Well, I guess I don’t know why I would’ve expected anything different. Um, would you want to come with us? I mean, I understand if you’ve already figured out things and settled down around here, but we’re kind of on an important mission, or at least it’s very important to us, and even though I’ve always thought you were kind of a jerk, and you’ve probably always thought the same of me, I know that I can trust you, and that’s a hard thing to come by these days.”

After a moment to stop and think about it, Evan shrugged. “Sure, why not. It’s not like I’ve got anything better going on around here. So what about your mission brought you to Raisha?”

Iris smiled. “Alright, let me just fill you in. But I’m going to warn you right now, it’s probably going to take a while. There’s a lot of stuff that’s happened, and if you’re going to be traveling around with us, you deserve to know the full story.”

Evan nodded. “Alright. I’m ready to listen, don’t worry.” 

Matt sat down on the bench on the other side of Iris so that he could chime in whenever she forgot a detail that he considered important, and the three of them sat there for hours while they shared everything they felt was necessary with each other.


	33. Chapter 33

“So did you really get your ass kicked by Kylo Ren? I can’t even imagine how cool that must’ve been. I wish someone had recorded it so that everyone could watch that battle go down. I can only imagine how epic it must’ve been just based on the stories I’ve heard from the ‘troopers that were there at the time.”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “I can assure you that it was nowhere near cool. I almost died, and I almost got my good friends killed right alongside me. I’m still not entirely sure why I was able to get out of the fight alive. Especially considering how literally off-kilter I was at the time.” She reached up to brush aside her hair to reveal the empty spot on the side of her head. 

Evan scooted a bit closer to look at the healed skin. “You know the kid who did that to you got a big commendation? He was the first in his class to get through Tabuula, and he managed to injure the crazy rebel.”

Iris scoffed. “He deserved jack shit. It was a complete accident. We were rolling around on the ground and the blaster went off while it happened to be facing in my direction. And I could tell by the look on his face that he never would’ve been able to do it in a situation where he’d have to willingly pull the trigger.” Before Evan could ask for clarification, she frowned. “I know because he looked the exact opposite of the way I used to.”

Evan nodded understandingly to that. “Yeah, you were one scary bitch. All those times where you scolded me and the guys for fooling around, I would talk back to impress my friends, but I was always afraid that I was about to piss my pants. And seeing you now, with all your badass injuries, just makes you look even scarier.” Iris wasn’t sure how a missing ear and evidence of a once broken nose made one look scarier, but she decided to take it as the compliment it was. After a few seconds of silence, Iris realized that Evan was still staring at the left side of her head, even though her hair had already fallen back in place to cover it. “It’s pretty lucky that you can still hear well and don’t seem to have balance issues.”

Iris tilted her head pensively. She hadn’t really thought about it before. Of course she’d been aware of the fact that losing her ear hurt more than she ever would’ve imagined, and she’d been unsteady at the time, though that was probably more from shock and blood loss than anything. But now that it was completely healed, it didn’t bother her at all. There were occasional moments where she heard things a bit quieter than she’d like, but she didn’t have any trouble with balance or movement. Were those more gifts from the force? 

Matt cleared his throat, reminding the teenagers that he was still there. “Uh, hi, yeah, this is all really fascinating and all, but do we really have the time for this? We’ve swapped enough of our stories for now, and if he’s really coming with us, then there will be plenty of time for more conversations later, right?”

Iris nodded and stood up. “You’re absolutely right. Come on, let’s go find that town hall again.”

She started to walk away, forcing the two men to jump up and hurry after her. “Wait! You haven’t even told me specifically what you’re after yet!”

Iris glanced over her shoulder at Evan, and she found herself carefully assessing his physique. “You seem out of shape. Have you not kept up with your work outs since leaving the Order?”

Evan adopted a sheepish look on his face. “The whole point of leaving was so that I’d have the freedom to make my own choices. And I’ve chosen to indulge in all the foods that we never got the chance to try, and to relax myself from all those strict routines of exercising and working out. And I’m not that out of shape! I’m probably still way stronger than that bookworm of yours.”

Iris planted her feet down as she came to a sudden halt, and Evan ended up slamming right into her back. She whirled around to smack him lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t be a jerk. I understand that it’s in your programming, but your free now, which means your free to not be a jerk.”

Matt shrugged. “Eh, leave him alone, it’s fine. He’s a teenage boy, right? So he’s actually acting normal, which is a good thing.”

Iris quickly shook her head. “Doesn’t matter how you were raised, what your gender is, or how old you are. I’m the only one in this group that gets to be a jerk, got it?”

Evan’s eyes started to widen as Iris spoke, but then when she finished, he ended up snorting out loud. “Sure thing.”

Iris smiled. “Great. Sounds like we’re all going to get along just swell.”

Then she turned back in the direction of their destination so that she could keep walking. Though she did slow down just a little bit so that Matt and Evan would both be able to keep pace with her. As they walked, she heard Matt address Evan curiously. “So how did you pick your name?”

“Uh, this is probably going to sound pretty stupid. But my IID was C-8164, which is an even number, and I couldn’t really think of anything, and I started to panic when someone first asked my name, so I started to say ‘even’, but they heard it as Evan because that makes more sense as a name. And then I decided to just go with it.”

Iris snorted. “That does sound pretty stupid.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Matt said in what was probably supposed to be a comforting tone. “It’s a good name, and it seems to suit you. She’s just probably jealous that she didn’t think of it first.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Yup, you got me. That’s me- jealous old Iris.” 

After a few more minutes, Evan repeated himself from earlier. “So why are we heading to the town hall exactly? We got up and left before we could really catch up to the present with our stories.”

Matt was the one who offered the answer. “We found a news article, from four years ago, about Raisha having to give someone a lifetime ban from the planet for the first time ever. The article mentioned how originally the criminal was acquitted, but then afterwards the judges all said they couldn’t recall ever declaring him innocent, which is when he was banned. Iris thinks that it must have been a force-user who tried to trick the judges, and she thinks that it could possibly be my dad, or maybe someone who could lead me to my dad.”

“Huh. And you left the Resistance to go on some kind of weird scavenger hunt for a dude who abandoned you when you were only ten? How is this a more valuable use of your time?”

Iris glanced back at Evan. “Like you’re one to talk. You’ve just been sitting around and vacationing for a few weeks instead of actually doing anything useful. Are you some kind of idiot?”

Evan held his hands up. “Hey, to be fair, I wouldn’t be able to offer anything useful to the Resistance that you hadn’t already given them. You knew more codes and plans and rules and building layouts, and you’ve got the frippin’ force. I’m a mediocre drop out who was only in second place because the other kids in our class were even more mediocre than me.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice. 

That made Iris feel bad, because she hadn’t meant to actually insult the kid. She’d only meant to tease him. But she supposed that their relationship had never been a particularly friendly one back when they’d both still been cadets, and the world had still made some semblance of sense. They hadn’t even been competitive enough to be rivals because Iris had so thoroughly trounced all of her classmates in every single challenge. They’d both just gone through life resenting each other from as big a distance as they could. Evan because he knew he’d never be as good as Iris, and Iris because she knew she’d never feel free to just hang around with friends and do nothing in particular the way Evan always did. 

She opened her mouth to apologize, but then they reached the steps of the town hall, and too much time had passed for an apology to be anything but awkward. Iris resolved to make it up to Evan later. She’d figure out a way to grant him some favor or another, or let him insult Matt or something. 

The three of them walked up the steps and into the town hall. It wasn’t particularly busy inside; there were just a few people sitting around on benches in the lobby, and a handful of people sitting behind the big counter in the back of the room. Matt and Evan both lagged behind Iris, silently electing her as the one to speak for them. 

Iris had to refrain from rolling her eyes at the childishness going on. Matt was the only fully grown adult between the three of them, but he was just acting like a big baby. Which was fine, since Iris had always been fine with talking to strangers about whatever things they needed to talk about. She’d been told on a couple different occasions that it was what would make her a good leader someday. Then again, the same people who’d told her that were power hungry bigots who wanted to take over the universe, so she figured she could take their evaluations with a grain of salt. 

She strode confidently up to the counter, and stepped in front of the nearest clerk. “Good-” she blinked a few times as she realized that she had no idea what time of day it was. “-day,” she said lamely. “I was wondering if there’s anyone here who could give me further information about an article that was archived four years ago. It isn’t from this town necessarily but it has to do with Raisha as a whole.”

The clerk looked up at her, all six eyes staring unblinkingly, but Iris refused to fidget because she was basically an adult and she didn’t want to appear to be anything less. After a very long and awkward silence, the clerk responded in a low hiss. “Seems pretty racist to assume everywhere on the planet is the same thing.” 

Iris shook her head. “No, no, no, that’s not at all what I was trying to imply. It’s just that I don’t know where the article originates from, so I thought-”

One of the other clerks suddenly barged into the conversation, gently shoving the multi-eyed one aside. The new one was a striking woman with green skin speckled with little pink marks. “So sorry about that. Narene is just messing with you. She’s got quite the sense of humor. If you’re looking for archives, then you’re in the right place. We’ve got a system that connects servers all across Raisha, so I’m sure you could find what you’re looking for. If you could just give me a few key words to search for I can get you hooked up.” 

Iris grinned. “Thank you. It would be about the first person to be permanently banished from Raisha, and it was four years ago.”

The woman’s bright look seemed to fade just a bit. “I see.” Her fingers flew across the keyboard in front of her, and then she looked back up after a couple of minutes. “Well, other than the article, which it sounds like you’ve already read, there are many other files relevant to that case. However, they are classified, so I’ll need to see some identification that shows you have a high enough clearance with the High Council to access the information, and I’ll need at least two different documents proving your residence on Raisha.”

Though the woman had the same pleasant smile on her face, Iris could see now that it was totally fake, and this woman wasn’t actually interested in helping her. She glanced back to where Matt and Evan were huddled together on one of the benches near the door, then turned to the clerk again. Of course she didn’t have any of those requirements for accessing that information. And if she used the force to get what she wanted, this woman could end up getting in a lot of trouble for something beyond her control. And yet those files could hold the answers that they needed.

Iris bit her lip as she tried to think through every possibility in this situation. Lie and get the information, but disappoint Matt and potentially ruin this woman’s life, and potentially find out that the info is completely useless anyways? Walk away now and float around aimlessly in space until they somehow miraculously find a new lead? 

From the way that the clerk was looking at her, it was obvious the woman didn’t believe Iris actually had the clearance to look at those classified documents. And she couldn’t really blame anyone for that assumption. Iris was technically still a kid, no matter how scary Evan thought she looked. 

She let out a soft groan of frustration. “Thanks for your help. Of course, I hadn’t thought to bring those required items with me-”

“Then I’m afraid I cannot grant you access to these documents,” the clerk cut in.

Iris grit her teeth. “Thanks, but I figured that out on my own. I’ll be back just as soon as I gather up the proper documents.”

The woman tilted her head. “Is there anything else I can help you out with right now?”

Iris shook her head, and turned to walk back towards her companions. They started to ask how it went, but they saw the angry look on her face, and silently followed her as she stomped outside. She plopped down on one of the steps leading up to the front doors to the building, purposely blocking off the way of whoever tried to go in or out next. 

Matt and Evan sat down on either side of her. “So I’m guessing that it didn’t go so well?”

“Frippin’ bitch needs a million pieces of identification and clearance cards,” Iris muttered. Then she sat up. “I just got a brilliant idea. I didn’t use the force to get what I wanted-”

“Good,” Matt said with a proud smile. 

“-but I do think I know how we can get the access we need. We can just hold the place up! We won’t be relying on the force, and none of the workers are going to get in trouble for handing out information at blaster point.”

Matt groaned and smacked one hand against his forehead. “That is a really horrible idea, Iris. We don’t even know if any of that information will actually be useful to us. And keep in mind that we don’t want to become intergalactic criminals.”

Evan laughed at that. “Dude, really? Two of us defected from the Order, and two of us are straight from the Resistance. We’re like the definition of intergalactic criminals.”

“Fine,” Matt amended, “we wouldn’t want to become well known criminals. Then we wouldn’t be able to move around anywhere, and it would be a real pain in the butt. There’s no guarantee that this information is going to be worth anything to us, so it isn’t worth the risk.”

Evan tilted his head. “But if the information is so useless, why can’t random civilians take a peek at it? They wouldn’t lock up those documents so thoroughly if it wasn’t something big. Even if it doesn’t end up having anything to do with your father, it could still be something interesting to know. It could be something against the Order or something. Not everything has to be about you, Matt.”

Iris held her hands up. “Don’t forget the rules. Only I can be a jerk. But he does have a point, Matt. Maybe it won’t have information about your dad, but it could still end up being relevant. Do you really want to walk away now when we have no other clues to go off of?”

Matt nodded. “That’s exactly what I want. We tried our best, but we couldn’t get the info, so we leave. We’re not going to suddenly fail in our mission. What if your intuition or whatever led us here because it wanted you to find Evan, and it actually had nothing at all to do with that article? You’re the one who said we need to trust in the force. Or, well, I guess technically I said that first, but then you said it too. The point is that the force will lead us to where we need to go, okay?”

Iris was tempted to start whining about how cool it would be to hold up a building even if they weren’t in a situation where they needed the information, but then she sighed, and let her shoulders slump forward. As much as she hated to admit it, Matt was right. They couldn’t afford to become notorious, because then they’d never be able to get around anywhere. And coming to Raisha wasn’t a total bust, because they’d found Evan, and he’d agreed to come with him. 

She stood up. “Alright, fine. We won’t go charging in blasters blazing, you spoilsport.”

Matt smiled. “This is exactly why you need adult supervision at all times.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Come on. We may as well find a nice place to stay for the night before we head out. If we thought that the ship was uncomfortable before, I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like with three people crammed on board.”

Matt shuddered at the thought, but Evan didn’t seem particularly bothered. “Actually, I have a ship we can use. It could easily hold all three of us on board, along with-” he cut himself off, then gulped. “Okay, the truth is, I wasn’t entirely honest about why I left the Order. It is in part because I was inspired by you, and because I knew I’d never be able to live up to your reputation. But there’s more to it than that. Why don’t I show you what I mean?”

Matt looked wary to follow Evan after the teen had just confessed to lying. “Why don’t you just tell us now?”

Evan sighed, and frowned before nodding. “Fine. I was inspired by you, but I still might not have left if it weren’t for Elise.”

Iris tilted her head curiously. “Who’s Elise?”

That made Evan’s cheeks flush a light pink. “Well, we couldn’t find anyone to officially hold the ceremony, but we consider ourselves husband and wife. And the reason that I was at that playground is because I assumed it’s where our child would play once they’re a bit older.” He gulped again. “She was in our class too, Iris. C-9788. When she found out that she was pregnant, we knew that we couldn’t just stay.”

Matt gagged. “That’s revolting. You guys are all children still.”

Iris glared at Matt before turning her attention back to Evan. “I remember her. She was one of the lowest ranking cadets in our class. There was a lot of talk about cutting her from the program entirely because she was underperforming so much. It’s for the best that you left. I’d like to meet her now, though. I don’t think I’ve ever exchanged more than a few words with her before, and besides that, I know that we’re all different people once we get away.”

Evan smiled, looking relieved. “I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. I thought you’d only care if we left for some noble reasons about wanting to do the right thing. But actually it was just because we were scared for our own lives, and our child’s.”

Iris scoffed. “I wouldn’t have judged you for leaving because of that. You’ve already heard most of my story. I’ve done a lot of horrible things in my life because of the Order. But I made the choice to leave, and that’s all that matters. And I’m glad that you both got away, no matter what your motivation was. Come on, take us to meet her.”

Matt kept his face twisted up as Evan took the lead. “That still seems so wrong,” he said softly.

Iris nudged him with her elbow. “Shut up. They’re the same age, and they’ve bonded over the same trauma and bad childhoods. Being in the Order is a pretty lonely place to be. I don’t blame them for trying to find comfort in each other. And the Order is so sure that good soldiers would never try anything inappropriate with each other that they never bother explaining anything about how it works, or how to prevent pregnancy. Though it is a bit strange because as far as I knew, the females, what few of us there were, were kept on a steady diet of pills to repress our natures to avoid situations like this. But I suppose with those sorts of medicines there’s never really any guarantees.”

“Ugh, can we please stop thinking about this? I don’t want to think about teenagers having sex. And I definitely don’t want to be talking about sex at all with you of all people.”

Iris pretended to look offended. “Why ever not? Do you not find my attractive?” She bat her eyelids the way she’d seen in a movie once.

Matt rolled his eyes. “Gross. You’re way younger than me, and possibly- probably- family.”

“Oh, I see,” Iris said understandingly. “You don’t think that you’re attractive either. That’s understandable. You’ve always been the sort of guy who deals in facts only.”

She giggled as Matt started to chase her down the street. When they passed Evan, he watched them with wide eyes, but then, even though he had no idea what was going on, he joined the chase as well. “Get back here you little miscreant!” Matt shouted. 

“I’m in way better shape than you!” Iris shouted back.

“Will both of you just wait up? What’s going on?” Evan called out after them.

They ended up running until Matt stopped, and bent over panting. “You’re inhuman,” he grumbled as Iris walked back over, looking barely out of breath. She was laughing at the miserable look on Matt’s face.

Evan caught up with them a moment later. “Uh, you guys realize that we’re going the wrong way now?”

That only made Iris laugh even harder. “It’s fine. I’m sure your wife won’t mind much if we’re a few minutes late, considering the fact that she’s not even expecting us.”

Evan started laughing too after a moment. “I don’t think there’s any doubt in my mind that you guys are related.”

“Oh shut up, you don’t know anything about siblings either.”

“I can read,” Evan said before sticking out his tongue immaturely.

Once Matt caught his breath again, he straightened up. “Alright, seriously though, we should probably head somewhere sheltered for the night.”

Evan nodded in agreement. “Don’t worry, my place isn’t too far from here. If it was, then that wouldn’t have been the playground I’d be thinking about the future at.” Then he turned and started leading the other two back in the proper direction to get to his home. After a few more minutes, where Matt loudly complained that he was obviously dying, they reached a run down looking apartment building. “Well, this is is. Home sweet home.” He paused before opening the front door. “I’m uh, glad that things have worked out for you so far. And I’m glad that you found me here.”

Iris smiled. “I feel the same way, buddy. Now let’s go in before Matt dies.” Evan nodded, and opened the front door, and gestured for the other two to walk into the building. “It’s not much, but it’s home, right?” Iris asked quietly.

Evan nodded. “Exactly. But I hope to have a better home soon. For Elise, and for our kid. They deserve more. And so do I.”

“We all do,” Iris said. “Now let’s meet the missus.” And the three of them headed up the stairs.


	34. Chapter 34

Iris wasn’t sure what to expect in the apartment based on the run down, seedy appearance of the building itself, so she was pleasantly surprised as Evan unlocked the door, then motioned for Matt and Iris to follow him in. Considering that it had been made up by a couple of scared teenagers, the place really did feel like a home. It was small, but cozy. 

And Iris did recognize the young woman who walked out of the small kitchen to greet them. She smiled comfortingly, and Elise relaxed. “I wasn’t expecting to ever see you again,” she admitted. “Though I suppose this is as good an opportunity as any to be able to thank you for what you did. You really inspired all of us, and let us know that there is no shame in running from danger.” Then her eyes shifted over to land on Matt. “And you are…?”

Evan walked forward to kiss the top of Elise’s head, and then he looked over at their guests. “That’s Matt. He’s probably Iris’ brother. Oh- she goes by the name Iris now. Not her IID.”

“That’s good. No one should go around being called by nothing but a number. It really starts to mess with you and make you think that you’re not even a person anymore; that you’re just another small piece in a big machine.”

Iris nodded. “Yeah, exactly.” She couldn’t help the smile that refused to leave her face. “It’s nice to see something familiar,” she admitted. “And it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. There are other people who can understand my situation.”

Evan excitedly added, “She actually went up against Kylo Ren himself, and she totally got her ass kicked, but she walked away with her life intact. Isn’t that just incredible?”

Elise grinned. “Yeah, sounds very impressive. You’ll have to tell me all about it.” She looked at Iris kindly. “And you’ll have to tell us how you managed to stumble across us even after all this time.”

Without even thinking, Iris took a few steps forward. “I’m sorry,” she blurted out. At the questioning look she got in return, she elaborated, “I’m sorry that I never bothered to care or to help. I knew that there were plans to cut you from the cadet program, and I knew exactly what that meant, but I never tried to do a single thing to help. I could’ve tried training you so that you’d have a greater chance of staying, or I could’ve spoken up on your behalf and told everyone that we needed you to complete our squad. Or there’s a million other things that I could’ve done, but I didn’t do any of it.”

Elise walked closer, and reached out to gently put her hand against one of Iris’ cheeks. “It’s alright,” she said softly. “We were all just scared little kids. We still are. I can hardly blame you for not wanting to put your neck on the line for someone you didn’t even really know. And I wasn’t entirely unaware of the situation. I knew that I was going to be terminated soon if I didn’t improve, but I didn’t bother trying any harder. I just couldn’t find it within myself to care.” She reached down to rub at her belly. “Of course, I feel much differently now. I have so much to live for. And now I have the opportunity to do just that. Don’t apologize, Iris. Everything is okay.”

Iris closed her eyes for a moment, and then nodded before taking a few steps back. “I know where the same age, but I get a very distinctly adult feeling from you.”

Elise shrugged. “I suppose that’s what happens when you’re careless. Once you realize that you’re living for another person too, you realize that you have to be more responsible, and more mature if you want to have any hope of survival for the both of you. Three of us, if you want to count my idiot husband.”

Evan pretended to sound offended by that. “Excuse me? What did you just say about me.”

It was obvious that Elise was fighting to keep a straight face. “I’m sure that you heard me perfectly well, darling. You must be completely touched in the head to know you’re bringing two guests over for dinner, but not to call ahead and let me know. Now there’s not nearly enough food for everyone.”

Evan snorted. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that? When have either of us ever cooked and not had many meals worth of leftovers?”

Elise shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I don’t keep track of that sort of thing. And you know that I eat much more now that I’m eating for two.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Sit down, I’ll get these goobers to help us set the table.”

Matt and Iris both trailed after Evan into the kitchen, and he pointed out where they could find plates and silverware. Meanwhile, he went over to the pot on the stove, and when he lifted the lid, a delicious aroma filled the air, and Iris’ stomach growled loudly in response, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten anything in forever. Or at least not anything with flavor. Unfortunately, no one had yet figured out how to make nutrient bars have any kind of taste to them, and those were the easiest food to store onboard a ship. 

A few minutes later, all four of them were seated around the table, and even though it felt a bit cramped, it was a friendly atmosphere. They all ate, immediately complimenting Elise on her fabulous cooking, to which she assured them that Evan was even better than her. After a bit of just the sounds of the four of them chewing, Iris and Matt both finished scarfing down more than they should’ve, and the table devolved into inane small talk.

Since he likely realized where the conversation would have to eventually go, Evan cleared his throat and decided to just go for it. “Elise, I know that we’ve worked hard to make this place into our home. And it’s the kind of place that I would be unbearably proud to raise a family in, you know that.”

Elise raised one eyebrow. “Alright, what are you trying to get at here? You only compliment the apartment when you’re trying to get something.”

Evan glanced at Iris and Matt, possibly to gain courage for what he had to say, and then he looked back at his wife. “The thing is, I’ve agreed to go with Iris and Matt. They’re trying to find Matt’s dad- it’s kinda a long story- and I could really help do something to change the political climate of our world. Not just Raisha, but everywhere. Maybe we could even take down the Order.”

As he spoke, Elise’s eyes got colder, and she seemed less than impressed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “So you’re just going to take off? Leave me to fend for myself while you go off to finally be the hero that you’ve always wanted to be?”

Iris felt like she was intruding on a personal moment, and she wanted to just leave the couple to fight it out, but Matt opened his big, stupid mouth. “I believe that his exact words when Iris asked him to come with us are that he’s got nothing better going on around here.” Iris smacked Matt in the shoulder for being a jerk, though privately she’d been wondering about his words as well.

Evan quickly shook his head. “That’s not what I meant by that! I wasn’t just going to abandon you, or our baby. We’re a team, Elise. You know that. I want you to come with us. You’re not due for a while yet, and even if you were at the bottom of our class in the Order doesn’t mean that you’re useless. You’re one of the most badass women that I know. I think that the four of us will work well together, and that we’ll really be able to make a difference. Do you really want our child to grow up in a world where they have to constantly be looking over their shoulder in fear? Or to know that their parents had a chance to change things, but sat around like cowards?”

Elise frowned. “Of course I don’t want that. But I’m also afraid of what will happen if we put our own lives on the line. Our child’s life. I don’t want anything to happen to our family. And I know that you don’t either.”

Evan reached over to take Elise’s hands in his own. “I just want our lives to mean something,” he whispered. “I want to look back on this time and feel proud of whatever I chose to do. I want to know that what I did mattered. How can we live with ourselves if we know that we had the chance to do something, but we didn’t out of fear? I don’t want anything to happen to us either, but I’m confident that as long as we stick together, we’ll be fine no matter what happens.” He sighed. “This is important, darling. Please just say yes.”

Elise pursed her lips together, and she pulled her hands away from her husband. “I’m not happy about being put on the spot like this,” she grouched. “You didn’t even give me any time to think about this before asking right in front of your new revolutionary friends. I wish that you’d asked me first.”

Even though she knew that she shouldn’t get involved, Iris couldn’t help speaking up. She’d already decided that wanted Evan on their team, and even after just an hour, she knew that she liked Elise too. “You don’t have to say yes just because I’m sitting right here. No one would blame you if you didn’t want to go. You’re a mother now, and some things are more important than fighting. But that being said, I think that you should come with us. Both of you. Matt and I have no idea what we’re doing, and clearly the two of you are good at adapting and surviving. We could really use you.” She suddenly felt a warm feeling rush through her, and she knew that she was on the right path. “I think that this is something you’re meant to do,” she added. “That’s the feeling that I’m getting right now.”

When Elise tilted her head curiously, Evan laughed. “Oh, did I forget to mention? Turns out that Iris is almost as cool as Kylo Ren. She has the force. And the guy they’re looking for has it too. How are you not thinking of how awesome it would be to run on the front lines with jedi by our side?”

Elise sighed softly. “I suppose it would be pretty cool,” she said before pushing her chair back and standing up. “I’ll think it over. This is a huge decision, and it isn’t just the four of us who will be affected by it.” She glanced at Evan. “I cooked so you can clean up tonight. And grab the spare blankets so that our new friends can set up a space to sleep in the living room. Goodnight.” The other three all offered the words back, and then she headed into the bedroom.

Once she was out of sight, Evan started stacking up the dirty dishes. “She’s going to say yes,” he said confidently. “She knows that it’s the right thing to do. And she’s always looked up to you, Iris. I think most of us did, even if we weren’t willing to admit it. She wouldn’t want to give up the once in a lifetime opportunity to travel around the stars with her idol. She’s only being difficult because she’s upset about having this all sprung on her so suddenly.”

“Can’t really blame her,” Iris snorted. “I’ve never been in a relationship myself, but I’ve heard that they’re all about proper communication and tru-” she cut herself off in the middle of a word as her head was suddenly filled up with a blinding pain. She let out a pained groan, and then collapsed to the ground, vaguely aware of Matt catching her before she actually hit the floor.

_There were colors and shapes swirling all around her, and images flitting in and out of focus so quickly that she couldn’t identify any of them. She felt like each of her limbs were being tugged into a different direction, and then-_

_Aksha giggled as Killian carried her over the doorway of their new home. “I know it’s not much, but for now, it’s going to be enough-_

_Killian cradled his young son in his arms. “I promise I’m going to protect you forever, no matter what,” he promised-_

_Killian never thought he’d feel as happy as he did that day as he held one child in each arm, and carefully bounced them around while he kept peeking into the kitchen to try and get a glimpse of the surprise that his wife had promised him-_

_Every step he took away from his son felt so wrong, but he knew that he had to go if he ever wanted to be able to find little Ellie again. She was the last piece of Aksha that he had left, and he wasn’t going to let anything else destroy his family-_

_He was hot on the trail, and he knew that as soon as he caught up with that ship, no one onboard would be safe from his vengeance-_

_They were all just corpses, still warm, lying scattered around the wreckage, but there was no sign of his precious little girl-_

_More and more bodies piled up, more and more blood on his hands, but he knew that too much time had passed, and he had no chance of ever seeing her again. He couldn’t even call up his son anymore, because he was too ashamed of the person he had become. Aksha would never be able to forgive him, but she would never be able to do anything ever again because she was dead-_

_All he could do was keep moving forward, to try and forget about the perfect life that had been stolen from him, and his only remaining family who he’d willingly left behind-_

_Each new place he went brought him further and further from the past, but he could never outrun the fear that it would someday catch up to him-_

_It was too easy to abuse the force, and though he didn’t use it to gain immortality, no one could deny that he was using it for dark purposes only. Aksha’s father would be so disappointed in him, but he couldn’t let himself think of anything that had to do with his wife if he wanted to keep moving-_

_Danger used to frighten him when he was a child, and when he’d gotten a bit older it had excited him, but now it was only another part of his day-_

_How was he supposed to keep moving when every time the booze faded from his system he was plagued with memories-_

_He was a failure, as a husband and as a father. There was only one thing left for him to do, and that was to try and take his enemy down with him. That whiny punk kid had grown into a whiny punk man in charge of the people who’d destroyed Killian’s everything-_

_What was he supposed to do when he showed up and his foe was nowhere to be found-_

_A fight to the death-_

_For some reason he was captured-_

_The punk comes to see him with a fresh scar on his face, showing that he is not infallible-_

_Everything hurt as the alcohol seeped out of him, and he was forced to think clearly for the first time in years-_

_A tiny cell, no less than Killian deserved-_

_Why was he still alive-_

_He couldn’t end himself-_

_They wouldn’t kill him-_

_Lots and lots of questions-_

_They haven’t realized he’s just like their leader, and he knows it’s best to not say anything about it. They won’t kill him, but they have no problem with torturing him, and being tortured as they ask why he showed up is already enough-_

_Time surely must pass, but Killian is unaware of it. All he knows is that this is his hell, and he will probably remain here until he withers up and dies from old age-_

_Something has excited the normally stoic guards-_

_Two men from the Resistance broke in to steal something-_

_A promising young cadet ran off with them, and Killian is happy to know that the Order’s hold over its stormtroopers isn’t absolute-_

_Shouting and screaming as the punk tears up his own base out of anger-_

_It’s eerily quiet, and his guards rush away. They never leave him alone, so something serious must’ve happened-_

_There is a tense feeling in the air for days, and everyone walks around as though they are afraid of making a single mistake. Killian can’t blame them, because he’s made too many mistakes to count and they still scare him every time-_

_The guards talk a little too loudly around Killian’s cell, confident that if he hasn’t caused trouble in years, he’ll remain submissive to their whims forever. The Resistance had sent in a surgical strike team to take down the punk, and one that they’d thought was their own betrayed the punk-_

_The punk comes to see him, and enjoys torturing him if only to prove that he isn’t entirely powerless. Killian accepts his fate, and knows that the end is near-_

_Perhaps he’s been forgotten about down in his little hell, as he hasn’t seen anyone in months. A single nutrient bar is near the door each morning when he wakes up, but he never sees any sign of anyone delivering them. They aren’t enough to stay strong off of with only a third of a bar at each meal, but it keeps him alive-_

_Maybe he’s going crazy as he hears strangers surrounding him, all fighting for their voice to be hear, but he can clearly see that there’s no one there-_

_He’s too weak to move, and he knows that he is finally as pathetic on the outside as he’s always been within. Why is he even still fighting against the inevitable end? Even his greatest enemy has forgotten about him, and left him here to die-_

_So many regrets. If only he could go back and time and do it all over again. He just wants to see Aksha’s brilliant smile, or hold his children in his arms. They must be adults by now, though he’s not sure exactly how long it’s been since he last saw them. They probably don’t even remember him anymore, but Killian finds that for the first time, he is comforted by the memories that constantly barrage his mind. They are the only sign of life in his hell-_

_He has no way of telling time, but he’s sure that it’s been longer than a day since his last nutrient bar was delivered. They truly have forgotten about him. It’s all going to be over soon, and Killian feels more relieved than anything-_

Iris jolts up with a gasp, and ends up rolling off the couch she’d been placed on, and smacking her head against the floor with a soft thump. Matt rushes over to her to help her up, but there’s something more important than herself at stake- “I know where your father is!”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think Matt considers himself to be bros with Evan. He doesn’t want to compete for the brotherly role in Iris’ life haha. 
> 
> I’ve definitely had mixed feelings on Killian for a very long time. I was considering having this big long scavenger hunt sort of thing to find him, but then I decided that it would be even better to really drive home the helplessness of the situation by having him turn out to have been within reach the entire time. He’s definitely made some very poor life decisions, but in some ways it makes sense. He was raised to eventually join the jedi order, which means that no one would have taught him how to properly deal with his emotions or anything like that. It doesn’t excuse what he did, but it is part of an explanation. But I think that being confronted by his child, who is now grown up and (sorta) strong, will definitely serve as a wake up call for him.

Matt stared at Iris with wide eyes. “What are you talking about? Does it have to do with that news article? Did you figure out something more about it? But we haven’t been apart at all-”

Iris shook her head head. “No, no, it has nothing to do with that. I just had another one of those freaky force visions that I’ve told you about. They’re so weird, because I never have any warning that they’re coming, and then it feels so real, as though I were actually living through the things that I’ve seen. But the stuff I saw this time, for the first time in a while, was actually important. It was about your dad- Killian.” She was panting for breath, as she’d just rushed to get out all those words before she’d even taken a moment to catch her bearings. She realized that the room they were in was dark, and there was no one else around. “Where’s Evan?”

Matt frowned. “You really don’t remember? You suddenly passed out, but none of us knew what to do about it. I let you take the couch, and Evan headed to bed. That was a couple of hours ago. We had planned on taking you to the nearest clinic in the morning if you still weren’t awake. I was sleeping on the floor over there, but you woke me up with the sound of your hard head hitting the floor.”

Iris nodded once. “Okay, but I promise I was fine. The force might want me to get a concussion if the amount of times that I pass out over hard surfaces is anything to go by, but other than that I’m fine. I just have to tell you about everything I saw before I can get the chance to forget. I saw Killian’s life in a whole bunch of weird cut up scenes. Before when I saw your parents, it would be an entire memory, but this was just a whirl of pictures and thoughts, from the time your parents moved into their first place together, up until now. I guess all the in between stuff doesn’t really matter much. But what does matter is that I know where he is right now. Ugh, Matt, he was right under my feet! He’s in the First Order base, in some underground dungeon looking place. And he’s not looking good. I don’t know when specifically I last saw him, but he didn’t have a lot of time left as of then.”

Matt gaped at her, apparently trying to figure out what to say. He finally went with a very intelligent sounding, “What?”

His lack of understanding in the situation seemed normal enough, considering the weight of what Iris had just told him. She reached out to put one hand on his shoulder in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. She’d seen plenty of rebels do it around the Resistance base, but she wasn’t exactly an expert on showing affection or comforting people. “Your dad is in the Order base, and he looks like he’s dying. But the problem is that even if we know where he is, I have no idea how we’re actually going to get in to find him. When Finn and Poe broke in they would’ve been captured and killed if I hadn’t saved them. And when we all went to face Kylo Ren, well. It’s like Evan said; I totally got my ass kicked. How the hell are we going to get in and rescue him?”

Matt suddenly leaned forward to pull Iris into a hug, and she wasn’t sure why he did it, but she could feel wetness sliding down the back of her shoulder, and she knew that Matt was crying. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I know I kept trying my best to be optimistic that we’d find him, but I never actually thought that it would be possible. Thank you so much, Iris. You’ve done what no one else ever could. You’ve given me my father back.”

Iris gulped, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. She gently pushed Matt back in order to look him in the eyes. “I’m sorry, but did you hear anything that I just said? Even if Elise and Matt come with us, that’s four small people against an entire organized army with lots of high tech security measures. We have no chance of actually getting in.”

In the darkness of the room, Iris couldn’t see Matt very well, but she felt the heat of his body moving away, and then a few seconds later there was a soft click, which led to the room being bathed in a dim light. Matt walked back over and sat down on the couch, then pulled Iris up so that she was sitting next to him instead of on the floor. “I heard you. But I know that we can do this. I have so much faith in you, Iris. I don’t think that there’s anyone else like you in the entire universe.”

Obviously Iris had known that Matt believed in her ability to help him on his quest. If he hadn’t, he would have never decided to go along with her. But to actually hear him say it out loud like that, sounding so certain about it, like there wasn’t even a small chance that he was wrong, felt so strange. “How can you say that? After I betrayed the entire Resistance? After I played traitor on both teams? I have never once proven myself to be anyone who should be believed in.” She didn’t raise her voice, since she didn’t want to wake up the sleeping couple, but she made sure that the frustration in her voice was clear.

Matt didn’t seem concerned by her words. “So what? You think that you’re the only one who’s ever made mistakes? Are you forgetting that I’m the guy who started a fire that could have potentially hurt someone just for the opportunity to talk to you? That my dad took my sister away from me, and then he left me too? That Finn was once a stormtrooper? That Rey left for a while when the Resistance needed her? That Leia allowed herself to be taken away from the people who needed her just to help a single person? That I was a coward who wouldn’t fight, and I still am? That-”

Iris held up her hands. “Alright, enough, I get it. But none of those mistakes are the same as mine.”

She flicked her eyes down to her lap so that she wouldn’t have to actually look at what was sure to be a disappointed look on Matt’s face. But he surprised her by not forcing her to look at him before he spoke. “You made mistakes because you didn’t know what the right thing to do was. But as soon as you figured it out, that’s what you did. You chose to help the right people, and to be who everyone needed you to be. I know that you probably haven’t gotten a lot of people in your life who believed in you, but you should know that I do. Getting to my dad might seem impossible right now, but when we first left the Resistance, just finding a single scrap of news about him seemed impossible. You can’t give up yet, Iris. I know that you just wanted to get away from the fight, but I think that we’ve both always known that you’d be dragged back into it some way or another. There’s got to be a reason for everything that has happened to us so far; I refuse to believe otherwise.”

Iris felt a stinging in her eyes, and she reached up to wipe away the tears that seemed to be building up. “This is so frustrating. I just-” she cut herself off, unsure of what it was that she actually wanted to say.

Matt leaned over to pull her into another hug, though this one was over a bit sooner. “I know. But we can do this. We are going to work together, and we are going to get into that base, and we are going to rescue my father. We’ll get all the answers out of him that we need. And we’ll find out for sure one way or another about if you and I are…” he trailed off, but they both knew what the rest of that sentence was. 

That’s when Iris realized the answer to a question that she hadn’t even realized existed. This time she pulled Matt into a hug, and even though she leaned away after a few seconds, it was enough to get her feelings across. “I think that that’s one question we don’t need to ask your dad. It doesn’t matter what the real truth is anymore, does it? Nothing that we learn about ourselves now is going to do anything to change the past. And it’s not going to change what we are right now. No matter what anyone else says, we’re brother and sister.”

The grin that lit up Matt’s face was so bright that Iris seriously contemplated plugging him into something to solar charge it. “I feel the same way!” He looked so happy, and Iris couldn’t believe that she hadn’t thought of saying something sooner. She’d spent so much time worrying about proving that they weren’t related that she hadn’t even realized that at this point, they may as well have been siblings anyways. 

That’s when they both turned towards the doorway, where they heard someone clearing their throat. Elise was standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. “I’m glad to see that you’re alright, Iris, but you guys shouldn’t be up talking all night. Not only is it bad for you to not get enough sleep, but it stops me from being able to get enough sleep. Do you want me to have to explain to the doctor that my baby died because I couldn’t get enough sleep?”

“That seems a little dramatic,” Iris pointed out. “You sound cranky. Maybe you should try to go take a nap or something?”

Elise took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out before retreating back into her bedroom. Iris and Matt only had a few seconds to start giggling at each other before there was a soft _whoosh_ and then there was a pillow smacking into the back of Iris’ head. She turned around in disbelief, and saw Elise standing there with a smug look on her face. “What are you going to do about it? You can’t hit a pregnant lady.”

Iris narrowed her eyes, but she couldn’t stop the smile that was tugging up the corners of her mouth. “Oh you are dead wrong about that. You’re no lady.” She scooped up the fallen pillow and chucked it at Elise before leaping over the couch so that she was hiding behind cover. Matt scrambled around the couch to crouch down next to Iris. 

They both heard a sleepy sounding voice from the other side of the room. “What’s going on? Why are you guys all awake?”

Matt stood up to explain to Evan what was going on, and maybe to apologize, but it was a trap, because as soon as he was visible, there was a pillow being flung at his face. Matt snatched the pillow before ducking back down. “Now what do we do?” he whispered loudly. 

Iris grinned, and plucked the pillow out of his hands. She darted up, tossed the pillow at Evan, then immediately dropped back down before she could get hit back. “Grab the pillows that are on the couch,” she told Matt. “We don’t have a chance of reaching the ones that you were using, so we’ll just have to make do.”

When Matt stood up to bend over and scoop up the two decorative pillows that were resting on either arm of the couch, he was pelted with two more pillows. “This is looking dire,” he told Iris. “I’d feel guilty to attack a pregnant woman, but I’d also feel sexist to only attack Evan.”

Iris snorted. “Well. I guess the one good thing going for the Order is that there’s no sexism anywhere as far as I can tell. I promise that neither of them will even notice that kind of thing. Though they might think that you’re implying Elise is weak. Even if she was the bottom of the class, she’s still a force to be reckoned with.”

Matt’s eyes lit up. “Speaking of force…” 

Maybe it was cheating to use the force to help win a stupid pillow fight. But when had Iris ever cared about cheating before? She straightened her back so that she was just peering over the back of the couch, and then she motioned for Matt to stand up. As soon as he did, there were pillows flying towards him. The pillows stopped mid-air, though, and dropped harmlessly to the ground. Now they were in the center of the battlefield, and were fair game for either side to pick up.

“That’s no fair,” Evan grumbled. A moment later, he dove for the fallen pillows. Matt followed suit a moment later, and the two boys scrambled to be the first to grab the pillows. Elise and Iris started tossing the decorative pillows back and forth while they waited for their teammates to retrieve their ammunition. 

The pillow fight went on for a while longer, though they had to break it up when Evan and Matt started actually wrestling on the floor, and then Iris threw herself at the tangle of limbs to try and ‘help’ while Elise stood by and laughed at them all. 

They all helped to pick up the pillows that had manage to end up all over the place, and then all of them collapsed into a tired heap on the floor. Once they’d all managed to catch their breath, and stop laughing like a bunch of maniacs, Iris tipped her head back so that she was leaning up against Elise. “I never pictured myself being here.” She didn’t necessarily mean right in that spot on the floor, but the other two former stormtroopers knew exactly what she was talking about when she said that. 

“I know,” Evan said softly. “If it wasn’t for you then none of us would be here right now.”

Matt looked around the small, but cozy, apartment. “I feel really sorry for you guys. I can’t believe that living in a place like this is what you’d consider to be living the dream. Didn’t you ever have bigger goals when you were with the Order?”

Iris shook her head. “We couldn’t afford to have bigger goals. Everyone who was in charge of training us and telling us what to do made sure that we never had anything on our minds other than getting stronger and being good enough soldiers for their army.” Then she looked over at Evan. “Or at least, that’s what was supposed to happen. Some people still had enough time on their hands to be able to just fool around sometimes.”

Evan’s face went a little pink at that. “Alright, I confess. I was a total hooligan. I always convinced the others in our class to just relax and play games and do whatever we wanted to do that didn’t involve the Order. But I still managed to be pretty high up in our class, so clearly it was a mostly effective theory of living.”

“That hallway felt like forever ago,” Iris murmured tiredly. 

Evan was the only one who knew what she was talking about with that. “I know,” he said again. It really had been. Iris felt like she’d just been a child when she’d encountered Evan in the hall, and told him off for fooling around, and he’d told her that it wouldn’t kill her to loosen up a bit. Or something like that. The exact exchange wasn’t really important.

Then Iris stretched her arms up over her head and yawned. “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you guys why Matt and I were awake in the first place. When I passed out earlier, there was nothing wrong with me. That’s just what happens when the force is really really eager for me to see something. And it showed me exactly where Matt’s dad is. He’s locked up in the Order base, and he looks like we’re dying. I’m not sure how we’re going to get in it, but whatever we come up with is something that we’re going to have to do soon.”

Evan shifted closer to his wife, and they both looked uncomfortable. “I’d hoped that I’d never have to see that awful place again. But I meant what I said before. I want to be able to make a difference. I want to be able to help change the world. And I know that this is going to help. It’ll get you another mentor, and-”

Iris quickly shook her head. She glanced at Matt for a moment before looking back at Evan. “No offense, but I wouldn’t want that guy to mentor me if he was the last force-user in the entire universe. I wouldn’t blame him for not being able to protect his family- the Order is big and tough- but to abandon the only one he had left? That’s unforgivable. And then he went wandering around the universe, and all he has to show for his life is a broken down liver and a lot of gray hairs.”

Matt winced at the assessment. “Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

“Trust me, it is. I know that you haven’t seen your dad in like ten years, and you probably just remember what he was like when he was a kid, but he’s a lot different now. He’s a broken down pathetic old mess.”

There was a long silence following that declaration, before Evan asked, “If he’s really going to be so useless, then why are we going to put our lives at risk to rescue him?”

Iris knew that there were a few different answers to that question. It could be because Killian was Matt’s dad, and Matt deserved answers and closure. Or it could be that Iris felt bad for the man because she knew that if she wasn’t careful, she could wind up like him someday. Or it could be that it would cause some trouble for the Order, which was always a pleasant thing to do. But she finally settled on the answer that felt the most honest to her. “Because it’s the right thing to do.” There wasn’t really much else to say after that, and the four of them ended up drifting off back to sleep right there on the floor. They all had their concerns about what the future would bring, but in that moment, they felt safe and content.


	36. Chapter 36

The next day started off pretty early, despite their late night interlude. As soon as they were up, Evan whipped together a quick breakfast, and then the four of them gathered back in the living room. “So here’s the thing,” Elise started. “Evan and I have a ship. It’s not huge, in fact it’s a little cramped for even two of us. But you two also have a ship. So I figure that we can’t just drift around in space, because we’ll all end up separated from each other. So we need to decide what coordinates we want to meet at before we head out.”

“It isn’t a good idea to come up with our strategy for attack over the radios. It will be too difficult to properly communicate our thoughts, and there’s a chance that someone could tap into the line and hear us. Which means that we need to figure out our plan now,” Iris declared.

The others didn’t seem quite on board with that. Elise was the one who ended up trying to explain the flaw of working things out beforehand. “But how are we supposed to plan things out now when we don’t know anything about where guards will be positioned, and what the floor plan is like, and all those other details that we could only find out from getting closer? If we get too invested in a particular idea, and then end up not being able to use it, it’s not going to end well for any of us.”

Iris narrowed her eyes. She did not appreciate having the others question her ideas, when she was the one who’d been at the top of their class by a very high margin, and Matt didn’t know anything about anything because he’d spent most of his life sitting around and keeping track of records for the Resistance. 

But on the other hand, this really did need to be a team effort. No matter how awesome she was, Iris knew that she wouldn’t be able to do this on her own. And she really didn’t want to, anyways. She took a deep breath in, then slowly let it out. She just needed to explain her thoughts in a clear and logical way so that the others would understand. “If we go in there with no plan at all, we’ll be toast. The tendency to panic during high stress situations is something that’s gotten you such low scores, Elise. And we do have at least some information about the base. I was in there before, and I can draw out everything that I remember. It was enough for the other rebels to be willing to come with me to the base.”

Evan put his hands on his hips. “But that’s part of the problem. You’ve been there before. Surely that means that if those guys have even an ounce of intelligence, they’ll change things up and strengthen their security measures. I know that they’re not the most intelligent bunch, but there have to be at least a couple of higher ups who would think to make changes.”

Iris shrugged. “Even if they change guard rotations and outside security, the layout of the building itself can’t have changed in such a short amount of time. I’ll draw out the blueprints, and all of us should do our best to memorize them in case we get separated once we’re inside. And even if we have to change things up once we get there, I really think that we should at least have some semblance of a plan before we head out. Evan, you said that you want to do something that matters, but if we get ourselves killed because we rush in with no plan, then it won’t matter to anyone.”

Evan heaved out a long sigh, but then he nodded. “Alright. We’ll study the blueprints, and we’ll come up with some kind of preliminary plan. But we all need to be prepared to switch things up on a moment’s notice, okay?”

Iris nodded. “Okay. That sounds fair. Just give me a few minutes to whip together those blueprints. We’re kind of working with limited time here. It’s not like my visions are nice enough to come time-stamped, and he looked really bad when I last saw him, and who knows how long ago that was.”

Matt gulped, but then he nodded, looking determined to succeed. “We’re going to do this as quickly as possible, but we’re also going to do this right. What are you going to be doing while we study the blueprints?”

Iris shrugged. “There’s always more work to do, don’t worry.”  
Elise got up, and then came back a minute later with a few sheets of paper and a box of crayons. At Iris’ arched eyebrow, Elise smiled. “Sorry, we got them in preparation for the little one. We don’t really have anything else to write with. We usually use electronics to communicate.”

Matt frowned. “Isn’t paper kind of expensive? How did you get your hands on so much of it? And are you really willing to let us waste it when you had planned on saving it for your kid?”

“It’s fine. We-”

Iris let out a loud barking laugh. “Look!” She held up the paper, and pointed to the top, where there was some writing already printed onto this. 

Then Matt looked over at the married couple with wide eyes. “You stole stationary paper right off the desk of Kylo Ren?”

Evan grinned. “Yeah we did. I mean, we were already planning on stealing a ship and ourselves and some supplies, so we figured that we may as well grab a few things. It was just from his office at the school, but that was good enough for us. He’s usually at the main base, which meant that it was pretty easy to just stroll in and grab a few things.”

Iris arched one eyebrow, incapable of not feeling impressed at the moment. “Did you take anything else?”

Elise got up again. “Just one other thing. We thought that it was kinda creepy, but we also thought that it would really throw Kylo Ren off his game to lose it, because why would he keep it on his desk if it wasn’t important? so we decided to just go for it. Hang on.” She disappeared into her bedroom again for just a moment before reemerging. She held out a glass picture frame.

Iris eagerly grabbed it, interested in learning more about the man she’d once been willing to die for. She wasn’t sure what exactly she’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this. It was a picture of a younger looking Leia standing with her arm linked with a fairly good looking guy. The guy in the picture was wearing the jacket that Leia had given to Iris, which meant that that had to be her husband, Han. On Leia’s other side was a blonde haired man making a goofy face. He was leaning one elbow on top of an old looking blue droid. On the ground were a couple of very young children; one had brown hair sticking out in tufts all over their head, one was bald, and their grin that revealed only two teeth. Sitting with the toddlers was a third child, though she looked like a young teenager, with an eyepatch covering one eye, and an unhappy grimace on her face. It looked like she was holding an unactivated lightsaber in one hand. 

Matt took the picture out of Iris’ hands, while Iris looked over at Elise. “Why did you think that the picture is creepy? It looks like a happy family photo.”

“Exactly. How creepy is it that Kylo Ren stole some random family’s picture to put on his desk?”

She couldn’t blame them for making assumptions about the people in the picture. “I don’t think that it’s random. The lady in that picture is the late Leia Organa, and I’m assuming that it’s her husband next to her. Means that one of those kids is probably actually Kylo Ren himself. Not sure who the others in the picture are. Do you think it’s possible that Kylo Ren has siblings?”

Matt shook his head. “No way. The general would have mentioned it at some point. And if that kid in the middle is Kylo Ren, then he’s really young. The girl next to him looks pretty close to your age. There’s no way that the Leia in this picture is old enough to already have a teenager.”

Iris peered over Matt’s shoulder to look at the picture again. “I don’t know. It’s possible. She looks good for her age, but she’s not that old here.”

“Clearly you have no concept of understanding ages. She looks like maybe mid-twenties at most. No way that girl is hers.”

Alright, so Matt had a point there. “But what about that other kid? They’re like a baby.”

“But again, it would’ve come up at least once if Leia had other children.”

Iris shrugged. “I don’t know then. The mysterious of this universe will never cease to amaze me. We may never find out who the other people in this picture are. Doesn’t really matter though. The point is that it’s probably the only family picture that Kylo Ren has. I doubt that he had time to pack up a bag after running away to become who he is.”

Matt pointed to the blonde man. “I’m just going out on a limb here, but maybe that’s Luke Skywalker. It would make sense for him to be in a family picture, right?” 

Elise walked over, and plucked the picture out of Matt’s hands so that she could look at it closer. “That’s so weird. I’d just kinda assumed that these were totally random people. It never occurred to me that this was actually going to be something important to the guy. I almost feel bad now.”

Evan patted the top of Elise’s closest foot. “I wouldn’t feel bad if I were you. Don’t forget that he’s an evil mass murderer who would’ve been perfectly content to let us all die just for not being good enough soldiers.”

“Fair enough,” Elise allowed.

Then Iris shook her head. “Alright, enough of the distractions. I need to draw these pictures so that we can get into that base and rescue Matt’s dad before he drops dead. Nice find on the picture, but we’ll have to look more into it later. For now, you three discuss your various strengths and weaknesses while I draw.”

Matt raised one eyebrow. “Should we go into a different room so that we don’t keep distracting you?”

Evan snorted. “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. She’s used to working right through other people talking, while still paying just enough attention to the other people to be able to insult them at the opportune moments. She’s like the master of doing that. And still getting good enough work done to be at the very top of our class.”

An impressed whistle came from Matt. “You know, it would make sense if we were related. We’re both studious and smart.”

“Yeah, but I’m also badass and magical on top of that, so good luck trying to convince yourself that you’re the superior sibling.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” Then he turned to the other two so that they could start discussing different potential strategies. 

While those three were talking, and surprisingly not going off on tangents every five seconds, Iris worked as quickly as possible to sketch out everything she could remember from the base. She’d only been in there twice before, and hadn’t gotten the chance to explore the entire place, but what she had seen, she could recall with perfect ease. 

It took a couple hours, but then Iris was finally finished. She did feel a little bit bad about the fact that she’d used up all the paper, front and back of each sheet. Even though Evan and Elise hadn’t saved up and bought them with their own money, it was still something that they’d intended on giving to their children, and now they couldn’t do that.

She cleared her throat to get the attention of her co-conspirators, and then held up the papers. “Alright, so I know that this isn’t as good as actual floor plans, but this is the best we’re going to get. Obviously I wasn’t able to draw up the whole place, but what I did draw, I can guarantee is accurate. Now I want to discuss some of things that you guys mentioned earlier.” Then she immediately launched into a long lecture about why half their ideas wouldn’t work, but the other half were actually feasible. 

By the end of the day, the four of the them had come up with a decent plan, and they had all gotten down the basics of the blueprints. There wasn’t anything left to do but to head out and hope that they weren’t too late to rescue Matt’s dad. While it was true that in the long run Killian was actually pretty useless, she knew that all of them wanted to succeed at this, though each had their own reasons. 

Evan and Elise packed up a couple of small bags to take with them, mostly grabbing the things that they refused to live without. Just by getting involved in the rescue, there was a chance that they might never be able to return to their home, and if that was the case, they didn’t want to lose anything too important. When Elise left behind the picture of Leia’s family, Iris quickly scooped it up herself. She removed it from the glass, and folded it up so that it would fit into her pocket. She wasn’t sure why she was taking it, since she only really knew two people in it, but Iris could just tell that this was something important. 

When everyone was all set, they headed out. They’d agreed to meet up at a location near enough to the base for them to begin strategizing, but far enough away that they hopefully wouldn’t be spotted by anyone. As they walked outside, with Matt gallantly offering to carry Elise’s bags for her, Evan began to lag behind, and he gave Iris a look to signal that he wanted her to do the same. 

Confused about his intentions, she let herself fall back until she was walking next to him. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Evan nodded. “Actually, yes. Elise and I had a very serious talk last night. I don’t want to just leave her behind because that wouldn’t make me feel any better. But the truth is that even if she wasn’t pregnant, she’s always been the worst in our class. She might be more badass than your brother, but that’s only because you’d be hard pressed to find someone who isn’t.”

Iris arched one eyebrow. “So what are you saying?”

“Elise and Matt are not cut out for this kind of thing. They’re either going to get themselves killed, or they’re going to get us killed. I want to do something that matters, but I also want to be a father, and I can’t do that if Elise or I end up dead. And I know that you care about Matt, whether you’re actually related or not. You know that he isn’t going to be able to hold his own if it comes down to it. And it’ll be easier for a smaller number of people to sneak in.” Iris still didn’t say anything; she just waited for Evan to get to the point. “We’re going to volunteer to switch ship assignments. You and I are the best chance we’ve got for strategy, so we’ll claim that we want to use the travel time to continue discussion. We’ll take my ship. Elise and Matt will take yours, and Elise will make sure to bring them somewhere safe. Maybe the Resistance, if you’re willing to cough up the location.”

This felt a bit like betrayal. Tricking Matt into staying out of the fight after they’d promised each other that they’d be in it together no matter what. And yet, she knew that Evan was right. Neither Elise or Matt had the skills to keep themselves going strong during a physical fight. Iris wanted Matt to be safe. And the possibility of him dragging them down once they were actually in the danger spot seemed likely. 

She closed her eyes for a moment, then slowly nodded her head once. “Alright, let’s do it.” She paused for a moment to set her borrowed bag on the ground, and fished out one of the blueprint papers. She tore off one corner to scribble down some coordinates, then hurried to catch up with Matt. She gave him a friendly grin, hoping that he wouldn’t see through it. “So Evan and I were thinking that we should travel together so that we have more time to talk shop. It’s not like I’ll be able to discuss anything productive with you.”

Matt snorted. “Fine by me.” He glanced at Elise. “That is if you don’t mind us traveling together?”

Elise shook her head, and did her best to hide the tired look on her face. “I guess it’ll be nice to get to know you better. And maybe you can tell me more about my idol, since you guys have been working together for a little while now.”

Iris held out her hand like she wanted to shake with Elise, and when Elise accepted the handshake, Iris casually slid the scrap of paper into the pregnant girl’s possession. “This is such a relief. Matt and I were really starting to get sick and tired of being cramped together like that.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “Just for that, I’m going to take our ship, which means that you can’t have any of your stuff back until after we succeed at our mission.”

Iris reached up to press one hand against her heart, and she let out a dramatic sigh. “Oh fine, if you insist!” 

Evan caught up with them a moment later, and he tugged on Iris’ arm. “Our ship isn’t at the shipyard, so this is where we’re going to have to part ways.”

She nodded, and then suddenly turned around to jump up and pull Matt into a tight hug. “I’m really glad to have you as a brother,” she told him while trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.

Matt returned the hug, though he seemed a little confused. “And I’m honored to have you as a sister.”

Then Elise tugged Matt free. “Come on. I want to get to your ship so that I can just sit down already. I know I haven’t really blown up yet, but my ankles are killing me.” She took a moment to give Evan a quick peck on the lips. “I love you. I’ll see you later, okay?”

With that, the four of them split off into their assigned pairings, and as they walked closer to Evan’s ship, Iris really hoped that she’d done the right thing. Matt’s feelings would be hurt once he realized the truth, but hopefully he would be able to see that this was for the best, and he would be able to forgive Iris for the deception. She was planning on getting him his father back, and she hoped that that would be enough to stay in his good graces. Because no matter what else happened, Iris really did think of Matt as a brother, and she didn’t want to lose that.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that my update schedule has basically devolved into a never ending cycle of ‘when I feel like it’. I was going so strong for a while, but it’s really hard to write seven or eight chapters a week in order to update every fic. This is probably the definition of biting off more than I can chew. But I don’t plan on quitting, so as long as y’all have patience, it’ll all work out.

Iris wasn’t in the mood to talk to Evan once they’d boarded the ship. She knew that realistically, Evan had been correct in his assessment that they’d have much better odds if they did this on their own. They’d been the two students at the top of their class for as long as Iris could remember, and they were both far more skilled than either Matt or Elise. But it still felt wrong to have lied to them and ditched them like that. Well, Elise knew that she was being ditched, so even though she was probably upset about it, it was something she’d agreed to. Matt hadn’t gotten a say in the matter though, and he was bound to be hurt by the deception. 

She knew that she’d have to talk to Evan eventually, so that they could actually discuss their plan, but there was still plenty of time for that. For now, Iris surprised herself by actually wanting to meditate. It wasn’t usually something she was willing to do, but with her emotions all over the place and a potentially lethal mission ahead of her, Iris knew that it would be beneficial. 

She sat down in the back of the ship after letting Evan know that she was taking a nap so he wouldn’t disturb her, and crossed her legs and rested her hands on her knees. Iris closed her eyes, and took several deep breaths. She tried to think about everything Rey had tried to teach her about meditation. Though thinking about that did sent a small jolt of guilt through Iris. She should never have been such an ass towards Rey, who’d only wanted to help. 

But the guilt slipped away after a few seconds, and Iris was delighted to find her way to the waterfall. It really was such a calming and peaceful place, and she was glad that it existed, even if it was only in her head. Iris wandered around for a few minutes, taking in the bright green grass, and the water that was so pure she wouldn’t even know there was any water there if it weren’t for the constant motion of it. 

Then Iris perched down at the edge of the pond at the base of the waterfall, tugged off her boots and tossed them aside, and then dropped her feet down into the water. She gently swung her legs back and forth, splashing around the water and getting the bottom half of her pants soaked. But since this technically wasn’t real, she didn’t think it would really matter if she got all wet or not. 

After a few minutes of sitting there peacefully, Iris heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. She quickly turned to look at them, and her eyes widened in surprise. She was staring right at Killian, but a much younger version of him than the one who was trapped in the dregs of the Order. And suddenly she knew exactly what was supposed to happen, because she’d seen all of this before. It had been in one of her visions, and even though it felt like she’d seen it years ago, she could still remember all of the details. The force must’ve felt her subconsciously seeking out Killian, and had given her a chance to see him. 

“Who are you?” Killian was looking at her cautiously, which made sense, since he had absolutely no idea who she was. 

Iris couldn’t help feeling how right it was to be here in this moment. She hadn’t even been aware that she was still searching for the man, but it felt nice to have found him all the same. “Thank the force you finally showed up,” she said with a teasing smile. “There’s no need to be scared. I’m a,” she hesitated for a moment to think of the proper word that would describe her relationship with this man she’d never met before. “Friend,” she finally settled on. We haven’t met yet. I’m just here to tell you not to forget my face, okay? A lot of time is going to pass before we meet again, but I promise I’ll still look the same. It’s very important you remember me, okay?” It would be much easier to spring Killian from his prison if they didn’t have to waste time convincing him that they were the right people to go with. 

Killian frowned. “If it’s so important, why don’t you just visit me closer to whenever you are?”

Iris could almost feel it as her smile shifted into a slightly less friendly one. She reached up without thinking to tuck her hair behind her ear, but when it only fell forward again, she was reminded of the fact that she was an ear short of an average human. “I used to work well under pressure, but now I’m only human. And I have like zero training basically, so it isn’t easy. Just don’t forget me, okay?” She knew that that wasn’t really a sufficient explanation, but it was the best she could do. She couldn’t spend a lot of time here, because it was important that she actually wake up and strategize with Evan. 

“But who are you? Why is it so important?” There was a desperation in Killian’s voice that Iris didn’t really understand. There was no reason for him to feel how urgent all of this was. He was still in the middle of living his perfect life. 

Iris blinked, and reached up to scratch awkwardly at the back of her head. “It’s too hard to explain it all right now. Just know that someday you’re going to hear a lot of stuff about me, but none of it is true. I mean, there’s a little bit that’s true, but none of the stuff that’s likely to piss you off. Now I’ve got to go.” It was hard to say for sure how long she’d already been here, though Iris did feel bad about not being able to give any better answers. And Killian hadn’t really heard a lot about her, but he’d at least heard that she had defected from the Order. But beyond that, any of the guards could have blabbed or Kylo Ren might have mentioned something in a moment that Iris hadn’t been privy to.

Before Killian could ask anything else of her, Iris stood up and leapt right into the water. For a moment she was ready to panic at the feeling of liquid filling her nose and mouth. But then she reminded herself that none of this was real, and she couldn’t drown in her own head. But it had made for a sufficiently dramatic exit, and when she closed her eyes, she thought hard about waking up. 

When Iris’ eyes snapped open, she started coughing, but of course no water spilled out. It had just been a dream. And she was curious to learn more about how meditation actually worked, but now wasn’t the time for that. Maybe when all of this was over, Rey would be willing to give her a few pointers. Killian was also an option, but Iris felt that she’d have to be a complete moron to trust that man as her teacher. 

She stood up and stretched, groaning softly as she heard the creaking in her shoulders and knees. Clearly she was getting way too old for all of this. Maybe she’d retire after rescuing Killian. No, she couldn’t do that. If it turned out that he was her father, then she wouldn’t have anything else to search for in the vast expanse of space because she already knew that Killian’s wife was dead. And if he wasn’t her father than she had absolutely no leads to go off of, and surely she’d be forced to go on her own because Matt would never forgive her. And it would be wrong to leave the Resistance to fend for themselves. As good as they were, the Order had more people and more resources and more willingness to commit cold blooded murder. 

Iris wandered up to the front of the ship, and saw that Evan was lounging back in his seat, with his legs propped up on the control console. She rolled her eyes at the sight as she sat down next to him. “So is it just me or are we not at all ready to do this?”

Evan grimaced. “It’s not just you. The thought of actually killing anyone makes me sick. But I know that it’s something necessary in order to get us all through the day. And I know that we are the ones in the right here. We wouldn’t even have to do any of this if the Order hadn’t started this fight first. They’ve only got themselves to blame for the casualties that they’re going to cause. I just wish that there was some other way, you know?”

Iris tilted her head thoughtfully. “Maybe there is. Listen, I’ve never really gotten any formal training in how to use the force to my advantage. I only had a couple lessons with Rey, and I basically backed down like a coward from all of them. And I’ve never met anyone else with the force, except for maybe Leia, but I was never entirely sure about her. While, I guess you could count Kylo Ren. But I’ve only met him like three times before and one of those times we were trying to kill each other, so obviously he wasn’t trying to help teach me a thing or two.”

Evan arched one eyebrow. “Is there a point to all of this, or are you just trying to remind me of how unqualified you are so that you can psyche me out of doing this?”

Iris laughed. “No, it’s not that. It’s just that even though I’m not exactly an expert with this stuff, I do know that there is a wide range of applications for this ability of mine. Matt told me not to get too dependent on it, and I don’t think that I have been. But I do think that in this case, it could actually be something really useful for us. Maybe I could just gently knock out everyone we come across? It isn’t exactly ideal because we’ll still have the same amount of enemies after us at the end of the day. But it does mean that we wouldn’t have to go to the extreme of killing anyone. We don’t want to become as bad as the people we ran away from, right?”

Even though the look on his face showed off his doubt, Evan did nod a few times. “I suppose I could see that being a viable solution. But only if you’re really really sure that you can do it. Because if we go in there unarmed and then you fizzle out, we’re both dead.”

“Oh no, no, no. I would have never suggested that we go in unarmed. You must have a couple spare blasters lying around here, right?”

Evan grinned. “Thank goodness. I was just starting to think that I must be really insane to go along with any plan concocted by a crazy witch like you. But apparently you do have at least a bit of common sense in your bones.” He hopped up, and walked to the back, where he rummaged through a cabinet for a moment. He came back with a blaster in each hand. One was dented and clearly old and well worn, while the other was shiny and looked like a brand new latest model. 

Since Iris already had the advantage of the force on her side, despite how little training or experience she actually had with using it, she figured that it was only fair to let Evan have the cooler looking toy. She plucked the older one of his hands, and tucked it away in the back of her pants. Evan nodded once before doing the same with his, and then he sat back down. “We’re going to be there soon, aren’t we? Is there any last words we should discuss before we head in there like a couple of suicidal idiots?”

“Nah. It’s much more fun to not bother with that stuff. It gives us more motivation to get through the day. And rest assured that when we get out of there, with Matt’s dad in hand, I am going to have a lot of things to say to you.”

Iris grinned, and nodded. “Fair enough. I’ll have a few things to say to you too. Though I might be too busy with some combination of making sure that Killian stays alive and simultaneously kicking his ass for being an absolutely horrible father, and sub par human being all around.”

That startled a laugh out of Evan, but when the control console started beeping a moment later, the laugh was quickly wiped off of his face. Both of them shuffled closer to the console, mostly so that they could look through the window above it. The base was right in front of them, and they were about to march in there with what had to be some kind of very messed up death wish. But Iris was determined to make it through this alive, with Evan and Killian alive as well.

Evan slowed the ship to a stop, and glanced over at Iris. “Well, ready or not, here we go.” He pressed a few buttons, and then gripped the steering mechanism to inch them closer to their destination. “I’m not going to lie, I’m more than a little terrified right now. Anything could happen once we go in there.”

“Last chance for a bathroom break if you don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of the big scary stormtroopers,” Iris teased. 

Evan scoffed. “Whatever. Screw you. Kriffin’ hell, let’s just get this over with. The sooner that we’re in and out, the better.”

While he brought them closer to the admittedly rather intimidating looking base, Iris reached out to gently press the palm of her hand against the cool inner wall of the ship. She closed her eyes, and begged the force to let them get through this unscathed. Or to at least let them succeed in the actual infiltration before decided to toss them on their butts as total failures.

Whether it was her praying, or Evan’s well executed piloting, or the fact that it was a rather small ship, they managed to get closer to the base without being detected by any of the many smaller ships that were in constant orbit, ready to defend the Order base at a moment’s notice.

They reached their final destination, and Evan gently landed the ship down without making a single noise. “Come on. The longer we sit around in here and think, the more likely we are to get caught.” He grabbed a piece of cloth that had been dangling from the ceiling, and wrapped it around his face, covering everything but his eyes and nose. He tossed her an identical cloth. “So that we’ll be able to breath through the stink of whichever helmets we grab first. Also because at least your face is pretty well known, and I don’t want your infamy getting us made before we can do anything.”

Though she hated the idea of having to cover up like that, she recognized the logic in it, and she quickly wound the cloth around her the same way that she’d seen Evan do it. She reached up to shift it aside so that her ear wasn’t covered. She felt like she couldn’t hear anything at all when it was, despite the fact that Evan seemed to be having no problem with that. Then again, he had two good ears, so maybe that’s what made all the difference 

They walked up to the entrance that they had planned on using after investigating all the possibilities on Iris’ blueprints. Evan glanced at her with one eyebrow arched. “It smells revolting.”

Iris shrugged. “What did you expect from a garbage chute? Don’t worry so much. It may smell bad in there, and I have no doubt that the odor will only get worse as we climb, but it’s the least protected area, and probably the only way in that doesn’t involve making a big scene. Just suck it up and come on.” She grabbed at the large metal grate, but it wouldn’t budge. 

With a frustrated grunt, Iris narrowed her eyes, and stared at the grate with intense concentration. For a moment she was afraid that it wasn’t going to work, but then the grate burst open, and Iris quickly caught it before it could slam up into the metal wall above it. The force of the grate slamming into her hands was almost definitely going to leave a couple of bruises, but she was just glad that she’d managed to get it open. 

She glanced back to nod at Evan, and then scooted forward so that she could peer up the large shaft. If any fresh garbage were to fall down on top of their heads, Iris would have to work hard to suppress the urge to vomit. She nodded again, mostly for herself, and then reached up inside. There were no specific handholds inside the chute, since it wasn’t meant to be climbed up. During maintenance times, they probably sent down small droids that could do the work, since full grown adults probably wouldn’t even fit. Iris felt extremely awkward doing so, but she pressed her arms up against the sides of the narrow tube, and slowly began to wiggle her way up. It was going to be a slow trip, but the tightness of the chute made Iris feel more confident that she wasn’t going to slip back down and fall to her death. 

Once she was all the way in the chute, grimacing at the grimy feeling of the metal walls, she peered back at the entrance when she didn’t hear Evan climbing up, though there wasn’t even enough room for her to see over her own shoulder. “Come on, what are you waiting for?” 

There was a grunt, and then an annoyed growl. “I can’t fit. My shoulders are too wide. Either we both leave now and wait for another plan to come to us, or you’re on your own while I try to figure out another way in.”

Based on what she’d seen in her vision of Killian before, Iris knew that he didn’t have the luxury of time. They couldn’t just back down and return another day. If they didn’t get to him now, he’d die, if he hadn’t already. “We don’t have any time. I’ll go on ahead. Whatever you do, be careful.”

Evan was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “I think we need to make a promise to each other. No matter what, no matter which of us are back on the ship or how close the others are, whoever’s there needs to leave in four hours.”

That sounded like a terrible idea to Iris. But they didn’t have time to bicker about it. “Sure, deal. Now get moving.” If her and Killian were the first back on the ship, then they’d just wait anyways. And if Evan left without them, Iris would find a different ship for them to steal. Whatever was going to happen would be a problem for the her of four hours from now, though. Right now there were other things to think about. She looked back up, though she could only see darkness above her. And when the grate clanged shut behind her a moment later, she couldn’t see anything at all. This was completely disgusting and a little nerve wracking, but Iris was determined to succeed. So she wriggled up some more, and hoped that she’d reach an exit soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone’s curious, the dream vision at the waterfall took place in chapter 22 from Killian’s perspective
> 
>  


	38. Chapter 38

_“Ben! What in the krif-”_

_“Han! Do I really have to yell at you about swearing in front of the kids again? What the hell is wrong with you?”_

_They both stared at each other for a long moment before breaking out into loud laughter. Ben narrowed his eyes as he stared up at his parents, confused about what it was that they found so amusing. He knew what swearing was, on some level, but he couldn’t figure out why grown-ups were so strangely opposed to some words but not others. Weren’t all words important because they were used to communicate information? And how could that be a bad thing when Mom was always telling Dad that they needed to get better at communicating._

_But he decided that it was a problem to focus on some other day. Instead of waiting any longer, unwilling to witness his parents kissing for the billionth time in the past few months, he crawled out from under the table he’d been hiding beneath, and walked over to where his parents were standing very close to each other. “I’m here.”_

_Leia gently pushed Han out of the way so that she could kneel down in front of Ben, and she reached out to pull him into a tight hug before releasing him. “What have you been up to? You’re going to have to take another bath now. We want you to look all proper and handsome for our guests.”_

_“I’m always handsome,” Ben pointed out, which caused a bright smile to break out on Leia’s face._

_She stood up, but held Ben’s hand to lead him out of the office, and down the hall to the bathroom. “By the way, you’ve already hidden under that table so many times that your dad only pretends to be challenged. You might want to up your game.”_

_There was no point in pouting, because Ben knew that she was right. It used to be such a good hiding spot, but since it was so good, he began using it every time, and now it was useless. He’d have to find a new one. He silently suffered through a quick bath, allowing his mother to scrub off all the dirt he’d accumulated in the past few hours, and then patiently let her cover him up in a stiff outfit that felt more like a torture device than clothing._

_When all of that was finally taken care of, they went downstairs to the main hall, where they always greeted guests. There were always new people showing up to live nearby, and they were usually friendly people. But Ben couldn’t remember ever having to be there to greet the newcomers before._

_In the main hall, Han and Luke were already chatting with a middle-aged woman who had a baby balanced on her hip, and a grouchy looking teenager standing behind her. Leia walked right up to the strangers and held out her hand. “Desiree, we’ve been expecting you. We were all so relieved to hear that you were alright.” Then she looked curiously at the children, but didn’t actually ask about them._

_The woman, Desiree, could clearly sense Leia’s curiosity, and she sighed. She lightly bounced the baby up and down a couple of times. “This is Miran. I’m not sure how old he is, but definitely too young to talk and walk.” Then she nodded towards the teenager. “I don’t know the girl’s name. She hasn’t spoken a single word since we picked her up. I think she’s a runaway, or a thief, or perhaps both. The authorities didn’t have anything on their record of her, which means she refused to take to them as well. But she did have this on her.” She reached into the bag that was hanging on her side opposite the baby, and fished out a strange metal tube. Ben recognized it because he knew that his uncle had a similar looking thing._

_Leia carefully took Miran from the other woman, and offered her a friendly smile. “You don’t have to worry about anything now, Desiree. We’ll take care of the children, I promise. You can just relax.”_

_Desiree snorted. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to relax. My job isn’t over yet. There’s still many rescues left that I need to attend to. It’s always a relief to know that I’m not in this alone, though. You guys are lifesavers.” She pulled her bag away from where it had been hanging from the side of her neck, and held it out. “This is everything that the two of them own, as far as I know. I’ll probably be back in a couple of months.”_

_“Take care of yourself, alright? We can’t afford to lose any more good people.”_

_Desiree smiled. “You’d think that once the war was over, everything would be so easy, but I guess we don’t have that kind of luck.” Then she turned to look at the silent girl she’d brought with her. “If you ever decide to start talking, then you should know that these people are some of the best out there. They’ll do whatever they can to help you out, alright?” Then she turned to peer past Leia and Han. “God it must’ve been ages since I was last here. Is that really little Ben? How old is he now?”_

_Before either of his parents could respond, Ben held up one hand with all of his fingers extended. “Five,” he told her proudly. He knew that he still had a little while to go until he was as old as his parents, but right now he was pretty darn old. He knew because his dad and uncle both told him that all the time._

_Desiree laughed. “So there is hope for the future. He’s just a little munchkin still, huh?” She walked over to ruffle Ben’s hair a bit. “You take good care of these two, alright? I’m counting on you.”_

_Being given such an important responsibility felt great, and Ben nodded eagerly. “Yes ma’am!”_

_Desiree laughed again before turning to leave. She waved casually as she walked out the front door, letting it close gently behind her. Once she was gone, Ben looked back and forth between the baby in his mom’s arms, and the other girl. He wasn’t sure what he could do for a baby, and he was pretty sure that babies were no fun to talk to anyways. So he skipped over to the girl, who was standing in the exact same spot as before. He smiled at her, just the way Dad had taught him, but before he could ask if she was playing some kind of statue game, Luke walked over and put a gentle hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I think that I need some help in the workshop. It’s a big task, but I trust you to be able to do it.”_

_The girl was instantly forgotten as Ben was given the much better option of being able to help out his uncle. He knew that the workshop was a sacred place for grown ups only, and he’d been wanting to go in there for as long as he could remember. He knew that his uncle was special in a way that no one else was, and he figured that if he could make his uncle proud, then that would automatically qualify him as special as well._

_,,,_

_A few days later, Ben had finally found a new and better hiding spot. He’d made Rolph, one of the few other children who lived with them, test it out first, and he’d reported that it was a great spot. Pleased with himself for finding it, Ben decided to take full advantage by cramming himself into the little closet in his parents’ room, and only peering out through a tiny crack made from the doors not being closed completely._

_After he’d been sitting in there for a while, he heard the sound of the bedroom door opening, and he perked up at the thought of putting his super spy skills to the test. His mom was in the middle of a sentence as she walked into the room. “-worried. She hasn’t said a word the entire time she’s been here, and she hasn’t made any effort to interact with the other children. She won’t even eat a single bite of food unless someone practically shoves it down her throat.”_

_“I’ve noticed all of that too. Unfortunately, she’s clearly old enough to remember the things that she’s witnessed. At least Miran won’t have to worry about that. We still don’t even know why she has that lightsaber. I asked Luke, but he said that he hasn’t gotten any sense of a force sensitivity from her, which means that it is quite likely that she took it. The only question would be about where one could find such a thing these days.”_

_They were both silent for a moment before Leia spoke some more. “I just wish that we knew how to help her. If we only knew a name, or where she’s from, then maybe we could actually do something for her. As it is, I feel completely helpless.”_

_Then the words faded away, and both of his parents decided to lie down on the bed. They didn’t do anything else, though, just stared at each other. Maybe they were having nap time? When he was pretty sure that they were asleep, Ben risked opening the closet doors a little further so that he could slip out, and exit the room._

_He congratulated himself on his success, and was so busy thinking about how great he’d been that he was startled to realize that there was someone else standing in the hall right outside his parents’ room, and they were staring blankly down at him. It was the girl that his parents were worried about._

_Ben had been too distracted by Luke’s workshop to bother paying too much attention to her, but now he suddenly remembered that he was going to try and be her friend so that he could officially have more players on his team when they went outside to play games during the warmer weather. But they couldn’t talk here if they didn’t want to be caught spying. “Come on,” he whispered before grabbing the girl’s arm and gently tugging her away. After a brief moment of indecision, he led her back to his room, and graciously allowed her to sit anywhere she wanted to before he sat down. She perched on the edge of his bed, but still didn’t say anything. “I’m Ben,” he reminded her, just in case she hadn’t heard it before. “Was that your mom who dropped you off before?”_

_The girl’s eyes widened, like she was startled by the question, and then she shook her head. She opened her mouth, but then snapped it shut again before actually saying anything, and she just shook her head again._

_But Ben wasn’t disappointed, because this was good progress as far as he could tell. He remembered that his mom said they’d be able to help the girl if they knew more about her, so he figured that he may as well try and get her to talk. “What’s your name? Where are you from? Why do you have the same toy as Uncle? What’s your favorite kind of droid? Have you ever been in the workshop? What’re your mom and dad like? Do you like them? Do they like you? Are you good at spying? Are you good at playing ball? Have you ever fallen down the stairs and gotten hurt real bad? Did you know that one of Uncle’s hands is fake? Have you met any of the other kids around here yet? Did you-?”_

_Apparently his strategy of asking as many questions as possible until she was forced to answer one actually worked out. “Do you ever shut up?” she snapped in a voice that was hoarse from disuse._

_Ben’s eyes widened, not because he was offended, but because he was amazed at his talent of getting her to talk when none of the grown ups had been able to. Clearly he was truly a special person. “Sometimes. Who are you?” He hoped that she would say something interesting before she decided to clam up again. Ben didn’t think he’d ever been so bored by the thought of someone not talking before._

_She sighed, and leaned all the way back so that she was lying across his bed, with her feet flat against the floor, and her arms spread all the way out on either side of her. Her hair was fanned out around her head, and though Ben didn’t really get why his parents liked to kiss all the time, he thought that he could almost understand it right now. When she didn’t have that seemingly permanent scowl etched onto her face, she was actually rather pretty. And though he wouldn’t say it to his mom’s face, he thought that the girl was prettier than his mom was._

_The girl sighed again, and then spoke while staring up at the ceiling instead of looking at Ben. Her voice was rough, but quiet and even, like the way Mom’s was when she read bedtime stories. “I picked the wrong day for teenage rebellion. My dad’s always been disappointed in me. He’d never say so to my face, but it’s always been so obvious. Not because of anything I can do, but because of what I can’t do. See my grandfather died before I ever met him, but he was a jedi. Do you know what that is?” Ben shook his head, and somehow the girl seemed to understand even though she wasn’t looking at him. “They’re people with great power who formed a group to learn and grow together. They were destroyed a long time ago, but there are still born who are force sensitive. That means they have the power. Your mom and uncle are like that. You too, even if you don’t realize it yet. My dad taught me how to see it in others, even if it’s never something I’ll have.”_

_Ben couldn’t help feeling awed at the thought that there was a great power in him. That apparently he shared with Leia and Luke. He wondered if it had anything to do with the workshop. Even if it didn’t, he hoped that Luke would teach him all about it soon. Having that power sounded like it would make him pretty special._

_He didn’t say anything, though, because he got the feeling that the girl wasn’t trying to have a conversation with him. “My dad always wanted me to have that power so that he could teach me, but I was born normal, just like him. After a while, I got mad and stupid. I stole my grandfather’s lightsaber- that’s the thing your uncle has too- so that my dad wouldn’t be able to pass it on to someone he would like more than me. I ran away, to a different planet, but the shuttle I took was attacked by remnants of the old army. They killed everyone on board right in front of me. The lucky ones just got a blaster bolt to the head. When they saw me with the lightsaber, they assumed it was mine, and they let me live. I don’t know why they’d want someone with the force, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth._

_“They took over the shuttle, but the authorities showed up after a while. There was a big fight, and all the remnants were killed. The authorities took me in, and they weren’t sure what to think of me. I was so scared that if I said anything one way or the other, it would decide my fate. So I said nothing. Desiree, the woman who dropped me off here, found me and said she’d take me somewhere safe. She brought me here, and that’s that.”_

_Ben was old enough to understand what death was. One of his parents’ friends had died a few months ago, and it had made them cry and yell a lot, and then everyone dressed up really nice and talked about all the things they liked most about that person. At first Ben had been confused, but then his mom explained it all, and now he knew that when someone was dead, it meant that they were gone from the universe forever. He’d never actually seen a dead person, but he’d imagined that they looked something like they were sleeping. But from the way the girl spoke, now Ben wasn’t so sure. Maybe dead people were scary or gross. He certainly didn’t want to see any for himself. “What’s your name?” he asked again, much quieter than before. He hoped that the girl would offer him at least that one more piece of information._

_There was a long silence, and Ben assumed that meant she was done talking. So he was surprised when she rasped out her name. “Aksha. That’s my name. And I’m from somewhere pretty far away. I never thought I’d say this, but,” she rolled onto her side, and curled her legs up so that she could wrap her arms around them while she finally looked Ben in the eyes. “I miss home. Not because of anything so great that’s waiting for me there, but because of how lonely I am when I’m here.” A tear rolled down over the bridge of her nose, and dripped onto Ben’s covers._

_He hopped up to his feet, and smiled. If Aksha was just willing to tell Mom and Dad about where she was from, they would surely take her home. But she’d been so unhappy there, and Ben really wanted his team to have the advantage during games. “You don’t have to be lonely here. I’ll be your friend.” That would also give him the added benefit of being able to look at her more often. He really didn’t think he’d ever met anyone so pretty before._

_There was another long pause, and then Aksha sniffled once before sitting up, and rubbing at her reddened eyes. “Alright. Alright, we can be friends.”_

_,,,_

_Almost an entire two years passed, and Ben knew that he didn’t like any of his friends even half as much as he liked Aksha. Even though there were other kids around her age, which turned out to be thirteen at the time, though she was fourteen now, she usually chose to hang around with Ben instead. She was great at finding all the best hiding places around the house. And when no one was paying attention, she would often sneak into the office to grab her lightsaber, and then they would go out into the woods so that she could teach Ben how to use it. She also taught him all kinds of fascinating things about the force. And when he messed up, she never laughed, just smiled patiently, and promised he’d get there eventually. She let Ben ramble on all the time without getting upset, and while she talked a decent amount, she only talked to Ben, which made him feel pretty special. She never discouraged the mischief that he got up to, and in fact, usually figured out ways to make it even more fun. And whenever Ben managed to make Aksha smile or laugh, he felt like the most special person in the universe, because he didn’t think anyone else could ever do such a thing. She wasn’t perfect, but she was perfect for Ben, and he didn’t think he’d ever have a friend that he’d like more._

_His favorite picture out of all the ones in his album was one of him and Aksha sitting outside, staring up at the clouds. Neither of them had been aware that they were having their picture taken, so there was nothing self-conscious about the bright smile on Aksha’s face, and the proud grin on Ben’s at the thought of having done so much for his best friend._

_Today was going to be amazing, because it was Ben’s birthday, and his birthdays were always amazing. There was a huge party, where everyone was invited, though Ben mostly stuck with Aksha and the few other children that managed to not always get on his nerves. After a while, Leia rushed over to them. “Picture time! We have to get a picture! Come on, come on, everybody get in.”_

_They’d been in the middle of playing pirate, and Ben insisted that Aksha had to wear the silly eyepatch in the picture. She rolled her eyes, but obliged because he was the birthday boy. Han set up the camera so that it would go off automatically, and then everyone else gathered around._

_Ben was near the center of the group, sitting next to Miran and Aksha, who was clutching her lightsaber, which she’d permanently taken back from Leia ages ago and hadn’t been punished for. Luke, the droid he’d been working on, Leia, and Han were all right behind the Ben. Everyone else was scattered a little further from the picture, but when they looked later, everyone made it into the frame._

_A couple of identical pictures were taken, and Ben immediately took his copy up to his room to put into his album. Aksha stayed downstairs to help clean up the party mess. Ben clipped the photo so that only he and his immediate family and Aksha were in it. He couldn’t find a way to cut out Miran too without making the whole thing look like a mess, so he decided that the baby could stay there._

_After taking a few minutes to make sure everything was perfectly place, the door to his room was slammed open, and Aksha rushed inside, looking upset. She closed the door behind her, and then sank down onto Ben’s bed next to him. “Leia just- your mom- she said-” her voice cracked, and tears were leaking out of her eyes._

_“What is it? What happened?” Ben hated his mom in that moment, for whatever it is that she’d done to upset Aksha so much._

_The girl took in a few shuddering breaths before she was able to answer. “She said that my dad got into contact with her. Apparently he’s been looking for me since I left. I think he only wants to get his lightsaber back, probably for some child he wishes were his, but your mom said he sounded like he genuinely missed me and cared about me. I asked if I could stay, but she said that it wouldn’t be fair to separate a father from their child if there’s anything she could do about it. She’s sending me back tomorrow.”_

_Ben blinked a few times as he tried to figure out where to even begin with that. “You’re… you’re leaving me?” He didn’t care if he sounded pathetic, because he knew that Aksha was his best friend, and he didn’t want her to go away. Nothing would be the same without her around. She only squeezed her eyes shut and nodded once. “But I don’t…” he trailed off, since he wasn’t even sure of what he could say to fix this. He could try demanding that his mother not send Aksha away, but he already knew that Leia was too stubborn to give in like that._

_Aksha suddenly surged forward and pulled Ben into a hug, and he was pretty sure that it was the first time she’d ever willingly touched anybody in the entire time that they’d known each other. “I’m going to miss you.”_

_A sense of determination filled Ben. He wasn’t going to let this be the last time that they saw each other. “We have to promise to meet up again. Once we’re older, okay?”_

_That brought a strange smile to Aksha’s face, and Ben didn’t recognize it at all. “Ben, I can’t stay with my father alone. It would kill me. The things I’ve seen are things that I won’t ever be able to forget. The dreams and the nightmares and everything else. I can’t handle all of that by myself. I’ll go back to return his stupid lightsaber so that he has no reason to care about me anymore, and then I’m going to-” she cut herself off as she looked closely at Ben. “I don’t think we’ll see each other again.” She reached past him to grab his album, and flipped through it until she got to Ben’s favorite picture, which she carefully pulled out. “I’m going to keep this so that I can always remember you, okay?”_

_The idea that they were never going to see eachother again was completely unacceptable. Ben was only seven today, but he wasn’t an idiot, and he knew that whatever Aksha planned on doing after she got home, it was going to be something stupid. He scowled at her. “We’re going to see each other again,” he insisted. “If we don’t, then it would be like you’re dead because you’d be gone forever, and dead people make you sad. If you don’t want to make me sad, then we have to meet again.”_

_There were still tears rolling down Aksha’s cheeks, and she sniffled a few times before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Ben’s head. “You’re a really special kid,” she told him softly. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to care about anyone quite the same way I care about you.” For the first time ever, being called special didn’t make Ben happy. He’d only be happy if his best friend stayed here by his side forever._

_,,,_

_After Aksha was sent away, everything changed. Nobody else’s life had been affected by her the way that Ben’s had, so no one else understood why he was so devastated to lose her. Soon enough she was nothing more than ‘that sweet little mute girl who lived her for a little while’. Suddenly all of the other children got on Ben’s nerves just for existing and not being Aksha. Even being invited to take special classes with Luke didn’t make him feel better._

_He felt superior to everyone else in the class because Aksha had already taught him a lot of the basics. Once they got past the point that Ben already knew, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to learn anything else. What if he forgot everything Aksha taught him because it was overwritten by his stupid uncle with his stupid smile?_

_Everything Ben had ever done with Aksha felt so lonely and horrible when he did them by himself, even though he’d played by himself his entire life before Aksha had showed up. Sometimes he would hide in the places she’d shown him, even though there wasn’t anyone seeking him out anymore. Luke gave him funny looks during classes whenever he defeated the other students at whatever they worked on, and his parents were always busy running around, trying to figure out how another bad army could’ve risen up right in front of them._

_Eventually, Ben learned the truth about his family’s past, and about the fact that Luke had lost his hand to his own father. Apparently Ben’s grandfather had been willing to do whatever it took to save the people he loved, and everyone hated him in the end. In his bitterness, Ben thought that that would be better. Everyone could hate him, but at least he’d have his perfect world._

_Luke’s worried looks grew more and more frequent, and his parents grew more and more distant. His dad went out on longer and longer trips, until the one where he never returned. Leia threw herself entirely into her work after that, like she’d completely forgotten about the fact that she still had a son to take care of. By then, Ben no longer cared about her anyways. She was the one who’d taken everything away from him. And Ben knew that it was only a matter of biding his time before he could finally fix everything._

Kylo Ren bolted up from where he’d been tossing and turning in his sleep, and he could feel his hair sticking to his face thanks to the cooling sweat. He tried not to think about his past whenever possible. That hadn’t just been any ordinary dream. It had been sent by the force, though he wasn’t sure why. He had far too many other things on his mind to question anything from when he’d been nothing more than a naive little kid.

The only thing that vision accomplished was making Kylo angry. He hadn’t thought of his childhood friend in many years. He hadn’t ever seen her again, and he never would. He had eventually realized that she’d been full of fear and sadness and disturbing dreams long after the traumatizing things she’d seen, and when she told him that they’d never see each other again, she’d meant that it’s because she was going to kill herself.

And Kylo didn’t care anyways, because anyone who was willing to leave him wasn’t someone he wanted by his side anyways. He didn’t need some stupid girl who’d tricked him into caring about her. And he didn’t need some stupid brat who thought she was special to him, when Kylo wasn’t even sure of why he’d spared her life so many times now. She wasn’t special or important to him in any way whatsoever. The only special one here was Kylo Ren himself, and he wasn’t going to let the force try and convince him otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven’t seen TLJ so I only have a few vague ideas about the things that happen in that movie, and I’m not going to worry too much about forcing everything to fit into canon
> 
>  


	39. Chapter 39

Iris wasn’t sure whether it was good or not that after a little while, she got used to the awful stink of the garbage chute enough to barely even notice it anymore. Though she was very grateful about the fact that no one was tossing anything down this particular shoot, because there wasn’t even enough room for the trash to fall past her, which meant she’d be stuck crawling through actual garbage, and just the thought of it made her gag a little bit.

It was hard to say how much time passed while Iris climbed the chute, though she was eventually aware of a burning ache in her arms and legs from the effort of climbing up. Well, there wasn’t really anything to hold onto to pull herself up, so it was more of an awkward shimmy than anything, and even someone in as good a shape as Iris was susceptible to getting tired. And the fact that she was just surrounded by darkness on all sides didn’t make her feel very good either. Overall, it was a poor quality entrance to the base, but it was also probably the only one that wasn’t completely guarded. She hoped that Evan had decided to just do the smart thing and head back to the ship once he realized that it would be too difficult to discover another way in.

After a while, Iris realized that she could see a small light in the distance, and she wanted to start cheering, as unprofessional as that would be. She just hoped that she wouldn’t be blinded once she reached the source of that light, because that would probably be a good way to get herself killed off immediately. 

It took what felt like a few more minutes, and then the light was right in front of her. It was just a small sliver, but she knew that it was good enough for her. She braced her back against the side of the chute so that she wouldn’t lose her balance, and then awkwardly headbutted the small door since she couldn’t move her arms into any position to shove at it. It turns out that that was a bad idea, because banging one’s head against a solid metal door only made it hurt. 

Then she narrowed her eyes and glared at the door, willing it to open for her. Luckily the force seemed to be in favor of her mission, because the door easily swung open. It took some pretty awkward maneuvering to climb through it, and she was almost thankful that Evan wasn’t right beneath her, because that would definitely make things really awkward for both of them. She finally squirmed through the small opening, and landed in a heap on the floor. 

She gasped in several lungfuls of air that weren’t rotten and stale, and then gave herself five seconds to just sit there and recover before getting back to her feet so that she could keep moving forward. She didn’t have time to focus on soreness or the cramps that seemed to take over her entire upper body. Right now she just needed to find Killian and get him out of here safely. And try not to get caught along the way.

Even after having it within her grasp for a while now, Iris still wasn’t really sure how the force worked, so she settled for begging it to keep her hidden from sight, and hoped that that would be enough. Of course she always had the blaster Evan had given her if she wasn’t able to hide, but she hoped that it didn’t come to that because in the event of a fight, she’d most likely be outnumbered and killed.

Of course, deep down, she held onto the hope that Kylo Ren wouldn’t have ordered her death, since he’d seemed keen on keeping her alive before. But maybe that had only been a heat of the moment decision that he’d re-thought out later. Or maybe there were a hundred other explanations for it. Either way, Iris knew that it would be foolish to rely on his mercy as a guarantee. It was easiest to assume that everything was going to be against her. Hadn’t that been the way everything else in her life went anyways?

She shook her head once, knowing that she needed to keep her mind on the mission if she wanted to survive this, and then she began creeping down the hallways. Based on everything she’d seen in her visions, and what she knew of the base’s layout, she was pretty sure that she knew where to find Killian, as long as he hadn’t been moved around anytime recently.

When she passed the first pair of patrolling stormtroopers, Iris’ hand went straight for her blaster, ready to go down in a blaze of glory. But the troopers just marched right past her, chattering about some inane thing or another. She wasn’t even hidden in the shadows or anything. Had the force really done what she’d needed it to? She’d definitely have to find someone to teach her more about all of this stuff at some point, because it was clearly the most useful thing in her arsenal. 

Despite knowing that the force was protecting her, Iris couldn’t stop herself from tensing up every time she crossed paths with any of the stormtroopers or officers. The lower she went down into the bowels of the base, the less people she came across. That could either mean that she was going in the right direction, and it was kept secret from the common soldiers, or it could mean she was heading to some unpopular destination like a recycling center or something. She hoped that it was the former.

After awhile, she reached a door that was clearly closed and locked, and had two troopers standing right outside it. Even if she was hidden from their sight at the moment, she was sure that even the kinds of morons employed by the First Order would notice a locked door suddenly swinging open right in front of them. 

She backtracked a little bit, wondering if she could cause some kind of distraction to make the troopers leave their posts. She was pretty sure that they’d notice if she fired off her blaster, since that would break all attempts at subtlety. She was also at least a little bit sure that she could use the force in two places at once, though it would probably take a lot of concentration.

Iris slowly pulled out her blaster, keeping all of her movements smooth even though she was a fair distance away from the guards. Then she took in a deep breath, and chucked the blaster as far down the hallway as she could, reaching out as if she could physically grab it. To her surprise and delight, the blaster froze mid-air. Just the sound of it hitting the wall would probably only bring one of the guards over, which wasn’t good enough. So she took another deep breath, and then fired off a couple of shots down a different corridor before zipping the blaster back into Iris’ hands.

She made her way over to the room she was pretty sure she needed to get into, and then waited breathlessly for the troopers to run towards the sound of shots being fired. If they thought they were under attack, they were going to do everything in their power to fight back, which meant that neither of them could bum around uselessly.

There wouldn’t be much time, so as soon as the stormtroopers were a safe distance away, Iris concentrated on the locked door until it swung wide open. She grinned at how easy this whole mission was turning out to be. There, curled up in one of the corners of the dark room, looking dirty and underfed, was Killian. Exactly like he’d looked in her visions. 

Iris slowly walked closer to him, not wanting to startle the poor guy. Even if he wasn’t anywhere close to what Iris would call great, but she’d seen him kill plenty of people. She was confident in her ability to kick his ass if she had to, but she really didn’t want to fight the man, because that would make it a lot more difficult to get any answers out of him. And Matt would probably disapprove, though he had to be wanting to kick his dad’s ass for himself at this point.

She knelt down in front of him, but didn’t reach out to touch him, since she knew that if she were in his situation, she wouldn’t want any strangers touching her. “Hey, buddy. Prison break, come on, let’s go before we lose our chance.” 

It took Killian far too long to look up at her, and then he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Who are you?” he rasped in a voice that was scratchy and weak from a combination of disuse and malnutrition. 

Iris offered what she hoped was a friendly smile. “If you think back enough, hopefully you’ll remember. It was a really long time ago, but I came to you in a vision, by the waterfall, remember?”

He stared at her blankly, and Iris cursed herself for not being able to be more memorable. She reached up to run a hand through her hair in frustration, and then Killian’s eyes focused on the spot where she had no ear. “You still a friend?”

Iris nodded, and figured that all the more complicated bits of the story could be explained once they were somewhere far away from here. “Yes. I came here to bust you out of this joint. I can get you somewhere safe, and take you to see your son.”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Killian jolted back so hard that his head smacked against the wall behind him, though he didn’t seem to care. “I can’t see him. I failed him. I failed all of them. It’s best to just leave me here to rot.”

Iris clenched her jaw. “Don’t be an idiot. Matt was in full support of this mission, even knowing everything that you’ve done.” Well, maybe not everything. She’d politely left out the part about Killian bordering darkside when she shared her visions with Matt. But mostly everything, and that was what mattered. “He knows that you erased Ellie and the pain of Aksha away from him, and that wall was destroyed, so he has all of his memories back. What else could you need to hide from him if he still wants to see you after knowing what you did?”

Killian stared at her with wide eyes, clearly shocked. “He… knows?” Iris nodded once, and slowly, very slowly, Killian used the wall behind him to get up to his feet. “And he still wants to see me?”

Iris nodded again. “Yes. But we have to get a move on, because the distraction I provided your guards isn’t going to last much longer, and you’re clearly in no condition to be fighting anyone at the moment. We really need to get going.”

She let Killian lean heavily against her, and she could practically feel the weight of his stare. “But who are you?”

“I- to be honest, I don’t really know. I was sorta hoping that you’d be able to tell me. But there’s time for all of that later. Right now we just need to get out.”

They backtracked they way Iris had come in, with her desperately begging the force to keep them both hidden the entire time. Though it wasn’t until they were halfway back to the garbage chute that she realized it wouldn’t work as an escape. She really should’ve considered this sooner, but even starved and broken down as he was, Killian still was too large to get through the small space if even Evan hadn’t been able to get in. She swore quietly under her breath, and was grateful when Killian didn’t say anything mocking about her clear lack of foresight. She would curse the force for this, but it had worked really hard to help her thus far, and it was really her own fault that she hadn’t thought everything through properly.

If she was lucky, Evan had figured out another way to get into the base after all, but she really couldn’t rely on that. And with the way Killian was staggering around, she knew that she needed to get him back to the ship soon, or he’d collapse and she’d be left to drag him through the hallways, which wouldn’t be an easy task. 

“Looks like our only way out is through the front doors. If we sneak well enough, I think the force will protect us, but it’s still going to be difficult, because there’s going to be a lot more troopers around there. Worse, there might be officers around, and they’re less likely to be fooled by a few cheap tricks.”

Killian dragged his feet to a halt, and then peered down at Iris. “That’s not the only way out. I haven’t really accessed it in years, but I’m force-sensitive too. My captors never knew; this place is just naturally equipped with dampeners in all cells for safety reasons, and I was never interrogated outside of my cell. I’m weak, but the force is strong, and if we work together, we can get out of here without sneaking.”

Iris’ free hand immediately went towards where her blaster was tucked in the back of her pants, and then she shook her head. “No. Fighting our way out is a really bad idea. There’s a lot more of them than us in here, and once we draw their attention, they’ll overwhelm us with their numbers. Use your connection to the force to shield yourself, and I’ll shield myself, and then as long as we remain perfectly silent, and wait for the front doors to be opened, we can slip out without a problem.” When Killian looked at her with disapproval, she just sighed. “Look, I know that you’ve done a lot of bad stuff and you have a lot of blood on your hands. And I know that you hate yourself for so many things, some that were out of your control, and some that weren’t. But there is absolutely no reason for us to go down swinging when we could slip out of here unnoticed. You could see your son again. You could heal and things will never be the same as they used to be, but they can be a hell of a lot better than they are right now. Please, just trust me on this.”

The man still looked hesitant, but after thinking it over, he nodded once. “Fine. But I really don’t understand why you’re doing this. You claim to know about the awful things I’ve done, so why are you so invested in saving me?”

“Everyone deserves a second chance. I’ve done bad things too, things that I’ll be ashamed of forever, but I can’t just wallow in those things forever. I need to move forward in my life, and do everything I can to make up for what I’ve done. And more importantly, I need to live. Really live. And I want that for you too. So let’s get out of here, and then you can live in a way you haven’t done in a very long time.” She smiled, and then started towards the direction of the main entrance of the building. 

They remained silent after that, not wanting to disrupt the shield of protection that was wrapped around them at the moment, and made their way to their destination as stealthily as possible. Which mostly meant staying close to the walls, and swerving around anyone who was about to walk into them. 

Then they finally reached their exit, and Iris chanced a brief look up at Killian. He looked very wary, but Iris couldn’t really blame him. He’d been imprisoned for a very long time, so it made sense that he’d assume everything that was happening right now was just too good to be true. 

They took a few more steps forward, but then were suddenly thrown back from the force of a huge explosion, which incapacitated all the troopers who’d been standing closest to the doors, and flung back all the rest. Iris felt like her head was going to explode, and she couldn’t hear anything other than an annoying buzzing noise. 

She pushed past the sudden feeling of nausea that filled her, and scrambled to her feet. There was time to be sick later, once they were safely away from here. She looked around until she spotted Killian, who seemed to have been knocked out cold from being slammed against the floor. She scowled at the inconvenience, but knew she had to take advantage of the confusion to get out of here.

Iris grabbed Killian’s arms none too gently, and yanked him up, but he immediately fell back over again. She grit her teeth, determined to get him out of here. She looked around, wondering if there were anything that could help her carry him, and through the wall of fire crackling by the door, she could see Evan standing on the other side, taking shots at the troopers who hadn’t lost consciousness. 

This was a good thing and a bad thing. It was nice that Evan was paving a path for them to escape, but less nice that he had made such a loud statement, that was sure to draw everyone’s attentions to this area. But there was no time to be angry now. There was only time to escape. If she could at least drag Killian to the entrance, then Evan could help her carry him back to the ship from there. 

She left Killian on the ground, but grabbed him by the wrists to drag him across the floor. It was probably a good thing he wasn’t awake, since there’s no way that it could be a comfortable mode of transportation, but it’s not like she had any other options- oh, she was a complete moron, wasn’t she?

There was no point in shielding when everyone had already been made aware of the presence of intruders in the area, so she dropped all the concentration that had been going towards that, and focused on Killian’s limp body instead. She grinned as he rose up off the ground, and while she didn’t want to try to walk and focus at the same time, it was easy enough to direct him towards the exit. 

If Evan was thrown off by the sight of an old, dirty, unkempt man hovering through the air towards him, he didn’t make any indication of it. Instead, he held his arms out to easily catch the man as he dropped down. “Get him to the ship! I’m right behind you!” Her voice managed to carry over the noise of the fire, because Evan nodded, and turned to run. He had Killian awkwardly draped over one shoulder, while he still held his blaster.

Iris only managed to take a couple of steps forward before someone was suddenly grabbing at her, and then a large hand pressed against her forehead. She kicked and elbowed back at whoever had grabbed her, but it didn’t seem to actually do anything, other than cause their grip to tighten, and a moment later, everything went dark.


	40. Chapter 40

It felt strange to wake up from a bout of unconsciousness without the memory of yet another vision on her mind. How long ago had it been since the last time that had happened? Regular sleep didn’t count, she was just trying to think about times she’d been knocked unconscious against her will. It had been a while since that had happened vision free, hadn’t it?

Then she realized that there were probably more important things to worry about if she’d been knocked out, and she slowly opened her eyes, groaning slightly at the headache that all the bright lights in the room made worse. She looked down to take a quick assessment of herself. She didn’t seem to be injured, at least nothing worse than the scrapes and bruises that came from being flung around by an explosion, so that was good. Her hands and legs were strapped down to the table she was lying on, and that was less good. 

She politely asked the force to untie her so that she could escape, but apparently it was tired of helping her so much today already. If it was even the same day. She hoped that Evan had taken his own declaration seriously of fleeing after four hours. He probably didn’t have any other choice anyways, since there’s no way that troopers wouldn’t have chased him and Killian down. But that was fine. Iris was sure she’d find some other way out of here.

When someone cleared their throat, it was the first time Iris was even aware of someone else being in the same room as her. She craned her neck back uncomfortably to get an upside down view of Kylo Ren. It was kind of a jerk move to stand behind her like that when she was tied up like this. “Fancy meeting you again,” she muttered. Why hadn’t he just killed her and been done with it? For that matter, why hadn’t he let her die the last time they’d faced off? Was there really a reason behind his mercy? 

Kylo had a strange look on his face. Iris wouldn’t exactly call herself an expert on the man, since they’d really only met about four or five times now, but she knew enough to know that she had never seen that look on him before. He slowly walked around to stand in front of her, and then pressed a few buttons so that the table tilted up, and Iris didn’t have to hold her head up awkwardly to look at him. “There was a camera in the old man’s cell. You didn’t bother destroying it. Some of what you said was too quiet, but some of it was picked up pretty easily.” He paused for a moment, like he needed time to gather his thoughts. “You clearly know him. At least far more than I do. How is that possible, when he was captured long before your defection? Who is he?”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “Do you really think that I would tell you anything? You and I are not exactly what I’d call friends, you know.”

“I don’t care about the old man. I care about something you said to him. You said something about ‘the pain of Aksha’, didn’t you?”

Iris blinked a few times, but only pressed her lips together in a flat line in response. She wasn’t sure why Kylo would care about Killian’s dead wife, especially when he had no idea who Killian even was. Probably didn’t even know the man’s name. After a long moment, she sighed once. “Why am I here?” At Kylo’s vaguely confused expression, she clarified, “Why am I still alive? I am a traitor, who fought against you to save the lives of your enemies. Why would you keep me alive? After our last fight, you know I can access the force, so you should know that it’s too much of a risk to not just kill me while you have the chance.”

Kylo scowled. “Don’t presume to understand what I need to do to ensure my victory. Now tell me what you meant when you said the name Aksha.”

Iris raised her eyebrows. “What makes you think it’s a name? It could be a weapon, or a vehicle, or a sad book, or really anything.”

There was obviously more to this situation than what Iris currently understood, and that irked her. If she was going to be a prisoner, she at least wanted to know all the facts about what was going on. But just because she wanted to know the facts didn’t mean she actually expected to learn them, which is why it surprised her when Kylo gave her a real answer. “I once knew someone by that name. The universe may be larger than any of us can truly comprehend, but I’ve learned many times over the years that there are no coincidences when it comes to the force. For you to come here, knowing that name, and for the man who’s been held here for years to also know it, that isn’t an accident. Everything is connected.”

For some reason, Iris thought that there almost seemed to be some kind of desperation in Kylo’s voice. But that couldn’t be right, because what the heck could he have to be desperate about? At the moment, he had basically everything he’d ever wanted, right? “Was the Aksha you knew…” she trailed off, not really sure of what she wanted to ask. And not sure of how long Kylo would be in a sharing kind of mood. “Was she important?”

A faraway look came over Kylo, and he nodded slowly. “Yes. Very important. But I don’t- it’s been a long time. I don’t know anything about where she is now, or- but you know, don’t you?”

It was a strange feeling that took Iris a moment to place. She felt pity for this man who was responsible for so much pain and death and destruction. “I-” she cut herself off as she took a moment to think. Would it really be so harmful to tell him Aksha’s fate? She wouldn’t have to tell him a single other thing, about how she was married to the prisoner, or how she had two children, one with the Resistance, and one who’d been lost. She didn’t need to tell him all of the details, just something to give him closure. “I’m really sorry to tell you, but she’s dead. About fourteen or fifteen years ago, I think.”

Kylo’s took in a deep breath that hitched oddly, and then he stepped closer to Iris, staring at her intensely. “That’s more time than I thought,” he muttered. Then he cleared his throat and spoke louder, though it was still pretty quiet compared to the whiny shouts he was capable of unleashing. “How did it happen?”

Maybe it would be going too far to tell him. But maybe it would be a good thing. Iris didn’t want to intentionally hurt Kylo Ren, but if he understood what happened, maybe it would help him understand why he needed to stop. No matter how far he’d gone, he was always capable of turning back. “First Order troopers. They were trying to recruit-”

“She had… kids?” He sounded so disturbed by the idea. “How do you know any of this?”

Iris shrugged, at least she did as close to that as she could with the way she was tied up. “I had visions. From the force. No idea why.”

Kylo slowly sank down so that he was sitting on the floor next to the propped up table, and he pressed his face against his hands. “This is all my fault. How could I have- why wouldn’t she- I promised-”

His shoulders were shaking slightly, and Iris turned her head to try and get a better look at him. “Are you crying?” She never thought she’d see something like the mighty Kylo Ren curled up in a ball on the floor, crying. Was it really possible that the Aksha he knew was the same one that Iris had seen in her visions? She’d thought that the force was trying to lead her to Matt, and maybe it had been, but what if it was also trying to lead her to this moment? To this man who looked so horribly lost for reasons that Iris wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to fully understand.

“Shut up,” he grouched, but it was in too vulnerable a voice to really be taken seriously. He scrubbed at his eyes before looking up at Iris. “Her kids- what happened to them?” Iris shrugged again, and Kylo quickly scrambled back to his feet, though he looked worse than he had when he’d first spoken to Iris. “Don’t lie to me. Tell me where they are.” He didn’t yell, and Iris was genuinely surprised. Even before she’d met the man for herself, she’d heard all the rumors about how quick he was to anger, and how explosive his rage could be. 

Iris stared at Kylo Ren, and wondered how he had become the man he was today. What had happened in his past that could be so horrible it would lead to him being who he was now? General Leia had seemed like a really good person, so it was hard to believe that she’d gone wrong in raising him. But she didn’t think he’d be willing to answer questions about his past. At least not directly. “Why do you care so much? About the kids, I mean?”

Kylo clenched his hands into fists, but Iris was pretty sure at this point that he wasn’t going to try to punch her. “I already told you, Aksha was important. And it can’t be a coincidence that I had such a vivid vision of her very recently. And if her kids- if they’re somewhere in my troops then I’ll find them, and-” It seemed like he was having a lot of trouble coming up with complete sentences today. “Just tell me where they are!” he barked at Iris.

But it would be too much information to tell him about Matt and the Resistance and everything. On the other hand, Killian had searched for his daughter across the galaxy for years and never had any luck, so if Iris wasn’t- well, it was safe to say that that kid was probably too far out of reach for any information about her to matter. “The girl was younger. About a year or so. Her name was Ellie. I don’t know exactly what happened to her, but I know someone searched for her for a long time, and never managed to find her.”

“That’s all you know?” Iris didn’t respond, because she found that she really didn’t want to tell more lies. So much of her life had been built around lies, and she was really tired of that. “Useless,” Kylo spat. “How am I even supposed to-” he cut himself off for what felt like the thousandth time, and then he looked at Iris curiously. “How old are you? Fifteen or so, right? And you came here when you were a baby. And you had visions of Aksha. It sounds too insane to say out loud, and yet, there are no coincidences when it comes to the force.”

Iris looked at Kylo Ren like he was crazy. For all she knew, maybe he really was. “Maybe there aren’t coincidences with the force, but that doesn’t mean that they just don’t exist at all. Some things are just coincidences.”

Apparently Kylo wasn’t paying much attention to Iris’ words, and instead, he just kept staring at her intensely. “She had a lightsaber that belonged to her grandfather, which means the force is strong in her family. And you have the same eyes. I don’t know how I never noticed that before.”

Iris had never really gotten a close enough look at Aksha’s face in any of her visions to even guess what color her eyes were. Kylo could just be making things up now, in an attempt to force all the facts to fit together. Though if she really did have Aksha’s eyes, then Iris could tell exactly when in Kylo’s life he’d known the woman. In that picture Evan and Elise had stolen, the older looking girl with the eyepatch and the lightsaber, her remaining eye had been a bright blue similar to Iris’. The hair wasn’t the same color as the Aksha she’d seen in her visions, but as she thought about it, she could recall more similarities between the two, and wondered how she hadn’t noticed it the moment she’d first laid eyes on that picture. But even if they were the same Aksha, that didn’t mean that there was any connection to Iris, besides the fact that she’d had visions. But those could’ve just as easily been about Killian, since he was the one that Iris had been tasked with saving. “Sorry, but I don’t think that’s really enough proof of anything. I’m not-”

Kylo waved a hand to brush aside Iris’ words. “You said that the child was only about a year old. If that was you, you wouldn’t be old enough to remember it anyways. And your file doesn’t list the identity of either of your parents. But there’s still a way to figure it out. The other child- where are they?”

Iris shook her head. “Look, I’m sorry that your friend died, but projecting craziness everywhere isn’t going to help with anything. Maybe you just need some time to think and get used to mourn the loss of your friend. You’d probably have better luck doing that on your own, so if you could just let me go now, I would really appreciate it.”

“From the first time I saw you, I felt a connection between us. It’s why I didn’t let them get rid of you after your first escape attempt. Something in me said that it would be wrong. Maybe that was Aksha telling me that. Maybe that was her asking me to protect you the way I couldn’t protect her. It doesn’t make any sense, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense.” After a few seconds of silence passed, he suddenly reached over towards Iris, and she fought the urge to flinch back. He didn’t try to hurt her, though. He just pressed some buttons, and then Iris’ limbs were free, and she slid down off the inclined table before Kylo caught her and helped her get her balance. “Who was the man you rescued? I asked him many times, but he’d never tell me who he is.”

Iris sighed. “I’m not going to tell you either. What difference does it make anyways?”

Kylo frowned thoughtfully. “There has to be a reason for everything.” He turned tilted his head. “I never told her so, because I was still just a kid and I didn’t think she’d take me seriously, but I thought I was going to marry her someday. But instead of us getting to spend forever together, she was forced to go back to a shitty father and she didn’t have anyone to help her get over some of the things she’d seen. I thought she planned to kill herself as soon as she returned the lightsaber she’d taken.”

It was hard to match that description to the person she’d seen in her visions, but she could understand the disliking her father bit, based on what little Iris had seen of the man before Aksha had left home. “Maybe she was planning on it, or maybe she wasn’t, but she met someone when she got back home. They ran away together.”

Even though he’d already been told that Aksha had kids, somehow it must not have occurred to Kylo that that would involve someone else in her life. He grit his teeth at the thought. “She got away with some other asshole, and didn’t even try to come back and see me?”

Iris shrugged. “Look, I don’t know much about her motivations or thoughts or feelings. All I knew about is the few brief glimpses I got from my visions. I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m sorry.”

He surged forward to grab her shoulders, and his grip was tight enough that Iris thought she might be left with hand-shaped bruises. “Tell me the truth. I have to know. Are you Aksha’s child?”

Iris shoved at Kylo Ren’s chest, and even though she found it difficult to use the force, the fact that she took him by surprise was enough to get him to let go of her and take a step back. “I don’t know, okay? I had a vision of Aksha’s spouse and older kid getting away, and that’s the last I know of it! I’m not an idiot; I didn’t think that I was having those specific visions for no reason at all. I’ve had a lot of thoughts going through my head lately. Don’t you think that I would love to know the truth for myself? Don’t you think that I want to know who I am?” She crossed her arms over her chest, and took in a deep breath so that she could relax enough to talk in a calm voice. “I don’t think it’s possible that you could want answers any more than I do.”

“Then why don’t we find those answers together? Who was the man you rescued? What does he know of Aksha and her family? Let’s go find him right now, and learn everything that we’re desperate to know!”

There was no temptation in the offer, because Iris was pretty sure that Killian would be willing to cooperate with her even without being threatened by Kylo Ren. And he probably wouldn’t even feel all that threatened anyways, considering the fact that he had spent years being tortured, and had yet to crack. “No. Why can’t you just leave the past where it is? Why do you care so much about Aksha or her kids? You haven’t seen her in years, and she could’ve been an entirely different person by the time she died.”

“So I’m to leave the past alone, but you’re allowed to press for answers?”

Iris shrugged. “Maybe if you didn’t work for a bunch of kidnapping slime balls, neither of us would be standing here right now. Do you think Aksha would be proud of the things she’s done? Because the woman I saw in my visions was a good woman who cared about other people, and would’ve never been okay with you being this way. You’re a murderer and a coward and almost everyone in this galaxy hates you. And I’m not going to pretend to understand how you got to this point, but I-” She suddenly dropped to her knees and reached up to press her hands against the sides of her head. “Really? Now? Not when I was unconscious like twenty minutes ago?” She was vaguely aware of Kylo Ren crouched down next to her, looking at her with concern, but she knew better to fight this feeling, and let herself slip into her next vision.


	41. Chapter 41

_“Okay, fine, but you have to promise that you won’t laugh at me,” Iris said in a warning tone._

_Matt’s eyes widened, and he gasped to show how offended he was. “Me? Laughing at you? I would never do such a thing. I can’t believe that you would deign to accuse me of it.”_

_Iris rolled her eyes. “Whatever, loser. Just take a few steps back and let me do my thing.” She stretched her arms all the way out in front of herself so that she could lace her fingers together and crack her knuckles. Then she abruptly whirled around to look at the baby sitting on the ground, staring up at the two adults like they were crazy. “Ready, little girl?” The baby said nothing, and a moment later, slowly rose up into the air._

_It seemed to take the child a few seconds to realize what had happened, but then she began squirming around and letting out loud bouts of laughter. Matt clapped his hands together slowly. “This is really impressive and all, but it’s not what I asked for. Come on, it’s my birthday, so you have to do what I say.”_

_Iris let out a sigh of mock exasperation, and then nodded. “I know, I know, I was just making sure that the little one would be okay first.” Then she raised her arms, palms facing up, and a few seconds later, every single person in the background, along with Matt and Iris herself, were lifted up into the air. Iris had a look of intense concentration on her face, while Matt looked like he was trying to contain the laughter brought on by her expression._

_When a sharp voice rang out a moment later, both Matt and Iris started cackling. “What the hell is going on here?” Ben had a look of disbelief on his face that only got the troublemakers to laugh even harder. “Put everyone down right this second!”_

_Iris very carefully lowered everyone back to the ground. All of the other adults were looking around in confusion, not understanding what had caused that brief moment of mass levitation. “Relax, Ben. Everyone’s fine. You’d think that you’d trust me with the force by now.”_

_Ben stormed forward to scoop the baby girl off the ground, ignoring the way she bit into his shirt sleeve, getting it soggy with her spit. “You know it’s not like that. Though leaving a baby lying around on the ground doesn’t exactly scream ‘trustworthy’ to me. But you shouldn’t be exerting yourself so much.” He nodded towards Iris’ protruding stomach, as if she wouldn’t understand what he was talking about without a hint._

_Without thinking, Iris cupped one hand over her stomach to rub in soothing circles. “Don’t be such a spoilsport. Maybe you still have trouble believing it, but size isn’t supposed to matter when it comes to the force. I should be able to move an entire planet out of rotation with the same ease that I can lift a piece of silverware.”_

_“Nobody’s ever actually proven that theory yet. And either way, you shouldn’t even be lifting silverware. The doctor said that using the force at all until that child is out of you would be too straining.”_

_Matt took a step forward, positioning himself almost protectively between Iris and Ben. “Come on, it’s my birthday, don’t go making things all serious and weird on today of all days. And the only person who should be getting so worked up over Iris’ pregnancy is herself.”_

_Iris snorted. “Well, I guess the kid can worry about it a little bit. You know, since they’re the one who’s going to be born.”_

_“I still don’t think that a pregnancy is a good idea for you at all. I understand wanting to pass down a legacy, but I’m pretty sure Matt has done more than his fair share to continue the family line.” He gently rocked the baby in his arms as evidence._

_Iris shrugged. “Well I think that I’m going to be a fantastic mother, thank you very much.” Then she turned to look at Matt. “Did you set up any fun party games? Right now this place feels so dull. And do you have any booze?” At Ben’s nearly murderous look, she let out a loud laugh. “I’m joking, I’m just joking. Not that I think a few sips would really hurt anyone, but there are children in attendance here.”_

_“And my wife,” Matt pointed out. “who would kill me if any of my kids got interested in drinking.”_

_Iris shrugged again. “Hey, Katya is already seven. Plenty old enough to start drinking in my book.”_

_When Matt lightly cuffed the back of her head, she laughed again. Then Matt reached out to pluck his most recent child out of Ben’s arms. “Let’s just enjoy the party as it is. Alcohol free.”_

_Before Iris could make a witty retort, Evan somehow managed to squeeze himself into the conversation without anyone noticing, and he made one for her. “So are you saying this is a virgin party? Because I’m pretty sure that he’s the only virgin here,” he thumbed towards Ben._

_Ben’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to think of anything to say in his own defense, but it mostly just made him look like a stupid fish. Iris gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder as Evan grabbed Katya out of Matt’s arms and then dashed away, forcing the other man to chase after him in order to rescue his daughter._

_With those two gone, Ben and Iris were left alone, far enough away from the rest of the party to not be bothered by the general rabble. There was a long moment of silence, though it didn’t really feel awkward. It had been a long time since Iris had figured out that it was mostly just tiring to let things stay awkward between her and Ben. Finally, though, Ben broke the silence as he softly cleared his throat. “I actually wasn’t planning on coming today. I know Matt only invited me because you asked him to. That seems to be a common theme to most of events and outings that involve your friends and family. They’re never going to really trust me, you know. There’s not much point in trying to make them.”_

_“Well, to be fair, you’ve done a lot of really shitty things,” she pointed out in an almost cheerful voice._

_Ben sighed. “I know. Believe me, I know. But I didn’t come here to complain about how I’ve got no friends, or whatever. I just thought I’d let you know that I’m going to be off-planet for a while. There’s still so many reparations left to pay, and I’m not going to be able to do anything while I’m here. I figured that you’re probably the only one who would notice I’m gone, so now you know.”_

_Iris narrowed her eyes, and put her hands on her hips. “And here I was, letting myself think that you’d actually changed.”_

_“What- what are you talking about?” Ben spluttered. “I’m leaving to help people! What else could you want from me?”_

_Iris shook her head. “You’re leaving because you’re a coward. Everyone here has suffered at your hands, and you can’t stand to face them because you’d hoped for immediate forgiveness, and then everyone would move on. That’s not how the universe works, though, and you know it. There are plenty of others out there paying their dues to make up for what they’ve done. You’re not needed there. You’re needed here. And just so you know, Matt is the one who chose to invite you to his party. Don’t go around assuming that you know how everyone else is feeling. And don’t make today all about you, either. It’s his birthday.”_

_Ben stared at the younger woman incredulously, and this his shoulders slumped down as he let out a sigh of defeat. “I get the feeling that if I try to leave, you’ll just blow my ship up or something.”_

_“And you wouldn’t want me to strain myself like that, would you?” Iris asked in a teasing tone._

_Ben offered up a small smile. “No, I wouldn’t.” He cleared his throat once, and then his smile grew even more. “So you said something about party games?”_

_He gulped nervously at the vicious grin that took over Iris’ face. “Prepare to get your butt totally kicked!” Then she grabbed his arm to tug him over to where the other party guests were. His smile grew a little bit at Iris’ excitement, and he made sure to keep pace with the woman so that she wouldn’t let go of him._

Iris’ eyes snapped open and she let out a little gasp at the shock of what she’d just seen. A moment later, she realized that she was sprawled across the floor, and when she turned her head to the side, she could see that Kylo Ren was also lying on the ground. He groaned softly, and then slowly sat up, reaching back to gingerly press against the back of his head, where it must’ve slammed into the ground. 

“Did you see that too?” Iris asked softly. “If you did, that would be the second time we shared a vision, or whatever you want to call that.” Then Iris thought back to the first time that had happened, when she’d been fighting Kylo Ren. Hadn’t that been a vision about Killian and Aksha? “How come you didn’t recognize her the first time?”

Kylo Ren gave her an irritated look, and he still seemed a bit dazed. Maybe he wasn’t as used to having visions at any inopportune moment the way that Iris was. “What are you talking about?”

She narrowed her eyes. “When we were fighting and I saw a vision of Aksha and her… of Aksha. Didn’t you see that too? Why didn’t you recognize her?” Or Killian, now that she really thought about it.

Kylo Ren shook his head. “I know there’s no such thing as coincidences with the force, but clearly we were having different visions at the same exact time. What I saw was some brat playing card games with my mother. The brat looked kind of like you, actually, but was definitely a boy. What did you see this time?”

Now Iris wasn’t so sure it would be a good idea to discuss her vision. She’d never seen anything like it before, and the idea of her and Kylo Ren ever being such close friends seemed completely implausible, even if the vision did seem to take place at least ten years or so from now. “Nothing important,” she mumbled. “What about you?”

As soon as she asked, she could see an almost haunted look flit past Kylo’s features, and he scooted back so that he was leaning up against the wall. “I saw the future. I was the ruler of everything, and everyone bowed down before me. They were all gathered to witness a public execution of all the key players of the Resistance.” Then he pressed his lips together in a flat line, even though there was clearly more to the vision than just that.

Iris decided not to push her luck by asking more about it. “Don’t get mad, but my vision was like the complete opposite of yours. It was the future, but…” she trailed off as she thought about how to word everything. “We were all friends at a party. You were there too, I mean. And of course I’m way too young to think about having children or anything right now, but in my vision I was pregnant. It seems insane, doesn’t it?”

For some reason, that only seemed to make Kylo look even more upset. “You could have a child someday?” he asked softly.

“I guess. I mean, I hadn’t really given it much thought before since your stormtroopers aren’t exactly encouraged to fraternize with one another, but I am a female and I am in good health so I don’t see why I couldn’t.”

Kylo hummed under his breath, then slowly got up to his feet, reaching down to offer a hand of assistance for Iris. She accepted the hand, and let the man pull her up to her own feet. They both stood there awkwardly for a moment before Kylo spoke. “You asked me why you’re still alive, but you didn’t return the favor. Why didn’t you let me be killed when you had the chance? I am the bane of your existence, am I not?”

Iris snorted. “Sounds like someone has a pretty big ego.” She wasn’t really sure what else she could say, though. Why hadn’t she let him be killed? Why hadn’t she tried harder to really hurt him? “You did save my life once,” she begins with uncertainty. “Maybe I was just returning the favor?” It didn’t escape either of their notice that she sounded more like she was asking a question than providing an answer.

“A connection between us,” Kylo said softly. “Is it really possible for Aksha to do so much when she wasn’t even force sensitive? It seems outlandish to believe, especially considering the fact that she never even tried to contact me after escaping her father, and yet, I’m hard pressed to think of anything else that could explain just what we are.”

Iris shrugged. “Why are you trying so hard to find some kind of neat and tidy little explanation? Can’t it be as simple as us both seeing the potential for… friendship with one another?” The word felt so strange in her mouth, knowing that it was in reference to Kylo Ren of all people. “The force showed us two different futures, and in mine we were friends, so why can’t it be possible that that is the future that will really happen?”

Kylo scowled. “It just isn’t.”

“Fine. You can sit around here moping about a future that may or may not happen, or keep obsessing over our mysterious connection. I’m leaving.” She turned to leave the small room, and that seemed to prompt the other man into action.

He grabbed Iris’ wrist far too tightly for comfort. “And just where the hell do you think you’re going?”

Iris couldn’t help letting out a slightly exasperated sigh. “I think we’ve already covered the fact that neither of us are going to kill the other, and I’m also not going to team up with you in any way, or share any important information with you. So your only choices are to throw me into the same prison that I just helped spring someone out of, or let me go. It’s not like you’ve told me any important secrets that I could share with the Resistance anyways, so what difference does it make?”

Kylo’s eyes widened, and his grip on Iris’ wrist tightened even more. “It matters,” he said in a gruff voice. At least when you’re here, I know that you’re safe.”

Iris arched one eyebrow, and looked deliberately down to where he was holding her arm in a painful grasp. He let go of her a moment later, but didn’t try to step back. “In the kind of universe we live in, in the kind of universe that you helped to create, no one’s ever really safe anywhere, so I don’t think it should matter to you if I go off and do whatever I want, far away from here. Even if I am Aksha’s daughter- which we have literally no evidence to support! I wouldn’t want to stay and watch you destroy everything that I care about. Maybe you’re just trying to protect me out of guilt or misplaced obligation towards someone who you haven’t even seen in decades, but no matter what it is that you’re doing here, just stop. I don’t want to be associated with you. Maybe you’ll end up making the future I saw come true, but until I see proof of that happening, I’m safest if I stay as far away from you as possible.”

Kylo looked shocked, even though he had to have people declaring their hatred for him all the time. Iris wasn’t sure why her declaration would be any different than any of the others. Then again, she didn’t really know why he’d saved her life, and been stopped by the thought of her killing herself back during their fight. His theory about Aksha trying to guide them through the force seemed like total garbage. Even if she was around, the same way Leia and the other two were, it wouldn’t make any sense for her to push Iris towards someone as unstable and evil and dangerous as Kylo Ren, whether they were related or not.

Apparently she had really, really shocked Kylo Ren, because he didn’t make any move to stop her this time when she marched out of the room with her head held high. As soon as she turned a corner so that she would be out of his sight, she cloaked herself in the force, making sure that she would be very difficult to spot, and then she began heading for the nearest trash chute. With no one else to worry about, she could easily shimmy down on her own, and hopefully find a way out of here. If it weren’t for the fact that they’d been successful in rescuing Killian, Iris would probably say that it had been a complete waste of time to come here.


	42. Chapter 42

It was surprisingly easy to hijack an unwatched ship from the hundreds that were just lying around the base. Iris wasn’t an idiot, and dismantled all the tracking technology she could find, but decided it would still be safest to stop at a completely random planet to pick up a new ship anyways. She didn’t want to be the one who stupidly led the Order straight to the Resistance’s new doors, or even to Evan and Elise and Matt and Killian. 

As she headed somewhere neutral to pick up a new ship, Iris realized what a complete and utter moron Evan was. He’d said that if they weren’t both back on the ship within four hours, whichever one had made it back should leave, but he’d never thought to suggest a place where they might meet up afterwards. Dammit. She could just head back to the Resistance, and hope that Evan had thought to go there since it’s where he sent Elise and Matt.

She ended up landing the Order’s ship a little ways outside of a town so that she could totally destroy it without risking any random people getting hurt. Then she made her way to the town, and left a brief letter of apology to the person who’s ship she stole, and then used the force to grab some rations while a shopkeeper was distracted. Whoever owned the ship should be happy to know that it was going to be used to help save the galaxy, though she got the feeling they’d mostly just feel pissed off. Maybe in the future, when everything was over, she would come back and offer some compensation for the stolen ship and food. For now, though, she had more important things on her mind.

Iris set the coordinates for the Resistance, but decided to travel at a normal speed instead of hyper jumping it, because she needed time to think, and didn’t want to just show up. She already knew that going back to the Resistance would basically feel like running home with her tail tucked between her legs, and if it turned out that stupid Evan had gone elsewhere, then it would be a waste of perfectly good dignity to return to the Resistance for any amount of time.

As the ship moved slowly through the vast emptiness of space, Iris looked around the small cabin to see how much room she had to work with. There really wasn’t much at all. Just the main area with the piloting console and a single chair, and a cramped little bathroom. Clearly this thing hadn’t been designed for long trips. But Iris wasn’t going to stop elsewhere and steal yet another ship. Despite her upbringing, she did have some morals. And there was the fact that she really didn’t need anything slowing her down before she could find Evan and Killian.

There was no bed, or anywhere cushioned, on the ship, so Iris knew she’d just have to make do. She pulled her legs up and crossed them on the seat, and then rested her arms on her knees while she closed her eyes. She silently begged the force to show her where Evan and Killian were. She was pretty sure that this wasn’t going to actually work, but it was worth a shot. The force had shown her where to find Killian already, so why would it erase all her hard work just by freezing her out now?

But no visions appeared even after Iris had been sitting perfectly still for several hours. She used to have more patience, it had been trained into her years ago during sniper training, but these days, that was about as long as Iris could bear to sit still. Even though there really wasn’t any space, she got up and walked in slow circles around the pilot’s chair, bumping her hip into the console everytime she walked past it. 

After a while, she stopped her pacing, because it was making her dizzy to walk around in such a tight circle, and she leaned forward over the console to stare out the window. She could see the stars go by in faint blurs, though they weren’t anywhere close to being the long blue streaks that they looked like when traveling at hyper speeds. She wondered if the force was out there too, swirling around all the various chemicals and gases. Was that why it had no time to show her what she wanted? It was stretched too thin to cover every inch of the universe?

Iris still wasn’t entirely sure of how the force actually worked. Sometimes, she was certain that when she did things, it came from a power inside of her. Other times, she felt like the force was some sort of living being that existed everywhere simultaneously. And it’s not like there was anyone left around to teach her about it. Rey was an amateur with all things related to the force still, and Killian had only gotten a few months of formal training before running away. Leia had possibly been force sensitive, but if she was, no one ever talked about it, and the woman was dead now anyways. That left maybe Kylo Ren, but Iris definitely didn’t want to ask him for help with anything ever. 

She sighed, and sat back down in the pilot’s seat. She got back into her meditative pose. “Hey, so I don’t really know how all this force stuff works,” she said quietly, feeling a little foolish to be talking out loud to nobody, while at the same time hoping that the force might actually hear her. “If you are like a living thing, why do you only help certain people? And if it’s like a magic power that some people just happen to be born with, then why me? But that’s not really that important at the moment. Right now, I just want to be able to find Evan and Killian so that I can meet up with them. The last time Evan saw me I was being captured, so he’s probably pretty worried. And I have about a million questions for Killian. Is he my father? Do you even know something like that? There must be a reason you showed me all those visions of him and his wife, right? Or was it just for the sole purpose of leading me to Matt?” She tilted her head. “No, that wouldn’t make sense, because you kept showing me those even after Matt and I were definitely working together. Was it to help create a connection with Kylo Ren? Because that guy is definitely more than a little insane. If you do choose who to bless, why the heck would you choose him of all people? He’s just bad news, no matter what you try to show me the future could be like. He told me himself that he isn’t going to change. That he wants the future you showed him where everyone’s dead and he’s the last one left standing. Is that really what you want?” She paused for a moment, as if she were actually waiting for a response to her questions.

Of course there was no answer to anything Iris was saying. She sighed, and slowly opened her eyes, staring out the window. She furrowed her eyebrows when she saw a planet passing by somewhere off to the side. They’d been nowhere near a planet. She glanced down at the console to check the current coordinates, and saw that they were already more than halfway to the Resistance. 

She wanted to ask what the hell was going on, since she was understandably confused, until she saw the time. Several hours had passed since she’d gone back to meditating after pacing around. Her eyes widened in surprise, and she looked up at the ceiling. She wasn’t sure why, but it looking up felt like the right thing to do to talk to the force. “You did this, didn’t you? Got me to take a nap or something so that I wouldn’t change the coordinates away from the Resistance? So that’s your answer? That’s where Evan and Killian are? Or maybe I was just too tired and fell asleep on my own. Hell if I know. Guess it doesn’t really matter much now. I’m already so close to the Resistance that it would be stupid to turn away without even checking to see if that’s where everyone is.”

She sighed, and went back to pacing around the chair for a little while. She ate some of the food she’d stolen, and then faintly dozed off for a bit. Even if she’d just slept for a couple of hours, apparently she was still tired.

And when she woke up, she could see the Resistance coming up right in front of her. She quickly got on the radio so that she could explain who she was as soon as someone asked her to. But strangely enough, there were no calls on the radio for her to identify herself, and she landed down near all the other ships. As soon as she got out, she was knocked to the ground, and she was ready to start struggling and fighting, until she realized that it was just Matt, and he’d just given Iris the most aggressive hug she’d ever experienced before.

After a few seconds, he got to his feet, and offered his hand down to Iris to pull her up as well. She accepted it, glad that Matt seemed so happy to see her, though she had no idea how he’d known that she’d be coming right at this moment. As soon as she was standing steadily, Matt suddenly threw forward and punched her in the face. Iris was used to taking punches, though, and it didn’t do much more than hurt like a bitch. 

She scowled at him as she reached up to cup the stinging skin. “What the hell was that for?”

“What do you think?” Matt hissed angrily. “Sending me back here even though I was perfectly willing to fight by your side? And then getting yourself captured while rescuing my useless father? As if he could possibly be more important than you? I thought you were going to be tortured for life, or killed, and that I’d never see you again! Don’t you dare ever do that again, you asshole. You can’t just make decisions that affect someone else’s life like that. I wanted to go with you.”

Iris knew that she couldn’t really say anything to that that would excuse her actions, and she didn’t want to earn another punch from Matt, so she stayed silent. She couldn’t blame him for being upset. She’d be pretty pissed if someone had ever done that to her. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I promise it won’t happen again.”

“It better not. I’ve never punched anyone in my life before, and it didn’t feel that great, so I’m really not looking forward to having to do it again.”

Iris smiled, and then leaned forward to give Matt another hug. “It was pretty good for a first time, but if you want I can teach you how to throw a proper punch.”

Matt pulled away from Iris, and then reached out to ruffle up her hair. “Nah. I prefer to be a pacifist, I think.” Then a more serious look took over his face. “Are you ready to see Killian? He’s in the infirmary right now, but he’s well enough to be awake and talking.”

Somehow Iris had almost forgotten that she’d come here specifically to find out if Evan and Killian were okay. “So I take it that means Evan got back here in one piece?”

“Yeah. Though I was pretty pissed off when you weren’t with him, and he said that you were still back with the Order. I was so mad that I couldn’t even think about the fact that after over a decade, I can see my dad whenever I want. Truthfully, though, I haven’t actually been in to see him yet.”

He sounded nervous, and Iris furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Why not? I’d think you’d be ecstatic to get him back.” Wasn’t the reason she’d gone through all that trouble in the first place because she thought giving Matt his dad back would make him happy?

Matt sighed. “Part of it’s because when I think about how he chose to stay away when I was a kid, I can’t being afraid that I might just punch him as soon as I see him. Part of it’s because in my memories he’s always been this strong guy, and I’m afraid to see him now when he’s going to be weak and older. And part of it’s because you and I set out to find him together, and no matter what answers he might have to our questions, I just know that it wouldn’t be right to go in and see him without you. We’re in this thing together, and we have been from the start.”

Iris smiled. “Then let’s go see your dad. And if you do decide to punch him in the face, I would one-hundred percent support you in that, and am even willing to offer up my own fantastic face-punching services.” Matt let out a weak smile, and then linked his arm with one of Iris’ so that he could lead her to the infirmary. “I’m actually a little nervous about this,” she admitted once they were closer. “I know that in the end the majority of people here decided that I should be set free, and it’s not like I was banished or anything like that. But how can I really face them? I betrayed everyone, managed to make enough friends to stick up for me, got voted not guilty, or as close to that as I could get after literally confessing to my crimes, and then ran off as soon as they unlocked my cuffs. Truthfully, I was almost hoping that Evan had chosen to go somewhere other than here, so that I wouldn’t have to come back.”

Matt couldn’t hide the hurt look, and he separated his arm from Iris’. “But you knew that I’d be here, right? You just wanted to run off and never see me again?”

Iris quickly shook her head. “It wasn’t about you! I swear to the force, whatever I was thinking when I was looking for Evan, it had absolutely nothing to do with you.” She frowned after a long moment of silence passed between them. “Speaking of Evan, if he said that he’d seen me get captured, how did you know it was going to be me in that ship?”

Matt shrugged, still looking a little upset. “Rey said that she saw you come back here in a vision. I might not have any business with the force but I’m not going to go out of my way to not believe you guys, when you haven’t been proven wrong yet.” They finally reached the infirmary, managing not to pass any other rebels on the way, and Matt reached out to gently grab Iris’ arm before they could actually go in. “I can’t believe I almost forgot to thank you. No matter how mad I am about how you went about things, that doesn’t change the fact that you saved my dad’s life. But I don’t owe you anything for that because of how many years you took off me while I was busy being worried sick about you,” he quickly added.

“That’s fair,” Iris told him with a small smile. Then she gestured to the building, which had apparently been completed at some point during Iris’ absence. In fact, when she peered past the infirmary, she could see many other solid buildings, and very few tents left behind. She was glad that the Resistance was able to make an actual place to live, rather than just bumming around like a bunch of campers or something.

They entered the building, and Matt led Iris up to the second floor, and down a long hallway until they reached a room with a closed door. Both of them seemed to hesitate at the same time, before Matt seemed to force himself to reach out and push the button for the door to slide aside. 

Then they entered the room, which was pretty peaceful other than the soft beeping noises that sounded like they were coming from somewhere in the distance. Killian was lying on the bed in the center of the room, and he looked a lot better than he had during the rescue. His long gross facial hair had been completely shaved away, he’d been cleaned off all the grime and blood, and changed into clean pajamas. 

He turned his head as soon as he heard the door open, and he seemed to spot Iris first. He must’ve recognized her from the rescue, because he didn’t have any outward reaction to her being there, and then his eyes slid over to Matt. He quickly moved to sit up in the bed, and Matt hurried forward to help him, propping the older man up with a few pillows so that he wouldn’t have to hold himself up with his own strength yet.

When that was done, Matt slowly sank down into the chair next to the bed, while Iris remained where she was, standing awkwardly by the door. She felt like she was intruding in on a private family moment, but neither of the men had told her to get out, and she didn’t want to let Matt down, so she just stayed there. 

Matt reached out to gently take one of Killian’s hands. “Dad. You look awful.” He was clearly trying to create a more light-hearted atmosphere. 

Killian snorted. “Thanks. You always know just what to say to cheer a guy up.”

Matt’s face fell, and he pulled his hand away from Killian’s. “It’s not like I’d know what would actually cheer you up. Or anything about you at all. It’s pretty hard to know someone when they completely abandon you.”

For a moment, it looked like Killian was going to argue, but then he just sighed. “You’re right. And I doubt I know you all that well after all this time either. I’ll be the first to admit that I made mistakes, but I… you seemed happy with the Resistance. Everytime I called, all you’d talk about was how amazing the general is.”

“Was,” Matt corrected in a hard voice. “She’s dead now. And the only reason I didn’t talk about anything else was because I didn’t know anything else. You’re the one who thought that it would actually be okay to root around inside my head and take away my memories of someone I cared about. And to make me feel so unbothered by Mom’s death. What gave you the right to do that?”

Killian’s eyes flicked over to Iris for a moment, and she knew he was wondering if she’d lied when she’d said that Matt still wanted to see him. She hadn’t thought that it was a lie, but then again, she couldn’t have known how Matt would react to seeing his father again after so much time. She stepped forward and put a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Hey. I know you kinda want to punch him in the face, but I think you’d regret not at least getting through a civil conversation with the guy.”

Matt sighed and nodded, but before he could speak, Killian did, while looking back and forth between Iris and Matt. “So are you two together?”

Iris immediately yanked her hand away from Matt like she’d been burned, and they let out nearly simultaneous gagging noises. “Ew! No way! We’re basically brother and sister!”

Killian blinked once, and then tilted his head. “You do look awfully similar,” he mused softly. Then he looked straight at Iris. “How did you know where to find me? I was there for years, I think, and no one ever found me down there, but you did, so how’d you know I was there?”

“The force showed me,” she told him honestly. “It’s showed me a lot of things since I discovered that it even exists.” She gave Matt an uncertain look, and he nodded once before taking over talking for her.

He cleared his throat. “Iris found me because she kept having visions about you and Mom when you were a lot younger. She’s the one who helped me get back my memories of Ellie. And we don’t really know for sure, but we…” he trailed off, and Iris couldn’t blame him. This was such a strange situation. But he was the one who knew Killian best, so she remained quiet, and waited for him to continue. “We have a theory. And no matter whether it’s true or not, I’ll always think of Iris as my sister, but I can’t help thinking that maybe she’s actually my biological sister. The timing lines up with how long she’s been with the Order, and she’s force sensitive, and she looks a lot like me, and has Mom’s eyes, and had all those visions about you-”

Killian held up one hand to cut Matt off. “What the hell are you talking about that she’s been with the Order?”

“What do you think?” Matt snapped. “You weren’t able to protect your family, and the only reason the troopers destroyed our home and family is because they were looking for new recruits!” 

He sounded so angry on Iris’ behalf, so she forced herself to speak in a calm voice, hoping it would calm him down as well. “Remember when you first saw me, by the waterfall, I did tell you that you’d hear things about me that might piss you off. That would include the fact that I was a stormtrooper cadet for as long as I can remember. Top of my class and everything. It’s a long story, but basically I originally joined the Resistance to spy on them for the Order, until I realized my mistake, and very clearly quit the Order.”

It was Matt’s turn to look confused. “What do you mean when you said ‘when he first saw you by the waterfall’? Is there a waterfall in the Order base?”

Iris let out a small laugh. “No. Before Evan and I reached the base, I worried that I wouldn’t be able to convince Killian to come with me quickly enough, so I meditated on it, and ended up basically having a vision of him in the past, where I told him to remember me.”

“The girl with a missing ear is at least a little memorable, I’ll give you that.” Killian told her. Then he reached out cautiously, and after a moment, Iris realized what he wanted, so she reached out as well, and let Killian hold her hand. The man closed his eyes, and after a few seconds, they snapped open again as he let out a soft gasp. “I hadn’t gotten the chance to look before; it hadn’t even occurred to me that I might want to. But your force signature is unmistakable. You really are my Ellie.”

Even though this was the answer Iris had been searching for for ages, and was what both her and Matt had suspected to be the truth, it still felt like getting run over by a train to actually get that confirmation from Killian himself. She sank down so she was seated on the edge of the bed, staring off at nothing as she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that it was all true. She was really Matt’s brother, and for some reason, her and Kylo Ren did have a connection through knowing Aksha.

Matt must’ve been able to read at least some of the emotions flitting over her face, because he leaned forward to pull her into a hug. “Hey, it’s okay. You finally found your family, huh? Only took a little bit of hardship to get here and all. And now that I officially know I’m your older brother, you know I have to make it my life’s mission to make you miserable all the time, right? It’s in the job description.”

Iris laughed, and that’s when she realized that she was actually crying. She really was some kind of crybaby. How had she managed to hold in her tears in all those years of harsh training? “And I’ll have to make you miserable too,” she told Matt in a watery voice. “It’s all part of the job, right?”

Killian just sat there with a helpless expression on his face as he watched his children reunite, feeling like he wasn’t a part of their family at all. And what right did he have to say that he was their family? He’d spent so long searching for his daughter when she’d been so close all along. And he really had abandoned Matt. He didn’t deserve to call himself a father.

Which is why he was so surprised when he felt a sudden weight around his neck, and realized that Iris had lunged over to give him a hug. Matt seemed just as surprised, but then he scooted over to wrap his arms around both Killian and Iris. It was probably one of the most awkward family hugs ever, but since it was also Iris’ only official family hug, she didn’t have much to compare it to. 

Sure, everything was so strange right now, and she had no idea why Kylo Ren seemed to intent on figuring out his connection to Iris, and she knew nothing of Killian besides what she’d seen in her visions, and she had no idea what condition the Resistance was in because she’d all but abandoned it as soon as she got the chance. But Iris had the feeling that everything was going to work out just fine.


	43. Chapter 43

“Yes, I am absolutely positive that you are not force-sensitive, Matt,” Rey said with an apologetic little shrug.

Matt sighed. “It’s not really fair. My dad and sister and grandfather are all one with the force, but I’m not? What did I ever do to the force to make it want to shun me?”

Iris laughed, and leaned over to punch Matt in the shoulder. “That’s not how it works, idiot.”

“As if you’d know anything about how the force works,” Matt muttered before sticking his tongue out at Iris.

Rey gently pushed her staff into the space between the two siblings and used it to swat them away from each other. “So it turns out you share blood and suddenly you can’t get through a single day without acting like the most stereotypical brother and sister possible?”

Matt shook his head. “It’s not like that. We were siblings even before we knew that we were related, if that makes any sense.”

“Not really,” Rey laughed. “But whatever works for you two, I guess.” Then she turned her focus on Iris. “So did you try out those exercises that I recommended to you?”

Iris groaned. “Ugh, no. They were impossible to do when I was sitting right next to, so there’s no way I was going to be able to get any of them done on my own.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe my sister is the one lucky enough to have the force, but she’s just going to let it be wasted away instead of putting in the effort to train and actually get good at using it.”

Even though she could tell he was just teasing based on the tone of his voice, Iris couldn’t help feeling like Matt’s words actually hit a little deeper than they should have. She hadn’t asked for this gift, and it wasn’t her obligation to become some kind of expert with the force. It’s not like there was anyone around who was really all that much better than her. Rey and Killian both had about the same amount of training, though Rey’s had been expedited since her teacher had known that they were on a crunch for time. But even so, she was nowhere near expert level, and neither was the person who’d taught her everything. Which meant that no matter how hard Iris tried now, she would never reach expert level.

And there was a pretty big part of her that rebelled against the idea of all that training, anyways. She’d spent her entire life doing nothing but training, and fighting her way to the top by any means possible. To train, in any skill, the same way now felt like she was just reliving her childhood. And there was no one that really understood. Finn, Evan, and Elise all got what it was like to want to move past being stormtroopers, and Rey and Killian got what it was like to train with the force without much guidance, but no single person could fully understand Iris. 

She felt like she was probably the only person in the entire universe who had a life that had gone exactly the way that hers had. And while there was nothing wrong with being a unique person, she couldn’t help feeling lonely. Even here, back with the Resistance for the past two weeks already, surrounded by people she’d grown to care about against all odds, sometimes she still felt like she was completely on her own. 

Rather than continue to stick around and listen to Rey nag her about how she could be doing so much more with her life, Iris took off without another word. She could hear footsteps following her almost immediately, and knew that it was Matt. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything hurtful. Don’t give up on your lessons.”

It was impossible to stay angry at Matt almost any of the time, and she hadn’t even really been mad at him just now anyways. So it didn’t take much for Iris to glance over at him with a small smile. “I’m not mad at you, I promise. And I’m not giving up on my lessons. I’m just finding a better way to occupy myself for the moment. The force will still be around tomorrow.”

“Okay, so what are we going to do now?”

Iris sighed. “Look, don’t get me wrong, I do love to hang out with you, but hasn’t all that time of being crammed together on a tiny little ship been enough for you? I mean, maybe it’s just me, but I’m not really feeling up to the all day Matt show.”

Matt laughed. “Alright, I get it, you need some alone time. Don’t worry about me, I have plenty of friends around here. And I meant that in the most unsarcastic, unironic way possible. I’ve lived with most of these people for basically my entire life. Plenty of time to make friends.”

“Then why don’t you ever go and bother them instead of me?” Iris whined.

Matt gently cuffed the back of her head. “I’ll go do that now then. Have fun with whatever it is you’re going to do while blowing off your lessons.”

He took off towards one of the dorm buildings, and Iris smiled as she watched him go, greeting nearly everyone he walked past. Of course there was no good excuse for Killian to have abandoned his son here, but even Iris could see that this place just seemed to agree with Matt. In fact, he was so well off here that it seemed even more amazing that he would take off with an almost complete stranger on the mission to find his dad. She hoped that Killian understood just how lucky he was to have a son like Matt.

After wandering around aimlessly for a little while, Iris found herself heading towards the central command building. She hesitated outside of the front doors. She’d managed to find ways to avoid going inside at all in the entire time since she’d gotten back. It’s not like she’d needed anything specific from in there. 

But Iris felt like maybe going inside was something that she had to do. She hadn’t left things very well with Kiah, and it felt wrong to stay here with the Resistance without any sign from the current general that that was actually okay for her to do. Maybe she was just searching for a way to leave that wouldn’t be her choice, and therefore not her fault, but Iris wanted to believe that she really did just want to do the right thing by clearing the air with Kiah. 

Iris took a deep breath in, then slowly let it out. She could do this. If she could face down Kylo Ren himself, and infiltrate the Order base, and lose her ear, and survive spending so much time in close quarters with Matt, then she could talk to Kiah like an adult. She could be mature about this, and just hope that Kiah was capable of letting bygones be bygones. And if she really had to, she could always throw Matt under the bus by pointing out the fact that he’d set an actual fire just as a distraction tactic. And he called himself a pacifist, Iris thought with a small smile on her face.

Okay, she could do this. She would do this. She took another deep breath, and then walked through the front doors. Inside was surprisingly not busy, though that might be because there was now a better organization system than just throwing everyone into a tent together and hoping that they’d figure out who needed to do what.

Iris walked over to the front desk, which had an unfamiliar man sitting behind it. She offered up what she hoped would be considered a charming smile. “Hi, how are you? Would you mind please giving me directions to where I need to go if I want to talk to the general?”

The man gave Iris a bored look. “Do you have an appointment?”

Iris slowly shook her head. “Not exactly. But I thought she might want to see me, at least to hear about all the stuff that I-”

“Fill out the proper mission report form, and if the general decides that she needs further clarification from you, you’ll be contacted about it.” 

Iris blinked a few times, then nodded. “Alright, thank you very much for you- hey what’s that?” She pointed over to an area behind the receptionist. As soon as he turned to see what Iris had pointed at, she leaned over to see the flat side of his desk. There were open screens displaying all kinds of information, but Iris had always been smart, and she quickly scanned over everything available until she finally spotted a room number. 

She stood back upright before the receptionist turned back around, somehow managing to look even less amused than he had before. “There’s nothing there.”

“Oh, I guess I was just seeing things. Crazy old me, huh? Maybe it’s the ear. I heard that having your inner ear fluids thrown off balance can make you hallucinate sometimes. Anyways, thanks again for your help, and I’ll just be on my way to see someone else who is not the general. Have a great day!”

The man stood up to reach over and grab Iris’ arm. “I don’t know who you think you are, but you cannot see anyone in this building without the proper authorization, or an appointment with them.”

Iris furrowed her eyebrows in genuine confusion. “Are you sure that that’s how it works? I thought that you rebels were supposed to be all open and happy to share everything with everyone in the club. Before I left, there was nothing stopping anyone from just wandering into Leia’s, or anyone else’s, tents whenever they felt like it.”

The man shrugged. “A lot of stuff can happen in a few months. And General Kiah has taken her position very seriously since it was given to her, so everyone would surely appreciate it if you could avoid speaking against her decisions.”

Iris yanked her arm free. “Fine, whatever, I’m leaving.” She was suddenly even more determined than before to talk to Kiah. It was nice enough of her to want to try and mend fences, but if Kiah was really acting the way the rules here seemed to imply, then she could probably use someone to knock some sense into her. She had to be insane to try and make the Resistance resemble the Order in any way. One of the Resistance’s greatest features was that it was nothing like the Order. She took a moment to think, and then decided that the bored receptionist who fell for the classic ‘look over there’ trick probably didn’t have a very strong mind. So she focused on the force, and on the man who’s name she didn’t even know. “You know what? I forgot that I actually do have an appointment with the general. You don’t even have to call her or anything, she’s already expecting me. Nothing to worry about, since I’ve got permission to be here.”

The man sighed, and nodded once. “Yeah, of course, just head on up.”

Iris grinned at the success, and then hurried up to the room she’d seen written down on the top of a form that needed to be delivered. She may not understand why the force chose her to both bother and help, but she wouldn’t deny that she’d never have made it this far without it. 

It wasn’t too difficult to get to Kiah’s office. For someone who was trying to run the place like a crazy bureaucracy, it seemed a little bit odd to expect that the receptionist would be good enough security to keep all unwanted visitors away. Or maybe Kiah was relying on the rebels’ loyalty that would lead them to simply obey the new rules.

Iris didn’t even take the time to knock, or do anything else that would announce her presence. Instead she just flicked her hand to unlock the door, and stepped inside. Kiah was sitting behind a large desk, talking to someone on her comm. She frowned as soon as she saw Iris, and ended the call abruptly so that she could stand up and glower at the intruder. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Iris held her hands up in the universal sign of not intending any harm, and took a couple of small steps forward. “Look, I know we didn’t exactly part on the best of terms, and I just wanted to come and offer to start fresh with you, since I might be sticking around here for a little while, and I think it’s been made pretty clear by now that you weren’t going to be the one to approach me. But now I’m thinking that we’ve got a more serious talk on the books.”

Kiah crossed her arms over her chest. “What are you talking about?”

Iris arched one eyebrow. “No one’s allowed in the command building to talk to anyone or do anything with explicit permission or an appointment? Does that sound like something a free and open command would do to the people working under them? Because I don’t think that it does. It sounds more like the action of someone who feels like she has something to hide from the general population. Or at the very least, is so intent on holding onto her power that she doesn’t want to give anyone else the opportunity to give input into anything going on around here.”

Kiah scowled. “Are you trying to accuse me of something?”

Iris shrugged. “Do you feel like there’s anything you need to be accused of? Look, I didn’t come in here to start a fight with you. That would literally be the opposite of why I came. But I can’t just ignore the fact that I think you’ve found yourself straying slightly from the path that the Resistance has always strived for. It’s nothing that you can’t come back from, though. If you’d just be willing to me, and maybe a few others, then you could make a more informed decision about how to run this joint.”

“I don’t think so. I hardly need advice from a traitor like you.”

Iris understood that there was no reason for Kiah to consider her to be a friend, but she thought that the woman would at least be able to understand how to put the needs of the Resistance above her own petty grudges. “Look, maybe not me then. Talk to someone else around here. Finn or Rey or-”

“I don’t need any help!” Kiah shouted as she slammed both of her hands down on top of her desk. “Leia chose me for this role because she knew that I could do this all by myself!”

Though Iris hadn’t come in here with the intention of getting mad or in an argument, she knew that it would be irresponsible to leave without trying to help guide Kiah to a strong attitude readjustment. She couldn’t shout, though, because that would only make things worse. She took a deep breath in, and slowly let it out before she started speaking. “A good leader does handle everything on their own. But a great leader knows that it’s okay to ask for help, and is willing to listen to the people.”

Kiah looked furious. “How dare you suggest that I’m not a great leader?”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “Are you drunk or something? Because usually you only act like an unreasonable bitch when you’ve had too much to drink.” Then she closed her eyes to take in another deep breath. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. But please just listen to me, Kiah. I’m not trying to take away your position, I’m just saying that maybe you should take a few minutes to think about how you’ve been using your power since you got it. I know that you said you were afraid of not being good enough, but trying to compensate by acting unreasonable isn’t the answer.”

“I’m not afraid of anything! And I don’t need anybody’s help! I have everything under control, and I don’t need you to barge back in here and ruin everything for me! You’re just an idiotic child who likes to play with the adults without understanding anything that they’re doing. You think that you’re so smart and so special, but you’re nothing. You’re completely worthless, and I bet that if you hadn’t run away from the Order on your own like a little coward, they would have executed you anyways for being such a disgusting little waste of space!”

Of course it was Iris’ first instinct to snap back and then storm away, but she knew that that wouldn’t solve anything, and more importantly, she knew that this wasn’t like Kiah. A person couldn’t really get so messed up in just a few months, could they? Iris took another deep breath, forcing herself to stay calm. 

As she breathed deeply and tried to mentally flick through a few options that might explain what was wrong with Kiah, she took a moment to study the other woman’s appearance. Despite her shouting and clear anger, she didn’t have a flushed look to her face, and she wasn’t breathing heavily, and just generally lacked the common signs of anger that often manifested in humans. 

Iris frowned, and reached out to gently place her hands on top of Kiah’s, which were still pressed flat against the desk. Kiah immediately yanked her hands back, and she clutched them to her chest like they needed to be kept safe from something. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Nobody gave you permission to go around touching people without their consent! Who the hell do you think you are? What is wrong with you?” 

Their skin had only been in contact for a second, but it had been enough to send shivers down Iris’ back, and make her think of the gross feeling that she got when she was around Kylo Ren. It had nearly knocked her over with illness the first couple of times, but now that she was more adjusted, it felt like a faint thrumming of energy in the background that would cause a headache with too much exposure, and that’s what Kiah felt like right now.

Iris tilted her head as she looked at Kiah curiously. “Are you force-sensitive?”

Kiah scoffed and shook her head. “Of course not. If I could do all those magical things that you can, you special little snowflake, then do you really think that I’d be doing something as mundane as trying to lead the Resistance? This whole organization is just a dumpster fire doomed to fail anyways.”

Iris shook her head as well. “Kiah, I know that you’re probably going to take this the wrong way, but I think that there’s something wrong with you. Like something serious. I don’t think it’s your fault, but-”

Kiah quickly moved around the table, and shoved at Iris’ chest, pushing the teenager back hard enough for her to be slammed against the wall. Iris didn’t want to fight back and risk badly hurting Kiah when she knew that there was something else going on. “I’m sorry that I’m having trouble thinking of any better way to say this, but are you possessed or something? I know ghosts are real, but I’m not quite sure what the extent of their ghostly powers is.”

Kiah swiped at the back of Iris’ legs, and it was obvious that the general was in full on fight mode at the moment. But Iris still didn’t want to fight back. This wasn’t Kiah, and she didn’t deserve to be hurt for something she had no control over. Iris quickly looked around the room, but there wasn’t anything particularly useful that just happened to be lying around. 

So she took a deep breath, and reached out. A few seconds later, metal strips peeled away from the wall and wrapped around Kiah tightly enough to stop her from flailing around, but loosely enough to avoid causing any damage. She used the force to gently lower Kiah to the ground so that she wouldn’t just topple over. Once that was done, Iris couldn’t help taking a moment to enjoy the victory that hadn’t even required her to fight. 

Then she knelt down next Kiah, and started to reach out with a comforting hand, though she hesitated to actually make contact. Rey and Killian, while nowhere close to being full jedi, were probably still a lot more qualified to deal with this than Iris was. She closed her hand into a fist, and lowered it onto her lap. “We’re going to figure this out, and get you all fixed up, I promise.”

Kiah refused to stop squirming around, but she wasn’t strong enough to break free of solid metal bonds. “I’m going to kill you,” Kiah spat. 

Iris sighed as she got back up to walk over to the desk and grab Kiah’s comm. She didn’t want to risk leaving the woman’s side to go and fetch someone else. “I’m sure you will,” Iris responded absent mindedly as she put in Rey’s codes. “Now please be quiet for a moment. I’ve got an important call to make.”


	44. Chapter 44

Of course, it was pretty predictable that Rey’s first reaction to seeing the general all tied up was to freak out, and look at Iris with accusatory eyes. “What did you do?”

Iris clenched her jaw. “When’s the last time you physically touched this woman? Because if you try it right now, even just a little tap, you’ll know exactly why I had to do this. There’s something seriously wrong with her, and we’re probably the only ones who can do anything to help her.”

Rey’s eyes were narrowed and full of suspicion, but the fact that she didn’t immediately bash Iris over the head with her staff seemed like a positive sign. Rey slowly moved further into the room, though she pointedly refused to take her eyes off of Iris. Iris didn’t care, because she knew that she was right, and Rey would be able to figure that out for herself in just a few seconds.

Once she was close enough to Kiah, who was trying to scream past the strip of metal covering her mouth, Rey took a deep breath, then reached out to gently cup the side of Kiah’s face. The general jerked away from the contact, but it was too late. There was a bewildered look on Rey’s face as she looked back and forth between her hand and Kiah a few times. Then she finally looked over at Iris. “Alright, I’m willing to hear you out.”

Iris offered a tight smile. “I came here to apologize for the way things ended between us, and offer a chance for a clean slate for us both. I thought it was weird that this building is so highly secured, to the point where even rebels can’t get in just to talk to the leaders. I tried to calmly make a few suggestions to Kiah about how she should try delegating more, and putting more trust into her people. She totally flipped out on me, and when I touched her hand for a moment, I knew that she felt all wrong. Something that’s somehow related to the dark side. Please tell me that you felt it too?”

Rey took a few steps away from Kiah, transferring her distrustful looks to the tied up woman instead of the teenager. “I did. And I’m sure that you’ve spent a lot more time around Kylo Ren than I have, but even in the short amount of time I’ve spent in his presence, I can tell what you mean about the dark side having its own specific feeling. I don’t think she has access to the force, though.”

Iris shook her head. “Me neither. But if there was someone with a strong enough will facing off against her, they would be able to get into her head, and mess with all of her thoughts. That’s not the kind of thing that can be done long distance, Rey.”

They were both silent for a moment as that piece of information sank in. Then Rey gripped her staff tighter. “It was someone who had to have come here in person. Either there’s a hidden force-sensitive among the rebels who is actually working against us, or there’s someone who figured out where our new base is, and snuck in themselves. Kylo Ren-”

“It couldn’t have been him,” Iris cut in. “Whatever’s going on with Kiah can’t have happened overnight. Someone would have noticed if he was away from his base for that long. You can’t believe that it was him.”

Rey pursed her lips together. “Who else could it have been? It’s not like there’s an excess of force-sensitive people around.”

Iris shrugged. “I wish I knew. But the only sure thing is that Kiah isn’t entirely herself right now. She’s under someone else’s influence, and it’s nobody good. She’s gotten too paranoid, defensive, angry. All things that would be bad enough if they were her natural traits, but made even worse because of the fact that they’re not.”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Well…” she sounded hesitant to continue, but when Iris just arched one eyebrow, Rey sighed. “While I know that I’m not exactly some Kiah expert, I did know her before you. Maybe she wasn’t quite so bad before, but she definitely wasn’t a polite and compassionate person. I’m still not sure how she even managed to be Leia’s second in command. There are so many other people who seem to be far more qualified.”

Iris glanced over at Kiah for a moment, who had an indignant expression on her face. “I’d say that it isn’t very nice to talk about all of this right in front of her, but I know that it wouldn’t be safe to leave her alone. Who knows how much damage she could do in just a few seconds? Either to herself or to one of us.”

“What, you don’t think that two force-users such as ourselves would be able to take down someone like her? She’s seen plenty of action in her time- that’s about her only redeeming quality- but there’s no way she’d be able to take on both of us.”

Iris shrugged again. “It isn’t a risk I’m willing to take. Right now, we need to figure out a better way to keep her secure, and then we need to tell everyone what’s going on. There’s probably a lot of people here who have been following Kiah’s orders without even realizing how wrong they were, and the sooner we can correct that, the better it will be for everyone. I hope you know that I am sorry.” She could see the way Rey tilted her head in confusion, so Iris elaborated. “Every time I’m around, I seem to cause problems. I didn’t just take off for fun after the trial. I left because it was the right thing to do.” There was a sympathetic look on Rey’s face, but Iris did her best to ignore it. “Anyways, we need to figure out how to deal with Kiah.”

“Well, we should definitely call for security or something. If either us leaves to get help, it’ll look like the other attacked unprovoked. But if we’re both here to testify to the fact that Kiah isn’t herself at the moment, then that should hopefully be enough for them to believe us.”

‘Hopefully’ didn’t exactly fill Iris with enthusiasm, but she did appreciate that Rey didn’t lie to her and promise everything would be okay. Iris was really only a kid by technicality, and it had been that way for years. 

Rey picked up Kiah’s fallen communicator, and quickly put in the numbers for security. They answered immediately, probably because it was the general’s device that was calling to them. Rey looked over at Iris for guidance. Did she have to do everything around here? She plucked the device out of Rey’s hand, and spoke into it. “We have a bit of an urgent situation with the general right now. Please get up here immediately.” Then she hung up and looked at Rey. “Who’s the second in command?”

Rey shrugged. “There isn’t really anyone like that. Not the way that Kiah was to Leia, anyways. It is kind of weird that no one ever commented on her unusual command structure. I guess we all just assumed that Leia wouldn’t have wanted anyone to run this place unless she was a hundred percent certain of their ability to do so. It wasn’t really Kiah we were putting our faith in, it was Leia.”

Iris glanced around the room. It certainly looked fit for a general, though even beyond that, it seemed like kind of symbolism. Leia had led the Resistance out of a scrappy tent, and she’d done it well. Kiah was leading the Resistance into the ground from the comfort and safety of this nice office. “If I hadn’t gotten Leia killed-”

Rey reached out to put a hand on Iris’ shoulder. “You know that she would never blame you for what happened. She knew that she would die if she went with you, and she chose to go anyways, so that’s on her. But the only ones you can really blame are the bastards who actually shot her. Anything else is just your misplaced guilt talking.”

Before they could keep discussing anything, the door to the office burst open, and several people ran inside, blasters drawn. They quickly assessed the situation, and saw their leader tied up on the ground while Rey and Iris stood over the woman. Iris knew that even though the overwhelming majority of the Resistance had voted for her freedom, it would still be harder to believe the traitor in a case like this.

But Rey seemed to have frozen up, and wasn’t saying anything at all. She was just clutching her staff in one hand, and standing there uselessly. Or maybe she was trying out some kind of cool jedi mind tricks that Iris hadn’t learned yet. Anything was possible. But even if that was the case, someone needed to say something in the meanwhile if they didn’t want to be blasted to smithereens.

She offered her most charming smile towards the security personnel. “I know this doesn’t look great, but I promise you that there is, in fact, a very reasonable explanation for this. Your general has had her mind messed with. I can’t be sure of when exactly it happened, but it’s very obvious to any force-sensitive person that she’s got a thick layer of darkness over her at the moment. Most likely used on her against her will, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s there. She’s not working towards the greater good of the Resistance. I’m not sure what she’s looking to accomplish, but I know that it isn’t anything good. You need to lock her away somewhere secure so that we can figure out how to fix this.” None of the guards looked particularly impressed by the story, despite how true it was, and Iris nudged Rey in the ribs. “A little help here?” she hissed.

Rey cleared her throat. “Everything that Iris just said is true, I swear it. And I’m sure that Killian, who is also force-sensitive, would be able to verify such a thing without us giving him any of the details. Please know that I would never betray the Resistance. I want us to succeed in our mission of defeating the darkness and restoring order to the galaxy. But that can’t happen with Kiah in charge. At least not while she’s under someone else’s command.”

From the look on Kiah’s face, she was absolutely furious, and spitting out insults behind the metal barrier. The guards looked uncertain still. Iris narrowed her eyes. “Look, if it turns out that we’re wrong, then you can deal with us later, but for right now, wouldn’t you rather be safe than sorry? If you lock her up by mistake, no harm is done. If you don’t lock her up and we’re right, then the whole Resistance is doomed.”

One of the guards sighed, and lowered her blaster. “I’m not saying that I believe you completely. But you’re right. I’d rather make a harmless mistake than a fatal one. Can you remove that metal? It wouldn’t be right to keep her locked up like that, tainted or not.” 

Iris focused on Kiah’s bindings, and they seemed to melt right off of the woman’s body. As soon as they were gone, she started shouting. “Arrest those two insolent thugs! They’re traitors, trying to destroy everything that we stand for! Are you really going to believe the slime that confessed to working with the Order? Or the one who defended the slime, and in the time she’s joined up, has been gone without contact longer than she’s actually been present?”

The guards only strengthened their resolve to do the right thing, and they quickly grabbed at Kiah’s arms. Two of them held her while the third pat her down for weapons, and then the general was dragged away, right out of her own office. The third guard remained behind, and gave Rey and Iris suspicious looks. “Don’t think that I believe you just because you can do a few tricks that I can’t. I don’t want to make any dangerous mistakes. Which is why I’m going to wait right here for backup, and then the two of you are going to willingly allow yourselves to be locked up as well, until we can resolve things.”

Iris clenched her jaw at the thought of being locked up yet again. It seemed like the majority of her life had been spent as a prisoner of one kind or the other. But surprisingly, she wasn’t the one who spoke up first. Rey stepped forward, and there was a slightly aggressive look on her face. “I understand why you might think that that’s necessary, but all you’d be doing is harming yourselves. With the general in jail, you need stronger defences than other, especially if word were to get out. The two of us obviously aren’t your only defence options, but we are two of your strongest players. Putting us away would be suicidal. And it would also leave you in a position of only being able to help the general with a broken down old man who knows even less of the force than I do.”

The guard narrowed her eyes. “Fine. But if I see even a single hint of trouble that could be traced back to either of you…” she trailed off menacingly as her hand brushed over her holstered blaster. Then she turned and stomped out of the room, apparently satisfied that her message had been sent loud and clear.

Several long seconds passed, and then Iris looked over at Rey and let out a loud laugh. “Dude, that was badass! You totally had that lady way more scared of you than you were of her! Great job!” She held up one hand expectantly, and Rey gave her a high-five. “Seriously, though, I really do appreciate you standing up for me, even if it does mean that Kiah’s going to call you slime.”

Rey smiled. “It was the right thing to do. I thought so then, and I haven’t suddenly changed my mind since. You’re a good kid, Iris.” She gave Iris a quick pat on the shoulder, and then left the room.

When Iris could no longer hear any of the fading footsteps leaving the office, Iris looked around the room again. It really was a luxurious looking place, considering what limited resources the Resistance had to offer. Of course, it had looked better before large strips of the wall had been torn away by the force.

Putting everything back together would take a lot more precision and effort, but Iris figured that it was the least she could do, since she had been the one to attack Kiah, even if it had been an entirely provoked action. She wasn’t even sure of how attacked Kiah was to this space, since she couldn’t know whether Kiah had chosen it for herself, or if the dark presence had chosen it for her. 

But regardless of those pesky details, Iris felt responsible for the destruction. So she sank down onto the floor in the center of the room, crossing her legs over each other, and closing her eyes. She focused on the ruined bits of metal, and what it would take to patch the wall back up again. She knew from the start that she’d never get it to look as great as it did before, but if she could at least get it as close as possible, then it would be a lot easier for a professional to finish fixing it up. 

When she was done, Iris opened her eyes. She was mostly satisfied with her work, though she did walk around the edges of the room to run her hand over the metal and smooth down all the rougher patches. Then she strolled out of the office, wishing that her life could have just been easy on her for once. But no, instead her attempt to apologize only wound up with her getting Kiah arrested, and she was on thin ice with the guards. She decided to just head back to the dorm she was staying in, because she didn’t want to have to go and face Kiah immediately. Especially not if Killian was going to be there. She was never really sure of how to feel around the man, so it always just seemed easier to avoid him. Of course that strategy wasn’t going to work forever, but Iris had been known to be stubborn quite often in her short time of being alive.


	45. Chapter 45

_“Do you think it’s possible that we’re never going to win this fight? I mean, it seems like every victory for us means two victories for them. No matter what we do, we never end up being the ones to come out ahead. And on the very rare occasion where we’ve actually managed to win for once, it doesn’t take very long for something else bad to happen to us. I just feel like this is completely hopeless. What’s the point in continuing on like this when all that’s happening is we’re being whittled away at slowly, and we all know that eventually we’re going to be the ones who are dead?”_

_Ben blinked a few times. “What are you talking about? You already won ages ago. There’s no one coming after you, and there’s a fairly stable democratic government in place. What more could you want?”_

_Iris frowned. “That kind of stability had been achieved before, too, but that didn’t stop you and your Order from destroying everything yet again. I’m just saying that it would be foolish to get our hopes up in thinking that the end is really the end, and that-” She paused in her rant to let out a loud gasp of pain, and squeezed Ben’s hand tighter. “You yourself are proof of just how sadly possible it is for everything to be ruined, since you were supposed to be a symbol of hope and moving on with the future.”_

_Ben’s eyes widened for a moment, and then he clenched his jaw. “Are you saying you’re afraid that your child is going to go dark side because I did?”_

_She shrugged, and then let out another grunt of pain through clenched teeth. “Anything’s possible. I’m just saying that your family line isn’t exactly full of all do-gooders and cheery heroes. You and your grandfather both-” She took in a sharp breath. “I think I’ve changed my mind! I don’t want to pass on a legacy!”_

_“Well that’s too bad, because I do,” Ben said in a soft, but firm, voice._

_Iris snorted. “Says the guy who wanted to make a run for it like a month ago.” Then she sighed. “Alright, that’s not quite fair. I know that I already told you that you didn’t have to be a part of this kid’s life. It’s not like we’ve ever been together, or ever will be. You were just a convenient person who didn’t want to be the end of your family line.”_

_A few seconds passed with the silence only broken by Iris’ pained gasps, and then Ben cleared his throat. “Well maybe I changed my mind. Obviously I don’t want to be with you,” he hurried to add. “That would be just plain revolting. But this is my kid, and I want to be a part of their life. An important part. I want to be their father.” Iris arched one eyebrow, but just waited quietly for Ben to continue. “Growing up, my parents were pretty distant at times. My father was always out traveling around. He was the kind of person who just couldn’t stay in the same place for too long. And my mother was always so busy taking care of everyone else that it seemed like she rarely ever had time for me. I don’t want it to be that way for this kid. I want them to know both of their parents, and to know that they’re loved by both.”_

_Iris grinned. “So was that your admission that you are, in fact, capable of feeling love?”_

_“Shut up,” Ben muttered._

_She didn’t say anything else right away, but she did let out a loud screech. “Why does the force allow this to be so painful? Does it not want more babies to be born?”_

_Before Ben could say something that would probably garner an annoyed response, the door to the room slid open, and Elise walked in. “You really know how to screw up the timing of everything, don’t you? Of course you just had to go into labor when the best doctor was out of town.”_

_Iris grinned. “Well it looks like she’s back, so are you going to help me or not?”_

_Elise nodded. “It would be my pleasure. And I even have a special assistant with me today.” A moment later, Elise’s daughter Ryaina walked into the room. “She’s been working with me the past few months, ever since she turned thirteen.”_

_“Great.”_

_Ryaina gave Ben a long stare until he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Then she crossed her arms over her chest. “You should probably leave. Don’t you have more important things to be doing at the moment? And besides that, I’ve seen greater men than you pass out during the birthing process.”_

_Ben frowned, though he didn’t seem upset by the insult, just at the fact that he was being asked to leave. He turned his head to look at Iris. “I’ll only go if that’s what you want me to do.”_

_Since she was the one who had asked for his company, it would be strange to just kick him out now. She offered a small smile. “Matt’s not going to be back for at least another couple of months, and Evan barely survived his own wife’s labor, so that leaves you as my only option.”_

_“Gee, thanks,” Ben grumbled. “I just love knowing how I’m your last choice.” But he wasn’t actually upset, and they both knew that he wasn’t just a last place pick for Iris._

_Three hours later, Ben found himself sort of regretting his decision to stick around. He felt like his hand had been broken by how hard Iris had been clamping down on it, and it had all looked rather more horrific than he had imagined when he’d first learned about childbirth. He’d forced himself not to vomit, if only to prove that he was a strong man. And also because he was sure that if he contaminated the room like that, he would have been booted for sure._

_But all of that was worth it as a fresh baby was placed gently into Iris’ arms. She looked down with so much love in her eyes that her entire face seemed to light up. Ben knew that even if he had left when he’d said he would, this child would not be at a loss for love. But he also knew that this was exactly where he needed to be. He leaned closer, and Iris held the kid out to him._

_Nervously, Ben accepted, making sure to cradle the back of the tiny head. “She’s beautiful,” he whispered._

_Iris let out a barking laugh. “Maybe so, but she’s a he, at least as far as we can tell at the moment.”_

_Ben’s face reddened. “Oh. Well in that case, he’s beautiful. And despite sharing genetics with you, he has managed to come out looking like a normal person, and not some bizarre alien life form.”_

_Iris stuck her tongue out. “Jerk.” Then the baby began making little fussing noises, and Ben quickly handed him back to Iris. She rocked him gently in her arms for a moment before pulling aside her shirt so that the baby could eat. “Well, if you’re really serious about being his father, then you should have a say in what we name him.”_

_Ben gulped at the idea of that kind of responsibility. “We shouldn’t name him after anyone we know,” he said after taking a moment to think about it. “It would be too much expectation for him to live up to, even if we didn’t realize we were putting that expectation there.”_

_Iris gave him a sympathetic smile, but didn’t comment on the fact that he had willingly chosen to go by the name Ben again. “Alright. So we need something cool and interesting and unique. How about-”_

Iris woke up with a loud gasp, as she rolled right out of her bed and landed on the floor with a loud thud. She got to her hands and knees, and then threw up right onto the floor. Even when her stomach was empty, she continued dry heaving, until she finally turned and sat up, leaning her back against the side of the bed. One of the many benefits of the new dorm buildings were the individual rooms, rather than the barracks that had been used in the old Resistance base. She wouldn’t want to wake anyone up because of her own issues. 

The idea of her and Kylo Ren having a child together seemed too disgusting for words, and her stomach twisted up into knots at the mere thought of such a thing. The age difference between them was almost fifteen years, but that was the least disturbing part of it all. Kylo Ren, the guy who’d done so much evil, who’d forced generations of brainwashed kids to do his dirty work, who had tortured Killian for years, who had nearly killed Iris. There was absolutely nothing about him that made Iris want to be his friend, especially not a friend who gave her a kid. Who even did that, anyways? Had kids with a friend? 

Iris closed her eyes, and took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. “Why did you show me that?” she whispered. “I definitely did not want to see that.” Her previous vision might have shown her being friendly with Kylo Ren, and had shown her pregnant, but this felt way worse than that. Especially considering the fact that he’d been in love with Iris’ mother back when they were kids. She shuddered at the thoughts racing through her head.

It was hard to say for sure just how long she sat there before there was a loud knock on her door. “Iris? Is everything okay in there?”

She blinked a few times. “Finn?” She hadn’t seen him anywhere around in the past two weeks. Not that she’d put much effort into trying to find him. She just couldn’t help feeling awkward around everyone, and in the aftermath of her latest vision, she felt even more awkward than ever. “What are you doing here?” She spoke just loudly enough for him to hear her through the door. 

“I don’t really know, to be honest. I just got the feeling that someone needed to come and check up on you.”

Iris rolled her eyes, and then raised both of her middle fingers towards the force, which was obviously acting like a meddling little brat. Then she forced herself up to her feet, even though she felt dizzy and nauseous. Dragging herself even the few steps to the door felt like a tremendous effort, but she didn’t want Finn to have to break down the door out of concern or anything. He was her friend, after all. 

She opened the door, and then immediately turned around to walk back over to her bed, because she knew she wasn’t going to be able to handle having an entire conversation standing up. Finn followed her into the room, but then paused and wrinkled his nose. He fumbled to turn on the lights, and then looked around until he spotted the source of the stench. 

As Iris flopped back onto her bed, Finn hurried over to her. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just have a bit of a cold or something at the moment. Nothing to be worried about at all.”

Finn narrowed his eyes, and then sat down on the edge of the bed next to Iris. He reached over to gently rest his hand on her arm. “Hey, seriously, what’s wrong? I’m going to be perfectly honest, I’ve never seen you get sick before in the entire time that I’ve known you. And I’ve never seen Rey get sick before either. I guess I just assumed that the force kept you healthy, or something. So it’s a bit weird to find out that I’m wrong about that. Unless I’m not wrong?” He reached up to press the back of his other hand to Iris’ forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”

Iris sighed, and batted Finn’s hands away without putting in any effort. “You are a nuisance,” she grumbled. “I had a bad dream, okay? It was really disturbing. And it was from the force, so I don’t think that it has much interest in keeping me healthy.”

Finn shrugged. “Maybe it expected a different reaction from you.” Then he hopped back up to his feet. “I’ll be right back. It isn’t good for anyone to leave that mess lying around on the floor.” He returned a couple of minutes later with cleaning supplies, and knelt down in front of the mess.

Iris shook her head. “You don’t have to do that. I can clean up my own messes.” The thought of someone else having to clean up her vomit seemed humiliating. She sat up so that she could see the puddle, and then grabbed a trash bag from the pile of things Finn had fetched. She used the force to raise up all of the vomit and deposited it into the bag, doing her best not to heave again at the gross sight. Then she tied off the bag, and dropped it to the floor.

Finn grinned. “Hey, you’d make an excellent custodian. How would you feel about taking my old job?” He was obviously teasing Iris, even as he began spraying the floor with something lemon scented, and then patted the wet patch with some paper towels. Then he gathered up everything, including the trash bag, and left the room again. Iris hadn’t realized how sour the room had smelled until the fresh citrus scent had spread around the small space. Then Finn came back again, and moved Iris around until she was tucked under her blankets. “So do you want to talk about your dream?”

It seemed pretty clear that he wasn’t going to buzz off any time soon. He had his heart in the right place, and Iris did miss the guy. She figured it wouldn’t really hurt to talk to him, though that didn’t stop her from trying to warn him away one last time first. “We just cleaned up my puke, I don’t want to have to deal with yours too.”

Finn shrugged. “I have a pretty strong stomach. I’m sure I can handle it.”

Iris nodded. “Alright. I had a vision of the future, where Kylo Ren is my baby daddy.” She squeezed her eyes shut while she waited for Finn to process her words.

She was startled by the sound of laughter that he let out. “That’s it? That’s what had you throwing up everywhere?”

Iris snapped her eyes open and sat up. “You’re joking, right? I mean, you must be joking. How could you possibly not be disturbed by the idea of- of me having a mass murderer’s child? And I do hope that I don’t have to explain to you how children are made?”

Finn shook his head. “Please don’t. But there are ways of getting pregnant that don’t involve actually sleeping together. Science is pretty advanced with all of that stuff. And you didn’t say that he’s going to be your boyfriend or husband or anything, right? And I’m assuming that your vision means eventually things work out okay, right?”

“I don’t know everything, but from what I could tell, he quit the First Order, and then helped the Resistance finally win the war. But that doesn’t mean that I want him to be the father of my kid!”

Finn arched one eyebrow. “Then just don’t let him be. You may have seen that vision, but you’re in full control of your own actions. I’m sure it can’t be that difficult to simply find another person willing to parent a child with you. You aren’t obligated to play out everything that you see in your visions. It’s probably just the force showing you a potential future, not the only one.”

Iris gulped, and then nodded once. “You’re probably right. I guess I did overreact a little bit. Though would it help my case at all if I told you that Kylo Ren knew my mother when they were younger, and that he was madly in love with her, and went dark side because he thought she was dead?”

Finn stared at Iris for several seconds before looking away. “You don’t do anything halfway in your life, do you?”

Iris snorted. “Guess not.” Then she looked down at her lap and spoke in a quieter voice. “Hey, can you, um, can you stay with me for the night? I guess the whole individual room thing is harder than I was expecting. I’ve gotten too used to sharing with others.”

Finn nodded. “Sure, not a problem. Though I do have one condition. You have to brush your teeth first.”

“I suppose that I can do that,” Iris laughed. She got up to grab her toothbrush, and then headed to the nearest bathroom in the hallway. She was glad to have a friend like Finn on her side, and she berated herself for not trying to reconnect with him sooner. Maybe the force had made her lost her dinner, but it had been kind enough to send Finn her way, so she wasn’t too mad at it. Though she was sure that something else would happen at some point to make her upset with it all over again.


	46. Chapter 46

Iris took a deep breath before walking forward. Her, Rey, and Killian were all walking into the little prison room together, where they found Kiah sitting on a cot, staring blankly at the wall. Killian had already visited the general yesterday to verify that Rey and Iris were telling the truth, and that had seemed to be enough to convince the few who still hadn’t quite believed what was going on. 

Now the three of them were going to try and reverse whatever was going on with Kiah, since the woman deserved better than to rot away in a cell for the rest of her life because of actions she had no control over. 

They all sat down on the opposite wall from Kiah’s cot, crossing their legs in front of them, and settling in for what was bound to be a long day. Rey cleared her throat and spoke first. “General? Can you think of any force sensitive people who you may have interacted with for a long period of time? Besides Iris or me, of course.”

Kiah narrowed her eyes. “You people are insane.” She turned to focus on Iris specifically, which made Iris shift uncomfortably where she was sitting. “You have always been jealous of me. Jealous that Leia chose me to continue on her legacy instead of you. Well guess what? You barely knew her for any time at all. Getting her dead husband’s jacket doesn’t automatically make you the new favorite. Leia’s been training me to take on her role for over a decade. What were you doing in that same time? Learning the best ways to kill innocent people?”

Iris took a deep breath in, then slowly let it out, trying to release her frustration into the force instead of letting it bottle up inside of her. Of course, it didn’t really help that she had to hear all this with Killian in the room. She hadn’t seen him at all since that first day back, when he’d confirmed that she was his daughter. He had tried to reach out just once in the past two weeks, but Iris had made it pretty clear that she was avoiding him, for reasons that she wasn’t even sure she could quite put into words yet. He may have already known that Iris used to be a stormtrooper because of her confession in the infirmary, but that didn’t mean she wanted him to know all the gory details.

Surprisingly, it was Killian who held up one hand. “That is quite enough of that. We are here today to talk about you, Kiah. We want to know more about you. What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you so angry that you can’t think of anything other than breaking bones and spilling blood everywhere? What makes you feel most like you’re feeding that darkness inside of you?”

Kiah scowled. “You really want to know what would make me happy? Seeing that little traitor’s head being chopped off of her neck and then shredding her corpse into a thousand pieces!” she snarled. 

Rey tilted her head, and then turned to talk in a soft voice to Iris. “I’m not sure why, but it seems as though she is strongly focused on you in particular. I’m not sure if it’s just because she thinks that you’re an easy target, or if there’s something else going on. Do you mind waiting out in the hallway for a few minutes? I want to see if she’ll shift focus without you in the room.”

It felt like she was being kicked out for just being a kid who didn’t really understand what was going on, but she had no reason to argue with Rey, and in the end, this was about making sure that Kiah got better, so she got up and shuffled out of the room. Iris figured that she’d know when it was time to go back in, and for now, she wanted to enjoy some fresh air.

She left the prison entirely, and sucked in a large, startled gasp of air when she saw Kylo Ren standing right in front of her, only for his image to flicker away after a couple of seconds. Iris closed her eyes and took a deep breath, forcing herself to stay calm. The force was clearly having a grand time just messing around with her, but she wasn’t going to let it get to her if she could help it.

She wandered for a few minutes before heading to the mess hall and grabbing some water and crackers. Then she sat down at one of the long tables, and put her head down on her arms so that she was staring down at her knees and the floor. After a few minutes, she could sense someone walking over and sitting down across from her. “Aren’t you supposed to be conducting an interrogation right now?”

Iris snorted as she raised her head to look at Finn. “I was booted. Apparently Kiah’s feeling a bit of unhealthy obsession towards me. I mean, not that I can really blame her, since I am the epitome of awesomeness and all that, but, uh, yeah.” She shrugged. “It’s probably better for me to not get involved anyways. She was right about the fact that I haven’t really known her for very long, and it would just be weird for me to be the one to talk to her about whatever’s going on.”

Finn raised one eyebrow. “I mean, you’ve known her for a lot long than Killian has, right?” There was a certain tone to Finn’s voice whenever he said Killian’s name, about the same tone that most people used when talking about vomit or Kylo Ren. “Besides, you said yourself that he never had full training, and he’s been locked away in a dungeon for years, so there’s no reason to think that he knows more or has more experience with the force than you do.”

“Well everyone else seems to think that him being here is some great miracle that’s going to lead to us winning and beating down the First Order so hard that they’ll never be able to pop back up again in any form.” She tilted her head curiously. “Why don’t you like Killian?”

Finn’s eyes widened in surprise, which meant that he somehow thought that he was actually being subtle in his dislike for the man. Then he sighed, and bowed his head down to stare at the table. “Nobody should have to live the kinds of lives that you and I were forced to. Maybe it’s stupid, but I guess I just can’t help blaming him for you being stuck for so long. Like if he really has the force and determination to find you, then why couldn’t he? And abandoning his other kid on top of everything? I don’t know. I can’t help sometimes wondering about my own parents, you know? And I think about what I’d do if I found out that they were alive all this time. Would I be happy to know they’re alive, or pissed that they were never able to rescue me? I’ll probably never know. The force wanted you to find your family for a reason. But it was still wrong for you to have not been found sooner. And maybe it’s just because I don’t really know him that well, but I can’t help thinking that even if he’d found you when you were still a baby, he still would have found some reason or another to leave and avoid his responsibilities.”

Iris offered a small smile, not quite sure how to feel about the fact that Finn seemed to hate Killian on her behalf. “Uh, thanks, I think. But honestly, I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would have been like if it had gone differently. If I’d been raised here with Matt and been a part of the Resistance from the beginning. I doubt I’d be the same person.” She’d probably have been a much better person if she wasn’t raised to be a stormtrooper. 

Finn shrugged. “No, you probably wouldn’t be. But you wouldn’t be completely different, either. I don’t think that where you’re raised can really change everything about you. If that was true, neither of us would have ever left the Order. I don’t know. I guess I just can’t find it within me to believe that Killian was ever going to be a good father, and you deserve a lot better than him.”

“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing I’ve got you, huh?”

Finn wrinkled up his nose. “I am not going to be your dad. It’s just unrealistic to think that a good looking guy like me could have a kid that looks like you.”

Iris stuck out her tongue, and then shrugged. “Your loss then. Who wouldn’t want a galaxy famous lady for a daughter?”

Finn snorted, and reached across the table to shove gently at Iris’ arm. “You are a menace. Is it too late to kick you out after all?”

Iris laughed and shook her head. “Sorry, but I think that this time you may actually be stuck with me.”

“Oh no, the horror,” Finn gasped before bursting out into laughter. Then he reached over to steal one of Iris’ crackers, and popped it into his mouth. “Thanks, I really needed a snack.”

Iris rolled her eyes as she slid her plate over to Finn. “Sure, help yourself. I wasn’t really that hungry anyways.” They sat and chatted for a few more minutes before Iris felt a slight tickle at the back of her mind. She stood up, and stretched her arms up over her head. “Ah, looks like it’s time for me to jump back into the deep end. I’ll talk to you later.” She paused for a moment before actually leaving, and added softly, “Thanks for being on my side.” Then she hurried back to the prison.

She walked back towards Kiah’s cell, and saw that Killian was standing outside, waiting for her in the hallway. He shifted awkwardly on his feet, and then stuck his hands into his jacket pockets. “Ah, hey. Rey’s still in there, since we didn’t really want to leave Kiah alone. I just thought it would be better to update you out here instead of doing it right in front of her.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Uh, so. Even after you left, Kiah was still talking about you. So I think that whatever’s going on with her is obviously connected to you somehow.”

“I didn’t do anything to her-!”

“I know, I know,” Killian interrupted before Iris could start panicking about being put on trial for being a traitor yet again. At least the last time had been over something that she’d actually done. “But right now I’m thinking that there’s two main possibilities right here. Either someone purposely made Kiah focus on you as a way of framing you and making you look guilty, or she’s stuck on you because whoever did this to her needed a way of- of anchoring it, I guess would be the best way to describe it. If they knew that they were not going to be able to stay close with Kiah after the initial… whatever it is that they did.”

Iris frowned, and crossed her arms over her chest. “But I didn’t even know I was going to be coming back here until I was already on my way, and whatever’s affecting Kiah would have had to be slowly put into action over the course of at least a few weeks. That’s too much advanced planning to fix it to me without knowing that I’d be back. Or that I’d stay once I did get back.”

Killian shrugged. “Then maybe it is a frame job. Though that would bring up the question of whether or not they even care about controlling Kiah, or if it was literally just about causing distrust against you. Or maybe there’s some other possibility that I’ve overlooked.” The way he said it made it sound like he didn’t think that that was very likely.

Iris narrowed her eyes. “Well, it’s not like you know everything, right? There could probably be a million other reasons to make her want to talk about me. Maybe she was just thinking about me a lot after I first left and it meant that I was too deeply on her mind when the darkness started affecting her. Or maybe she’s always hated me specifically and just now has no filter stopping her from saying it. Or maybe it’s the fact that I was the one who caught her in the middle of whatever it is that’s going on. Or maybe it’s one of a billion other explanations.”

Killian sighed, and his shoulders slumped down. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I just can’t help- I’m sorry. Um, if you want to go back in there by yourself, so that it’s just Rey and you in there, I understand.”

Well it’s not like Iris could pick a fight if Killian was just going to back down like that. It’s not like she was really sure if it was a fight that she was looking for anyways. “Do you really have nothing else to say to me?” Killian looked confused by that, and Iris sighed too. “Not just about Kiah and what’s going on with her. I meant like in more of a general sense. Like this is only the third time we’ve ever talked before, and you’re supposed to be my dad.”

The man gave Iris a long look before responding. “I thought you made it pretty clear that you had no interest in talking to me in a more familial manner. And it’s not like I blame you for that, of course. You must hate me from not being able to save you from becoming-” He cut himself off, an awkward look on his face. “For not rescuing you.”

“I didn’t need you to rescue me,” Iris told him, unable to keep some of her annoyance out of her voice. Her talk with Finn was still fresh on her mind, and she couldn’t stop herself from venting. “I did perfectly fine on my own. Top of my class because I knew how to work hard without a parent teaching me that, and I figured out the force without you around, and I’ve made friends and figured out what my morals are and done a million other things without your help.”

Killian looked lost, and he leaned back against the wall, letting out a tired huff. “Then what do you want me to say? What do you want from me, if you can do everything on your own?”

“I’m perfectly capable of doing everything by myself, without a father to guide me through it all. But I shouldn’t have had to! I didn’t need you to rescue me, I needed you to not let me get taken away in the first place!”

Killian clenched his jaw, and then looked down at his feet. “I know. I’ve messed up, Iris. I couldn’t protect my family. And I couldn’t stay sane knowing that I’d failed at the one thing I’d promised to always do. The love of my life was killed, and one of my children was snatched away right in front of me, and my other child seemed like he was going to die from his grief, and I didn’t know what to do, okay? I know that I’m far from perfect, I know that I made bad choices, but I didn’t know what else to do! I didn’t know how to deal with everything that happened to me! I couldn’t save the people I cared about, and that nearly killed me!”

“You still had Matt, though! You didn’t lose everything, you just wanted to pretend like you did so that you could justify leaving him in the dust when the truth is that you were too much of a coward to be able to face him-!”

Killian suddenly stood up straight. “I was scared, okay! Is that what you want me to say? I was terrified at the thought of raising a kid without my wife, and I was terrified that someday he’d ask me where the rest of our family was, and I’d have to look him in the eyes and tell him about what a failure I was! Is that what you want to hear?”

They both stood there, panting like they’d just run in a marathon, and then Iris took a deep breath. “Yeah. That’s what I wanted to hear,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. It seemed even quieter than it was because it felt like their shouted words were still echoing off of the walls. “That’s what I wanted to hear because that’s the truth.” She hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I don’t blame you for being scared. Force knows that I’ve made some pretty terrible decisions when I was scared. But you were a parent. It was your job to get over your own fear and be the best father you could possibly be. Maybe you wouldn’t have been as good on your own as you would have been with Aksha, but do you really think that Matt was better off with neither of you? That I was?”

“I looked for you,” Killian protested, but it came out weak. They both knew that searching for her had been more of an excuse than an actual mission. 

Iris reached up to rub at her eyes, grateful that they were still dry. “You never expected to find me, though. And you didn’t care when you were caught because you wanted to be punished, right? But the only one you punished was your son who waited for you to come back to him, and then had to come to the realization that you totally suck as a parent.”

Killian didn’t deny her claims, which was as good as a confession. “So what do you want from me? Right now what can I do to make up for everything?”

It wasn’t until the moment he asked that Iris realized her answer to that. “There’s nothing you can do,” she said slowly. “My life is what it is, and even if you apologized a million times, you can’t change the past. Not for me. But I’m not the one who wanted to travel all across the galaxy to find someone who I knew was my deadbeat father. That was all Matt. Maybe he’s still mad at you- which he’s well within his rights to be- but I think that maybe there’s still a chance for you to make it up to him. For you to be there for him. He’s your son, and making amends should be what you want to do.”

Killian nodded. “Of course I do. And I’m already trying with Matt. But I want to know what I can do for you.”

“There’s nothing,” Iris told him almost apologetically. “Maybe you’re my dad in terms of genetics, but I don’t want anything else from you. I don’t think it’s possible for us to ever have a relationship.”

Killian shook his head. “But-”

“It’s my choice,” Iris told him gently. “I don’t think it would be healthy for me to try. Matt may not have had you but he still had a pretty good life overall. My life was hell, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully forgive you for that. I know that me being taken in the first place wasn’t your fault. But the fact that you left Matt to find me but failed and only succeeded at leaving him alone is something I can’t just forget about. I’m sorry.”

There was a pause, and then Killian shook his head. “No, no, you don’t have to- Just do whatever’s best for you, and don’t worry about me, okay? You’re right, we’re basically strangers, and I have no right to expect anything- I’m just going to go now. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“You better be. If you leave Matt again I’ll kill you.”

Killian stared at her before nodding once. “I believe you.” Then he slowly walked away, but Iris didn’t watch his retreat. She just went into Kiah’s cell to continue trying to figure out what was wrong.


	47. Chapter 47

Trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with Kiah was one of the most exhausting things Iris had worked on in recent years. It had been almost seven days since she’d realized that there was something messed up going on, and they were still no closer to figuring out what exactly the problem was. Or even who had caused it. It was quite frustrating, and they’d tried everything they could think of (though Killian and Iris always managed to not show up in the cell at the same time) and nothing was working. 

Iris leaned forward to look at Kiah, not even bothering to try and hide how tired she felt. “Why are you fighting so hard to not be able to get better? Don’t you want to go back to your lauded position as general here? Because I promise that no one’s going to let you have a position of power until they’re sure that you’re fixed.” She glanced over at the cell door, which Rey had left through a few minutes ago to get a quick break from everything. Iris scooted a little bit closer to Kiah. “Want to try something new? I’m not sure how useful meditating is if you aren’t force-sensitive, but I’m at the end of my rope here.”

She closed her eyes and shifted to cross her legs in a more comfortable way to try and figure out how she was going to concentrate on going to a calm and peaceful place when she had to tune out the sound of Kiah’s enraged ramblings. Nothing she said felt surprising at this point, since there was nothing new, and even the pure hatred in Kiah’s voice no longer seemed like it meant anything, but it was still an annoying background noise. 

Iris rested her hands on her knees, and took in several deep breaths, trying not to let the frustration get to her too badly. It took her longer than it had the last time she’d gone to meditate, but eventually she got there and found herself standing by what looked like Killian’s waterfall. It was a weird place to be, since the last time she’d come here had been a bit of a weird time travel-ish situation, but she wasn’t sure how to get back to her own peaceful place. Besides, as long as Killian wasn’t here at the same time, it shouldn’t be too bad here. It was a nice looking place.

Even though she knew that she had a specific task in mind that she wanted to accomplish, she took a few minutes to just wander aimlessly around the beautiful space, taking in the fresh air, and the water so clear that if it wasn’t moving it would be invisible, and she flopped down onto the ground to tilt her head back and stare up at the sky. She could definitely understand why Killian liked this place. It was nice. She wondered if this was still what his meditation place still looked like, or if it had changed and become something more violent and dark over the years. 

After lounging around for a while, she finally got back up to her feet, and then took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. She wasn’t an expert in going from one place to another like this, but she had managed it before. On the other hand, that had been while the other person was meditating too, and the other person was force-sensitive, so this was probably going to turn out to be nothing but a giant waste of time. But it was at least worth trying, since it’s not like she had any better ideas on how to help Kiah. 

She focused on Kiah, not as the feral thing she was at the moment, but as the scared yet brave woman who had been left with a job she felt was too big for her to handle on her own. She didn’t think so much about how Kiah physically looked, but rather about how Kiah felt as a person. With her eyes still closed, Iris began walking forward. She didn’t even feel any particular guiding sensation, so she could only hope that she was going the right way. Maybe she should have waited until Rey got back. At least the woman had some semblance of training, though even that was very minimal and had come from someone who’d done a lot of self training of his own. 

It felt like Iris had been walking in a straight line for hours before she was startled into opening her eyes by the sound of someone shouting her name. “Iris!” She blinked a few times, and then looked around. She was standing in what had been Leia’s office back on the original Resistance basae, and Kiah was sitting on the chair facing the desk, as if she was just called into a meeting with Leia. “What are you doing here?”

Iris furrowed her eyebrows. “I came here to find you, I guess. Wasn’t really sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t this,” she gestured to the office. “How long have you been in here?”

Kiah opened her mouth to answer immediately, but then hesitated, and frowned deeply. “I don’t… I don’t know. I’ve been waiting for the general to show up. She wanted to talk to me about something important. I’ve never seen her show up so late before.”

Iris walked closer to Kiah, confident that this was the real Kiah and not the messed up version still snarling in her cell in the real world. “Leia couldn’t have called you for a meeting. She’s dead, remember? You became the general after her, like she wanted? And the Resistance hasn’t been in this place in ages. Everyone moved to the place I found for them, and were living in tents for a little bit while all the new buildings were under construction. I left after my trial and just got back recently. Do you remember any of that?”

Kiah scrunched her nose, and then peered off into the distance, like she was trying to summon memories out of thin air. There was a look of confusion slowly dawning on her face. “I think- I think that I do remember all that. Then why am I here? I don’t understand. Am I dreaming?”

Iris shrugged. “In a way. It might be easiest to think of it like that. I think the problem is that you can’t wake up right now. Something’s stopping you, and thought that keeping you here would be easiest. You attacked me, and I thought maybe you were just under the influence of something dark, but now I’m thinking that it wasn’t even technically you at all, if you’ve been stuck in here the whole time. I promise that I’m going to find a way to get you out of here, okay? But you have to do something for me first. I need you to think really hard, and tell me what the last thing is you remember before being in here. It’s very important that you tell me.”

“I don’t know. I feel like I’ve always been here, even if I can remember otherwise. It’s very strange. This is why people don’t trust jedi, I think. Because the idea of someone being able to mess with minds is too scary.”

Iris perked up. “It was a jedi who did this to you? Someone who’s force-sensitive? Can you remember who it was? Can you remember anything about them? What they did, how they acted, what they looked like? Even the smallest detail could help.”

It was strange that they lived in a universe where the jedi were all supposedly dead, and then they just kept coming across one force-sensitive person after another. Iris looked at Kiah expectantly, hoping that the woman would be able to help her figure out what was going on. This was the closest any of them had gotten in the past week to getting to the bottom of the problem, and she was eager to figure it all out. 

There was a look of intense concentration on Kiah’s face as she clearly struggled to summon up whatever information she could about what had happened to end up with her being stuck in her own head like this. It took a few minutes before she was finally able to think of anything useful enough to respond. “I’m not sure how helpful this will actually be, but no matter how hard I think about it, the last thing I can remember before being in this office was talking to you. But maybe not quite.”

If Kiah couldn’t remember anything more recently than when Iris had taken off with Matt, then they really were in some serious trouble. “What do you mean by ‘not quite’?”

Kiah shrugged, a helpless look on her face. “I don’t know. It was you, but something felt off, I guess.” She took a few steps closer to Iris and gave her an intensely studious look. “I think it was the hair,” she finally decided on. She slowly reached out to brush aside the strands hanging down on the left side, but they just fluttered back down with nothing to catch them on. “I’m not sure but I think it was- oh! I know! It was because you had hair tucked behind both of your ears. I knew something was off at the time, but it wasn’t until seeing you just now that I realized what it was.”

“You somehow forgot that I am short an entire ear?” Iris wasn’t sure whether that was really insulting or not. Mostly she just cared about the information it gave her in relation to the situation. “Well obviously it wasn’t me then. And hopefully that means your memory isn’t as spotty as you scared me into believing for a moment there. Now the real question is how can someone have tricked you into thinking that you were talking to me? Was it some kind of hologram? An illusion? A force trick? I mean, considering the nature of your ailment I’m leaning towards force trick, but I wouldn’t want to rule anything out before we know for sure.”

Kiah frowned. “As important as it is to figure out who trapped me here, and how and why they did it, don’t you think that that can all wait until after you get me out of here?”

Iris couldn’t keep the surprise off of her face. “You want me to try and get you out? Knowing full well that I’ve had minimal training with the force and you didn’t trust me to a point bordering on hatred when we last saw each other?”

Kiah sighed, and then sank back down into the seat she’d been occupying when Iris had first found this room. “Sure as hell has to beat waiting around in here for someone who’s never going to show up. And the Resistance needs a leader. Nobody would go through all the trouble of locking me away in here if they didn’t have some kind of malicious intentions? They could have just killed me but instead they decided to… what? Use my body like some kind of puppet?”

“Something like that,” Iris said with a small wince. She knew that finding out something like this couldn’t be easy. “Truthfully, even if I knew exactly how you wound up stuck here, I might not be able to do anything about it. Without having any idea of what’s going on? Well, let’s just say that the chances of me being successful here significantly decrease. Just because you’re in your head right now doesn’t mean there can’t be any physical consequences. You might get truly trapped in here forever. Or you might be killed. Or you might be killed while your body continues to parade around. Are you really, one hundred percent, certain that you want me to even try?”

Kiah gulped. “You really know how to talk some confidence into a lady, don’t you?” She took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out, and held out both of her arms towards Iris in an open gesture. “I want you to try. I’d say that I trust Rey to do this more than you, but despite all odds, you were the one who found me. Didn’t one of you weirdo jedis say something about there being no coincidences in the force?”

Iris smiled, and then went around to grab Leia’s chair, which she dragged over to sit next to Kiah. “Alright, so just to be clear, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing here, which means that I am being led entirely by instinct. Please try not to do anything that might disrupt my concentration. Because right now the only idea I have is to try meditating, even though I’m already meditating, and I’m not sure how deep into the force a person can go before they get lost in it.”

Kiah ruffled Iris’ hair before retracting her hand and resting it on her lap. “I believe in you.”

“Really?”

Kiah shrugged. “Out of everyone in this room, you’ve got the second highest level of my faith.”

Iris snorted. “Please don’t tell me that you’re number one.” They both laughed for a few seconds before it trailed off into an awkward silence, and then Iris cleared her throat. “Alright, this time no distractions, for real. I’m going to give it my all to get you out of here, I promise.” Then she shifted into a more comfortable position, and closed her eyes, letting the fake manifestation of Leia’s office fade away from around her. She did her best to clear her mind of all thoughts (though she couldn’t stop herself from wondering if this was meta meditation, or just moving elsewhere within the same meditation as before). She had no clue at all what she was doing, but she desperately hoped that she’d be able to do it well enough to rescue Kiah. She’d already let one rebel general get killed, and she refused to let it happen again if she had any say in the matter.


	48. Chapter 48

_She wasn’t her. She was everything, and nothing. She was everywhere, and nowhere. She was watching all and seeing none. She had no shape, she inhabited all bodies. She was one with the universe, and it was one with her. There was nothing she was not connected to, and nothing that was not connected to her. There was no sadness or pain or anger because there were no feelings at all. There was simultaneous warmth and coldness suffused throughout her entire being, and it was at the same time uncomfortable and unnoticeable. There was no her, there was only the force. There was only harmony and attachments to all things and-_

“-is wake up!” 

Iris gasped loudly as she was flung across the room, where she slammed her back into a wall. It took a few seconds for her to really feel like she was back in her own body, rather than being some stranger hovering far above everything. She looked around the room. It was still Kiah’s cell, though now Kiah was crouched on the ground, one arm extended out, a look of concern on her face along with a bruise that hadn’t been there before. And Rey was there too, her face sweaty from exertion. 

She blinked a few times, and then slowly got to her feet, ignoring the slight twinge in her back. Iris looked down at her hands, clenching them into fists a couple of times just to be able to make the connection between the movement and her own self. She felt strangely energized, like she’d just taken a very long and restful nap. 

Though the looks on both Rey and Kiah’s faces didn’t seem to bode well. “What just happened?”

Kiah got to her feet, holding her hands out in the universal ‘unarmed’ gesture towards Rey. “It’s me, I swear it. I have no wish to harm any of you. Iris saved me.” Rey only seemed to relax the slightest bit after that assurance, but Kiah seemed satisfied enough to lower her arms and then turn back to Iris. “We were in my head, remember? You said you’d find a way to get me out of there. A few minutes after you started meditating, I woke up in here, and while I’m no longer entirely confident in my abilities to know what is real, I am certain that this feels much more real than that other place did. Then you were lying there so still that it didn’t even look like you were breathing. Rey rushed in here and shouted for you to wake up until you did.” 

Rey frowned, and then gave Kiah and apologetic look. “I felt something disturbing, so I came to investigate. Seeing you crouched over Iris’ unmoving body gave me great cause for suspicion after the past few days. I am sorry for my reaction, though.”

Kiah shook her head. “It’s alright. As general, I want everyone here to be as safe as possible. You were only doing what you thought right based on the limited information you had.”

Rey nodded, and then walked over to Iris. “Are you alright? You weren’t waking up, but I couldn’t find anything physically wrong with you. I only nudged you the smallest bit with the force, I swear-”

“I believe you,” Iris interrupted before Rey could continue to blame herself. “I’m perfectly alright. In fact, I feel better than I have in quite a while.”

The three women were all silent for a long moment before Rey cleared her throat. “So what exactly did happen, then? Kiah just said something about meditation?” There was an almost amused look on Rey’s face. “And here I thought that you absolutely hate meditating.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “It was for the sake of the Resistance. What else was I going to do? It’s not like you or Killian had any better ideas on the way. I just figured it was worth a try, and then it turned out that I was completely right about that. Someone trapped Kiah in her own head, and tried to frame me for it, but they didn’t even put in the effort to go all the way. Apparently the illusion of me had both ears. I thought it would be important to get Kiah out as soon as possible, so I meditated again.”

Rey furrowed her eyebrows. “You meditated while you were already meditating and inside someone else’s mind? I don’t think that I’ve ever heard of such a thing. So you obviously managed to successfully free Kiah. But why were you stuck like that?”

Iris shrugged. “I don’t know. It was the weirdest thing. I wonder if that’s what it feels like to die. I felt… incredible. Like I was part of the force. No, more like I was the force itself. I felt so far away from here, like maybe this place and all of the people in it didn’t even exist. I think it’s a good thing that you nudged me with the force. It was like a beacon calling out to me so that I would know how to get back.” She looked down at her hands again, still feeling a slight disconnect between her brain and her body. But that wasn’t important at the moment. What was important was that she knew something. “Being the force means I was everywhere at the same time from the beginning of the universe to the end of it. I saw who trapped Kiah.” Until the words were out of her mouth, there hadn’t been an entirely clear picture in her mind. Everything that had ever and would ever happen was a lot of information to take in and process. Iris was a bit surprised that she wasn’t going crazy from the sheer amount. Though even now, all the bits and pieces she’d seen were slipping away. 

Both Kiah and Rey looked eager to hear Iris’ information, but she wasn’t so sure it would be a good idea to share it with them. She thought it would be better if she got the chance to confront the perpetrator first. It was very rare for someone to go to such lengths for no reason, and Iris didn’t want to see anyone punished unfairly. Hopefully they wouldn’t make the connection on their own quite yet. It helped that Iris had mistakenly told everyone that poisoning Kiah’s mind would have been a lengthy process. But now that she knew it hadn’t been poisoned at all, she knew that she’d been wrong about the timeframe they needed to look at. 

Iris gulped before looking up, determined to meet the earnest eyes that were staring at her. “I can’t tell you who it was. Not yet. I have to be really certain first.”

“Then why even tell us that you know who it was?”

Iris shrugged. “Probably best if everyone around here tries to stay transparent. I promise that if I think they’re a danger, I’ll put an end to it immediately, but I think that they deserve a chance to explain themself first.”

Kiah crossed her arms over her chest. “As your superior officer-”

“I’m not really part of the Resistance,” Iris pointed out. “The whole self-exile thing was basically the same as me quitting. And since the first time I tried to visit you after getting back ended in you ferally trying to kill me, I haven’t had any opportunity yet to officially rejoin. Believe me, I support the rebels and their cause with everything I’ve got in me. But I also know that this is something I have to figure out on my own. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “You’re going off-planet?”

Iris nodded. “Yes. Like I said, I’ll be back soon. And I’ve got the force to protect me if I need it, but I really don’t think that that’ll be necessary. Don’t try to follow me. I’m being honest and I don’t want that to come back and bite me in the butt.” She walked past the other two occupants of the cell, then paused in the doorway to glance back at Kiah. “By the way, I’m glad that it wasn’t really you who tried to kill me. At least not this time.” Then she left without another word.

The perpetrator’s identity wasn’t the only thing Iris had seen. She also knew exactly where to find them at the moment, and she needed to hurry and get there before they left. Her memories of the future had already disappeared entirely, so she had no clue where they’d go next if she missed them. 

Iris hurried to the docks without stopping to talk to anybody, and grabbed a small ship that didn’t look like it would be missed by anyone. She entered the coordinates and set out, hoping to have her trip done with as soon as possible. 

It only took a couple of hours to reach her destination, and Iris’ leg was bouncing up and down while she landed the ship. Then she hopped out the moment the engine shut off, and ran forward a few feet before slowing down. Suddenly all of her nervous energy disappeared, replaced with the utter calmness that had been trained into her for her entire life. 

She slowly walked with slow, deliberate footsteps as she made her way over to the figure sitting on the ground, slumped back against a tree. “I almost didn’t recognize you not in black.”

Kylo Ren jerked his head up, clearly startled even though Iris had done nothing to try and hide her force signature as she approached him. “What are you doing here? How did you know that I would be here?”

Iris sank down so that she was sitting next to Kylo, leaning back against the same tree, which was wide enough for even a third person if they didn’t mind sitting very closely together. “The force works in mysterious ways, I suppose.” She stared out at the beautiful ocean view instead of looking at the man. “I’m sorry to report that the general of the Resistance has made a full recovery.”

She could hear the confusion in Kylo’s voice as he responded to that. “What happened to her?” There was just the slightest hint of bitterness, probably because he still associated that position with his mother. 

Iris closed her eyes for a moment, and gently reached out with the force, probing in the least invasive way she could manage. Everything told her that he was being genuine. She let out a soft sigh of relief. “Oh, good. I didn’t think you knew, but I couldn’t help feeling a little nervous about it. So now I know that you didn’t mean for it to happen, but I still don’t understand why it did. The general was trapped in her own head, and she was made to believe that I was the culprit. I know for sure it was you, even if you didn’t know it was going to happen. Care to explain?” She still remembered him telling her it would be better to keep her captive so that he’d at least know she was safe. No matter what else was going on, she didn’t think he had intended for her to get hurt. 

“I don’t owe you anything,” he growled. There was a long silence between them, and then he let out a small disgruntled noise, and adamantly stared straight ahead, as if avoiding looking at Iris would just make her go away. 

Realization washed over Iris. “I think I might know what happened, actually. I’m going to suggest what I think, and you can correct me if I’m wrong. You were angry that I left you to return to the Resistance. You wanted to attack the heart of the Resistance, which would be the general. And you also wanted me to be forced to leave so that I’d have no place else to go besides returning to you. You have a strong presence in the force, so even though you didn’t mean for anything to actually happen, it did, taking care of your two strongest wishes.”

“That’s not true!” Kylo protested. He jumped to his feet and glared down at where Iris was still sitting. He was wearing a casual worn down gray shirt and dark green dress pants, and his long hair had been tied back to keep it out of his face. “I don’t care about you or your stupid little Resistance at all!”

Iris shrugged. “Maybe. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t care about me. If you think about it, we hardly even know each other. But maybe I’ve been trying too hard to deny that there is some kind of connection between us. Whether it’s through my biological mother or just a desire of the force, it’s foolish to pretend it doesn’t exist. I keep seeing this visions of the future where we are close friends, to the point where-” she hesitated, still feeling rather grossed out by what she’d seen, and also hoping that it wouldn’t be interpreted in the wrong way. “Where we had a child together. In a strictly platonic way, of course!” She sighed. “Anyways, I think both of us are a little bit miserable right now, and I doubt I’m just speaking for myself when I say that it’s time for some actual happiness in our lives. Would you really prefer to live out the future you saw? Where everyone’s dead and unhappy? Where you kill me to further some stupid goal that you don’t even remember anymore? If that’s really what you want, then go ahead. I’m unarmed right now, and I won’t fight back. But if it’s not, then just say so. We’ll figure things out. Destroy the First Order. Bring back as much peace and equality as we can.”

Kylo Ren ground his teeth together. “Pretty words from the mouth of a child. You know nothing of how the world works.”

Iris snorted. “Do you really think that that’s true? You think that just because you’ve been alive longer that you know more about everything? I’m not saying that just because I’ve suffered I understand things. But I’ve seen a lot. Been to a lot of places. Talked to a lot of people. I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of how the world works. Just be honest with me, right now. Do you want to come with me? Because if you do then I swear I will help you make sure that everything gets worked out. And if you don’t, then I’ll be dead and you won’t have any further complications in your life.”

“I don’t want you dead,” Kylo spat out. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to give up on everything I’ve been working towards for almost my entire life!”

Iris slowly reached into her pocket, and pulled out a small knife. “The first time we fought, you let me go rather than see me kill myself.” It was very obvious that Kylo was immediately stiffening his muscles, tensing for something bad to happen. But Iris just tossed the knife aside, out of her reach. “But that kind of ultimatum makes things too easy. Let’s you get away with making a decision in the heat of the moment without having to really follow through with it. And besides, if I coerced you into joining the Resistance like that, you’d never truly want to be there. I’m not going to put either of us through that.” She got to her feet, but then went back to leaning up against the tree. “If you’re scared, then I promise I’ll hold your hand as soon as we step off of that ship together. I’ll stay by your side as you face down everyone you’ve oppressed, and get put on trial by them. I’ll give you my support because I truly believe that you are capable of change. Once upon a time you were just a happy little kid who didn’t get enough attention from your parents, and didn’t understand what it was like to really love someone for the first time. Not that much has really changed if you think about it that way.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Shouldn’t you hate me?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I definitely hate you,” Iris agreed with a little laugh. “But I’m not an idiot. I’d much rather have you on my side than facing up against me. I don’t think either of us is really capable of killing the other, but that doesn’t mean we can’t cause some serious damage.”

“I can’t imagine that the Resistance will look at it that way. They’d kill me the first chance they get, no questions asked.”

Iris frowned. “Honestly, I can’t control what the others think of you, and how they’d vote if you were to stand trial. But for what it’s worth, I’d campaign in your favor. The Resistance gave me a second chance. What makes you any less deserving of one? Come on. Aren’t you tired of all of this yet? Aren’t you ready to come home, Ben?”

Kylo’s eyes widened dramatically. “What did you just call me?”

She shrugged. “In my visions of the future, it’s what you chose to call yourself. I think it’s supposed to be some sort of tribute to the parents who gave you that name. And maybe a reminder of your past so that you will never fully forget it. So, what do you say?” She held out one hand, and Iris could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she waited for the man before her to make his decision. She knew that this was the first and only time she would extend her hand to him in friendship. The nature of their war simply wouldn’t allow for it to happen again. When he still didn’t make any move to take her hand, Iris could feel herself panicking. She was surprised at herself by just how much she actually wanted to succeed here, for both of their sakes. “Before you say anything, can I show you something? I swear, it’s no kind of trick.”

Despite the mistrust evident on his face, he nodded once. Iris sighed with relief, and sat back down, motioning for him to do the same. They both started to meditate, and then Iris showed him the visions she’d received of Killian. When all the images finished flashing before them, he bared his teeth. “Is this supposed to guilt me? Show me how much I ruined your family’s life? Show me how it’s my fault that Aksha is dead?”

Iris quickly shook her head. “No! That’s not what I’m trying to show you at all. Don’t focus on that stuff, please. Just think about Killian’s miserable life. The second he got the chance, he started running, and he never looked back. He ran from his mistakes, and his regrets, and his grief, and his anger, and the only child he had left. Once he started, he couldn’t stop, just kept on running. And it turned him into a wretched, lonely old man with no friends, no family, and no purpose. You can’t keep running. Killian isn’t dead right now, but he may as well be, for all the good he’s had in his life. He threw away every opportunity to turn back, burned every bridge he could, and abandoned the one person who would have forgiven him for all of it. When you look to the future, what do you want to see for yourself? Who do you want to be?” She stood up, and held her hand out to him again.

After a very long pause, where Iris started to think that she must have failed after all, there was suddenly a solid hand clasped in hers, using her to help him get back up to his feet. He opened his mouth for a moment, like he had some major, life-changing speech to make, but then just shrugged. “I guess you can call me Ben,” he muttered. 

Iris knew that even that was a big concession for him, and she offered him a proud little smile. They headed back to the ship, and Iris wondered how she would explain all of this to Kiah and Rey and the others. Surely they wouldn’t just accept this man as one of their own without some kind of proof of reparations, but she would help him get through all of that. 

Iris’ life had begun when she was stolen away from her dying mother’s arms, and she was raised to be nothing more than a mindless soldier in a massive army. She’d fought hard to prove herself to be the best, and had never bothered to consider the idea that what she’d been raised to know was all wrong. She had spent the majority of her life believing herself to be nothing more than an organic killing machine. Then she’d gone undercover with the rebels, and learned how to think for herself, and how to let herself feel. How to let herself love. She fought back against the one responsible for her life, and then was judged for her crimes. She’d run off with her brother to search for their father, and found nothing more than a disappointment. 

Iris had suffered through so much during her lifetime, from brutal training to brainwashing to losing people she cared about to losing her own ear. She had learned that there was something that made her special, and something else that gave her a connection to the big bad villain. She had learned how to humbly accept second chances, and how to offer them up to others.

There was undoubtedly going to be trouble when they returned to the Resistance. Many people would not be happy with Iris’ decisions today. There would be many things to talk about and resolve, and the war wasn’t going to end in a day just because this man was on their side now. But even though she knew nothing about the near future would be simple, Iris continued on anyways. Not because of visions of herself as an adult, being content with life. She was sure that those visions were only one of many possibilities. No, she continued on because she knew that it was the right thing to do. She offered a second chance because she herself had been given one. She offered hope because it had saved her own life. She offered family, because she was in need of one herself. She offered the future, because it was what she wanted to see. 

She offered a rebellion, because it was what she had learned to do.


End file.
